Revised 09/06/22
This update took so long because, like... Idk tbh I hated this chapter so I decided to rewrite it into something entirely new :)
Quick question: Would you like a double update? The next chapter is already written and I just need to quickly go over it..
* * *
Of course, being both the Lan Sect's first young master and heir, exposed to gossip left and right, Lan Xichen had eventually heard of the rumours circulating the sect.
These rumours, of course, were about Wei Wuxian; who else would they be about if not he?
It is said that he is the spawn of the infamous Cangse Sanren, Lan Qiren's childhood sweetheart (Lan Qiren would like to vehemently deny those ridiculous claims!) and his mischievous nature was inevitably inherited from his mother.
Lan Xichen, of course, as the head gossiper of Gusu and best friend of Nie Huaisang, the head gossiper of Qinghe, had heard of the rumours (thanks to a certain best friend). His curiously inevitably got the best of him, so he decided to investigate the matter himself (again, with a certain best friend).
"Huaisang, isn't this just spying?" Lan Xichen remarked as they peered into the Library Pavilion's windows. "You said we would be investigating.."
"It is investigating, Brother Xichen," Nie Huaisang refuted. "Spying is when you dress in black. We aren't dressed in black."
"I see," replied the Lan. "But we are still eavesdropping. And eavesdropping is breaking one of the three thousand and fifty three rules."
"Wasn't it three thousand and fifty one?"
"Uncle added a couple more this morning."
"Ah," Nie Huaisang shuffled in his spot, careful not to make any noise as he said, "We aren't eavesdropping, though? Eavesdropping requires the intent to hear and later exposure of the information spoken. We aren't eavesdropping if our intentions are not to hear their conversation."
"Huaisang, sometimes I wonder how you think of such... amazing things," Lan Xichen replied. "Oh, wait, look—Young Master Wei is finally doing something."
"Huh? What's he doing?"
"He's...!! Oh, he's just dozing off, my bad."
"Why are we here again?"
"Beats me."
Nie Huaisang queried, "Hey, brother Xichen–why isn't Wangji-Xiong awakening Wei-Xiong and demanding he see through with a punishment? And why is he... stop right there, mind, Lan Wangji is NOT staring at Wei Wuxian fondly and is NOT pining for Wei-Xiong!"
Lan Xichen replied, "Deep breaths, Huaisang. Deep breaths."
"But— brother Xichen, don't tell me you can't see it too..!"
Lan Xichen sighed, "I do, Huaisang, I do, but we may be misreading Wangji's expression here-"
"He's stroking Wei-Xiong's head, brother Xichen." Nie Huaisang interjected rather calmly.
"It's not stroking, it's caressing and oh— he is...!! Wangji, to think you hold such a deep rooted affection for this Young Master whom you met only days ago!"
"Did you not notice the way he stares at Wei-Xiong during the lectures?"
"No, I did not, but that's a very valid point, Huaisang."
* * *
"Ahh," Lan Xichen exhaled, eyes closed and lips pursed into a smile as he took a sip of his tea. "What a delightful day this is, Wangji."
"Mn," Lan Wangji replied, his fists clenched on his lap. "Xiongzhang, I..."
"You have troubles that you wish for your big brother to advise you with, correct?" Lan Xichen said.
'Yes..! A chance to be a true big brother that Wangji can rely on!'
"...Mn," Lan Wangji replied. "Xiongzhang, well.. it's about..."
"Friendship, I suppose?"
"....Mn," Lan Wangji hummed, his ears beginning to fade into a shade of red.
"My wisdom is at your command, Wangji. Tell me all of your secrets! Explain to me your affection for Young Master Wei!"
.....was what Lan Xichen wanted to say, but refrained from doing so out of consideration. Instead, he voiced, "I've noticed that you and Young Master Wei have grown quite close. Why, is there something of concern?"
"No," Lan Wangji replied. "I just... I just..."
"Go on," Lan Xichen encouraged.
"I... I want to be his friend!"
