CW/TW// self harm, suic1idal thoughts, self deprivation, eating disorder, therapy, cursing, sex references
Everyone has problems, some worse than others but everyone has them.
Quackity by far had it the worst out of his fiancé's and friends,
Major PTSD
Body image problems
Extremely low self esteem
Paranoia
Insomnia
Depression
Anxiety
It didn't help that he was a litteral doormat
Anything his fiancé's asked him to do *boom* he'd do it
Well not anything.
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"We love you so much baby, more than anything and you're so beautiful and perfect in every way you have to believe me" Karl said holding tightly onto the smallest of the three "We will never leave you ok, we will Always love you no matter what" Sapnap said while he ran his fingers through Quackity's jet black hair. Quackity smiled, kissed both of them and said with a shaky voice "I love you guys too..."
He had heard those words time and time again "We love you, you're perfect, you're beautiful, we'll never leave you" one of the few things Quackity couldn't bring himself to believe, no matter how much he tried he couldn't believe those words and for that he was constantly mad at Karl and Sapnap for lying to him all the time with this "I love you" bullshit. Of course Quackity loved them both but he knew deep down they didn't love him, in fact they hated him, that's what he repeated in his head everytime they would compliment him.
Quackity would constantly tell himself just how horrible his fiancé's were, "They lie to you everyday, they don't notice what you go through, if they really loved you they would know that you cut,they would know that you think about killing yourself every single day, They Would Know That You HATE Yourself, THEY WOULD HELP YOU"
He told himself this everyday even though he knew it wasn't true, he hides his problems extremely well, he had the perfect fake smile, so perfect in fact that the smile his fiancé's complimented all the time is his fake smile.
He had a routine. Looking in from the outside you'd think that he lives every day with a new story, but he didn't, he did the opposite.
•Wake up between 9am and 12pm.
•Check if you're in the same clothes you fell asleep in.
•Check there's no blood on your clothes and sheets.
•Make sure your alone before continuing.
•Go to the bathroom and lock the door.
•Insult yourself
•Insult your fiancé's
•Say good morning to your fiancé's
•Between now and around 4:30pm cuddle, snuggle, kiss, act happy, etc.
•At around 4:30pm excuse yourself to the bathroom.
•Puke up the food you had.
•Leave making sure you look fine and you smell fine.
•"Chill" with your fiancé's until you go to bed.
•Pretend to sleep until your fiancé's are asleep.
•Go to the bathroom.
•Hurt yourself.
•Cry.
•Go to sleep.
This may be a long list if things but it becomes protocol.
Add in streams, activities, occasionally sex (not recently), and a few other things that only happen every so often and there you have it.
Quackity's Life
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Quackity had grown to hate being comforted especially by his fiancé's,
It made him feel horrible about himself and everytime he kissed or hugged them he just wanted to push them away. He still loved them though "Right?"
//Sexual warning//
The only time he wanted to be close to them was during sex, it was the only time he was happy, it may sound gross or unhealthy but it's true. He hadn't had sex in about 4 and half months because of his self harm.
Sometimes he wanted to just get naked and not care, but he couldn't, he didn't want to explain it and he definitely didn't want to be comforted by him fiancé's "We love you baby, please stop, for us" It was absolute bullshit.
He was going to therapy every Wednesday for the past year and he was still fucked up, that might be his fault for never telling the truth but he didn't think about the specifics
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It had been almost 5 months since Quackity had sex with his fiancé's, he was so touch deprived and in his words "I just need a good fucking and I'll be better"
This was obviously a stupid mindset but he felt like it was true.
At his next therapy session he came clean about the cutting, the suicidal thoughts, the starving, etc.
His therapist was shocked but immediately got him help. He had asked her to not say anything to his fiancé's because he "didn't want them worrying" he honestly just wasn't in the mood for all their lovey dovey sappy bullshit.
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"Two months clean. Today is the day" Quackity said to himself in the mirror instead of insulting himself or others."What's today you ask? Well it's the day Quackity comes clean to his fiancé's and they have a wonderful and adorable moment and live happily ever after." Ha, you thought, No today is the day Quackity has sex, yep over 7 months without it but he's back baby.
He acted especially sexual today, teasing his fiancé's with things like wearing a very revealing outfit, bending over to "pick something up", kissing them extra passionately, letting out small moans into their ears as he walked by as if it was nothing, "accidentally" falling so that either his hands were on his fiancé's crotch's or his mouth almost was and getting down on his knees right in front of them to pick something up and looking up at them with a needy look.
Quackity wore a long sleeved crop top and booty shorts, simple but affective. He had the feeling both of his fiancé's were extremely touch starved aswell.
As the evening creeped closer Q started to be more seductive. Everything was going to plan until Dream and George called asking if they wanted to come over to hang out with them and some friends, Sapnap was about to decline the offer because he had other "business" to attend to, but right before he could, Q grabbed the phone and agreed to go, he saw it as an opportunity to tease Karl and Sapnap even more.
They got dressed, Sapnap wore some black ripped jeans with a loose white button up tucked into the jeans paired with some checkered vans, Karl wore some light blue ripped jeans embroidered with different types of flowers and a plum coloured turtle neck tucked into his jeans paired with some docks, Quackity wore a black high wasted skirt (yep you heard it right, Femboy Quackity supremacy) it went to around half ways down his thigh, black knee highs, white ankle high converse, a black oversized crop top tucked into his skirt, a choker and a black beanie.
Sapnap and Karl were basically drooling at the sight of him, they left around 8:30pm. When they arrived they were greeted by George who looked like he just "had a bad Dream" ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).
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It was now around 11pm, they had been talking, drinking and laughing for hours. "Let's play truth or dare" Dream suggested winking at George before taking another sip of his beer. They all agreed and started.
