The exotic scent of sweet smell of roses and lilies filled my nose as its strong fragrance hit the back of my throat. I gently opened my eyes and saw a lovely sight of a garden where colors were everywhere – bright color, subtle color – pinks, reds, purples, and blues.
"Father?" I asked, brows snapped together. "I..." Tears quickly ran down from my cheeks, could not find any words. My lips quivered in fear, hands covering my mouth. "My wings. I couldn't feel it."
I stood up. But a loud thug rung into my ears as I took a great fall. It took me a moment to realize that when any angels touch a human faith upshot a consequence. This was that consequence. I pondered how should I am going to take these or how faith could fit the mosaic upon the choice that I took. Without it, the picture just will not be complete.
I scanned the surroundings. On the western edge there were rows and rows of lemon grass and its citrus smell lingered on the tips of my nostrils. Bordering the southern end were large clumps of ginger with a pungent scent as the wind blew. I stood up, adjusting. I tried to walk but it has no use, I could never take a step forward.
The smell of honeysuckle rules most of the time – it was heavy, overpowering fragrance which conquered all the other scents in the garden – except the old fashion mock orange whose citrus notes compete and at times. The rustling was soothing in a way – not harsh or irritating, the wind was gently moving the plants.
The longer I stared, the less terrifying and more mesmerizing it was. Things were moving back and forth at a certain speed, but Father's figure opted to remain at rest. He appeared at the center, shining brightly and then faded after he landed at the seemed so soft cloud. It was as if life was moving beneath our fingertips, beneath our feet...like a contraption that painted the world below.
"Child, listen in thy self and show the face thou viewest." Warmth shimmered in his eyes and continued, "Now is the time that self should shape another; whose fresh repair if now thou not renewest."
I could see the different colors palpitate as it swirled up and down, but there was this blue and white mixture dominant at the whole area. On the other hand, it was eerily quiet, but I could feel the warmth and the tranquility.
I gazed at Father again, "I begged for your mercy to halt this perplexing precis."
But he shook his head slightly and smiled. "Remained in calm for thou are not leaving anyone alone."
My forehead creased. I bowed my head; confusion flowed into my entire body.
He stepped down as he walked towards me. "Listen, thou dost beguile the world and this person, for he was so fair for those who loves certain," he uttered.
"Who is this person thou are referring to?" I asked.
"The one who disdains the faith of the dried and gash string." He patted my head as his chin held high.
"Or who is he so fond will be the tomb? Of his selfish love, to stop the heavens."
I bit my bottom lip, tears dwelled into my eyes. "Father, father." I paused, trying to catch my breath, preventing the tears to fall. "This angel still in puzzle in tableau."
He smiled at me at it was the first time he had seen me. "Be a fool of your own," he replied. He pointed at my heart and said, "This will guide you."
I remained silent as my heart increased its pound. For a moment, my mind had become empty, blank, a new slate. His words had seemed to wash over me like a cold tide. At the same time, I was too much summer to achieve the inner bond, to truly comprehend his words.
His mouth curved into a smile once again. "The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool." He paused, looking straight at my eye, and said, "But remember, thou will not speak a word about this. Only thee and thou shall know this oath."
"I..." Whatever Father meant; I could not bear to fathom them. "I understand," I mumbled.
"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged cupid painted blind." Father's eyes sparked with hope. "Child, I am giving you a chance to reflect on your actions. May it bring you peace, a lesson, and answers."
His words were warm and wet in my ear which sent me shivers down my spine. But could I survive these? I could not see and understand its essence and from where and when should I begin with.
They were peripheral like the fly that had been buzzing loudly against my ears. But it arose a constant struggle against fates or life or death. I desperately needed the answers and now they had given me a chance. A chance to seek out the light beyond the windowpane.
A blinding light caught into my eyes. Strange. Why does it feel fleeting? I could hear soft sirens and constant beeping, but I never moved a single muscle. It felt like a sharp arrow that flew directly at my heart. It was painful, no words could explain the feeling.
