I decided to add one of my favorite songs that I would listen to all the time for this chapter since it's kind of sad, it's a really good song (at least to me).. feel free to swipe and listen to it as you read if you want!
YEBBA- My Mind
Annddd I tried my best to make this chapter longer than others.. you're welcome!❤️
Don't forget to vote!!
"Oh come on, it couldn't have been that bad." He said which only made me whine out softly.
After lifting my head up to look at him I spoke, "You would understand it better if you were actually there when it happened.. I was the one who kissed him. Me, I did it!" I explained.
"Yes, I understand that you were the one that made the first move but what's so bad about that?" Winston asked me, trying to understand why I was so flustered about the issue.
I couldn't help but groan out in annoyance. What happened to my best friend that would yell at me if I did something like this?
"I don't even know! Like why did I do that? What was I thinking? He probably thinks I'm weird and shit." I muttered out while running a hand through my hair that stopped a few inches past my shoulders, thanks to Winston.
After that little moment I had with Xavier, Winston came over and picked me up for our get together. We are currently sitting at one of the booths at the club going over what I did before he arrived at my house.
"Girl trust me you've done way more weirder things than that. And besides, this guy was married to you so I'm pretty sure he didn't find you kissing him 'weird' at all." He explained, causing me to scowl at him when I noticed him silently laughing at me.
It's not like he's lying or anything, we've kissed and would do other things all the time when we were together but I still can't help but feel like I'm letting him off a little too easy.
"Yeah whatever, you can bully me all you want I don't care. Now tell me what's been having you so upset lately." I said, when I mentioned this I noticed how his whole mood changed in a instant.
He nodded his head slowly before replying. "Right.. that is why we came here after all."
"Okay, but before I tell you I want you to keep in mind that at the time I thought I was doing it for you but I was actually doing what I thought was best, it's not an excuse I just wanted to let you know.." He spoke out, now avoiding eye contact with me. After a few moments of him getting ready he had finally began.
"When I first met you, when we were in school, you were this shy little girl who didn't know how to stick up for herself. Although they didn't show it those girls were threatened by you, by your looks and personality.. I don't know if you ever noticed but you kind of take the spot light from anyone in your path. Just about all of the jocks would talk about you, saying how they were going to talk to you and maybe even ask you out on a date.
But I knew their real intentions which was why I had introduced myself to you, to protect you because I didn't want them to try and take advantage of you or force you into anything.. but in the end that's exactly what I did to you, in a way." He muttered out the last part, I didn't miss how his voice cracked at the end.
He then looked at me with a smile plastered across his face followed behind a small laugh that was filled with no emotion. "You know how you'd always fuss about that time I had kissed you?" He asked me, I nodded my head in response.
"You were the first person to know about me being gay. Everyone there thought I was into girls, from time to time even my parents would try and hook me up with some random chick or one of their friend's daughters. I didn't lie to you when I said that I'd never kissed a girl, but I did use that as a excuse to kiss you." He admitted.
"I purposely did that to get the other guys off of your back, I could see that you were starting to get frustrated with them. I am sorry about that by the way. It was crazy how you began to notice things about me that my old friends and even I didn't realize...
I swear Axarii, you don't know how much you effect those around you." He suddenly added, small tears streaming down his face.
As he was trying to compose himself he grabbed onto one of my hands. "If it weren't for you I wouldn't have become the man I am today. Hell, I probably wouldn't even be here right now.
You've changed me for the better, you make me feel like I matter.. like I'm somebody important, more than anyone ever has. I try my hardest to be there for you, to show you that I'm not that weak guy anymore but the truth is I am weak.
I'm weak and there's nothing I can do to change that, and that's fine. What's not fine, is what I've done to you." He said before slowly removing his hand from my own.
"You are the most amazing, talented and beautiful woman I've ever met, besides my mother of course. You have a successful job and the best children that it just doesn't make sense how much you have suffered. Some of it is because of me.
Damnit, I love you so much it hurts to see you in this state, I'm so sorry." He sniffed out.
"Winston what are you talking about? You know I love you as well so-" I began as I was about to grab onto his hand but he pulled away while shaking his head in denial.
