Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep...
"What the hell is that incessant noise? Also, why is it so fucking hot?" You thought to yourself keeping your eyes squeezed shut. If this was death then this was uncomfortable and you highly regretted your decision to allow yourself to go over the edge.
You tried moving your hands but you couldn't. They were being held down by something also uncomfortable.
"Ah, y/n. You're awake, yes?"
Why is that voice so familiar and annoyingly so?
You slowly opened your eyes only to immediately snap them shut. Why the hell was it so bright in here.
You opened your eyes again and blinked trying to adjust to the sudden light. Your head was killing you as well as the heavy feeling in your chest.
Once you were able to focus your eyesight, they were immediately met with the face that belonged to that annoyingly familiar voice. That stupid young quack that was in charge of keeping you sedated and was always so enthusiastic.
"Can you tell me how you feel?"
It took you a moment to register your surroundings. The panic settling in causing that beeping noise to pick up. That you now realized was a heart monitor. The reason your hands couldn't move was that they were bound to the bed. Your stomach churned when Rumlow came and stood beside the quack.
You tried to use your magic but you just couldn't. Your body felt too weak. Head pounding, lungs burning and body sore.
"Fantastic. Really. Never better." You croaked bitterly as you tried to lift your head only to drop back down against the pillow.
"Always the jokester." The quack chuckled as he wrote on his stupid little clipboard.
"Now now. We saved your ass, no need to be sassy, sweetheart."
"Oh, shove off Rumlow." There goes that cocky smirk that he seemed to always save specifically to piss you off with.
"I mean if it was up to me I wouldn't have bothered." he reached out and ran a hand on your leg on top of the blanket. "But we already lost one asset. Can't lose a second. Besides your witch shit is useful. Now that I think about it you'll be even more of an asset than that asshole. He's too used up and broken at this point."
You looked at him confused. He chuckled darkly and squeezed your leg as he continued.
"Oh, yeah. The asset is gone. Left your ass behind."
You couldn't help the stab you felt in your chest at that but you wouldn't let him know.
"What? Why would I care? Good for him." You looked away from Rumlow and stared up at the ceiling keeping your face free from any kind of emotion or reaction. Inside you was a whole other story.
"I know you care. Your Relationship wasn't exactly that much of a secret. Don't think we didn't know you two were fucking every chance you got. We let it slide because it made him more...compliant." His tone was bitter as he spoke and the way he squeezed your leg harder you knew would leave behind a bruise. But you didn't even so much as wince. You were long ways away from the girl who drew back at a little rubbing alcohol to a wound.
You let out a humorless laugh. "Careful Rumlow. You're sounding a little jealous there."
"Maybe I am. But that doesn't matter now anyway. He's gone and you're taking his place. Winter's Shadow. Or Winter's Whore. Whichever you prefer."
"Because you think I would do what you want?" You raised a brow and shook your head. "Yeah, no thanks pal."
"It doesn't matter if you don't want to. You won't have a choice, sweetheart." He stated matter of fact.
"Rumlow, if you think for one moment I'm gonna..."
"Shhh." He interrupted as he trailed his hand upward and caressed your cheek.
You jerked your face away from his hand and glared. If only looks could kill.
"Wipe her. It's been way too long anyway." He stepped away just as a couple of men came forward and each made their way to either side of the bed.
The one on the right placed a cuff on your wrist before removing the leather restraint. Then the man on the left gripped your left wrist hard enough to surely leave another bruise and undid the restraint. Just as he was about to place the cuff on it you jerked your wrist away and drove your elbow as hard as you could into the man's stomach causing him to lean over gripping where you had hit him. As soon as he had leaned over you slammed your fist right into his stupid face.
You yanked your right wrist away from the other man but that only proved useless. What little energy you had was quickly diminishing. Then more men rushed over and began to hold you down as the other cuff was secured.
They pulled you to stand up, the dizziness from the harsh movement rushed to your head making your stomach twist.
"Stupid Bitch." the injured bloodied nosed agent grunted as he went to strike you only to have his wrist caught by Rumlow. He gave the man a look and threw his hand to the side.
The dizziness had become too much causing you to lose your footing and of course, Rumlow had been the one to steady you with a gun pressed into your side.
"Be a good girl for once in your fucking life."
You didn't have the energy to fight him so instead, you spit directly into his face. Which proved almost just as satisfying. The move earned you a hard blow to your face causing a busted lip. You could already taste the warm metallic liquid dripping into your mouth and down your chin. You let out a small laugh as he wiped the spit off of his cheek. You probably looked like a psychopath but you didn't care. You would it again in a heartbeat and more.
"I'm going to enjoy every scream that comes out of that hot little mouth of yours." he growled grabbing your chin roughly before harshly letting it go.
You just gave him a bloody smile as another agent grabbed your other arm and they began to drag you out of the room and through the facility.
It didn't take long before you reached your destination.
The memory suppressing chair.
They shoved you onto the chair quickly locking the metal restraints into place.
"Don't wanna see those pretty teeth ruined." Rumlow unceremoniously snatched your face, forced your mouth open, and placed a mouthguard in.
"You know last I heard was that little boyfriend of yours was up living his best life with the Avengers. Imagine that. Probably hasn't thought about you once since he's been gone."
You tittered and kept your face forward. You weren't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing even a single ounce of fear or hurt. Nor were you going to beg because you knew it wasn't going to change anything. Another thing you learned a long time ago.
