Waiting had been an agony like none I'd ever known.
I'd lost count of the hours I'd spent fretting about what to say to Beth when I saw her again, how I might feel if she shot me down on the spot and told me it was all a misunderstanding, that she still hated me for the things that I'd said at Christmas. Her face haunted me, her laughter, the way her eyes ignited in joy whenever she smiled. Those days we'd spent together at the beach when she'd dropped her guard had been some of the happiest of my life.
I wanted more of that with her.
A lifetime of laughter, arguments, apologies, trust and honesty.
Fear had kept me away. Like her, I'd built walls around my heart to protect myself from the worst possible outcome. I'd told myself that I loved her and that I would risk anything to keep her safe, but not once had I truly risked my heart. I hadn't held it out to her, raw and vulnerable, and told her it was worth all the hurt that she might inflict if, in doing so, I might also receive the greatest happiness that I'd ever known.
This was my last and only chance to ask Beth Bennett if she might love me in return.
All I had was hope, and it was that hope that saw me standing at the doorway to the Netherfield prom.
I'd worn jeans and a white shirt rolled up to the elbows. Hardly appropriate attire for a formal event, but I was no longer enrolled at Netherfield and, knowing Beth, I thought that I'd find her in something similar.
How wrong I'd been.
Even out of her trademark comfortable clothes, I'd have known her anywhere. Beth stood out in every room she was in. She could stand in a crowd of a thousand strangers and my heart would still lead me right to her. That was how I knew that the elegant young lady in the white dress, the absolute vision of grace and beauty, was her. The fabric wrapped around her perfectly, hugging her close and draping like a waterfall from her hips, the skirt cascading over her legs and brushing her toes.
I wanted time to stand still so that I could admire her from afar, trapped in a moment, this woman who held so much power over my heart, my soul, my everything.
Jenny was with Charlie and my heart just about burst with pride and happiness for them both. I didn't know how I could ever have thought they weren't perfect for one another. I'd never believed in soul mates but something told me that they'd been put on this Earth at the same time so that they would find each other. There could be no one better matched in all the world.
Wyatt was in attendance and, thankfully, staying away from Beth. Her friend Georgia had approached him to dance and he seemed only too happy to oblige her. Beth's other friends were still with her, talking amongst themselves. Lisa was hesitant and who could blame her after all that she'd suffered? She looked to her friends for support and guidance. I was glad to see that she'd found it. Italy hadn't damaged their love for one another. Such an event could make or break friendships. I was convinced that it had served to strengthen the bonds between the girls.
No doubt, they would love each other always.
I caught Meg's eye and she said something to Beth. Realising then as they hurried away that this was my moment, I entered the room and approached the woman who'd occupied my every waking thought, my every dream, my everything almost since the day that we'd met.
Once I was within reach, I placed my hand gently on her bare shoulder. As I moved around her and stopped, I noticed that she'd closed her eyes. A blush tinted her cheeks. I asked, 'Can't bring yourself to look at me, Bennett? Are you that angry at me for staying away?'
'It's not that,' she said. 'I just... I imagined you coming back so many times. What if I open my eyes and you're not really there?'
So, it hadn't only been me.
God, how I wished that I'd had the courage to come back to her sooner.
I leaned in and pressed my mouth to hers, at long last claiming the kiss we'd been denied that day on the cliffs. I'd intended a gentle reunion, a moment of tenderness that wouldn't make her feel pressured or trapped. Instead of pulling away from me as I'd feared she might, Beth brought her arms up over my shoulders and buried her fingers in my hair. I wrapped my arms around her and brought her to my chest. In that blissful moment, there was only us. The music faded, the sounds of her friends cheering and whistling vanished, and all the worry I'd allowed to consume me dissipated in an instant.
When the kiss broke, I brushed my nose against hers and asked, 'Do you want to open your eyes, now?'
'No.'