"I hate myself. I hate myself for what I've done, not only to you but to Reyna and Cole as well." He muttered out, roughly wiping the tears from his now flushed cheeks.
"What... what did you do?" I asked him cautiously.
A deep sigh came from Winston before he sat up straight, staring at his hands that were clamped together on the table in front of us.
Maybe it wasn't such a good idea for us to ride here together, I'll probably have the call a Uber or something by the way he's acting.
"When you told me about you dating the Xavier Knight, I couldn't believe it. Not because I didn't see you fit or worthy to date him, it was because I couldn't believe someone like him was actually considering to be in a serious relationship with someone.
I've seen him in the news. I knew how he acted, how he was with women. I worried that he was only using you for his own pleasure.
That's when I got in contact with someone who worked with him closely, Rachael." He said. I felt as my heart dropped when I felt like I knew were this was going.
"She told me that he and her were doing things on the low, that he was deceiving you and I was a fool to actually believe her, that's when she told me that she'd help find a way to get you two to divorce... Axarii I'm pretty sure you know by now but I need to say it so that you can hear it from me.
Those pictures that Xavier had got that night were made and given to him by Rachael but she wasn't the only one that took part in creating those pictures. I also helped her. I helped by finding someone who looked similar to you, I also acted like I had something for her in order to bring her to that club where I had kissed her.
Rachael took a few pictures before she had edited them to make them look less like the actual me and more like you, she couldn't change everything though.."
After he said all of that I couldn't say anything, I just stared at him. What I was feeling right now couldn't even be described. What was I feeling? Hurt? Sick? Betrayal? Denial? Anger? I don't know.
My best friend was one of the causes to the worst day of my life.
I couldn't believe it. This doesn't seem right, Winston wouldn't do something like this to me.
Right? He wouldn't.
A small laugh escaped from me as I stared at the large crowd on the dance floor, having the time of their lives, distracting myself with their drunken happiness as I kept myself sane.
"Winston if your fucking with me, or if you think this is a joke-" I began.
"Axarii.." I shook my head in denial, not wanting to believe everything he just said was actually true.
I didn't want to believe that the one person who helped me through the hardest time of my life was actually the reason for my downfall, all the pain I felt came rushing back.
Obvious tears were now staining the sides of my face, as I turned around I saw that he was already looking at me, sadness and regret written all over his face.
"Why? Why tell me now? Is it because the truth finally started to catch up with you now that we're back? All the lies you've been telling me all these years?!" I exclaimed, not worried about how loud I am considering the booming music surrounding us.
Instead of answering back or saying anything he chose to stay quiet which only angered me more.
"So that's it. You're just gonna spring all of this on me and not say anything else? Was this whole friendship just a game to you? Did you even really care about-"
"Of course I care! I care so much about you. How could you even ask that?" I felt as my blood boiled from his words.
"You don't care about me." I argued back.
I could tell that he wanted to say something but he decided to hold himself back, the look of hurt clear in his eyes.
"No matter the reason for what you thought was best, that doesn't make what you did to me better. That doesn't make what you did to Reyna and Cole any better... and then you had the nerve to try and blame all of this on Xavier, when you're the one who helped that bitch mess with my marriage as well.. then repeatedly lied to me about it." I cried out.
"I know. I know what I did was so fucked up and I should've talked to you about it back then instead of siding with the enemy and I am so sorry." He replied back, causing me to shake my head.
"You can't just apologize and think everything's gonna be fine.I can't even look at you the same.
You're my fucking best friend Winston! We're suppose to be there for one another, not stabbing each other in the back. If you truly cared for me or the kids then you would have at least told me about it sooner rather than when you think someone's probably gonna beat you to it." I spoke out harshly.
"I can't predict what would've happened but there could've been a future where Reyna and Cole would've grown up with their father, Xavier and I still being together.. you knew how much he changed my life after leaving my shitty family but you still did it! He made me feel whole while I was broken and now I'm feeling this way all over again."
After wiping the tears from my cheeks I quickly stood before grabbing my phone.
"I... I can't be here right now." I muttered out before rushing off to the nearest bathroom, not waiting for his response.