"Look, Atty. I take complete responsibility for my behavior and I am sorry for how it affected you." I heard a voice. "Again, I am deeply sorry. It was just that, something came up," he continued.
My brows drew together. It was from a familiar voice... Lucho. The moment I opened my eyes, I squinted them as the light from the open window filled my sight. I tried moving but my body remained immobile. Only my eyes could move freely. I immediately looked around, observing the surroundings. I saw his blue colored hair facing my direction. He stood facing the wall, hands running through his hair. What happened?
"It was an emergency and Faith really need to attend to cover for me and Demetrio," Lucho uttered. He paused for a while, probably thinking what to reply and said, "Yes, thank you for understanding, Atty. I'll keep you in touch."
I blinked. I tried wiggling my toes and my legs but nothing. I could not feel anything. My eyes darted at a metal bed rails beside me. Father, what quest is this?
The process seemed so insignificant; the destination sure but the method was unnoticeable. Why does it have to be like this? It was as if I am in a slow lumber, lurching rhythm of life at the constant speed.
I looked up and saw a tube attached from a transparent container to my hand. It was dropping two times for I think a minute. All that surrounds me were all white along with the ceiling composed of white, big, plain tiles.
Out of the corner of my eye, Lucho walked towards the white sofa where Demetrio was lying. "Dem, gising," Lucho said while giving him a dirty face. "Dem!" A vein popped out from his neck.
My face brightened when I heard Demetrio's snore like a trumpet as it was being filled by small rocks.
"Tanghaling tapat, tulog ka pa rin?" Lucho raked his fingers through his hair. He frowned, messing Demetrio's hair using his right hand. Demetrio did moved but it was an inch, still snoring. Lucho raked a finger through his hair as he pushed Demetrio sidewards to prevent him from falling. "Bangon na, D..."
"Lucho," a word slipped from mouth. "Lucho," I whispered.
Lucho glued at his spot, frozen like ice. He pivoted his feet. My eyes widened as his eyes were wet, and his breathing quickened. "Luan?"
"Hi?" I asked. My eyes widened as I glanced towards his right. It was his angel, wearing a concerned expression on his face. I blinked. I am still seeing them. But how?
For a full minute, it was as if time had stopped. I stopped functioning. Father's words seemed so broad and fuzzy.
"Luan." Sadness clouded his feature, but his eyes were smiling. "You're awake. I am not dreaming, am I?" He walked towards me, scanning my body as he patted my head gently.
"Lucho." I poked his right hand using my left index finger. "My name's not Luan." The corner of my lips turned up and said, "Helena...that's my name."
Lucho's expression dulled. "Okay ka lang?" He bit his bottom lip and held his nose. "Nurse....tama," he mumbled, running towards the other side of the bed, clicking a button continuously.
"Nurse!" he shouted. He ran towards the sofa where Demetrio was peacefully sleeping and yelled, "Demetrio Matthew!" But Demetrio did not even flinch nor move a muscle.
Lucho rushed towards me. He shook his head, tapping the floor with his right shoe.
"How are you, Lucho?" I asked, eyes gawked at him.
He twisted the ring on his index finger, head facing towards the floor. "Saint like."
My eyebrows creased, "Come again?" I chuckled.
He looked at me straight in my eyes. "Saint like. I'm holy," he said, flashing a bunny smile while patting my head once again.
I smiled in return. But before I shifted my gaze to Demetrio, a tear slipped from his right eye.
"Are you alright?" I blurted.
He replied with a sweet smile and massaged the back of his neck as he dragged his feet near the right wall. He was not alright.
"Anak ng tokwa, Dem! Gising!" he said, throwing a pillow at Demetrio's face.
"Ano ba, Lucho?" Demetrio said. Still eyes closed, he tried to throw the pillow to his foot, but it landed on the white tiled floor. "Natutulog 'yong tao," he yelled, turning his back on Lucho.
He looked heavenward before he jerked away, brushing his right palm to his eyes, and said, "Sige. Iyong pasyente na ang magbabantay sayo."
