The sun had vanished behind the horizon, its soft shades of orange and pink melting together like watercolors in the sky. Cool air invaded the cracks and crevices of our dorm room, as us four girls sat, circled around, playing a game of exploding snap. Though, the main focus was not on the cards, rather the events surrounding our male counterparts.
"I don't know, he seemed pretty fine to me," I stated with clear annoyance as I flipped over one of my cards. The subject of dinner had come up, in which our large group was divided in two by gender.
"He is not fine," Marlene scoffed, waving her small deck loosely in her hands. "Didn't you see his constant looks in your direction?" I hadn't.
"Forget that, what about his constant looks at Remus? I thought Sirius may turn him to stone," Alice added. Lily shook her head, her mouth pressed into a thin line of disapproval.
"I just can't handle their constant brawls, and all over a girl. It's just so immature," the redhead remarked.
"Geez Lil," Marlene said with a small laugh, "If you hate Syd you could just say that," Lily rolled her eyes.
"Oh you know that's not how I meant it," Lily said and I laughed.
"She's right though," I chimed in. "Sirius and I were together barely a week. I don't see why he'd get so worked up over this, it's only Remus."
"Unless Remus fancies you," Alice shrugged, wincing as her card burst into a flaming disappearance.
"Remus? No way," I said, grabbing the cards to reshuffle them.
"No wait, that would actually make the most sense," Marlene claimed, "Think about it."
The four of us were quiet for a moment as we pondered the thought. I flashed through the timeline of my time with Remus; the parking lot, the train station, the food fight, Charms, Divination, the night by the fire, then last night. I supposed it was possible that he may have developed a small crush early on, but I was sure that when Sirius asked me to Hogsmeade any trace of that would have evaporated. Before anything Remus was a loyal friend, especially to Sirius, James, and Peter, whom he'd known for nearly a decade. Seeing me spend every minute with his best friend had to have put him off.
"No, even if he had some sort of small liking in the beginning he would've dropped it after everything with Sirius," I recited conclusively.
"Sure, but it's like you said, you and Sirius were barely together for a week," Marlene observed.
"They have been fighting a lot," Alice noted. "Remember their fight last weekend?"
"Remus told me that had just been a petty argument that turned into a wrestling match," Lily stated. I thought back to breakfast when she had so quickly taken to his side.
"Sirius told me that it happened after Hogsmeade, he said Remus was in a bad mood or something," I recalled in attempts to fill in the gaps.
"See? He was mad because Hogsmeade was your first date with Sirius!" the blonde beside me exclaimed.
"What did Remus say at breakfast?" Alice asked.
"Basically the same story that we pieced together," Lily shrugged, flicking through her cards. "Said he was interrogated when he returned last night and Sirius went after him, Remus got a few punches in, though."
"Sirius probably didn't let him explain," I muttered, my blood boiling at the reminder of our fight.
"Maybe he didn't need him to," Lily suggested. "If he knew Remus had feelings for you, he'd have a right to be jealous and angry at Remus for sneaking off with you late at night." I nodded slowly.
"I guess it would make sense."
"You two have that Astronomy thing with them tonight, yeah?" Marlene asked, throwing down a card absentmindedly.
"Oh fuck, I forgot." I said, rolling my head back in agony.
"Oh joy, the love triangle in a confined area," Lily joked.
"You'll be too busy making out with Potter to notice," I quipped, pushing the blushing ginger on the shoulder.
"Shove off, Syd," she groaned.
"I didn't even think of that! Lils you have to make a move tonight," Marlene squealed, shifting the topic.
"What would you like me to do, pull him off to the side and rip his shirt off while those three kill each other?"
"I mean yeah, that's one option," Marlene said, scarily serious.
"You could just talk to him," Alice mentioned obviously.
"That would be the preferred solution," I added.
"Ugh, think of the drama," Marlene cried dramatically. "Alice, why didn't we take astronomy?"
"You hate thinking about things larger than life such as the universe, time, and muggle calculators," the brunette listed.
"Well how does it do all of that math with no magic?!"
Time ticked by, and with each passing moment I experienced a new emotion. Frustration over Sirius's immaturity, sadness over our final words spoken only hours after such an intimate night, wonder over the possibility of Remus's part in all of it, confusion over my feelings for the both of them, and dread over having to face all of this within the hour.
At around 11:40, Lily and I grabbed some extra snacks and blankets and departed from our dorm room.
"You ready for this?" She asked as we descended the steps, her fiery hair high in a messy bun.
"Nope," I breathed.
However, we were greeted at the bottom of the steps by only two boys; James and Remus. Remus's dark right eye was still prominent in the dim light as the two teens looked up the staircase.
"He's not coming," James said, comprehending our unspoken question. "Guess you're stuck with us."
The walk to the astronomy tower was awfully quiet. Lily and James were immersed in a light conversation about magical ethics, leaving Remus and I strolling silently beside them.
The awkwardness was possibly unnecessary. The night prior this boy had been the first person to allow me complete transparency. We had hit a level of deep understanding that not many were capable of. The night prior he was my closest friend. But, the night prior I also had a boyfriend (apparently). The hint of anger returned.
"The directions from Sanastra say we just have to observe and draw a dark nebula," James said, eyeing a piece of paper. "Seeing as the Slytherins have taken over the East side of the tower," he nodded towards a group of teens who were laughing loudly and launching pieces of food over the edge, "Evans and I can share this telescope," he smirked.
