5 weeks before forgetting
We entered the abandoned store that seemed like an earthquake had ruined it. A part of the roof in the middle of the store had collapsed and we had to move around the rubble to find what we were looking for.
It had been three days after Blaze had her spastic attack and Raiden and I had our fight. At that moment, however, Raiden and I were walking down a shopping aisle in the middle of the night. We had left Blaze in the car, where she had been sleeping. Good, because she wasn't allowed to know what we were going to do.
Tomorrow it would be Blaze's birthday and, like the party people we were, Raiden and I had decided to set up a little surprise for her.
So we left Blaze behind and were now searching the shelves for the things we needed. We knew it wasn't gonna be a big event, but we wanted to have some extra food and we were trying to find some lights and a radio.
"We can't miss this when we're going on a shopping spree, am I right?"
Raiden held up a red shopping basket with a wide smile.
He handed it over to me, and I jokingly made a small curtsy.
"Why thank you, I did need that."
Surprised by my own silliness, I heard how a chuckle escaped his lips and we moved further down the aisle. We stopped when we found a little, dark purple radio. It was old and dusty, but we found that it still worked, and that was all that we really needed.
Next, we split up the tasks.
"You do the food, and I try to find lights?" Raiden suggested. I agreed and we both moved a separate way – I went to the left and Raiden to the right.
I only managed to make a few steps before I came to a halt again. I was faced with a mirror that reached the roof, and my reflection almost scared me for a moment. When I realized that it was only a mirror, I took in a breath to calm myself again.
In the mirror was a girl my age. Like me, she was wearing black cargo pants, a white crop top, and a black vest over it. She had the same face as me, her eyes expectantly looking back. But I was surprised by her fitness. Was I really looking like that? Was I really that well-rested? And why did her whole body radiate positive energy?
I shook it off and my gaze moved up to my hair. It was hanging in a simple half up half down situation, but when I looked in the mirror, I quickly removed the little band that was holding my hair together. The hairstyle wasn't covering something that I wanted to be covered. It didn't cover something that I wanted to be buried deep in my memories, somewhere in a dark place. Trying to make my hair cover up the damaged skin on my face, I shook my hair loose.
Satisfied, I turned around to continue my journey to find some food only to see that Raiden was watching me from a few steps away. When he noticed I caught him staring, he quickly averted his gaze and moved further down his aisle.
I followed his example and moved down my aisle, where I found some bags of chips, a few cans of food, and a bag of marshmallows. However, my real prize was when I turned around and saw a small cake. I almost jumped in the air from excitement. It wasn't a fancy cake. It was a wrapped one, but it was still beyond my expectations. Happy with my catch, I shoved it all in the basket that Raiden had given me.
I was about to try to find Raiden when something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye. I turned to my right to see a rack that was supposed to be full of jewelry. It was empty now. Or, almost empty. Curious to find what caught my eye, I walked towards it, only to find a small necklace, still hanging on the rack. It was silver and had a small pendant hanging from it.
When I inspected it further, I realized it was a moon, only it was split into two sides; a black one and a white one. The white one was bigger than the black one, creating an almost complete moon circle with the white. The black side was smaller but completed the white side with its lunar-shaped form.
Quietly, I shoved it in the pocket of my black vest and closed the zipper.
"Hey Morgan, I think I found what we need!" The sound of Raiden's voice came from two isles away from me and I hurried towards it.
Raiden stood in the aisle that was right below the collapsed roof. He pointed towards something on a shelf and I slowly walked towards it, stopping in front of him. The dim lighting of the moon through the hole in the roof lit up our faces and I could distinguish the shape of a chord with little lightbulbs. The rest of the shelf was also filled with all kinds of lights, including some Christmas decorations.
"Do they work?" I asked, looking at the light bulbs.
"I haven't tested them out yet."
"Okay, they look good. Let's hope they work."
