"I'm in love with you."
Hyunjin loved Changbin. Like some kind of soulmate love story he could feel all the pieces slip in place, like the earth finally settling on an ellipse around the sun, like the ocean responding to the moon and understanding. But wait – did he just say that out loud? Oh.
"Huh?" Changbin promptly walked into the wall next to the kitchen door, producing a few concerning thumps and then crumpling to the floor.
Oh no. "Binnie!" Hyunjin nearly stumbled over his own feet as he ran to Changbin and fell to his knees beside him, barely avoiding the shattered remains of the mugs. Hot coffee drenched his sweatpants.
Changbin was groaning, pressing a hand to his forehead and trying to keep the coffee stained hoodie off his chest with his other hand, the hot contents all over him, porcelain shards around him like fallen leaves gathered around their tree in autumn.
"Binnie, are you okay?" Hyunjin very carefully tapped his hyung's shoulder, eyeing him up and down for any sign of blood.
"'M fine," Changbin whispered. "It's just – what did you say? I think I just hallucinated. You said you loved me. Maybe I'm not fine."
"What?" Huynjin furrowed his brows. "No, no, you heard correct. You're not hallucinating, so that's good! Don't worry about the shards, I'll help you stand."
"What? No, I mean –" Changbin shook his head, wide eyed, "I mean what? Can you repeat that?"
"Repeat what? That I'm in love with you?" Hyunjin smiled when Changbin nodded. "I love you! I just realised. But hyung, you're great, you must know that. Honestly, you've been so nice to me you can't blame me for falling in love with you, it's definitely your fault for giving me coffee and food all the time. And you're you, you know? We've been living together for a year. I want to like, get on my knees for you –"
Changbin blushed, clamped his eyes closed and winced, hissing in pain. He unclenched his fist from around a piece of shattered mug, blood welling up from his hand.
"–and propose to you because I think – oh, shit, hyung, are you okay, oh my god," Hyunjin stared at the blood and swallowed slowly. His mouth was suddenly dry but not in a good way. "I'm not good with blood, hyung," he said faintly.
"Me neither," Changbin replied, but at least it didn't sound like he was in any pain.
"If you faint because of blood loss I will faint, too, and then who will call an ambulance?" Hyunjin wondered. He mentally punched himself in the face. He had to do something. He only just realised his feelings, and Changbin was literally bleeding on their kitchen floor, soaked in rapidly cooling coffee. "Come on."
Hyunjin gently and carefully grabbed Changbin around the waist, pulling him to his feet. Being taller than Changbin had many uses. He managed to get Changbin's good arm around his shoulders and half carried half dragged Changbin to the couch.
"There you go," Hyunjin murmured, "I'll be back in a second, please don't bleed out."
He sprinted to the bathroom, quickly locating the small first aid kit and a clean towel.
Clenching his jaw and trying very hard not to flinch and hurt Changbin more, Hyunjin got to work carefully dabbing the blood away around the cut. The wound didn't seem deep, but it was right in the center of Changbin's palm. That was bad, right? The good thing was that there were no shards still stuck in there. Hyunjin resolutely tried not to think of the traces of blood sticking to his own skin.
When the cut stopped bleeding a few seconds later, Hyunjin mumbled an apology and sprayed some disinfectant over it before carefully wrapping Changbin's hand with a clean bandage. Firm around his hand but not too firm. He used a wet wipe to clean his own hands and the tips of Changbin's fingers where he'd accidentally left some red traces. When he looked up, he found Changbin looking at him.
"Hyung," Hyunjin started, but any more words died in his mouth.
"Hyunjinnie," Changbin replied, something like wonder in his voice.
"Uhm," Hyunjin blushed. Had these last few minutes really happened? He was in love with his roommate, definitely, but the happy bubble in his chest had turned into a block of concrete. "You don't have to say anything, hyung."
Changbin blinked. "What?"
