'Giving company to all the lonely hearts'
•Lost with you ~ Patrick Watson•
He didn't know why he couldn't bring himself to face and tell you what went on behind his closed mind, he somewhat felt ashamed because he wanted to. He let you go for a reason, so why now should he be wanting anything but for you to go? Why did he bring you to his house in the first place? Why did he still care?
All of his life Eli had chosen to raise walls against all people except from ones closest to him, the main person being you. But now even if a person hadn't done a single thing wrong, hawk wanted to hurt them before they could hurt him. That was the main reason why he changed. Sometimes it was harder to control over other times, sometimes things would slip out accidentally leaving him stranded to save himself from digging a deeper whole just to climb back out of. But with you, this time, he seemed to have forgotten all about himself, leaving his past anger take over.
"Just shut up" Eli groaned to himself after hearing his bathroom door click shut. He tore off his sticky shirt, making sure to be careful around the blood damaged skin and threw it down unto the floor, his pants not slow to follow. You where right, what did happen? The scrapes on his back where no longer than a few inches but deeper than any would imagine. He flinched even to look at himself through the mirror, look at his face, his bruises and blood dried cuts.
Usually the sight of this much blood during fight would only get him going stronger but right now it seemed to have made him ten times weaker. He knew it was bad but Eli couldn't help to think how much better he would feel if you were there to kiss them better. Make him feel better overall, but not in any sexual way. He just wanted to be reassured at that moment. He wanted to know that he still had someone who cares. Even if he told himself he wouldn't care back. So, instead of calling down to the room below him, he texted you.
A few quick moments passed and he heard his bedroom door open closing, the sound of your footsteps trailing along the carpeted floor. Eli heard you call from the other side of the door, your voice sounding like familiar heaven to his ears and after he called you to the bathroom it was seconds before you where there right in front of him.
"Uhm, hey." You gave him a soft smile, closing the door behind you. "What's wrong Eli? I've been so worried about you." You asked stepping forward, an automatic frown to your face seeing him in the way he was left. Though, you wasn't fazed at all by his stature, being that he was naked, and even though he didn't say it he respected the way that you didn't mention it. Instead, souly focused on the fact that there was clearly something wrong.
"I'm fine." he shrugged, fingers dancing along the edge of the sink bowl. His voice was tense nd his throat was tight as if he was trying to hold back a cry and because you once knew him so well, you saw it in him immediately. In your situation, you could have easily picked an argument or just left him in that manner. Ever since you had come back, he'd caused nothing but confused feelings and wild dreams - he shouldn't be expecting anything from you. But you where better than that, and you knew deep down he was too. He wouldn't have texted if it wasn't serious, you knew that, he needed you. And you needed him too.
You breathed our softly, letting go of the little breath you didn't know you where holding, flooding the space as you stepped forward and wrapped your arms around him. Eli wasn't exactly sure where the feeling had come from, but he finally felt whole again, like the missing piece of him had finally been knocked right back into place and the touch of your fingers slowly gliding smoothly along the fragile skin of his back finally made him break. He squeezed you tight, never wanting to let go, never wanting to say goodbye ever again, wanting to stay in your arms forever. Hawk was more than just a mohawk with a tough exterior, he was a boy with a past, a past he thought he would have let go a long time ago. "I'm sorry Alex."
"Don't apologise, it's okay." You whispered as you began to sway, placing a comforting hand against the padding of his soft cheek averting his eyes to your own. "I'm worried about you. Please - please say something. Please tell me to now worry. Tell me your okay. Tell me anything. Please." you begged breathlessly, tears starting to seek at the rim of your eyes.
Eli tried to get a word out he really did but he couldn't. He couldn't find the words to tell you what happened, what happened to him, what happened to demitri and what happened to Miguel. At the end of the day, he didn't know how to tell you how much things have changed. You'd lost so many people already including him, so why would it be fair for Eli to tell you that there might be a chance of you loosing Miguel too. "I- I cant." His face scrunched in emotional pain.
You felt his body shake and shudder against you as he let out an exhausted but awfully needed cry for help, his nimble fingers kneading into the material of your sweater as he sunk down next to you onto the floor. "It's- all my - fault." Eli gasped between small sobs. "It all went so fast. If i hadn't had run after Demitri you would-wouldn't have gotten hurt and i would've had time to, had time to save Miguel and-"
"Hey. Hey. Your okay, nothing is your fault. Nothing. You're okay I promise." You slowed him down with circular motions against the skin beneath his eye. Your heart dropped when you heard Eli crumble emotionally like that in your arms and your heart dropped even further when you heard him mention Miguel. Miguel? You didn't even know what happened to Miguel, you didn't even know he needed saving.