Moments later...
I've been locked up in this bathroom for about an hour now crying my ass off.
I had to make sure the door was locked this time so no one could see me like this. Although I tend to be sensitive over everything I hated crying in public, even if it just was in front of a group of females.
"Gosh I'm so fucking stupid." I muttered out to myself before taking a few deep breaths in and out. Getting up I forced myself to walk towards the mirror hanging up on the wall, taking in my appearance.
As I stared at myself I couldn't help but laugh silently.
Would it be sad if I wasn't that surprised? I mean, everyone always leaves me in the end.
Am I not good enough?
Just as I thought that it quickly left my mind. Staring at myself before I turned the faucet on, cleaning my face that was now all puffy looking.
I then took another deep breath. "I can get through this. " I said to myself, wiping the tears that managed to fall.
After giving myself a small pep talk like Dakota suggested I looked myself over in the mirror once more before finally exiting the bathroom.
The first place I looked was were Winston and I sat while he told me everything, he no longer was sitting there. A small part of me wondered where he went but I quickly brushed it off, heading towards the bar because I needed a drink.. maybe two.
When I sat down in front of the bar there was a cute guy who looked to be around my age, smiling when he noticed me staring. "What can I get you?" He asked.
"Do you guys serve Sex in the Driveway?" I asked him while texting Xavier to see how the kids were doing. When I heard a small chuckle I looked up to see him smiling to himself while getting ready to prepare a drink.
"We sure do.. who would you wanna do it with? That guy over there? Or perhaps me?" He asked while wiggling his eyebrows in a weird way. It took me a while to catch onto what he was referring to.
I then scrunched my face up in disgust, him laughing while holding his hands up as a sign of surrender. "I was only joking. You look like you needed something to laugh at." He explained, mixing the drinks.
I nodded my head. "Something like that."
He then slid the drink in front of me before he hunched over the counter staring at me. As I was bring the glass near my mouth he spoke again,
"Are you sure you want to drink something that strong? It has a sweet flavor to it but it might have you feeling fucked in the morning..." He asked causing me to glare at him.
"Why are you so interested in what I decide on drinking? In case you haven't noticed, there are others waiting for you to take their orders." I reminded the guy but he continued to eye the drink.
We stared at one another for a few moments before a deep sigh came from me. "I've had a shitty day alright? I found something out dealing with who I thought was my best friend and now I just want to drink my life away with a few strong drinks.. now shoo!" I told him, motioning for him to go away.
I know I didn't need to tell him any of that but at this point I could care less.
He nodded his head in understanding, completely ignoring what I just told him.
"I've had a few shitty best friends so I can relate.. one of them was fucking my now ex boyfriend behind my back and the other one knew about it. But enough about me, what happened between the two of you?" He rambled. Instead of answering his question I just eyes him weirdly.
"You do know that we're strangers right? I don't know you and you don't know me so why the hell are you telling me all of this?" He smiled at my response.
"I have the tendency to talk people's heads off, it's a bad habit of mine. When you walked over here I could tell that you've been crying, you look like you needed someone to talk to.. sorry if I overstepped or anything but I just wanted to let you know that I'm a great listener, even if we don't know each other." He spoke out seriously.
As I listened to him I took a few sips of the sweet but strong drink, the tangy aftertaste lingering on my tongue. After I finished drinking it I slid the glass back towards the weird but funny bartender, him grabbing it.
"What's your name?" I asked him curiously.
"Trenton." I couldn't help but laugh.
"What's so funny about my name?" He asked. I could see that I had kind of offended him.
"It's not that your name is funny, you just look more like a Zack.. or a Josh." I said. He then looked at me as if I had grown an extra arm.
"Are you... never mind. Just do me a favor and never say that again." He said after a few moments.
"Well Trenton, fix me two more of those please.. it seems like I'm gonna be here for a while." I spoke, him laughing at me.
This is my life.
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Thank you guys so much for your patience, sorry to leave you guys like this once again😂 (it's becoming a habit)
I'll be trying to work on the next chapter after I leave from my job so stay tuned for the next chapter and...
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