"I..." Hyunjin looked at their joined hands, his own around Changbin's injured and bandaged one, Changbin's other hand lying in his lap, palm up. "I won't apologise for how I feel, but I know you have a crush on someone, and our fake dating situation already complicates that. So I'm saying... if you'd rather stop the fake dating now, let's just stop. Like... we're friends, right? It's okay that you don't feel the same. I'll be okay. We'll be okay."
"I – wait," Changbin furrowed his brows. "This is – very fast, I'm. Let's. Um, let's not make any decisions rashly, okay?" He brought his second hand on top of Hyunjin's and pressed down gently. "Just hold my hand for a moment, please?"
"Okay," Hyunjin smiled despite it slowly getting hard to breathe. He threaded his fingers with Changbin's, focusing on being careful with Changbin's bandage and on the warm skin of his uninjured hand. The back of his hand felt a little dry to the touch. Maybe he could give Changbin some hand lotion for that?
He didn't even know if Changbin liked hand lotion. Why couldn't Hyunjin think sometimes before he opened his mouth?
But would it be better if he tried to swallow the feelings he had for Changbin? No, definitely not. Hyunjin would just cry himself to sleep until Felix and Minho removed him from the situation, again. Changbin wasn't his ex, Changbin was Changbin and he was the best person Hyunjin knew. If anyone would be nice about getting a random confession of love from their roommate, it would be Changbin.
Changbin would break Hyunjin's heart in the best way, and Hyunjin would take it and one day move on, hopefully with a brand new couch. Who knew, maybe Changbin would give Hyunjin hoodie stealing privileges too.
Hyunjin would be okay.
"Hey, don't cry," Changbin said then, effectively ripping Hyunjin out of his spiralling thoughts.
"I'm not crying, hyung," Hyunjin blinked the wetness in his eyes away, ignoring the drop gathered in the corner of his eye. "Don't worry about me."
Changbin smiled sadly. "But I do worry about you, Hyunjinnie. I..." he chuckled, "I can't believe words are failing me right now, when I need them the most. So much for being a songwriter, huh?" He squeezed Hyunjin's hands. "So, um... can I borrow a kiss?"
What?
"I promise I'll return it," Changbin winked at him. He winked. And that was definitely one of the lines Chan used on Felix all the time to make him laugh.
"Hyung," Hyunjin was not proud of the noise that left his mouth next, and he let go of Changbin's uninjured hand to cup Changbin's cheek and lean in. He paused a breath away from Changbin's lips. "Yes?"
Changbin closed his eyes and closed the space between them.
It was a chaste kiss, just lips on lips, warm breath on skin. Hyunjin slowly tilted his head and deepened the kiss, and then he remembered that this was very possibly Changbin's first kiss and what were they doing? He made to move back but Changbin followed his movement, pressing closer and threading his fingers through Hyunjin's hair. Only then did they part.
"Hyunjinnie," Changbin's voice broke. His dark eyes didn't leave Hyunjin for a second. "I love you too. I have for a while now. All our friends say I'm being very obvious about it, but I guess I wasn't obvious enough. But, Hyunjin, I – you're great, how could I not? I mean, maybe it's a bit too early for marriage, but –"
"Hyung, I can't believe I said that." Hyunjin blushed. Changbin... liked him too? He sucked air into his lungs like he hadn't breathed in days. Changbin accepted his confession, kissed him, told him he loved him –
"Said what?" Changbin smirked. "That you want to propose to me or that you want to get on your knees?"
Hyunjin hid his flaming face in Changbin's neck. "I meant get on my knees as in, propose, but I'm not against other things I could do on my knees." He pressed his lips to Changbin's pulse and despite his embarrassment he fought a smile when he felt Changbin's pulse spike.
"Maybe not – today," Changbin stuttered. "Or I might actually faint. Just. Let's kiss again? And we can... cuddle?"
