P A N I C
"And we were right outside, like this" the rooster crows in the background. JJ stands against the wall on the porch of the chateau. "And all we hear is just, "Bam! Bam! Bam!"" JJ punches the air with each 'bam'.
"Knocking paint off the wall, G! From the inside. All right? And I'm just looking at them, like— wait, first off, look at this shit" JJ walks over to the others and tousles through his hair.
"That's dandruff, disgusting" Kiara says, looking ingratiated.
"Okay, thank you." Says Pope.
"Look at all that. All right? That's paint. At that point, I was just, like.... I'm waiting for death" he paces back and forth nervously.
John b doesn't say a word, still in thought, or even annoyed from just now.
"O-okay, so you saw the guys that shot at us, right?" Pope questions again.
"Yeah."
"Um did—did you go a good description of them?" Asks Pope. "What did they look like?"
"Yeah anything, anything helpful" Kiara adds.
"Anything we can bring to a police report?" Pope continues.
JJ thinks for a moment, then turns around. "Burly."
"Burly?" Pope interrogates.
"Oh, my God, JJ." I brace my hands on my knees.
"What? You were there too" JJ replies.
"Yeah, I'd give a better description too, except you were hiding me the whole time" I say in an irritated tone.
"That's not really helpful, JJ" Kie looks over at me.
"Okay, well, no, like the type of guys at my dad's garage. I mean, you guys know he made cargo hides for drug smugglers."
"Yeah. Yes. No, we know" Kiara nods, as JJ interrupts her.
"--I can tell you with full confidence, these boys," JJ leans back against the wall and pulls out his e-cigarette. "--these killers..." he takes a drag. "--they're square groupers."
I find it hot in some indescribable way when JJ smokes. Even though I often think about his health and all, but it just looks damn good.
"They're square groupers, like narco square groupers? Like Pablo Escobar square grouper?" JJ takes another drag at Pope's question.
"Yeah, man." JJ nods.
"You guys, not everything is a kingpin movie."
"Kie, let them have their visions" I laugh to the girl.
"Okay so what does this square grouper look like, specifically?" Pope gets more upset at JJ's unhelpful comments.
"You weren't there bro!" JJ moves closer to the boy on the couch.
"--cause apparently, you don't know what to look for!" Says Pope in a loud voice.
"Dude! I wasn't taking little mental Polaroids the entire time. Man, I was under duress..." JJ waves his hands around and gasps for air. "...Okay? I was under duress, okay?"
Pope drops his head into his hands in disbelief.
"But I can tell you..." JJ stays in position for a moment, collecting himself. "I can tell you by the way that Ms. Lana was screaming, that these guys are serious, serious hombres, man".
I notice how my brother is in thought all the time, staring at the compass in his hand.
"It's a heavy vibe right now, okay? I'm not liking this very much" JJ finishes.
"Okay, why do they want the compass?" Kiara asks.
"That thing's a piece of shit. You couldn't pawn it off for five bucks if you wanted to." I give Pope a serious look. "Um... no offense Routledges. I know it's in your family—"
"The office." John b says out of nowhere.
I look at my brother with wide eyes. "Oh my god yes."
"My dad. My dad's office" John b and I walk into the chateau. "He always kept the office locked because he was worried about his competitors stealing his Royal Merchant research."
"Yeah we used to laugh at him all the time like he was actually gonna find it" I continue.
"But now that he's gone, we've just kinda.... We just left it as he kept it" says my brother who is now standing in front of the office.
"Yeah, for when he gets back" Kie cheers up.
I appreciate that Kiara always tries to cheer her brother up, because he needs it. And he, unlike me, is convinced that he will find our father. I will always support him, but I have given up hope for a while.
JJ lightly, inconspicuously, strokes my back with his hand. He knows that this will reassure me. Whenever I think of my father, I get almost panic attacks, only I don't show it. But JJ just knows.
"I've slept over here like 600 times, and I've never seen this door open." Pope notes as we enter the office.
"Here, look. This is the original owner, right here" John b pulls out a wooden board and points to a photo at the top.
