hopeless | jean kirstein

By tapioccaa

164K 5.6K 5.5K

"Mikasa's too in love with Eren, and the blockhead's too busy getting himself killed to even notice," He sigh... More

a/n
.β€’Β° ✿ Β°β€’.
ACT I.
2 | first day
3 | you owe me
4 | i'm fine
5 | the disbanding
6 | fears
7 | fighting
8 | not losing you
9 | ashes
10 | distraction
11 | beyond the wall
12 | moving forward
13 | capture
14 | city of corpses
15 | breach
16 | safe with me
17| betrayals, promises
18 | friends
19 | the cottage
20 | stupid feelings
21 | date
22 | on the move
23 | blood hands
24 | deep within
25 | flowerfields
26 | just normal
27 | together, not
28 | sunset
29 | an untimely confession
30 | the coward and the whore
31 | attrition
32 | you're losing me
not an update yet: a/n!!

1 | running

18.8K 399 344
By tapioccaa




Tap. Tap. Tap.

Taryn watched as a little bird in front of her tapped its beak against the stone path, creating a pleasant rhythm. It was a peaceful morning—no noise, no stress, no chaos. Just the sound of the wind blowing and the faint creak of rusty signs can be heard.

Closing her eyes, Taryn leaned back on the wooden bench, enjoying the rare moment of silence. She let her body rest as she was still a bit tired from doing her chores. A faint smile began to appear on her lips when she felt the wind caress her face, causing her hair to fly in multiple directions.

But of course, if there was one thing she learned in this world, it was that not all good things last. Not long afterward, the sounds of people yelling reached her range of hearing, breaking the girl out of her trance. She glanced around, curious of the source of the disturbance.

"Say that again, I dare you!"

"Ha! Didn't know you losers were deaf too! Let's just say that, when I complete my training and become an MP, all of you will be kissing my feet!"

Hearing the familiar voice, Taryn sighed. This again. Reluctantly, she got up and began walking towards the commotion. It didn't take long for her to find them as the individuals were being particularly loud. It wouldn't surprise her if they somehow managed to wake up the whole area around them.

She turned around the corner, where she found the cause of the ruckus. A boy with ash-brown hair was standing smugly in front of four bigger boys, all of who were glaring fiercely at him. The latter looked ready to pounce, while the other was too busy bragging about himself to even notice their hostile stances. The moment she saw one of them raise a fist, Taryn broke into a sprint, hastily grabbing the arm of her friend. She stepped back immediately, ignoring the boy's complaints and dragging him with her.

"Jean!" She hissed, before facing the others with a fearful expression. "Sorry about that! He didn't get enough sleep, so he's a bit off his rocker. We promise we won't bother you anymore!" She pleaded. The group before her looked a lot older than the two of them, probably around fifteen. Taryn gulped at the sight of their murderous stares and yanked on Jean's arm harshly, implying that they should leave already.

Unfortunately for her, the boy never knew when to shut up, even in situations like these.

"Maybe I'll visit you one day and let you losers catch a glimpse of my medals!" He laughed, all the while Taryn was clutching onto him for dear life. His words seemed to anger the group even more as they started to chase after the both of them.

"You little shit! Come back here and I'll show you what a loser is—!" She heard one of them shout, making her to panic and run for her life, pulling Jean with her.

They ran in every direction, sometimes taking a few detours to make sure they wouldn't be found so easily. They ran and ran until they were out of breath and their limbs started aching. They only stopped when she deemed it safe to do so, in an alley so quiet that other voices could no longer be heard.

"Hey, hey, hey—let go!" Jean snatched his arm away from her grasp. Panting, the pair collapsed on the ground, their legs too tired to keep on standing. Just how long have we been running?

"What did you do that for?" He asked the girl beside her, whose face was so pale he was surprised she hadn't fainted already. "I'm good at throwing punches! I could've fought them myself!"

"Yeah, if you're up against one person," She replied, shaking her head in exasperation. "But against four? Not to mention that they were way older than you? You didn't stand a chance, Jean. They were going to beat you to a pulp."

"Then let them. I'll show them what I've got." He said stubbornly. He suddenly got up, making Taryn worried for a second before he bent down and helped her up as well. She felt her cheeks heat up at his actions, so she looked away and pretended to be interested in a potted plant nearby.

"Your mother won't be too pleased to find out that you've been getting into trouble."

Her statement seemed to sour Jean's mood instantly. "I don't care what that old hag thinks! Besides, I was only telling the truth. Those idiots think they're all high and mighty when I'm probably more skilled than all of them combined." He crossed his arms, his voice going up a few octaves which Taryn learned was a clear sign that he was annoyed.

She sighed. "Alright," Tugging on his sleeve, she led the boy away and started making her way back. "Let's go home. It's still early in the morning but you almost got into a fight again..."