Hyunjin looked up and smiled. "You're so cute, hyung. I want to kiss you a lot. But see, I also want to eat tiramisu now that we're both finally here, and at some point we'll need to clean up the coffee in the kitchen, and I'd really like to date you for real, and we'll have to do another load of laundry tonight too, and –"
Changbin pecked Hyunjin's lips. "Alright, Jinnie. Let's have tiramisu first and worry about the rest later, yeah?"
"Feed me?" Hyunjin laughed when he saw Changbin's expression. "You don't have to, obviously."
"No, I want to," Changbin smiled. He grabbed one of the teaspoons, scooped up a bite and held it toward Hyunjin. "Say ah."
Hyunjin's throat was suddenly very dry (in a good way). Still, this was his doing, so he opened his mouth and closed his eyes. He couldn't help the small moan at the taste. "This is so good, hyung. The raspberries were a spectacular idea."
Changbin stared at him, blushing, opening and closing his mouth.
"Hyung," Hyunjin smiled. "Let me feed you, too?"
"Uh, sure," Changbin replied, voice waving. He licked his lips and swallowed nervously. Hyunjin decided he'd tease him about this another day and just enjoy the moment, and the tiramisu.
Flustered, smiling, and holding hands, they ate their tiramisu. And when Changbin got some cocoa stuck in the corner of his mouth, Hyunjin leaned in and licked it away, leaving Changbin speechless for a full minute. Hyunjin relished in the sparkling happiness settling in his chest. And if he sat closer to Changbin than necessary, Changbin didn't seem to mind. Changbin himself had trouble keeping a smile off his face for long enough to eat the tiramisu Hyunjin gave him. Despite his hand being injured, he held on tightly to Hyunjin's free hand.
When they were full, Hyunjin firmly told Changbin to stay seated while he cleaned up the spilled coffee and shattered mugs in the kitchen.
While Hyunjin had been sleeping, Changbin had folded Hyunjin's laundry and put the second load in the washer, so Hyunjin found two clean (coffee and blood free) hoodies and helped Changbin change with the shallow excuse of not wanting to hurt his hand. Changbin just blushed and averted his eyes as he changed (and Hyunjin tried not to stare at Changbin's bare skin too obviously). With the first aid kit packed away, Hyunjin pressed play on his cat video playlist and did the dishes.
"So," Hyunjin said when he wrapped himself around Changbin, who looked at him like the cute cats doing cute things on youtube were less important – which, okay, Hyunjin liked that. "Date me for real? You really... really like me?"
"Yes," Changbin answered and blushed. "I want to date you for real. Are you sure about this?"
"Binnie-hyung," Hyunjin smiled, "I have never been more sure of anything in my life."
Changbin smiled. "Hyunjinnie, you're so... I like you so much. We'll still need to stage a fake break up though. How will we do that?"
Hyunjin smirked. "We've watched so many dramas. I think we can think of something suitably dramatic. And, as we said, we'll just spend lunches away from each other after." He couldn't help but feel sad at that. It had only been a week, but he already couldn't imagine eating lunch without Changbin.
"Not for long," Changbin reassured. "Just until Trevor gives us the money. And since our friends are dating, we'll still see each other."
Hyunjin blinked, enlightenment hitting him like a train. "Hyung. We live with each other."
"Oh," Changbin burst into laughter. "Lucky us, hm?"
"No, lucky me." Hyunjin leaned in to kiss Changbin.
After brushing their teeth and getting ready for bed, they lingered in the hallway that separated their rooms. Was it too soon to ask if they could share a bed? Probably.
"I'll write you a post-it note in the morning so you'll know you didn't imagine this," Hyunjin said at last.
Changbin's face softened. "Please do that. I love you. Goodnight, Hyunjinnie."
"I love you too, Binnie." Hyunjin leaned in to kiss Changbin deeply, pressing him against his door. Breathless, he whispered goodnight against Changbin's lips and disappeared into his own room, smiling brightly.
And despite having slept a lot that day already, Hyunjin had no trouble falling asleep.