Why he kept talking about the Soldier, you didn't know. You cared about him more than you should have. More than you were supposed to, but it wasn't like you loved him. Or did you? You weren't sure. From what you knew you had never experienced love before.
Fuck, you should have disappeared a long time ago. After...oh I don't know, the fifth plus time Pierce backhanded you for questioning your missions. When the guilt of what you had done and were going to do started to keep you up at night. When things stopped feeling like you were doing justice and bringing balance to the world. You were naive. Breathing in Pierce's praise and acknowledgments like a drug. You had begun to see him as a father figure. His words were poison from the start when you were first brought into his fucking office. Staying because you didn't want to think of leaving behind the Winter Soldier.
Rumlow was babbling on about God knows what. Something self-righteous probably. What he had planned for you maybe. Should you be listening? Most likely.
What you were thinking about was S though. The way his lip would twitch when you said or did something that amused him. The way his eyes reminded you of clear blue oceans or a clear blue summer sky. The way he would just constantly stare then roll his eyes when you stared right back at him or had an attitude. The scoffs and slight rumble of his chest when you said something that made him laugh. Then there were the moments he would give you the silent treatment or be angry when you would do something uncalculated. God, would never hear the end of it. Although it annoyed you when he went off you also kind of didn't mind it because it was when he would talk the most. Honestly, you could listen to his voice drone on and never tire of it. Probably would annoy him too the way you would practically not even hide your amusement when he would start going off at you in Russian.
Then your mind reminisced about the feeling of his lips felt on yours. Soft, full, and always hungry. Heated passionate kissing, your hands getting tangled in each other's hair. Especially after a difficult mission. As soon as you walked through the door of whatever hideout you retreated to he would push you against a wall, lips crashing into yours with his hands roaming your body until they made their way to your ass. A quick squeeze then he would lift you and you would wrap your legs around his waist. Leading to him carrying you off to the bed as he kissed and nipped your neck. Hell, sometimes neither of you would even make it to the bed and he would fuck you right there against the wall. The only sounds being moans, curses, and skin against skin. Always whispering between the kisses that you shouldn't be doing this without ever actually stopping. The way he would clean you up at the end. Soft kisses all over your body especially along any bruises you acquired whether from the mission or him. Then finally to the way, he would watch you fall asleep. Hmm, maybe you did love him. That didn't matter now though that those memories were about to be gone and he was gone. Nor was he here to save you. Would he save you? Did he love you? Could the Winter Soldier even feel love? Guess you'll never know. There was no such thing as saviors here.
You held onto every single one of those memories up until Rumlow stopped talking and the machine powered on. Your body slammed flat against the cold metal chair. It felt like gravity was holding you down. Your eyes finally found Rumlows.
"Can't wait to see you obedient, sweetheart." He gave a shit-eating grin as he stood to stand directly in front of you with his arms crossed and a red book clutched in one of his hands. The large room was silent as the men all stood around watching. Some looking nervous. Some looked bored and some looked like they were enjoying themselves too much. Was the room actually large because it was starting to shrink the closer the machine got into place? The walls were windowless not even giving you a chance to take in the view of the outside world one more time. Also didn't help that the sterile smell of the room was slightly nauseating.
Then it started. The pain was beyond excruciating. The shock waves never relenting for a moment. You felt like you couldn't even catch a breath. Along with the fact that your lungs were burning still from the saltwater you had taken in. You tried your hardest not to give him the satisfaction of hearing you scream but you just couldn't keep it in. You could feel yourself being torn apart and rearranged from the inside. You tried your best to hold onto the memories and onto the reality you had but you just couldn't. No matter how hard you tried. The pain was overwhelming. Overwhelming being an understatement. You lost grip of every single thing until there was nothing but a blank slate and pain. You didn't know if it was ever going to end. Why couldn't you just go back to that peace you felt as you slipped beneath the surface of the ocean.
It lasted what seemed an eternity with no end in sight. Has it been only seconds? Minutes? Hours? Days? It was never going to stop. Breaking you and letting you feel relief only for them to begin again. Conditioning to be the one thing you dreaded to be. Obedient.
Somewhere past the pain, you could hear Rumlow's voice repeating words over and over again. It was the only thing you could make out beyond your tired torment.
"Longing.
Ruin.
Fourteen.
Mountain.
Family.
Twenty-three.
Benign.
Homecoming.
Nine.
Ocean."
Then there was nothing. You were exhausted but that didn't matter. You were in pain but that didn't matter.
You didn't feel anything.
The machine released you allowing you to sit up straight. Your body tense, your skin glistening with sweat causing your (h/c) hair to stick to the sides of your face. Your eyes were cold and void even as the hue of your irises began to change into an unnatural glowing blue as your magic began to awaken and flow through you.
"Good Morning, Winter's Shadow."
"Ready to comply."
"I have a mission for you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Longing~ Longing for Bucky, family and acceptance.
Ruin~ Ruin of her life and the ruin she has caused and will cause.
Fourteen~ Year Winter Soldier was released.
Mountain~ First safe house with Winter Soldier.
Family~ Unknown ;)
Twenty-three~ Cell Bucky was in- Cap: Winter Soldier.
Benign~ Shadows dormant state.
Homecoming~ Returning to Hydra HQ/Returning to the Winter Soldier.
Nine~ Hydra
Ocean- Near-death experience.