yoongi couldn't stop thinking, he couldn't even sleep. he only cried and cried that night, he cried until he felt physically exhausted.
"why me?" he sobbed into his pillow, he hugged a stuff bear he was given some time ago as a form of comfort, he really wished he had a source of comfort.
he tried to think about happy things but it was almost impossible when there were so many negative things in his life.
his arm was practically itching for a blade, he deserved it. but seokjin had taken all dangerous things away from him so it was either a cold shower or just crying everything out.
-
yoongi managed to sleep an hour or two that night before his alarm for minji went off.
he groaned, shutting it off and hugging his stuffed bear, he was so tired. he wanted to sleep forever.
it was until seokjin knocked on his door, "what do you want?" yoongi mumbled, "minji needs to go to school, i came to wake you guys up" he said, yoongi hummed, "just leave her here" yoongi said, pulling the girl to her chest.
seokjin sighed and shook his head, walking towards the bed, "she needs to go yoongi" he mumbled, yoongi frowned but let the small girl go with seokjin.
-
"min minji?" namjoon called out as he took attendance, minji was in the corner of the carpet, looking around the room. she was often distracted.
minji seemed happy but he was still worried for yoongi
-
namjoon
hello, this is mr.kim, i just wanted to check in. is everything alright?
yoongi
yup, thanks for asking
namjoon
no problem, by the way, parent-teacher conferences are coming up, do you have a preference in time?
yoongi
um
i don't mind what hour
namjoon
does 8am work for you?
yoongi
yeah
namjoon
okay, also, i just wanted you to know that you're cared about
you're an amazing father, are you feeling better?
yoongi
thank you
i feel better
namjoon
good to know
remember to eat, i have to go back to teaching!
-
it was enough to make yoongi sob again, he felt so useless and worthless that namjoon's call made him feel appreciated.
he hiccuped and sniffled, hugging himself as a way to comfort himself.
-
yoongi fell asleep again and seokjin began worrying about him. he didn't want the boy to attempt again or to harm himself so he headed to his bedroom to distract him.
"hey yoon, do you want to go to the mall?" seokjin asked, yoongi's eyes fluttered open, "why?" he asked, he really just wanted to stay home and sleep the day away, "because you look down" seokjin said, yoongi let out a 'tch' noise, "i appreciate it but honestly, i am too tired to do anything besides sleep and cry" yoongi said, hugging his bear close to his chest.
"but yoongi, i think you need to go out to distract yourself" seokjin said, yoongi hummed, "i was just discharged, everything is too much"
"is it my fault?"
yoongi glared at the boy, "drop it seokjin, don't start this shit like you did at the hospital" yoongi mumbled, he had to admit that seokjin was partially making him feel horrible, he hated how seokjin thought he was right about yoongi's nicotine addiction.
-
everytime namjoon looked at yoongi who was picking minji up from school, he looked at yoongi and immediately thought of one thing.
ethereal.
he was beautiful, his hair looked soft and healthy, he was more on the thinner side but still beautiful, he looked absolutely small in sweatpants and hoodie. gosh, yoongi was adorable.
-
"how was school?" yoongi asked as he ate some food with minji at the kitchen table, it was his first meal and he was only eating because seokjin practically forced him to and so minji would have someone to eat with.
"mr.kim said you're cute" she said, yoongi wasn't expecting that at all and begab choking on a piece of chicken, gasping for air.
seokjin made no hesitation to grab some water for the younger, he was spooked, "what happened?" seokjin asked, yoongi let out a cough, "you know minji's cute teacher? he told minji that i'm cute and now i feel like i'm floating" he chuckled, a bright smile spread across his cheeks
seokjin laughed, "i hope you choke on his dick too" he said, yoongi flushed red, "minji, don't repeat anything you just heard!" yoongi laughed, minji was confused, "what is dick?" she asked, putting some noodles in her mouth, "nothing you need to know of"
-
"mr.kim said i should give you more hugs because you deserve them" minji said, yoongi laughed and put minji on his lap, giving her a hug, "mr.kim is nice" minji said, a small yawn leaving her mouth, yoongi nodded, "seems like it"
they were watching a movie on seokjin's netflix account, seokjin saw that minji was yoongi's only distraction so it would benefit everyone if they watched a movie.
"i want hug" minji said, ever since yoongi got discharged, she didn't let him be alone and always wanted to be around him, yoongi couldn't blame her, the girl had probably missed him a lot. he didn't mind, he always hugged her.
"i need to do something, stay here, i'll hug you some more in a bit" he mumbled, running out the house.
he grabbed the lighter and pack of cigarettes from his sweat pant pocket, he put a cigarette in between his lips, using his green lighter to light it.
yoongi looked towards the road as he inhaled and exhaled, he heard the door open and close, it was minji.
"get back inside, you can't be around the smoke" yoongi said, lightly pushing the girl away so she wouldn't inhale the smoke, "why not?" she asked, a frown on display.
"because it can make you sick" he spoke, hoping minji wouldn't ask anything more than that, but she was a curious girl.
"then why does appa do it? why does appa do it if it's bad?" she asked, sitting down to pick at the grass, yoongi sighed, "appa tried it and can't stop now but appa is trying" he mumbled, getting called put by seokjin felt horrible but getting called out by his own daughter was even more horrible.
"i don't understand" she hummed, yoongi sighed, "it's like.. do you know what addicted means?" yoongi asked, the small girl shook her head, "well, addicted means doing something and it's hard to stop, it's almost like i need it but i really don't" yoongi started off, he waited to see if minji had a reaction.
since she didn't have any reaction besides a small hum, the boy continued, "these are cigarettes and i'm addicted to them but they're really bad for me, but since i'm addicted, it feels like i can't stop" he explained, minji let out another hum.
"can't you just stop being addicted?" she asked, yoongi didn't really have a reaction to that, "well, i could stop being addicted but i would have to put in a lot of work and it's going to be really hard. also minji, if someone tells you they're addicted to something, you don't answer like that, it can hurt their feelings" yoongi said, minji let out a small 'oh', "okay, sorry appa" yoongi smiled, "it's okay now"
yoongi went back inside with the small girl, he was glad minji seemed more understanding about his addiction.
-
yoongi looked in the full body mirror in his room, he scanned his wrists, waist, thighs, arms, everything you could think of. he hated his body so much.
he let out a frustrated groan, why was he built like..that..? he hated the stretch marks on his arms, on his stomach, and legs. they had formed when he conceived minji.
of course he loved minji, but the stretch marks looked bad on him (at least in his opinion).
there was a knock on the door, it was a small knock meaning it was no one but minji, "appa! eat time!" she giggled, yoongi bit the inside of his cheek, "i'm not hungry" he lied, he shouldn't eat.
"b-but i helped make it!" she frowned, yoongi stared at the ground for a second before sighing, "i'll eat a bit"
-
yoongi ate the food seokjin and minji had made, he realized that he was actually so hungry.
"you have a family session with minji and her therapist on the day of the conference" seokjin said, yoongi slammed his fist on the table, he couldn't do anything. he was a failure as a friend and parent. he hated this so much.
"okay" he mumbled, showing a sarcastic smile, minji stared at yoongi, she was confused. why was yoongi mad?
she didn't get anything.
-
idk how to end this. it's bad sorry. stay safe and healthy! drink water and eat some food! sorry for any mistakes, i love you all! qotd: how should seokjin learn to be more understanding of yoongi's addiction?