"Ah..." Lan Xichen smiled. "I see. But Wangji, have you never considered that you two are already friends?"
Lan Wangji replied, his head lowered. "...Wangji hasn't."
"But you want to be able to do things that friends normally do, yes?"
".....Yes."
Lan Xichen almost wept tears in sheer happiness. 'Wangji is making friends! After all these years!'
"Wangji, just out of curiosity, what brought this sudden epiphany upon you?"
"I..." Lan Wangji closed his eyes. "I saw Wei Yi... Wei-gongzi with Nie Huaisang. They looked... like they were having fun."
"Ah, Huaisang, was it?" Lan Xichen made an internal note to thank the boy later. "So after that, you thought 'I want to be like that with Wei-gongzi, therefore becoming his friend' ?"
With much passion, Lan Wangji replied, "Yes!"
Lan Xichen almost startled at his enthusiasm. "Wangji, it's best to keep this a secret from uncle. While I'm sure he'd be happy to hear about your new friend.... he would probably Qi deviate due to it being Wei Wuxian."
"Why?"
"Wangji, please don't ask questions that you already know the answer to." Lan Xichen said. "I have a plan, Wangji. Just remember to report to me whether it worked or not, okay?"
"Mn."
"Now, I will tell you how to court someone the proper way. I've read many romance— I mean friendship-based novels that we can use as reference." Lan Xichen wheezed.
"Court? Xiongzhang, I don't-"
"Of course, silly me; I meant befriend. Yes, befriend."
"Mn..."
***
How to befriend Wei Wuxian
SCHEME ONE: Money
"No normal person would refuse money, would they?" Lan Xichen confidently remarked. "Wangji, take this bag of taels; I'm sure Young Master Wei would appreciate it."
"Xiongzhang, but Wei Ying isn't normal," Lan Wangji reminded. "And if he accepts it, wouldn't that be bad?"
"It's different when you accept it as a friend and accept it with hidden intentions," Lan Xichen stated. "Now, Wangji, this is how you're going to do it.....
•••
"Uh..." Wei Wuxian blinked. "What's this, Lan Zhan?"
Lan Wangji replied passionately, "Money!"
"And... why exactly are you giving it to me?"
"Want Wei Ying to have it."
"Yeah, but what I mean is-" Wei Wuxian sighed. "Lan Zhan, I know that wealth is unfortunately not my strong suit, but I really don't need your charity..."
"Um," Lan Wangji mumbled. "Not charity or donation. A gift."
"Oh," Wei Wuxian replied. "Thank you..? My birthday is in a few months though..."
"No."
"No?"
Lan Wangji murmured, "Gift of friendship."
"Friendship?" Wei Wuxian laughed. "I see! I see now, Lan Zhan, haha! Someone must have wanted to be your friend and gave you many gifts, but you didn't want their friendship and are giving them to me!"
"No, Wei Ying, I-"
"It's okay Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian smiled. "I know it might be awkward to give their gifts back, but you have to follow your heart and turn them down directly."
Lan Wangji thought, 'You make it sound like someone is courting me...' Externally, he said, "No, it's not that, but rather-"
"It's okay, Lan Zhan. Shouldn't you be happy that they want to be your friend? I say you give it a shot! See if you have anything in common!"
"But..."
Wei Wuxian placed his hand onto Lan Wangji's shoulder reassuringly. "If you get too shy when the time comes, maybe you could ask a disciple to give it back to them. Or me. I wouldn't mind doing it!"
Lan Wangji said helplessly, "Wei Ying...."
SCHEME ONE: FAILED
"Oh dear..." Lan Xichen mumbled. "I knew he was slow, but to think he was this bad..."
"Not his fault," Lan Wangji replied. "I... Maybe I'm just not suited to have a friend. Why would Wei Ying want to be friends with me...? Haa..."
Lan Xichen was quick to reassure his brother, "No, Wangji! You're such a sweet, loveable person. I'm sure Young Master Wei knows that too."
"But Xiongzhang... I was so judgemental..."
