Chapter Fifty-Three : are the walls really that thin?
Paige
~ Two Months Later ~
It was the beginning of April which also meant we were going to head off to Michigan for the two weeks we were out of school.
Parker hadn't exactly spoken much to me, but he wasn't going to ignore me entirely, we'd wave if we saw each other passing in the hallways at school or talk a little when he was over at the house hanging out with Malcolm. I had noticed since the first day of our break up he wasn't sleeping around or making out with random girls which eased my conscience. I do constantly hear Malcolm trying to set Parker up with one of Madi's friends.
Nora has settled down with the random spits of anger at me, I think she's realizing things won't go back to how they were. She brings it up from time to time though. 'The days before the storm' she calls them.
Kayla hadn't gone back to school like she said she was for her second semester. She's so focused on working on our relationship which doesn't make much sense with me since we aren't on the same page.
Mateo had been there for the past two months, I told him I was still healing and I think I'm a lot better than I had been. He's came over once or twice since but I always make sure Parker isn't here. Even after Parker told Mateo to shoot his shot he stopped talking to Mateo, shut him out completely.
I was packing my bag when Malcolm came in following Parker who had been staying at the house since last night, he hates being at his own house. He doesn't have to say it, I was with him for almost six months, you start to pick up on things he does.
"Mom said that you had an extra suitcase in here," Malcolm went rummaging in my closet.
"Yeah, it's Nora's suitcase on the top shelf behind the blankets. But it has princess sofia on there."
"Yeah no, mom said you had another one," Malcolm threw the once folded blankets onto the floor, he on the other hand had not forgiven me. He could hold a grudge until the day he died and even then I was unforgiven.
"I don't know what one she's talking about," I said as my phone pinged and I looked down to see Mateo had texted me.
"Hey can I stop by before you go?" he texted and I was about to respond when I heard the doorbell.
"What's this?" Malcolm was holding up a suitcase that I didn't know how it got up there, I don't remember putting it up there.
"A suitcase," I commented as my mom yelled for me.
"Paige! Mateo's here!"
Both Parker and Malcolm looked at one another before looking at me.
"Umm I thought we all silently agreed that it's better that those two aren't in the same house together," Malcolm said out loud.
"He texted me asking to come over, I was going to respond and say no but he already showed up," I commented coldly to Malcolm, "I'll get rid of him."
"Paige, you don't have to do that, you don't have to hide him. I mean you wanted to break up and we did, this is your house, you don't have to not let him come over when I'm here," Parker said.
He was saying it but it's like the time that's passed didn't heal wounds. I accepted that Paker and I wouldn't get back together. It was easier thinking that he had moved on, but seeing him the way I do I felt the guilt. I still put him through shit but I'd still take him back when I shouldn't. He could do so much better, I was indecisive when it came to getting back together because I put the what ifs out there and it wasn't looking good in my head. I don't want to risk it all, I'm not a risk taker.
"Paige," Mateo called out, "shit I can't remember where your room is," he said and I opened my door before he could reach it but it was too late, Mateo was standing right in front of me and he saw two people who hated him behind me.
"I didn't know Parker was here," he said in a low voice.
I looked over my shoulder.
"Mateo I'm sorry but guys in my sisters room isn't something we condone. We don't want you impregnating her and then leaving because we'd have to beat your ass," Malcolm walked towards Mateo and I glared at him.
"Stop being an asshole and get out," I stared at Malcolm and Parker was already getting out not saying much.
"Keep your door open, Parker and I will be in my room," Malcolm said walking outside the hallway and into his room where Parker had already gone.
"That was a very cold greeting I wasn't expecting," Mateo said, walking in my room and I closed it and ignored Malcolm's comments.
"I was going to warn you, you didn't see Parker's truck parked outside?"
"I did, I just didn't think I'd see them, ya know I thought they'd be in the basement or in his room. I remember you saying something about Parker staying over on Saturday but I couldn't wait two weeks to see you," he smiled at me, "I wanted to at least say goodbye."
I smiled, that was sweet but my thoughts went to Parker, he didn't need to see Mateo today, "That was sweet but I need to pack and get ready. We leave in a couple hours."
"I know, umm Paige," Mateo looked at me and I stopped zipping up my suitcase and looked at him.
"Yes?" I asked.
"I know we aren't dating or anything, and I get that you needed to figure yourself out and things but this trip doesn't make me feel secure on the idea of there being an us. Parker and you had chemistry and seeing him today in your room doesn't make me feel good about it. Does Parker really have to go?" Mateo asked.
"He's always been welcome in our lives, and my parents wanted to bring him because he's like family. I'm not going to ask Parker not to go because you have doubts," I answered honestly.
"Okay then date me, give me some kind of security," he grabbed my hand and I stared into his eyes.
Was I ready? Did I really like the Mateo that was standing in front of me now then the Mateo that was at the dance and at the lunch table. Or was I just looking for another body to replace the one I still want?
"Mateo that's a lot to ask for right now," I pulled my hand out of his and he was surprised.
