Elaina ~
It was nearly lunch time, but Lainey was already physically and emotionally exhausted. The hike hadn't done her any favors in terms of dehydration so her muscles were a little tense and she was feeling pretty fatigued. She and Caleb decided that a shower and nap was more beneficial to her than a day at the office since they had a dinner to attend in her father's honor that evening.
Walking into the bathroom, Lainey turned on the shower water and slipped her shoes off, ready for the hot steam to warm her chilled skin. She reached down to unlace her shoes and noticed the sides were coated in mud.
Great. I probably tracked mud through the entire house.
Letting out a groan of frustration, Lainey hooked her fingers in the backs of her shoes and headed toward the back door to hose them off.
Her bare feet slapped against the tile floor as she made her way down the hall and out the back door, walking down the steps toward the exterior water hose. Lainey's ears perked when she heard a deep familiar voice from around the corner.
Reaching down for the hose, she let the sweet sound of Caleb's voice float through the air around her. She couldn't quite make out what he was saying, but just the faint sound of his deep voice was comforting - at least it was comforting, up until she heard her name echo from around the corner.
Is he talking about me?
His tone was cold and serious and she thought she might be hearing things as she approached the corner of the house and listened for her name again.
Somethings wrong, he never sounds like that. I hope he's okay.
She held her breath to keep quiet as she leaned closer to the edge of the wall hoping to hear what was upsetting Caleb, but nothing could have prepared her for the words that assaulted her ears.
"Pretending to be romantic with Lainey has given me access to the inner workings of Flores' business. I'm getting a direct line of intel and access to financial records daily. There is strategy to my relationship with Lainey that plays in Alpha teams favor and I would be very interested in an extended stay on this job."
All of the air left Lainey's lungs at once, causing her entire chest to cave and her stomach to drop.
What? What did he just say?
Every word that he had spoken swirled around in her head, making it hard to think or see straight.
Pretending to be romantic with Lainey? Did he say pretending? He definitely said pretending and I...I can't breathe.
Lainey's lungs refused to re-inflate and she covered her mouth with her hand to keep herself quiet before she darted back into the house. She couldn't stand there and listen to any more and her body was screaming at her, urging her to run.
Her mind started playing Caleb's words on repeat, pumping them down to her heart which rejected them and refused to accept that she had really heard what she heard. His poisonous words were physically affecting her as she felt her heart hammer against her ribs and blood pound in her ears. It was her fight or flight response that was in full effect, screaming at her to run away and find a safe place, to run from the person who was hurting her - to run from Caleb.
This can't be right...He...we were so...I thought we were in...
Oh my God I'm so fucking stupid.
She had too much adrenaline and her vision started to blur as she rushed down the hallway, having to brace herself on the wall before she could make it into her room. Her safe empty room. With trembling hands she was able to lock the door, immediately dropping to her knees the second she stepped foot inside.
This can't be real. How could he have faked all of that?
Lainey's mind was reeling, trying to make sense of what she had heard. Denial was her heart's first instinct as it rejected the idea that Caleb didn't love her. Sure he'd never said it, but she could feel it. That's a thing right? A person can feel it when they are loved by another person can't they?
Maybe I only felt what Caleb wanted me to feel. Maybe it was all part of whatever bullshit strategy he had mentioned in order to get a look at my fathers financial records.
But last night we...oh my God was all of that an act? Did he sleep with me for personal gain?
Her body physically convulsed forward, making all of her muscles contract in pain as if it were trying to rid itself of the painful thoughts and horrific words that were replaying over and over and over again.
She was spiraling, losing complete control of her body as her chest pumped wildly, desperate for oxygen.
Stop it Lainey. Just fucking stop.
Taking a few deep breaths, she quieted her screaming mind and closed her eyes, hoping to be able to focus through her adrenaline surge.
Stop denying what you heard. You heard it. You heard it with your own damn ears. You let your emotions get the better of you and trusted when you shouldn't have. This is your fault and no one else's because you allowed yourself to get involved...now uninvolve yourself.
"I knew this would happen." Lainey whispered to herself.
And with those few words, Lainey shut down.
