"We're going to die!" I wailed as Kai dragged me through the woods. "We're lost and we're going to die!"
"Not from any wild animal," Kai said as he pulled hard to get me to move further into the dark forest. "You've scared them all away by now."
"You have no clue where you're leading us!" I stopped pulling against him and moved closer to him upon hearing a stick crack. I looked down to see it had been my own foot to make the intruding sound and scowled. "It's too cold for us to spend the night out here. We are going to die."
"Absolute drama queen." He looked at the path in front of us with determination. "Do you not think I would know the woods of my own castle? I know exactly where we are now. It's only a few more minutes."
I grumbled under my breath. He'd said that a few times. It's just a few more minutes. I know exactly where we are. We weren't going in circles, but we weren't going to the palace either. We were going to die! That is where we were going! I continued to scowl at the ground then heard a distant shout.
"Is it the rebels?" I asked. "Don't you have a sword?"
"Of course I... don't." He looked down at his waist and sighed. "We'll be fine. No swords necessary."
"That's kind of your life motto, isn't it? Useless warrior king." I wondered if there were wolves here. There were wolves in the mountains. Were there wolves here too? I had a feeling if there were, they wouldn't be as friendly as Chingu. I kicked the dirt beneath me and looked at the dark pathway ahead.
"I don't think anyone blames me for the decisions I've made. All things considered. And if we die tonight, it was my turn anyways. You tried to kill us yesterday. Now it's my turn." He smirked and I jabbed him with my elbow. He let out a spluttering laugh and grabbed his side. I glared at him, but felt slightly guilty for hitting his wound. Not that I would let him know that.
"I would have worn a different outfit if I knew I was going to die." I gestured down to the outfit Sujin has given me to stay disguised amongst the common folk. Or whatever it is she called people without a title.
"Look," he sped up and I had to jog to keep up with him. I watched as he picked up a stone. "It's a trail marker. That means we're going the right way."
"Oh?" I took the rock from him and stacked back on the pile. "You better be right. If we don't die from wolves or bandits, I will kill you. I promise."
"You couldn't." Kai laughed and shook his head as he walked.
"I don't need a sword. I'll kill you with..." I looked around and picked up a stick. "This!"
Kai stopped and smirked. His eyes ran along the length of the stick as he assessed it. He walked over and picked up his own stick, breaking it to the size he wanted, then holding it up like a sword. I realised what I had gotten myself into, but couldn't back out now. I narrowed my eyes and raised my stick. This was - at least - much lighter than a sword.
"Give it your best shot." Kai changed his stance and I came closer to him. I lunged forward but he immediately moved my stick with his, and tapped my stomach. I glared at him and he moved forward. I panicked and moved my stick forward. Our sticks made loud groaning sounds as they hit each other. They clearly weren't happy to be subject to this either. Kai kept walking forward, forcing me backwards.
I struck harder and his aiming had my stick flying from my hands across the woods. I backed up against a tree and he held his stick against my neck with a wide grin across his face. He looked down at me with a warm amusement that made my heart clench, like a sheathed sword. I stared into his eyes and couldn't even find it in myself to be mad at him. He was making me weak.
It was bad enough I couldn't hide my emotions.
He didn't need to evoke new and equally embarrassing ones.
"That was an unfair fight," I countered. He laughed and tipped his head back as if he wanted the stars to hear how ridiculous I was being. My feelings about him were just as strong as when I had met him, now they were just... confusing. "You're professionally trained."
"And you aren't?" I thought he was joking but his expression was dead-set.
"Not all of us served in the military." I narrowed my eyes then looked down at the stick against my neck.
"All members of the Royal family must do service here. My sister did." He tilted his head and studied me. "No wonder you're so accident prone."
"Low blow," I muttered darkly. "So is the part where you kill me?"
I poked the stick at my neck and his face broke back into a grin.
"If I wanted to kill you, you'd be dead." He lowered the stick and I felt my shoulders loosen, as if he had cut my strings with his imaginary sword. He threw the stick into the woods, stretching back his arm a bit too much for someone recently injured and a small hitch of his breath indicated he regretted the movement. He came back to me and put his hand on the trunk of the tree, just above my head. His eyes were downcast beneath the soft layers of his dark hair. I felt small so close to him. I hadn't realised how much taller than me he was.
