Behind The Scenes

94. Jo

I'm in my room, thrown on the bed. I am thinking again. How cool it was before... I love the way I get absolute control over him too. He immediately gives in to my caresses and my words, and this makes me feel strong... and dangerous. Yes, but he too is as dangerous as me. Sometimes I am afraid that the two things put together will generate a catastrophe, and it has already happened more than once. Or I imagine the fireworks, they are dangerous but together they are a show, I would watch them for hours. It's all a bit strange... I want to go back with him but I don't want to throw myself at the head like the first time, because I have learned that running often stumbles.
I need to talk to him and confront him about this whole story to understand how to proceed.
It's decided, we need to talk.
I get out of bed and go knock on his door. No answer... I knock again. Nothing.
I call him. It rings and he answers immediately.
"Where are you?" I ask him immediately.
"On the terrace, why?"
"On the terrace? What are you doing there?" I say confused.
"Thinking."
"Okay... we need to talk. What floor is it on?"
"23."
"Wait for me."
I put my cell phone in my pocket and head for the elevators.
I'm going to talk to him about us... but I have no idea what to tell him. I'm fucked up. I can't even shut up because I know Hero will ask me the usual what-did-you-want-to-talk-to-me-about, I can only hope he doesn't ask me. I feel my hands are shaking.
The elevator has come up. There is a sliding glass door with a sensor and when I approach it it opens.
Wow... the view from here is gorgeous. The lights of the city look like so many fireflies. And it's freezing cold, a shiver runs through my body.
Oh, there he is. Hero is sitting on a bench.
"Hero," I say in a low voice.
He does not answer. I can't tell if he heard or not.
I walk over and sit next to him. Only now he notices my presence. He turns his head towards me and takes off his headphones. "You are here."
I nod. I die of cold and put my hands in my pockets. "What were you doing?" I manage to say, trembling a little.
He shows me his phone, with a song paused: Yellow by Coldplay.
"This song..." I begin to say.
"It's beautiful," he says, taking the words out of my mouth. He unplugs the headphones from the phone and plays the song at a low volume, like a background, while we stare at the city.
I move closer to him, who is wearing one of his heavy jackets.
"Wait..." he takes off his jacket and hands it to me. "Put it on. You are cold."
I thank him and I wear it. It's huge and smells like him.
So then I took my turn...
"Isn't it beautiful?" he says suddenly looking at me.
"Wonderful."
Your skin
Oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful...
I look at him too, we look into each other's eyes, then I smile shyly and look away.
He puts two fingers under my chin, forcing me to look at him.
Do you know, you know I love you so
You know I love you so...
He puts his hand on the back of my neck and kisses me. I thought these things only happen in movies... but here I am, under the starry sky and in the lights of New York kissing the person I love.
His lips are soft and sweet on mine. He slowly begins to part mine with his tongue, but not like he usually does, this time it's romantic. I do the same.
The song still plays in the background when he breaks the kiss and says in a whisper, "I still love you so."
I smile. He is the one and only. I love him, I love him so much.
"You still love me?" he asks after kissing me again.
I nod. "I've never stopped." And I kiss him again, involuntarily putting my frozen hands under his sweatshirt. A shiver runs through him and I immediately apologize by removing my hands. But he takes them back. His are strangely warm.
His lips are down on my neck and suddenly I don't feel that cold anymore.
"What did you want to talk to me about?" he says with heavy breath. And here, what did I say?
"Er..." I think as he continues to kiss my neck and jaw. "Please. I can't think like this."
He stops kissing me and looks at me in silence.
"I think we have to decide what to do."
He frowns. "About what?"
"Us. What do you want to do, Hero?"
He licks his lips.
"You know that it is useless to do so in order not to reach a conclusion. Let's make a move once and for all and that's it," I explain.
"You, I want you back," he replies, sure of himself.
I remain silent for a few seconds, displaced. Then I say, "Me too," and I put a hand on him. He takes it and intertwines his fingers with mine, then kisses its back.
Another song starts, but I don't understand what it is until the chorus. It is All Mine by Plaza. I clear my throat. "Was it scheduled?"
"What?" he asks confused.
"The song."
"No... why?" he grins.
I look around. There is nobody. The jacket is bulky, I take it off.
"What...?" he does.
I straddle him. His back rests against the back of the bench. I tilt my head to one side and smile at him. I close my eyes and rub my nose with his. I feel something below me. Oh...
I caress his abdomen with my hands as I kiss him until I get there.
"Room?" he says panting.
I nod. "Mhm-hm, great idea."
He stops the music and we get up. He picks me up and I hold his jacket in my hand as I giggle. He laughs too, his laugh is music to my ears.
Once in the elevator he puts me down and gives me small kisses on the lips. I look at our reflection in the mirror, we are beautiful together.
"So we're back?" he asks looking into my eyes and with that half smile that I love.
"Yes, we are," I say, and kiss him.