Chapter Twenty-Seven : promises are meant to be broken
Parker
I had placed Paige in my bed and slept on the futon my mom had removed from her room, but I didn't sleep much, I didn't want her waking up and throwing up before choking on her own vomit. She had a tendency of sleeping on her back and she was defiant about it. Especially drunk. I stared at her most of the night worried she'd wake up and vomit. I put water on the nightstand but it wasn't touched. She fell asleep in the car and I carried in while putting her stuff by my bed. I was mad at the conversation I had in the car with her. I ignored her and went straight to an insecurity of mine. Even her drunk didn't settle my nerves about Mateo and her. Maybe because it wasn't just me seeing a change. Mason made the point and I know he didn't intend it to freak me out it did. I mean Paige didn't say much about it in the beginning.
I did have time though to take down the picture of Haylee and I, I set them in a box for Haylee to keep if she wanted them. I knew if I kept them they'd be a reminder and I couldn't have that. I didn't want that. She's not the same.
Paige was shuffling a little before coughing a little, I got up and went over to her worried.
"Are you okay?" I sat her up.
"I don't feel too well," she mumbled.
I grabbed the ice cream bucket that I had cleaned out beforehand and she vomited into it before looking at me, "this isn't my proudest moment," she said before throwing up again.
"At least you didn't make any calls to any guys you're secretly in love with."
She smiled a little, "I guess it was a one time thing."
I laughed a little before quieting down and looking at the time. It had just turned to four in the morning.
"You should probably get some more rest," I mentioned and Paige asked a question.
"How'd I get to your house?" She looked at me.
"You went home drunk and Malcolm knew you'd get in so much trouble for being drunk, driving home drunk and so he thought it was best to lie where you were going so I offered my house since friends were limited. Plus I didn't think going back to Masons after leaving Masons was a good idea."
Paige was quiet for a little, was she contemplating still being mad from yesterday or was she going to forget about it.
"I need an explanation of what happened yesterday, you don't have to right now but I'd like one, I just don't want to feel like I'm doing this for nothing. I don't want to be wasting my time," she looked up at me before looking at the wall that was once covered with Haylee and I, "she's gone, why'd you take them down?" Paige then asked.
"It was time, two months should be plenty of time to stop dwelling in the past," I kept my eyes trained on her.
"I remember asking you if you were still in love with her and you didn't respond."
"Paige get some rest," I got up from my bed and walked over to my gaming chair to sit down, and sat in silence.
"Is this still about Mateo, Parker?" Paige waited for a response but I stayed quiet.
"Fuck no," I shook my head even though it'd be a lie. I was insecure but she didn't need to know that.
"Then why can't you tell me if you're still in love with her or not. When I don't hear a response I start to believe that you still are."
"Okay," I responded just like that and she got off the bed. I looked over at her wonder where she was going.
"When did we stop communicating, Parker? That was the deal, we agreed to be honest and you've shut me out."
I shook my head, "I have not."
"Ever since yesterday you won't even acknowledge my existence. You keep ignoring my questions and even when I want to, you push it aside to deal with it later and you're expecting me to be okay with it? Parker if you want to end this just say so, do it. I don't have time for this right now."
"Okay then go Paige, go to Mateo because that's what you wanted right? You keep bringing up breaking this off. I know how much you want to be with Mateo, I'm holding you back right?"
"Stop Parker, stop putting fucking words in my mouth. I didn't say anything like that," she stared at me like I was being a pathetic piece of shit.
"Get your stuff I'll take you home," I grabbed my keys and Paige grabbed her bag before setting it back down.
"No, no," she shook her head, "stop and sit. Stop making irrational decisions. Obviously you're still not ready to have this conversation so I'll wait. I'm not going to let you go back to her," she looked at me and I was surprised she said it. Usually she let us fight it out until we were both exhausted.
I waited by the door debating if I should just talk to her about how I feel but that's the thing. Paige can tell me anything and I couldn't trust it. I couldn't trust Mateo. I've been screwed over by Haylee so many times that I don't know what's the truth anymore. Paige never gave me a reason not to trust her but yesterday made me have to rethink everything I knew. No matter how fake this relationship was it made me realize how much I wanted it to be real. How do I tell the girl who hated me for the last decade that I want to be with her and not just for show anymore. Telling her my insecurities means she can use it to her advantage and that scares the shit out of me.
"I'm giving you a way out, take it," I looked at her and waited for her to leave, something that would be so easy for her.
"No, I made a promise Parker, I'm not breaking it," she shook her head.
"Promises are meant to be broken," I looked at her and her strength in her eyes faded.
"Is that what you think?"
"It's a known fact, I didn't expect you to stay as long as you have. Now take the damn option to leave, you have someone you obviously like. It's not Connor anymore is it? Mateo you've been distracted with, so take the shot."
She got up and grabbed her stuff, "you want me to leave right? You want to be done right?" she looked at me like I hurt her.
"You're not happy doing this, you were skeptical at first when I brought the idea up. You've been lying to everyone you care about," I looked at her and she shook her head.
"I did it for you, you wanted to move on from Haylee. A reason not to go back and I saw that you wanted to better yourself so I'd risk lying to everyone to make you realize that you deserve better than what you were given. You stayed with her and got used to being mistreated, your own mother did the same thing to your dad. You thought that staying with Haylee that her actions would change because she saw that you were hurt but she never did and you never had the strength to leave. You hate your dad because he did something you never could," she was spitting out the truth and I couldn't be mad at her, at this moment I couldn't.