"Okay Robert Q. Routledge, 1880 to 1920. There's the lucky compass, right there" Kiara points to the compass the man is holding.
"Actually, um...."
"He was shot after he bought it" I finish.
"Then the compass was shipped back to Henry." he points to a next photo. "Henry was killed in a crop-dusting accident when he had the compass."
"after he died, the compass was given to Stephen. Stephen had the compass with him when he died in Vietnam." I point to the next picture.
"let me guess, he died in action, right?" asks JJ, looking at me with a smile.
"Sort of..." I mumble.
"Uh, a-actually, he was killed by a banana truck. In country" says my brother. "Anyways, after that, Stephen passed the compass down to him, our dad."
"Hm. Sounds like there's a reoccurring theme here" says JJ confidently.
"Yeah um... you have a death compass" Pope states.
"No I do not have a-"
"You have a death compass" repeats Pope.
"Kinda makes sense to me" I laugh to my brother.
"dude, get rid of it" says JJ, to the boy walking through the room. "It's cursed, and made its way back to you".
"that's right, JJ it's cursed." I say ironically. "You and your mysterious theories."
"you don't laugh at curses!" he holds up his finger.
"Look, my dad used to talk about this compartment in here. Soldiers used to hide secret notes." he turns the compass up and peers inside.
"What's that?" asks Kiara, pointing to the inside of the compass.
"That wasn't there before." says John b in shock.
"What is it?" I move closer to my brother to look at it. In the inside you can see a „R" written.
"This is our dad's handwriting" John B looks at the others.
"How can you know that?" asks Pope critically. He still doesn't believe that Big John is trying to get a message to us, but he and the others keep at it, for John b. Also for me, but I no longer believe that my father is alive.
"The R" I say to Pope, wondering if maybe my dad did want to tell us something.
"Yeah he does these weird Rs with the- see it?" John b holds up the compass.
"Can I see it?" JJ makes his way next to John b and frowns as he tries to read it. "Red-Rout-- No, I think that's an A.."
"It says Redfield" I say. "Right" mumbles JJ, looking behind him at me. "Dumbass" I mutter. He gives me a smile and shakes his head slightly.
"Okay, well, what's Redfield?" Kiara brings us both out of our thoughts.
"Besides the most common name in the country." Pope informs.
"This is going to be fun." I say, sighing.
"Oh, maybe-- maybe it's a clue," says John b "Alright? Maybe it's a clue to where he's hiding."
"That's-" but I won't finish my sentence. If my brother wants to believe it, I'll let him believe it.
"A clue? Come on, that's-" again, I give the dark-skinned boy a serious look. "But if it is a clue, maybe it's an anagram?" Pope improves.
"Yes. Perfect. Anagram. You need paper" John b quickly stands up and hands Pope a piece of paper.
"How can you concentrate with that thing constantly crowing at you?" grumbles Pope as the rooster crows.
"JJ loves the rooster" says John b, looking at me. "And so does Emmi, she won't let me give him away".
While everyone is saying some random things and thinking about what anagram it could be, I walk over to John b, who is standing at the window at the other end of the room.
"Oh my god" I sputter as we see a black car pull up. This is my nightmare.
"Guys!"
"Guys! Somebody's here!" yells john b. The three join us at the window.
"Guys, guys, is that them?" stutters Kie nervously.
"No" JJ tilts his head in disbelief.
"This is suboptimal?" mutters Pope.
"Really Pope? Suboptimal? I thought it was great that-" I start but JJ stops me.
"Not the time" he paces back and forth across the room. "John b I told you. Why does it always-" but John B forcibly turns JJ around and pushes him against the door.
"JJ! hey, look at me" he holds his finger in front of JJ. "where's the gun?"
"Gun?, I, uh, I can't-" he waves his fingers around his head, nervous.
"now you don't have the gun, the one time we need the gun?" says Kie, upset.
"It was in my backpack, and then I-"
"On the porch JJ!" I shout to the blond boy, who immediately runs out the door.
"John Routledge!" yells a man.
"JJ!" I shout out of reflex, and out of fear.
"They're on the front porch guys" whispers JJ, slamming the door.
"JJ, I'm scared" I whimper softly to the boy.