"Does it hurt?" I asked. I realised almost immediately it was a stupid question and wished I could retract it. I blinked faster than I should have and folded my arms.
"It's not so bad." I was surprised he bothered to answer me. But I guess that was because he was Kai today.
"Maybe you should rest tomorrow." He looked down at me with an intense stare. It wasn't quite a glare, but it wasn't warmth. It was like he cleared his eyes of emotion so he could read me while perfectly hiding everything he was feeling. It wasn't fair.
"Do you care whether or not I am hurt?" He asked. I felt offended and guilty at the same time and bit my lip to stop from spurting out something that was the worst mixture of both. My sputter only seemed to intensify the atmosphere.
"I..." I couldn't lie. I couldn't hide. I couldn't hide my emotions and my words wouldn't match them. What did I have to lose? He would hate me in the morning either way. "Aren't I allowed to do that much?"
His expression remained the same and he stared at me for a moment longer without saying anything. I wished he would say something. Anything. He could tell me hated me as long as I knew where he was. It was frustrating being unable to read anything from him, especially when he could so easily read me.
"Kai-" As soon as I spoke he stepped forward and my voice wobbled and fell. I looked up at him with alarm, afraid he was going to pass out or something that would leave me stranded on my own in the woods. Then I saw his eyes drop from my eyes to mouth and I felt a swirl start in my throat and drop to a cold place in my stomach. He leaned his face down and pressed his lips to mine. His eyes fluttered shut and I stood still in absolute shock for a moment.
Then it was as if I snapped out of a stupor. I closed my eyes and kissed him back. I kissed... I kissed him back. I kissed Kai. This shouldn't be so shocking to me. I was his wife. We were supposed to have kissed long before this. But kissing him gave me the same rush of cold dread and warm joy that I got from sneaking out of the palace. It was a feeling of winning knowing you were losing in the long run.
I let my fingers run through his soft hair. I put a hand on his chest if only to see if his heart was beating as fast as mine was. When I felt the pattering of his heart I felt safer. I couldn't read his face, but his heart was open. He felt the same way I did. He felt this strange, overwhelming nervous excitement.
"Your Majesty!" The voice made me jump, but Kai acted calmly, moving away silently as if nothing had happened. The voice was distant but coming closer. "Your Majesty! Where are you?!"
"As if that would ever work." Kai muttered under his breath. Kai walked over and picked up the shopping bags he had dropped when we started our sword fight. He held out his hand, his palm glowing expectantly in the moonlight. He looked near ghostly in the white light of the moon. I was glad it was there though. A moonless sky would be a much worse night to be lost. I moved over to him and put my hand in his.
This time he held my hand not to drag me through the woods, but to take me home. He laced his fingers through mine and I walked closer to him, matching his pace - which I was certain he slowed for me. U-jin appeared from the woods with a torch and a panicked expression that seemed to turn to concern upon seeing our firelit faces.
"Kai!" He screeched. I half expected them to hug but instead U-jin's face hardened to anger while Kai's cracked with amusement. "Do you know how late it is?!"
"Sorry, Mom." As far as I was aware Kai's parents were dead, but I hadn't asked how or why. I hadn't had reason to. I didn't know if I should. He would tell me if he felt like it. It wasn't important.
"I would expect this sort of behaviour from Aera, but not from you." His eyes brushed over me and a grin broke across my face. I had built the right kind of reputation for myself. I looked up at Kai and saw the warmth in his face. Part of me ached in mourning for the look that might be gone in with the stars, but the other part of me just felt content.
Home.
I was home.
"You better get back. You're not supposed to be this strenuous after yesterday. Can't you ever listen to what they tell you?" There was real stress in his tight shoulders and eyebrows that seemed to be desperate to touch each other. He shook his head, but his eyes found our interlaced hands and rested on them for a moment. Part of me wanted to let go and cough awkwardly, but I didn't. Why shouldn't we get along now? Why should I have to explain?
U-jin said nothing but turned and started to walk. He paused, turning to his head to the sign, showing the sharp shape of his face in the warm light of his torch.
"Keep up." I smiled at the words. He was happy for us. I knew this is what he wanted and I knew things could be okay now if we let them.
"I told you we weren't lost," Kai whispered softly into my ear. I gave him an amused glance.
"Whatever you say." I shook my head. Liar.
And yet I was still smiling.
No. I don't think we were lost. Not anymore.