Chapter Thirty-Nine : anyone else could, so why can't you?
Paige
We got back to the hotel and I brushed my teeth with Parker next to me brushing his, why did this not bother me? The fact that it felt normal, him next to me didn't make me nervous, but it gave me butterflies. His eyes on me gave me butterflies, his presence around me gave me butterflies and being alone with him was dangerous. Not dangerous in the usual dangerous way, but dangerous in the field of feelings that I should not be feeling. If Parker put me on the sink countertop right now and kissed me passionately the chances of me pulling away were slim to none. I wouldn't even fight it.
I placed my hand on the countertop and my mind started to wonder and I knew how this shouldn't happen, him touching parts of me he never should have touched before, he shouldn't know where on my neck was sensitive and gave me goosebumps, or that in my inner thigh I was ticklish. He shouldn't know that he can hold my eyes captive but yet he still challenges how long he can without saying that he knows he can. I know he remembers that night like it was just yesterday. I'd deny it to this day that I don't remember that night but I do. I remember me being the way I was and walking him into my bed. I remember sweet talking to him, I was drunk but not wasted.
I wasn't supposed to feel these things, I wasn't supposed to want him and be imaging him touching me right now.
I shook my head trying to erase the images in my head and tried to subside the tension I had created in the air.
"You good?" Parker asked, spitting into the sink and I cleared my throat while nodding.
"Yeah."
"I'm going to shower, if you're tired just turn the lights off out there and I'll be quiet heading to the couch. It's going to be a long drive tomorrow."
I nodded before realizing what he said, "I can take the couch, you're driving tomorrow, I can always sleep in the car if I don't sleep well," I stated.
"I couldn't do that to you Paige," he shook his head.
Anyone else could, so why can't you? I wanted to say but I didn't, "I can't let you sleep on the couch."
"Your dad would insist on me sleeping on the couch."
"My dad's not here to make decisions is he? You have the bed, I got the couch," I started to walk to the door but Parker closed it before I could get to it and suddenly I was trapped between the door and him, shit. This could end in a way I told myself no to.
"I'm taking the couch."
Why do I know this isn't something I should be saying, "the bed is big enough for two, you stay on your side, I stay on mine."
Parker smiled and shook his head, "I respect you too much to do that."
"And I respect you too much to put you on the couch, think of it like this. Better sleep means a safe trip home. You'll be doing me a favor."
He smiled and shook his head, "I'll think about it," before he removed himself from me and I waited there watching him take off his shirt and he suddenly looked at me and smiled.
"You waiting for something Paige?" he asked and I felt my cheeks burn knowing he caught me checking him out, I'm so stupid.
I walked out of the bathroom and closed the door before going to the bed and under the covers, why was I nervous that if Parker climbed in right next to me I wouldn't be able to sleep because I'd think something else would happen. No, no he respects me he said. But why did I want something to happen, like before?
I shook my thoughts away and tried to relax, and to make my heart stop beating the way it was right now.
I eventually calmed my nerves and fell asleep to the sound of the water from Parker's shower. I wondered if he'd ever come out at the point.
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We got up early, right after Parker's shower. I looked at him confused as to why he was waking me up right now?
"What?"
"We gotta go," he commented.
"But, it's" I looked at the time struggling to read it but shook my head, "it's still dark out."
"I know, perfect time to go, less traffic," he commented.
I got up and we went on our way to the truck, Parker opened the side door and held his hand out to help me up in the seat.
I took it and got in effortlessly while he made it to his side.
I put my seatbelt on as he did his and he started to drive.
He didn't say much, and was quiet most of the ride, the only sound I remember hearing is that of the radio but I couldn't quite understand what they were talking about.
We passed by Delilah's Diner and I sighed.
"I should go back huh?" I asked.
"If you wanted to," he commented.
I looked in the rearview mirror to find familiar headlights I recall from awhile back, "Parker, Parker where have I seen those?" I pointed to the rearview mirror and he looked up like he was trying to figure it out himself.
I looked down to see a semi coming right at us and I pulled on Parkers sleeve trying to get him back on the road but he was still trying to process where I had seen the car before.
"Parker!" I screamed as the semi hit his truck causing the car to flip over twice before stopping in a field, I looked in the driverseat to find it empty.
I looked around and up at the rearview mirror to find the same headlights from before.
Parker's own headlights were shining in front and that's where I saw him. My heart dropped and I struggled to unbuckle my seatbelt but it wasn't letting me out. Parker needed help, he wasn't responsive, he needed me right now.
"Parker!" I called out, "Parker wake up!" there was still no response, not even a stir from him, a slight flinch.