He put a step towards me and I could see his gaze resting on me. His hand came to my face and he tucked a little strand of hair behind my ear.
"You know, you don't have to hide your scars."
I quickly glanced down and scratched the back of my hand.
"I do. It reminds me of how weak I was."
He snickered unbelievably and looked me in the eyes. "Weak? Morgan, I don't think you even know the meaning of that word. You are a powerhouse. A whole tornado would try to make you fall down and you would still not lose your balance."
I could only stare at him. Did he mean that? No one ever said something like that before to me. But I knew that if there was more lighting, that I would see that there was only be sincerity in his eyes.
My thoughts were shaken off by a small buzzing and my eyes darted towards the sudden wall of light coming from the shelf. The little lights that were previously just laying there were now sparkling, and I noticed Raiden holding the end of the chord.
"Seems like they work," he said with a soft, husky voice.
I nodded, unable to say a word, and started to put the lights in the little basket.
"So-" I cleared my throat, "-I think we have everything now. Let's get back before Blaze realizes we're gone.
We silently walked towards the car, where we were planning to spend the night for once. I closed the passenger's door after Raiden insisted that he'd take the uncomfortable driver's seat, and leaned back. Quickly, my exhaustion took over and I fell asleep without saying another word.
*****
"Hey Blaze, would you mind helping me with my hair?"
It was the evening after Raiden and I made our preparations, and we had agreed that I would try to distract Blaze while he would make everything ready. The sun slowly started to set already, and it would probably be dark in an hour.
We never left the camping site that we moved to after the incident with our parents and had gradually made it a little more home. We would probably leave this place, but not before throwing this surprise for Blaze.
Blaze was just coming back from getting some wood for the fire, and she dropped a handful of the twigs and branches she found.
"Why? What do you need?"
"My hair is growing too long. It's annoying me if I have it loose and I want to cut it shorter."
I raised the scissor that I found somewhere in Raiden's backpack and waved it in the air.
"Sure."
She moved towards me and together we made our way to the car after explaining that there, I could keep an eye on what she was doing in the mirrors. It was a strange request, but she didn't question it. She didn't even know it was her birthday today. She could never remember the date.
And so, some moments later, I was sitting behind the wing mirror of the view, trying to see what Blaze was doing to my hair. She had the tip of her tongue out of her mouth and her eyes were focused on the split ends of my hair. "How is the driving going?" she asked.
"Fine. I feel pretty comfortable driving a car now, and I think Raiden is also developing a feeling for it."
It was silent again while Blaze continued to focus on my hair. I knew what I wanted to ask her, but I also already knew that she didn't want me to ask it. I did it anyway. "How are you holding up?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you know... with our parents."
Her hand holding the scissors hovered in the air for a moment before she finally moved again. "It's going great."
I suppressed the urge to turn around because that would ruin my hair, but I gave her a skeptical look through the mirror. She noticed it and sighed.
"Look, I don't really want to talk about it."
"I know. And I won't force you, but sometimes, you need to let it out and if you ever need a listening ear, you know I'm here right?"
It remained quiet for a few minutes while she cut my hair. Eventually, she came to a decision and spilled it out.
"I guess I'm sad, but I don't want to be sad. What did they do to earn my pity? Nothing, and I know that. I was so naive to believe that they had changed and they never did. And now they're dead and I know they will never change because they don't have that chance."
This time I did carefully turn around, making sure I didn't mess up my hair.
"You wanted parents. You can't blame yourself for that, Blaze. You're right, they never did anything to earn your pity, but that doesn't mean that you can't feel sad about their death. They were family, after all."
"But they never showed they were family. They didn't care about us and they never loved us."
"And that's what makes your sadness beautiful. They never cared for us, yet you still feel bad for them. That shows a lot of empathy and that's not a weakness."
"Maybe."
"Not maybe. It's true, and you have to remember that. It's okay to feel bad for them."