She felt the deep emotion and connection that she had with Caleb start to drain from her body along with the sadness that was now associated with him. Lainey's defenses were trying to rid her of emotions completely in order to protect her and it was working. After a few minutes Lainey stood from the floor with a cold emotionless expression as she harshly wiped away tears from her cheeks. She squared her shoulders and closed everyone out, knowing that feeling numb was better than feeling hurt and right now numb was all she wanted.
Lainey turned off the shower and crawled into her bed, pulling the covers over her head to hide from the world - to hide from Caleb and her feelings for him. Her adrenaline rush had only worsened her fatigue and she knew she should probably go grab her pills from her purse, but couldn't force herself out of the bed. She closed her eyes and prayed that she could fall asleep.
I don't want to feel any of this. I don't want to feel anything at all.
*****
An hour or two later Lainey woke to the sound of a fist banging on her door.
"Lainey, I'm worried about you Darlin. Why aren't you answering me." Caleb's voice boomed from the other side of the door.
Go away. Quit pretending like you care.
Closing her eyes again, Lainey ignored Caleb, but doubted she could have gotten up even if she wanted to. Deep fatigue had set in and she realized she really should have taken some of her medication before she drifted to sleep.
"Lainey! Answer me if you're okay. Or I'm knocking down the fucking door." Caleb's voice was loud and desperate and she could hear the deep rumble of Marcus' voice as well.
Leave me alone Caleb.
"I'm okay." she said flatly from her bed, hoping he heard her and would go away.
"You don't sound okay. Talk to me sweetheart. Will you let me in please?"
Absolutely fucking not.
Lainey groaned as she sat up and stood from the bed on shaky legs and walked over to the door.
"I'm fine Caleb, I just fell asleep." She said through the wood. Her voice had some bite to it, but she wasn't sorry.
There was silence behind the door for a second or two before he spoke again.
"Is something wrong?"
Only everything.
It was Lainey's turn to be silent this time.
"Please let me in Lainey girl. I need to see that you're okay."
His little terms of endearment used to make Lainey's stomach do flip, but today they set her on fire. She saw red at his audacity to continue this ridiculous charade, trying to trick her into thinking he had genuine feelings for her with his soft voice and sweet nicknames.
She flung the door open with a cold emotionless expression.
"I'm fine...see?" she said flatly, before she pushed the door in an attempt to close it again.
Caleb's strong hand stopped the door immediately as he looked her up and down with a confused expression until his eyes settled on her face.
"Woah, woah, woah, have you been crying?" Caleb said as he forced himself inside the room and cupped her face before she could protest.
Yes.
"No" she said, jerking her head out of his hands as she put several feet of space between them.
Lainey was furious with Caleb. She was so angry and hurt that she felt like she could breathe fire and spit venom, but the look on his face gutted her when she pulled her face from his hands.
How are you so good at faking this? Is bullshitting a skill they taught you in the Navy?
"You're gonna have to talk to me sweetheart. Help me understand what's going on. What's wrong?"
I don't want to talk to you about this right now Caleb, I can't have this conversation with my head pounding like this and my legs so shaky. I need you to go away. I don't want to hear your lies and excuses which I'm sure you have already planned out.
"I don't feel that great Caleb and I need to get ready for tonight's dinner. It's already almost 4:00. You should go." Lainey said coldly.
"Go?" Caleb said the word like it tasted bad and recoiled his head as he drew his brows in.
"Lainey if you don't feel good, let me help you. Let me fix it Darlin," he soothed, trying to close the space between them.
No I'm done with this. You aren't going to manipulate me like this any more. Stop acting like you care, Caleb. I know exactly what you're doing.
"I'm fine Caleb...I just need some space." she said with a cold tone as she backed away.
"Space from me?" he asked in confusion.
"Yes." her answer was immediate and heartless.
He took a step back as if she had physically pushed him away.
"Okay Lainey. I'll give you whatever you need, even space." he finally relented with his hands up in a surrender pose.
He turned to leave with his brows drawn and his lips pressed into a hard line, stopping at her purse and pulling out her medication before he reached the door.
"Take another dose of these if you aren't feeling well Lainey, that hike may have taken a little too much out of you." he said, setting her meds on the dresser before he disappeared around the corner.
Hating that he was right, Lainey snatched the pills from the dresser and popped them in her mouth before collapsing into her chair.
Lainey squeezed her eyes closed and rested her head against the back of the chair, desperately fighting against her own tears.
How could you do this to me Caleb? You promised you'd never hurt me.