"He's gone," a man said next to me. I couldn't see his face, he was in all black, his hat was covering most of his face but I saw his pale lips as he spoke.
"No," I shook my head, another man turned Parker over and his face looked beaten, "no," closed my eyes trying to remove this, wanting this to be a dream but that's when the man pulled me out of the car.
I tried to fight back, "Parker!" I called again, I can't leave him. I can't leave him like that. I need to do something, give him cpr. He knew to wear his seatbelt. He was wearing his seatbelt! "Baby please! Please wake up," I was crying as this man was pulling me into his car, and shoving me in the back while his buddy tied me up.
"Round two bitch," and there was that smile.
The first man started to drive and I remember driving away from the scene watching red and blue lights make it onto the scene. Semi was gone, it was just Parker's lifeless body and his truck, alone. Farther the car went farther away I was from him, does he think I wanted to leave him?
"Please!" I cried trying to kick the door open, "Please I can't leave him."
"You already did," the man's laugh echoed through my mind and I shut my eyes wanting everything to stop.
"Take me back to him! I need to save him, please!" I begged, closing my eyes.
"Paige, Paige open your eyes," I heard a voice.
I opened my eyes, my breath was uncontrolled and I knew I was panicking, I was grabbing onto Parkers arms and I knew my nails had dug into him.
"What happened?" he asked worried.
"I-it was just a dream," I was relieved, it felt so real, "you're okay," I hugged him tightly, remembered his scent again, remembering his tight hold on me, he was okay. He wasn't dead. He's right here, he's breathing.
"I'm here," he reassured, "I'm okay. Did you want to talk about what just happened?" he asked me.
"I," I was trying to gather my thoughts, "We were driving home and you, you wanted to leave early because there was less traffic I guess. We passed the diner that I worked at and then I remember seeing these headlights so I asked you about it and you were looking and didn't see the semi coming, I was trying to get your attention and you weren't listening, you were focused on the headlights behind us. We got in a car accident, I was okay but you," it still felt real, "you flew out of the car, but you had your seatbelt on, I remember you having your seatbelt on. I couldn't get out of the truck, my seatbelt was stuck and I needed to see if you were okay, but I couldn't and then those men, they were there and you weren't," I blinked twice trying to erase the image of Parker's lifeless body in my mind, "you were gone, you died," I looked at him and seeing his face with red cheeks and sleepy eyes made me happy and I remembered it was just a dream, that Parker was still here and those men were gone. That they didn't come back, "they took me and made me leave you behind, I was trying to get out of the car before I woke up," I blinked a couple times trying to blink away the images in my head.
He hugged me and kissed the top of my head, such a simple action to make me feel safe in his arms.
"Did I hurt your arms?" I then asked remember that my nails dug into his skin, I turned on the nightstand light on and saw the indents in his skin, some deeper than the others, "I'm sorry," I looked up to find his brown eyes staring into mine.
He pushed some hair out of my face and behind my ear, "you were terrified, it's okay."
"I'm such a mess," I looked down at my hands, "I tried to be okay, and I should've told you that I wasn't," I looked into his eyes again and he grabbed my hands.
"I knew how badly you wanted to be okay, you were trying to make yourself think you were okay," he said.
"My cousin, Mackenzie passed away from a car accident, she wasn't wearing a seatbelt and she was grabbing something for Lillith who was six at the time. They got hit twice, one in the front of the car and then the next from the driver side. Kenzie was thrown seventy feet. Mackenzies car was upside down when the police came on the scene. Lilith was in a coma for three months before she woke up. Lilith hasn't been the same since the accident, she was only six and she blamed herself for her sisters death. Lillith wanted something that she dropped and Kenzie was trying to grab it. I watched Lillith go from loving every second of every day, to not wanting to be here the next. That's why I'm terrified of having someone else in the car with me when I drive. I'm okay when the weathers okay and things because I know how to control the car, I know I have control but in bad weather, I don't feel like have control anymore. That's why I drive like an old lady when I'm coming to your house with another person in the car with me, well I drive like an old lady no matter what but I'm extra cautious. Maybe I'm a lot more sensitive about it now because the anniversary is coming up," I took in a deep breath and Parker hugged me again.
"You are the strongest, bravest, most powerful woman I have ever met," he whispered and I hugged him tighter taking in his scent, taking in his warmth, his love, his comfort.
First man to ever give me a compliment that actually mattered, to bad in a matter of a month he'd be gone.
"You have a heart of gold when you show it," he then commented.
I looked up at him again, "you're just saying that."
"I meant every word I said."