She sighed and motioned me to sit still again. We were both lost in thoughts until she finished with a loud 'tadaa'. I focused my eyes on the mirror again and was pleasantly surprised when I looked at my hair. Sure, it was not professionally cut, but Blaze and I had been cutting each other's hair since we were young and she knew how to not make it look bad. My hair was neatly hanging in one length again, stopping at my shoulders.
I gave her a quick hug and looked up at the sky. There was no sign anymore of the sun, and I decided that it had been long enough for Raiden to decorate the camping site.
We slowly walked up the little hill, back to our tents, knowing that there would be a surprise waiting for her.
"Hey Blaze, when was the last time we celebrated your birthday?"
She shrugged her shoulders.
"I don't know. I remember you congratulated me every year. But that's fine, at least you remember my birthday. I don't even do that."
I pretended to think about that for a moment. "Hmm. Maybe we should celebrate it then, the next time it's your birthday."
She looked estranged at me. "Since when have you ever wanted to celebrate something?"
"Turning 11 is a huge accomplishment. That deserves a party, right?"
"Who are you, and what have you done with Morgan?" she jokingly asked.
We reached the top of the hull and I stood in front of her, so she couldn't see the surprise yet.
"I traded the old Morgan for a party Morgan. After all, it is your birthday today."
With that, I stepped aside so she could see what was behind me. Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped. She put a few steps forward and I smiled at how surprised she was. Only then I also took a look around.
Raiden had made a fire close to a big oak tree. From the fire pit and a few tree trunks he found, he made a small circle. In the middle of the circle, he had laid a picnic blanket with on top all the snacks and he decorated the trunks with some candles we found the night before.
But that was not the thing that caught my eye. It was the oak tree that pulled my attention to it.
The whole tree was covered with lights. Chords with lightbulbs were wrapped around the tree stump and Raiden had climbed the tree to let some other light bulbs hang from the tree branches.
It had become dark already, making all the sparks of light stand out even more.
Blaze looked up from the whole situation and stared at me in surprise. I gave her a faint smile. "Happy birthday," I whispered and I pushed her forward to the tree. She didn't struggle back. When we were close enough, Raiden congratulated her on her birthday.
I mouthed 'thank you' to him and he shrugged his shoulders and smiled. 'You're welcome' he mouthed back.
My attention went back to Blaze, who discovered the cake in the middle of the blanket. Excited, she opened it. Raiden pulled some candles out of his pockets and poked them in the cake. He was about to light them with a lighter, but Blaze had other plans. In only a second she lit the candles with only a small touch of her finger.
"I guess that works too," Raiden murmured. "You know how it works right? Make a wish and blow them."
Blaze closed her eyes for a second and opened them, showing the happy sparkle in them. Without hesitation, she blew them out.
Though it was a small cake, she insisted on sharing it and so not too long after, we were all enjoying a little piece of cake while listening to the radio, which Raiden pulled out from behind another tree stump. Only one touch of him made it turn on and soon we were singing and humming along to the oldies coming from it.
When we finished the cake, Blaze and Raiden started to roast some marshmallows while I pulled out the necklace that I found the night before and let it slip through my fingers.
"So are you ready for your present?"
Blaze tore her gaze away from the fire and gave me a confused look.
"Present?"
"Of course. This birthday party is not complete without a little gift."
She shook her head.
"This whole party was a gift already."
"Then get ready to get an extra gift."
I pulled the necklace from behind my back and dangled it in the air.
"I know it's not much, but I still wanted to give it to you."
Her eyes widened.
"No Morgan, it means a lot."
She took the piece of jewelry that I handed her and looked at the little pendant.
"I don't know what it means, but it reminded me of how different we are-" I pointed to the two different colors. "-but how we still love each other,"
Her hands started to shake and she wiped away a tear.
"Thank you. Honestly, it means a lot," she said with a trembling voice.
I helped her get it on and gave her a hug. In her ear, I whispered, "I will always be there for you."