I laughed with a tender warmth I'd kept hidden from her for too long. 'Look at me, Beth.'
Beth's eyes fluttered open at last. The fear still lingered in them. I didn't know how to dispel it for her. She would have to do that herself once she figured out her own feelings. All I could do was reassure her that I felt the same as I always had, only now I knew how to love her better, the way that she truly deserved.
'Nice dress,' I said.
Beth looked down and noticed my outfit at last. She laughed, 'Nice jeans.'
'I thought we might match if I did this. I should've known you'd defy expectations and show up looking like a princess.'
'Well, you know me,' she said. 'I like to keep you on your toes.'
'I've noticed.' I squeezed her gently and rested my head atop hers, just breathing her in, reassuring myself that this was real. I'd dreamt of our reunion so many times that I feared I might wake up at any moment. 'I'd ask if you did this for some guy's sake, but I imagine you did it for your own.'
'Wrong on both counts. The girls attacked me. There were hairdressers and everything.'
'Sounds terrifying.'
'It was!' Beth pulled back to look up into my eyes. 'And for once, you weren't there to save me.'
'I'm here now,' I said. 'Do you think I could have this dance?'
When I held her hand and led her out to dance, everything finally felt right with the world.
For so long, perhaps even before my father had died, I'd been told what my life was going to be, what was expected, where I would work. It seemed that I was walking a path that others had hewn, and I was never permitted to stray from it or to seek out my own happiness. The day that I'd met Beth, she'd shown me that there was more than one route to life, steps that might be taken to find where I was really meant to be. I loved my family, I respected my father, and I appreciated everything that he'd built to give us security and comfort.
But I wasn't him.
I wanted to make my own mistakes, learn my own lessons, and I wanted to find my own place in the world.
Most of all, I wanted to understand my own heart.
A heart that had led me to Beth.
It had taken us a long time to get there, and God knows we'd both made mistakes along the way, but I wouldn't have traded it for anything. Without this winding path full of roadblocks, pitfalls and detours, I wouldn't have become the man standing before her at that prom. I wouldn't have been holding her hips in my hands as we began to dance, staring down into her eyes knowing that for her, I was willing to be the best version of myself.
Beth had shown me a side of myself I'd long forgotten existed, and I could never express how grateful I was to her.
Her hands found their way to the nape of my neck and, as we swayed, she said, 'Thank you for what you did for Lisa. There aren't many people who'd jet off to Rome to save a girl they barely knew. And... I imagine that you had something to do with Charlie coming back for Jenny.'
'I didn't just do it for them,' I told her. 'I knew the moment you got that phone call that I had to do something. I never wanted to see you look so frightened or hurt again. If that meant flying out to Italy and exposing my family's secrets, then so be it. I'd give up everything I own to keep you safe and happy. My reputation, my money... my pride and snobbish ways. As for Jenny, I knew that her happiness meant more to you than your own. Charlie's means just as much to me.' I smiled with absolute sincerity. It felt good to be able to do so easily in her presence. To just be myself. To be honest and open. My smile faltered when I begged of her, 'If you feel the same way you did at Christmas about being with me, please just tell me now. I know we've kissed, but we've never actually talked about –'
'I don't want to think about how I felt at Christmas. Angry, mostly. Drunk, for sure. Snogging your cousin. Which was, in hindsight, probably a bad idea.'
'I'd been trying to forget that last part.'
'I also slapped you. It wasn't my finest moment.'
'The things I said to you at the time were totally out of order. I'm surprised you didn't break my nose.'
'I might have if I had better aim,' Beth admitted.
'Beth, all joking aside, which I know is difficult for you,' I said. 'I love you. I've been in love with you almost since we first met. That night in the rain when you stubbornly tried to save Jenny. Every time you turned your nose up at me and stuck to your morals, never swayed by my family name or money. With every sarcastic comment, witty retort, and display of fierce loyalty to your friends, I just fell deeper. Please, give me a chance to keep falling in love with you every day from now on. Tell me you love me, too.'