Lily, who was helping to lay out a large blanket, looked in my direction knowingly. If Lily was paired with James, that would leave Remus and I at the remaining telescope. I glanced over at Remus, who instantly looked away and busied himself with organizing the food. I turned back to Lily and nodded, knowing Marlene would throw a fit if I didn't push the pair together on her behalf.
I made my way over to the brunette and picked up a container of fruit before sitting beside him on the blanket.
"Hi," I said softly, having found no other words.
"Hey," he replied. I took a moment to take him in. His soft hair was ruffled and slightly messy, his golden-brown eyes severely contrasting the surrounding black circle. He had on the sweatshirt that I had returned to him earlier that day along with a pair of grey sweatpants. He had kicked off his sneakers, and instead sported only socks, mismatched of course.
"Are you alright?" I asked.
"Oh, this?" He motioned to his eye with a forced smile. "Yeah, not a big deal, really."
"It's my fault," I mumbled, believing the phrase entirely. He furrowed his brows and tilted his head, eyes scanning my face.
"Nah, you couldn't have known he would react this way."
"I probably shouldn't have gone with you," I confessed. "I suppose he was right to be jealous."
"Did he have something to be jealous of?" Remus asked, popping a grape into his mouth. I considered his question. Admittedly, I had thought about Remus in that way early on. That night by the fire, for example, I was entirely enwrapped in the idea of him. In Charms, he was the first person I would look to when successfully completing a spell. During meals, he would slip his corn and bread onto my plate, my favorites, in exchange for my carrots, his favorite. And, not that I believe in it, according to the Divination textbooks, we were entirely compatible.
"Not on my end," I stated, finally. An expression that I couldn't quite name flickered across his face for the briefest moment.
"Mine either."
I decided that Sirius was, in fact, overreacting and that the girls were wrong about Remus's feelings. As soon as my Hogsmeade date with Sirius was set, any wonder I had about Remus vanished from my mind. I was completely into the black haired boys hard rock persona with a soft undertone that came out only in close quarters. His little love notes in class, his constant compliments, the way he held my face when we kissed. I was all about him. I knew his lack of trust stemmed from some underlying insecurity, and perhaps I could sympathize, but, to be honest, we weren't together long enough for him to be so accusatory. We weren't even officially together, for that matter. If Sirius was jealous over a late night conversation with Remus, he'd be furious about my dinners with James every Tuesday. He'd be outraged over how I fell asleep with my head in Peter's lap after watching Grease in the common room. He'd be infuriated about the drunken duet I sang with that Hufflepuff at the party the night before. He'd drive himself crazy over every chat, look and encounter with any boy. And he'd be wrong.
The tension between Remus and I quickly diffused, as always, and we began our assignment. Although, the actual work portion of the night took approximately five minutes, and the rest of the night had other focuses:
"There's no way they're still working."
"I wouldn't put it past Prongs, he can be slow when he wants to be," Remus whispered. We were sitting on our blanket, chewing on cauldron cakes and enjoying our subscription to the Lily and James entertainment channel.
"Oh, that's a laugh," I said pointedly. "You owe me 10 of that wizard currency thing."
"Galleons," Remus explained. "And you only get it if she shows signs of liking him, which she won't. You're forgetting I've known the pair for seven years."
"This is Lily Evans we're talking about," I retorted. "A laugh like that is basically a marriage proposal. Ooh look! She did the hair thing!" I squealed.
"What hair thing?"
"I've known the pair for seven years," I mocked. "And you don't even know Lily's tell? Not very observant, are you, bitch baby?"
"Stop calling me that," he groaned. "And what is it, if you're so clever?"
"She tucks her little flyaways behind her ears whenever she's flirting or gets nervous, watch."
As if on cue, James very clearly told a bad joke (his tell was messing up his hair and adjusting his glasses), and Lily giggled, using her unoccupied hand to brush a strand of hair behind her ear.
"See? Told you," I expressed victoriously.
"Alright, not bad," Remus conceded. I bowed. "What's your tell?"
"Don't have one," I smiled innocently. "Yours is that little head tilt," he straightened up.
"I do not have a head tilt!" He exclaimed defensively causing me to laugh.
"Do too. I've seen it myself," I vowed prestigiously, holding one hand up and the other over my heart. His face scrunched up in thought, I could practically see him flashing through memories, trying to determine if I was lying.
"Uh oh, they're looking at us," I whispered. "Act natural."
Remus fumbled with his textbook and flipped to a random page, pretending to show me its contents.
"You idiot," I laughed. "I said natural."
"That was natural!" He cried.
"Do me a favor and read that sentence," I requested, pointing to a random line on the page.
"Oh," he muttered, flipping the book around so that it was right side up. "Whatever, they won't know the difference with all their flirting." I looked back up to see the pair had returned their attention to their own conversation. I smiled and turned out to the sea of stars.
The dark nebula that we were to observe was truly amazing. It obscured the space behind it from view, leaving a cloud of blackness surrounded by millions of sparkling stars magnified in the absence. The dark blue and purple hues of night made the white orbs pop in beautiful arrangements and shapes. My eyes swept across the sky, taking in all of its artistic unknowns before landing on a particular light in motion.
"Look! Shooting star!" I exclaimed with youthful excitement. "Make a wish, Rem." I glanced up at the boy beside me to find him smiling. He tilted his head slightly.
"Way ahead of you."
_______
A/N
idk why this chapter was so hard for me to write but here it is lmao. hopefully it's alright, i'll try to write a better one for the next chapter i just have a lil bit of writers block rn😳
Happy Easter to those who celebrate!!