"Are you ready to leave?" I asked her.
"Can you just answer why? Don't I at least deserve that?"
"It won't make sense to you so I'm not going to try," I shrugged my shoulders.
"Well can I guess then," she looked up at me and I nodded thinking that maybe she might not get it.
"Paige," I started but she still spoke.
"You keep bringing up Mateo, and I don't know if it's jealousy or fear of me abandoning you for someone who you think I think is better. I'm assuming it's the second. I know you trust little especially when someone tells you not to worry about someone you should. I'm not going to promise that, because I'd be lying but I'm not going to put myself in that position and neither is Mateo. Unlike how you feel about promises I think they are sacred. I made a promise to you Parker so I'm going to keep that promise I made to you. I can promise that while we continue this I won't purposely put myself around him though."
"So if he'd ask you out right now you'd say what?"
"Parker he already did, did he not? What did I say to him?"
"Okay but what about after we end things?"
"If he asked I would tell him yes."
"Of course you would," I laughed unhumored.
"I know Mateo would tell me no though because he respects you. He'd want you to be okay with it," she then said.
"You got that from talking to him in a day," I looked at her like this was stupid.
"He respects you, he respects me. He's not Noah and I'm not Haylee. If Mateo and I dated I'd still be in your life if you wanted me to be, I mean in a way you'd still come over and I wouldn't treat you any different than before."
"You hated me before," I commented.
"Then I'd treat you better than before, Parker I don't know if you know this but you took a chance in my life and now I can't see my life without you in it. You were there for a hard part of it and there were days I didn't think I'd make it out but you were there. A month ago I'd be pointed at and laughed at for lying and you picked up those pieces and gave others black eyes. You stood up for me when I wasn't strong enough. I know you and Malcolm are best friends so I won't try to take that from him but you're the closest thing I have besides Nora. Masons there yeah but you were there, the moment I broke, the therapy sessions, the car rides all of it you were there. So I would never risk what Haylee constantly did and take a chance to lose you," she stared at me and for once her eyes told me that I shouldn't fear the idea of her walking out the door.
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I drove both of us to school and Malcolm was parked in his parking spot but Madi wasn't in his car, he was alone.
"What did you say to Madi?" I asked and Paige was quiet.
"I threatened to tell Malcolm that she slept with Noah while they started to date, I dug deeper and she was sleeping with other guys for those two years and I'm betting he never knew. But before I made the threat she mocked me in a way saying that it must be hard not to have my brother there for me and she was implying that she created the mess so I went straight forwards and threatened and she begged me not to but I told her I wasn't going to keep it from him and when I wanted to tell him you went to see him so I havent had the chance. She broke up with him from what I heard and I told her to get the hell out after because she was trying to apologize for everything but I couldn't take another lie. He deserves better than what she gave him, and I think he sometimes forgets he deserves better, like you."
I nodded and turned off the car, "Why'd you get drunk yesterday?"
"I just got into a really bad spot in my mind that drinking was the only option in my mind."
"And I wasn't there, I pushed you aside," I look forward realizing how fucked up that was.
"It's okay though," she shrugged her shoulders like it was no big deal but she was experiencing a hangover right now because I was an insecure bitch and didn't want to talk.
Paige only goes to drinking when she loses the ability to handle the hard shit.
Malcolm got out of his car and grabbed his stuff and we watched from afar and suddenly Madi started to walk to his car and suddenly Paige was out of the car and going towards Malcolm and I caught up.
"Paige," I tried to get her to stop before she made things worse.
Madi and Malcolm should be the ones to talk to each other and I knew Paige was being protective of her brother and his heart but she also hated Madi and that's not always a good reason.
"Can I talk to him alone," Madi looked at Paige and Paige stood there.
"Not before he knows the full story," Paige looked at Malcolm who looked confused.
"What full story?"
Madi answered before Paige could.
"I cheated on you, more than once. Before we were out in the open."
Malcolm was relatively calm and he looked at Paige.
"I'll catch up with you guys later," before he walked with Madi and Paige was speechless.
"How can he still want to be around her when she did that to him?"
"When your in love with someone you do things you wouldn't usually. Sometimes people can be blinded and in love to not see that they just need to walk away."
"I could never," Paige shook her head before grabbing my hand and walking in the school with me, "if you ever slept with Haylee I'd leave. Because if you can cheat on me then you never really wanted me. You wanted someone else the whole time."
"That's not true," I shook my head.
"Yeah it is, you should see safety, love, familiarity, a home in me but when you go and cheat you're still searching and looking for that familiarity in someone else but still holding onto me, for what?"
"I'm not condoning cheating but if you're just so lost that you end up cheating. I mean people make mistakes right?"
"Did you mistake her bed for your own?"
"Paige that's not what I meant."
"Parker did you sleep with Haylee? Why'd you go over there?"
"I didn't even go inside. I was about too, our playlist on my phone played and I couldn't change it. We have history and I obviously still," I hesitated, "I didn't though. I left when Malcolm called."
"Okay," she nodded as Mason came up to her, "It's just I trust you Parker but at the same time I know you'd go back, every time."
But Paige didn't see the me that was standing there chasing after her, I was in a bad place too last night that I was trying to push her away but she wouldn't let me.