There was no taking it back, now.
My feelings were out there in the open. I had placed my heart into her hands and it was entirely at Beth's mercy. She could stamp on it and run away, tell me that she'd never loved me like that and thought of me as little more than a friend. Whatever it was that she needed to tell me, I would take it so long as it was the truth. That was the gamble that I'd taken in coming to prom. I'd respect her decision entirely, even if it broke me into a million pieces.
'I do,' she said at last. 'I think I liked you for a while and, before I knew it, I was so deeply in love that I felt like I was drowning in the feeling. When you didn't come back with Charlie, I thought –'
'I wanted to come back,' I said. 'All I wanted to do was find you and hold you. I was so afraid that you'd have been scarred by Rome and that you'd have blamed me –'
'How could I –'
I couldn't help but brush my fingers against her throat. The bruise wasn't as violent as it had been on the night of Gideon's assault, but it was still visible. A reminder of just how close I'd come to losing her forever. There could be no world for me in which there wasn't a Beth Bennett. How stupid I'd been to ever let her be in danger. 'I never should have let him get close enough to do this to you. Not just in Rome, but before that. It was my family who allowed him to gain a position of trust in another school.'
'If it hadn't been here, he'd have found a job elsewhere. Only Gideon is responsible for his actions. I didn't blame you for any of it. But, if you were so scared, what made you come to prom? Something must have changed your mind.'
'I might have heard what you said to Madame Courtenay,' I admitted. 'That it was none of her business if you were to go out with me, and you didn't rule out ever doing so. It made me realise that I needed to ask you again. Even if you turned me down, it would be worth risking my heart if there was any chance that you'd say yes.'
'Your mother was eavesdropping.' Beth smiled and shook her head. 'I suppose I should thank her. If she hadn't, I might never have been able to do this.'
'Do what?'
Beth had always been bold, and my declaration had made her grow in confidence. She stood on her toes and kissed me once more, stroking my hair and conveying every ounce of her affection through the embrace. I felt it like I'd never felt anything in my life. Her warmth, her compassion, her fierce loyalty and conviction. Whenever it had mattered, Beth had shown me the best parts of herself. She had saved Jenny in the rain, thrown herself into danger for the people she loved, confessed her past, shared her trauma. More than that, she had been kind to my family, protected my sister's feelings against Chantelle's selfish comments. She'd brought me into her circle of friends, trusted me with her deepest secrets, and brought me to a special spot to witness the true beauty of the world and of her heart.
How could I have ever thought about denying my feelings for her?
Those feelings were more precious than all the wealth in the world.
Her love alone made me the richest man to have ever lived, and I never intended to trade it away.
She was my everything.
'Be my girlfriend,' I whispered against her lips. 'I know we're not equals, but I'll do everything I can to match up to you.'
'It'll be a lot of hard work,' she replied. 'Do you think you can dedicate that much time to it?'
'Even if it takes a lifetime, I'll never stop trying to be the man that you deserve.'
Beth flung herself against me and I staggered, wrapping my arms around her waist to steady us both. 'Of course, I'll be your girlfriend!' she declared. 'I'm never letting you go again.'
'Never?'
'Are you kidding?' She pulled back to look up at me. 'The second I do, Lisa's going to get her claws into you. I'm basically your bodyguard, now.'
'That sounds fun,' I teased. 'Will you wear leather?'
'You wish.'
'Well, maybe after graduation...'
Beth slapped my arm lightly and I laughed. How could I not? She was beautiful, ridiculous, sarcastic, witty, reckless and perfectly imperfect in every way. I picked her up and spun her around in my arms, her dress fanning out around us. When I set her down, I brought her hand to my lips and kissed her elegant fingers.
'I have one last question,' I said.
'What's that?'
'Will you go to prom with me, Miss Bennett?'
'Why, Mr Darcy, I thought you'd never ask.'