"Will we ever get there? I mean Paige you broke up with Parker because you liked me so why is it now your freaking out? Are you afraid of commitment?" he asked.
"I didn't break up with Parker because I liked you, I broke up with Parker because I wasn't," I sighed frustrated, "you were not the reason for our break up Mateo. Did I have feelings for you that I needed to figure out yes, but that was not the main reason. If I was scared of commitment I wouldn't have put my heart and soul to the one before. There are things you don't know about Parker and I's relationship and it's none of your business onto why it ended. So don't try to go there," I crossed my arms.
"Fine, I can't just wait around waiting for you to decide. I'll give you until you come back to decide if you want to be with me or if you don't. I like you Paige, I liked you from the beginning and I risked my friendship with Parker because I think we have something there that's worth looking into."
"You didn't risk your friendship, Parker broke it in half. You kept reminding me that you wouldn't try to date me unless Parker was okay with it and guess what Parker okayed it and right when he did you swooped in and were there and there were times I needed to be alone," I looked into Mateo eyes and he looked at me confused.
"It's never a good idea to be alone, you can get into your thoughts really quick," he commented.
Parker would always respect me when it came to what I needed, what I wanted. With Mateo it's like if I say one thing I don't like about myself it's stop fishing for compliments, or stop talking down on yourself. I really had to remove my opinion of what he thought out of my mind. Parker always listened, he always complimented me when he knew I needed it, it was rare and I think that's why his opinion of me matters. Mateo I don't even recognize anymore, where is the one I danced with, the one who sounded perfect?
"I'll see you in two weeks," I opened my door and Mateo walked to it before turning to look at me.
"I know I got defensive, I just," he sighed, "I really like you and fucking this up would be the dumbest shit I've done in a long time. I can't keep waiting and hoping that you'd finally want to be ready. Do you feel the same way for me, am I wasting my time. Do you already have an answer?"
"I don't want to go on this trip and make you think there's a chance, but right now. I'm angry with you, I'm angry with how you sometimes treat me when you get in those moods. I don't know, I don't know how I'm feeling," I looked at him and he nodded.
"Well I'm still giving you two weeks, now that I know the problem I'll work on it. Hopefully changing how you feel about me," he kissed my cheek before walking down the stairs and out the door.
He never said goodbye to Nora, never said goodbye to my parents. He was always here for just me and only me.
I put Parker on this throne and every guy that tries to make it to my expectation makes me compare them to him. Has Parker said some pretty mean shit when he's mad yes but he apologizes after, he finds ways to make up for it. Mateo just pretends it doesn't happen. Right now did I want to date Mateo, no. But if he changed in the two weeks I'd probably change my answer, there was a him I did like before.
"Did he leave?" Malcolm poked his head out and looked at me and I nodded.
"Yeah, a few minutes ago."
"Shit he really is fishing huh?" Malcolm then asked.
I glared at him, "he's just having a bad day."
"Parker had bad days but he never treated you like shit."
I was quiet, "I know," before I shut my door. Even Malcolm compares everyone to Parker. My whole family probably does without saying it out loud or telling me they do.
I grabbed my suitcase and Parker had texted me, "He shouldn't want to change to win you. He should change because he wants to better himself."
"Are the walls really that thin?"
"The walls are not, but the vents you can hear everything. You know how Malcolm is, he wanted a reason to beat Mateo's ass so he was listening more closely than ever."
I felt myself smile, what do I say to that. Should I even text back.
"I know I shouldn't have put my input on Mateo's and your relationship. I know you weren't taking the bullshit he was giving, you know what you deserve."
Do I Parker, do I really know what I deserve because I pushed one of the best things out of my life all because I was scared.
"Paige, Paige look!" Nora came running into my room and there were pictures of the lake on the family ipad that my parents bought a year ago, it all ended up turning into hers though, "maybe you and Parker can fall in love again on the beach, pretty things and pretty people tend to mix well together," she looked at me and I laughed.
"Don't get your hopes up babes," I kissed the top of her head before hugging her.
"Oh, it will happen, it has to," she looked at me and with a smile before walking out of my room.
"Paige, can you help Parker pack up the car, Madi just showed up to talk to me about something. I know I might be asking you to do the impossible but," I interrupted him.
"Yeah I can," I nodded.
"Cool," Malcolm smiled before running downstairs.
I grabbed my suitcase from my bed and walked in the hallway to find Parker already downstairs and there were suitcases at the front door.
"We're putting it in the back of the van and then if there isn't enough room we're taking your dads," Parker looked at me and I nodded.
"So your truck is staying here?" I asked.
"Yeah, your mom said to pull it in the garage with the kids car," Parker took my suitcase from my hands and he walked outside with it.
I grabbed Nora's and walked out to follow him, "Oh," did he want to talk about what we texted about or is he trying to have small talk?
He was quietly putting the suitcases in the back of the van and I handed him Nora's in which he replied with a small thanks before heading back inside to get more luggage. Did he stop wanting things to get personal in person?