Just by your touch his breathing seemed to have calmed, still whimpering a little every time your simple hand movements stopped. "Eli, i know it might be hard but - but i need you to tell me what happened to Miguel." He nodded, pulling away from you finally - even though he didn't want to. You took this as an opportunity to take a towel from the side and pass it to him. "Here take this, have your shower and then afterwards you can tell me everything. Okay?"
"Okay." He whispered, using that as your queue to leave reaching out for the door handle leading to the other room. "Wait Alex," He spoke a little louder this time, "Thank you." You smiled a little at his words. Now that you think of it you hadn't had a nice word from him since you'd left. You where still angry about that and you weren't going to let him off so easily, you where still scared that after this everything would go back to how he left it but right now he needed you, and that's all that mattered.
An hour or two had passed and the heavy fog that was clouding Eli's busy head was beginning to fade. After he had showered and dried off you helped him make sure his cuts where dry and clean, squeezing your hand as the strong cream stung his scars. It took him a while to build up his courage to tell you exactly what had happened, to you, to him and to Miguel. Slowly watching as those crumbling bricks of stone wall that he put up around himself come tumbling down and the shell starting to crack.
Each word hit you like a large rock to a paper thin window, breaking you as much as it broke him. He hated to be the person to tell you that your best friend was in hospital fighting for his life, not being able to do anything about it except to be there for you. You wasn't angry at the person who did it, nor did you even shed a tear, you where too numb to react in a somewhat proper way. Speechless was an understatement, you had no thoughts to think, no words to speak and no one to need except from Eli.
So now you lay quietly on his bed, the window open letting in a cool breeze and the sound of the evening birds chirping by the windowsill. You hadn't said a word to each other after he had told you, just the sound of his gentle breath and the feel of his arms draped over you was enough to keep your grounded. You head was lay over his chest while he was lay flat on his back, his mohawk now a big red mop at the top of his head. Preferring it much more like that anyways.
"Eli?" You moved your head up slightly so you could look up at him, him moving his head to look down at you.
"M-hm." He hummed in response.
"Can i stay here tonight. I really need someone. Please?" You trembled a little, scared of the answer he was going to give.
"yes." He whispered, turning his head to look back up the ceiling. You let your eyelids relax and fall, giving yourself time to get used to the warm body beneath you as you drifted off to sleep.
"Goodnight Alex." He spoke small, kissing your forehead lightly and letting a tear roll down his cheek, hugging you a little closer towards him. "I'm sorry."
"Goodnight Alex." Eli spoke annoyed from the earlier noise you and the other boys had created, but the much energy now waring off on them as Miguel and Demitri lay fast asleep on your living room floor.
"More like good morning, come on let's do something." You whisper shout, wide awake as you crawled over the two other sleeping boys to get across to Eli.
Before you got any closer he wrapped himself up underneath his blanket to try and hide. "Ughhhh no go to sleep." He whined.
"The sky's awake, so i'm awake! Let's play a game!" You say a little louder this time while shaking his shoulders.
"I'm sleeping."
"No you aren't."
"Yes I am! Look." Eli says, poking his head out of the blanket to close his eyes and make a stupid snoring sound with his mouth.
"Well sleep later, now we shall play hmm let's play Mario cart. I won't tell Demitri if you won't!" No answer except from the fake snores still coming out of his mouth. "Come on its a win win!" You threw yourself on top of him just to get a closer look at his 'sleeping face' until he finally snaps.
"No it's not because i don't get my sleep." He shouts back, a little too loud in fact - waking Demitri in the process.
"Will you guys shut up, unlike you I'm trying to get my beauty sleep!" Demitri exclaims, moving his hands to show you how comfortable he once was.
"Thank you! Finally someone understands how much we need our 'beauty sleep'" Eli quotes, making him and you laugh by the posh accent he wore at the words of D's.
"Ugh, see, this is why Miguel is cooler than you. Actually the both of you in fact!" You roll your eyes sarcastically before moving into a comfortable position to try and sleep the wasted energy away. Finding your spot on Eli's chest the best place to relax.