"It's going to be okay, sweetheart. I'm gonna get us out of here" he whispers, giving my hand a gentle squeeze as the others look hysterically at what they can do.
"Guys, window, window" kiara says and Pope and JJ run to the window, trying to push it up.
"What-what's happening? Why is it taking so long?" sputters Kiara.
"It's painted shut, okay?" JJ turns to Kiara.
"Kie, the knife" I say, and Kiara picks up some kind of knife from the table.
"okay, guys. Here, I've got it" Kiara hands the knife to the two. With every crash and every scream from the men, I flinch.
Kiara, JJ and I try to open the window when we hear a "shhh" from the two boys standing at the door.
"Be quiet"
"You better not be in there!" a man tries to get into the room where the five are hiding. He starts to kick the door down and they run to the window. A pistol shot fires.
The only question I'm asking myself, after two men shot at us and will know possibly kill us, is why did I promise my brother to move her for the summer?
"Fuck" JJ mumbles and looks quickly at me, having tears streaming down my face. With all his strength and Pope's help, he gets the window up.
"Come on, Mia" he says and helps me out, first and as fast as he can. The others go out one by one and run as fast as they can towards the window.
We run over to the chicken coop in a panic and hide inside.
JJ notices my hands shaking and tears rolling down my face. He looks me in the eye and calmly takes my hands in his to reassure me. He lightly strokes my hands with his thumb.
"Do something, Pope. Shut him up!" JJ says, referring back to the rooster crowing excitedly all the time.
"What do you want me to do?" asks Pope hysterically.
"Pet it, or talk to it. I don't know" cries Kiara.
"We're going to die." I whine.
"Fuck" mutters JJ while the rooster flies around excitedly making noises. JJ takes the rooster by the neck and presses... until... he stops crowing.
"Oh my god" I cry and look over at JJ. Did he just kill the rooster?
"You're safe, everything's fine" he whispers and squeezes my hand lightly.
---—————-
"Mia?" calls JJ through the chateau, concerned because he heard a sob. He gets no answer and quickly goes into my room. He comes in to me sitting on the bed and crying. My whole body is shaking. My eyes are red and swollen.
"fuck, Mia" he mumbles and sits down right next to me and takes me in his arms. He feels my trembling body against his and tries to calm me down by stroking my back.
"Calm down, gorgeous, you are safe now" JJ says softly and holds me tighter. My body starts to shake less and I relaxe a little more into the hug.
JJ is my safe place. When he's there, I know everything will be okay. I just feel safe in his arms.
"I-I... I don't know wha- I'm-" I stutter but JJ reassures me.
"Shh, you don't have to explain yourself" he says, slowly releasing the hug.
He just knows what's going on. He saw the picture of Big John, my father, as soon as he walked into the room. It is lying next to me on the bed, next to my notebook. He understands me simply without words. I often have panic attacks and anxiety attacks because of my father. And JJ is always there to help me. And he is also the only one who can calm me down.
"I just miss him" I cry.
"I know Mia" JJ wipes the tears from my face with his thumb and smiles at me.
He strokes a strand of hair from my face and looks deeply into my eyes. I blush a little and JJ comes closer to me.
(3rd person: ) She was finally there. The chance to kiss his girl. The chance to do better, than the last time. It was there, but whether it was a good idea he doesn't know. What JJ does know is that he wants to kiss this girl more than anything else in the world right now.
He looks down at my lips and then back into my eyes and leans forward. But just at that moment, someone comes in the front door. We quickly lean back again as Pope comes into the room.
"Guys, where have you been? John b has-"
"Seriously Pope?"
"god i hate that kid" JJ grumbles and drops onto the bed with a loud exhale.
JJ briefly turns his gaze to my notebook, which lies open with a pen on her bed.
"I really want to know what you're writing in this thing" he smiles. I smiles back slightly.
"But you won't" I giggle, sobbing, and close the book.
Just a few minutes ago, I wrote something in it again:
'He's my favorite. My safe place. My favorite eyes to look into. My favorite name to hear. My favorite company. My happy place. My way to put a smile on my face. My way to feel safe. He is my home.'