"Truth or Dare HMMMM... BIG Q!" Dream asked.
"Hmmmm Dare" Q responded smirking.
Dream sat up and thought for a second before responding with "Take off one piece of clothing"
Quackity thought for a second before deciding what to take off, He stood up and took off....... One of his shoes
"Oh come on really??" Dream said somewhat annoyed
"You said one piece of clothing" Quackity responded sitting back down and shrugging his shoulders
Dream muttered under his breath before taking another sip of his beer "Pussy"
Q rolled his eyes and stopped to think "hmmm.... George!" he said pointing to the brunette who was comfortably situated on Dream's lap
"Me?" George replied confused because he wasn't listening
"Yes you" Q said giggling a bit
"Oh um well... Truth" George replied seeming happy with himself
"You're no fun George" Q replied rolling his eyes once again, he sat to think for a few moments "Who's the last person you had sex with" Q said smiling knowing he had just exposed George
George sat there regretting his decision "Uhmm well..." He looked at dream who just gave him an unhelpful smile "d-dream" George said under his breathe
"what was that George, couldn't hear you can you repeat that" Sapnap said chuckling at how embarrassed George looked
"dre-" George was cut off
"ME, he fucked me, or rather I fucked him haha right George" Dream blurted out while smiling and nudging George who's face was buried in his hands in an attempt to hide it because he was as red as a tomato
"LANGuageeEe~" Bad half moaned as he sat, unknown to everyone else, with skeppy inside him, they had been sitting under a blanket and no one was really paying any attention to them until now.
They all looked over at the two confused, Bad had quickly covered his mouth while skeppy looked around the room smirking
"Ook....." Quackity said before looking away
"I skip my turn" George said still trying to hide his face
"I'll go next" Sapnap chimed in before someone could beat him to the opportunity. "Baby boo love of my life Big Q~ truth or dare" Sapnap said slurring some of his words as he was quite drunk
"uhhh Dare" Q said sipping his drink
"strip for us~" Sapnap said in his low sexy voice as he got alot closer to Q, he then smiled very pleased with his decision
"I uhh- in front of everyone?" Q asked nervously looking at the ground
"You don't mind do you baby?~" Sapnap said lifting Quackity's chin up so they made direct eye contact
Quackity contemplated it, "if I do then everyone's gonna freak out about my scars (not new ones :))) let's goooo) but if I say no Karl and Sapnap are gonna get all concerned."
Karl was the only sober person here, he was the designated driver and was making sure no one did anything too stupid like starting to have sex in front of everyone or something.
"Ok fine but you all have to promise to not freak out okay??" Quackity asked seriously while standing up
Everyone was a bit confused but agreed
Quackity started playing Careless Whisper by George Michael
He started to strip slowly while dancing to the music,
First was his other shoe then his beanie, his socks, he twirled around before slowly taking off his skirt to reveal the lace underwear he had been wearing, now time for the part he was dreading, he faced Sapnap and Karl trying not to look worried but his fiancé's were busy looking at something else.
He took of the jumper revealing the top of the lace lingerie along with his arms almost completely covered in scars, he paused for a moment to let Karl and Sapnap look at them, as soon as he realised they did he got a sudden burst of confidence, he put his arms in the air for everyone to see, he spun around slowly a few times before sitting on Sapnap's lap, grinding onto his boner.
Sapnap tried to get Quackity off of his lap so they could talk but Quackity just kissed him, hard, Sap pulled away looking concerned, this upset Q he had done all that for a pathetic look of concern, he rolled his eyes and got up grabbing his clothes before storming out of the room.
Sapnap and Karl entered the kitchen where Q was now getting dressed
"Quackity?" Karl said his voice shaking
"Ugh what do you want?" Q responded annoyed
"Can you give us an explanation please??" Sapnap asked a bit annoyed with Quackity's behaviour
"All you two need to know is I'm two months clean and I'm fine OK" Quackity said angrily before storming off back to the living room with everyone else
Karl and Sapnap just wanted an explanation but they knew that what Q said is all they're gonna get right now, so they went back to the living room trying to take their mind off it
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They got home around 1am, Q immediately went upstairs and was quickly followed by his fiancé's
"Listen i started cutting around 7 months ago I hid it from you then got touch deprived so I quit, now can we skip the whole don't feel bad blah it's not your fault blah blah love you blah blah, speech. OK? " Quackity explained quickly and annoyed leaving the two at the top of the stairs entering their shared bedroom
Sapnap and Karl looked at each other confused and upset, they knocked on the bedroom door which was locked.
"I'm getting changed, considering you probably don't want to have sex" Q said angrily
"Baby can we talk? Please" Karl said sounding very concerned
"Stop talking like that for fucks sake, talk to me like an adult not a five year old who scraped their knee" Q said annoyed at the sound of Karl's voice "this is why I didn't tell you" He mumbled under his breathe
Karl was taken a-back by Quackity's statement, "What do you want us to do then?" Sapnap asked now annoyed aswell
Quackity opened the door wearing a leather leatard, black thigh highs with suspenders attached to them and a black choker with the word daddy bedazzled on it, "Fuck me or Fuck off" Quackity said angrily and seductively at the same time
Sapnap wanted to Fuck him but he couldn't, Karl sighed and walked away, sapnap stayed a bit longer staring at the outfit Q was wearing "take a picture it'll last longer" Q said slamming the door in Sapnap's face, It took Sapnap a second to comprehend what had just happened before stumbling down the stairs.
//A/N: Ok so I'll probably do a pt 2 to this, idk if the switch in moods is weird or not but if it is sorry, any ideas or requests comment them, ok hope this didn't suck too bad, ily<3\\
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