"Nothing we can't fix!" Lan Xichen clenched his fist determinedly. "Wangji, what about art? You did tell me how Young Master Wei painted a portrait of you... perhaps you could paint with him?"
"Mn!"
•••
"Lan Zhan, take a look at thi—WHAAT, LAN ZHAN, YOU'RE PAINTING?!"
Lan Wangji glanced down to his painting of two rabbits, and then back to Wei Wuxian with a questioning glance. "Mn?"
"GASP!" Wei Wuxian exhaled, clutching his chest dramatically. "Lan Zhan, is the world ending tomorrow? Or have the Wen Clan finally attacked?! Oh no—is the sunshot campaign already starting?!!!"
Lan Wangji replied in bewilderment, "No. Just wanted to paint. Care to join?"
"Of COURSE!" Wei Wuxian exclaimed. "Lan Zhan, this is like–a one in a million opportunity!! Painting with Lan Wangji, the cold and noble Hanguang-Jun, is such an honour!"
"...Hanguang-Jun?"
"Uh-" Wei Wuxian stuttered. "You know... haha, you're like, super strong, and it's almost like Bichen emits light! Hahahaha, Lan Wangji the light bearer hahahahahaha-"
"Wei Ying, that is too many 'haha's."
"Haha, sorry, anyways, what should we paint? An animal? Perhaps a chicken! Or a pheasant—I love pheasants, Lan Zhan. To eat, I mean."
"A bunny? A... bear?"
"You're already doing bunnies, and a bear is too big and scary... it will scare the bunnies away."
"A cat?"
Wei Wuxian hummed in thought, "Cats don't like me though. I need something that is somewhat..."
"A dog?" Lan Wangji suggested, oblivious to the way Wei Wuxian's entire body stiffened and he turned a scary white. "They're fluffy, cute, and they—Wei Ying?"
"Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian replied with a weak nod, his eyes appearing as if life had left them. "I am f- f- f- f- fine."
"But... Wei Ying stuttered 'f' four times."
"No... I'm just c- c- c- c- c- cold.."
"Okay... so what do you think about the dog—WEI YING!" Lan Wangji startled at the sight of Wei Wuxian's dead(?!?!) body sprawled out on the floor of the Library Pavilion.
SCHEME TWO: FAILED
"Oh dear..." Lan Xichen whispered. "Young Master Wei is afraid of dogs? Never would I have thought the situation would escalate to such a point..."
"Um, Xiongzhang... what should we do?"
"Don't worry, Wangji!" Lan Xichen determinedly grasped Lan Wangji's hands inside of his own, "We will definitely find a way!"
"But Xiongzhang..." Lan Wangji mumbled. "Wei Ying's time in the Library Pavilion ends tomorrow..."
Lan Xichen gasped, "Tomorrow?! I thought we had more time!"
"No, it appears that Wei Ying... copied out the rules faster than expected. It's almost as if he knows each and every one by memory..."
"Wangji, that's impossible. It's Young Master Wei's first time at Gusu; there's no way he could know all three-thousand rules already.."
"You're right, Xiongzhang... What should we do though? It appears you have run out of ideas."
"No," Lan Xichen replied. "I have one more. I call it: "OPERATION COURTSHIP: NO.3"
"Um, Xiongzhang, I am not... ahem- courting him."
"Yes, yes, I know that, but haven't you thought of... I don't know, night hunting with him for the rest of your lives?"
"Yes, actually..."
"Does your heart jump out of your chest whenever you're near him?"
"Xiongzhang, if it did that, it would be a bit concerning..."
"Uh- Let me rephrase that: Wangji, when he whispers in your ear and teases you, do you feel like... like..."
"Xiongzhang, how do you know he does that?"
"AHEM," Lan Xichen loudly cleared his throat and exclaimed with much passion. "Anyways, does that make you feel like... like pressing your lips to his, claiming them as your own?!"
"Um," Lan Wangji mumbled. "I don't know..."
"You're hopeless." Lan Xichen sighed. "Let's try something else.."