"What?" Demetrio jolted upright. A line appeared between his brows. His black colored hair was a total mess, but it still looked good. His chest rose and fell with rapid breath, still locking his gaze towards Lucho and asked, "What happened?"
My mouth snapped shut as I heard them exchange words. My lips curved into a smile. "Demetrio," I uttered.
He tilted his head, eyes beamed with shock. He stood, blinking a few times. "Welcome back, Luan," he said as he ran towards my side. Tears shone on his eyes as he loomed closer.
But before I could utter another word, I felt his right hand clutched in my left hand. He was fighting back his tears as he repeatedly uttered my name.
My pulse quickened when the door flew open. I saw a man, a stranger, in a white coat with two women in white uniform behind him. My mind was shrinking away, sending a warning throughout my body but I could not move. I wanted to leap out from the bed to get away from the stranger, but my body could not move, frozen like an ice. My heart pounded fast. I could not see their angels.
"Hello! Good afternoon, Luan," the man said, flashing a wide smile on his face. "I am your private Doctor, Doctor Alec. I'm glad you're awake."
My forehead creased. "I am puzzled," I blurted out. It was quite a disarray, the puzzles in front of me seemed so big that it could not fit into my mind. All that was left were my thoughts like projectiles ricocheting.
A petite nurse came to me and said, "I am going to check your vitals, okay?"
My mouth snapped in shut. I glanced towards the curly-haired nurse who was busy adjusting buttons on the machine next to my bed. I shifted my gaze to Lucho who was busy nibbling his bottom lip, finger tapping on the table while Demetrio stood at the corner behind Doctor Alec.
I looked at the nurse in front of me. Her I.D in her right-side uniform showed that her name was Maxine. "Take a deep breathe," Maxine said. "This will string a bit," she added before injecting another fluid at the tube.
I shut my eyes closed. My world was spinning and pounding repeatedly like crazy. "Ouch!" I yelled, shutting my eyes still. It was all aching inside my head.
"Tell me where it hurts," Doctor Alec asked.
I exhaled before I uttered, "Inside my head." I waited several minutes before I opened my eyes again. "I can't feel my body."
Doctor Alec's eyebrows puckered. "Can you try to lift your hand for me?" he asked, gently lifting my right arm.
"I can't," I uttered. I caught Lucho stood up, jaw tightened as his eyes blazed with worry.
The only hint at emotion was a dull unease at the base of my stomach, gentle butterflies – or a premonition of ill winds to come.
"I can't do it myself; you need to do it," Doctor Alec said, massaging my right hand while Maxine was supporting my left hand.
I tried to lift a finger, then another and another until I reached my pinky finger. I tried to raise my hand, but it fell at Maxine's hand.
"Easy," Demetrio whispered.
I smiled. I tried once again but I failed. I tried lifting them once again but nothing happened. My mouth curved into a small smile. Why Father? What are you telling me? What should I do?
Doctor Alec broke the silence and asked, "How long have you felt like this?"
It was as if a lump formed into my throat. "A-After I woke up," I said.
"Are you still feeling dizzy, nauseous?" Lucho asked while studying me.
I shook my head, heart beating fast. "But I am awake yesterday, wasn't I?"
Silence filled the air. All their faces went blank as if I had said something wrong.
"Why am I here?" I asked, knitting my brows. I glanced towards my left. It reflected a girl with an emerald eye glistening in the bright sunlight. Her hair was dark brown, almost to the point of being black and it hung loosely over her shoulders. Her pale skin touched with a bit of red, was scattered with freckles across her small, pointed nose. She had a confusion flushed on her face. It was not my body.
At one point, I wondered if I could remain an angel. To remain human was a different one – different to my original course, the word spoken, language used, books and signs read, movements, and onwards. It was a meticulous psychological torment and ironically caused more doubt, more mistakes, more errors on judgement, more sins, and more lapses in my memory.
But before I could utter another word, the doctor cut me off and said, " You had been in a coma for two years now... in a terminal grade two brain cancer."