The two of them walked side by side, chatting about all kinds of nonsense. It was already noon by the time they got back which says a lot about how far they wandered off. Eventually, they reached Jean's house and Taryn could smell the mouthwatering scent of his mother's cooking. She had to admit, his mother was a talented cook, and it pained her to see Jean take all of it for granted. Talk about being ungrateful.

They halted to a stop in front of his door, the tall mahogany wood towering over the both of them. "See you later then." She greeted.

Her house was just a few minutes away from his so it wasn't unusual that they see each other often. She was about to get going already when Jean suddenly grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him.

It was a normal gesture between them, nothing else, yet somehow Taryn couldn't help but feel flustered. She glanced at him and tried her best to hide her disappointment when he let go of her. "What?"

"Stay over for lunch." He suggested nonchalantly.

She would be lying if she said she wasn't tempted by the offer. Of all the times she had stayed over, his mother never failed to make her feel welcome and to satisfy her appetite. Seeing how well they got along seemed to annoy Jean as well, so that was another perk.

However, her mother was expecting her to be home, and she also needed to finish packing. "I don't wanna intrude. Shouldn't you be spending more time with your family? We're leaving tomorrow, you know."

The boy only rolled his eyes at her. "I've spent enough time with them to last me a decade. But alright, see you later."

He waved her off, before proceeding to dramatically kick his door open. She could hear his mother scold him as he entered, with Jean yelling back at her with the same energy. Taryn could only chuckle at their confusing relationship. She knew that even with all their disagreements, the two still loved each other very much. Jean just has a—uh, different way of showing it.

As she trudged through the busy streets, Taryn's mind was filled with the things that would await her at military training. She had originally never thought of being a soldier in the first place, until Jean's talks of a comfortable life in the Interior eventually swayed her. She wanted to experience living in the wealthy districts, wanted to experience the benefits, not to mention the power and honor that comes from working close to the King. To say that it would make her parents proud would be an understatement.

There was also another reason, although she would never admit it to anyone. Not even to herself.

She hummed as she skipped along the stone path, playing a game in her mind with the patterns on the ground. She reached her house in no time, a busy sight welcoming her as she entered the threshold. Her mother was in the kitchen, diligently preparing their meal. She could see Francis in the dining room, setting the table. And her father, well...

"Taryn, where have you been?" Her mother called out, worry painting her features. "Help your brother out."

"Sorry, Jean and I were playing hide and seek." She mumbled, spitting out the only reasonable excuse she could come up with. Taryn walked over to where Francis was stationed and tried to assist him in his task.

"It's alright, I got it." He said, dismissing her with a wave of his hand.

Seeing as she had nothing to do now, she decided to go upstairs and finish packing her things. She wouldn't want to leave anything important behind when the time comes.

She ascended the stairway, making sure to avoid the planks that make too much noise in case her father was sleeping. She heard a cough when she reached the top, so she assumed her father was already awake. Sighing, she went ahead and knocked on his door.

"Come in—" He began to say, before he started coughing again. As much as it pains her, she could only watch as her father suffered. She really hated the feeling of not being able to do anything even if she wanted to.

"Do you need a glass of water, Dad?" She asked, only for him to shake his head in response.

"No, I'm fine. Come here." He gestured to the chair nearest to his bed.

She obeyed, maintaining a small distance between her and his medicine table so that she would be prepared if ever her father needed something. She found him staring at her with a tender expression, to which she returned with a smile.

"You're leaving tomorrow, aren't you?"

She nodded. She was still a bit reluctant in leaving her family behind, and her father's situation certainly didn't make her feel better.

He smiled. "You're all grown up, Taryn. It seems as if it was only yesterday that your Mum and I were deciding on what to name you." He chuckled, although it was soon overtaken by even more coughing. She moved to get water for him, but her father insisted that he was fine and told her to sit back down.

"Dad, I think you do need water." She tried to say again, but her father refused. He really was a bit stubborn at times.

"I'm fine, really. I just want to talk to my daughter for one last time before she leaves," He chuckled again as he patted her hair. "You're thinking of joining the Military Police, right?"

"Yes, I'll make sure I get in. And when I do, I'll work hard to get you treated properly, Dad. I promise—"

"Slow down, slow down," He said with a laugh, cutting off her rambling. "Taryn. Don't worry about me. You're still young, live your life. I'd rather have you carefree and happy than you spending all your time worrying over whether I get to live another day."

Taryn sighed. "That's easy for you to say, Dad."

"Which is why I'm saying it. I've been doing okay for a year now, I'll survive another one."

They stared at each other for a few moments, exasperated, before Taryn gave in and hugged him. Maybe he's right, she thought. With Mum and Francis here, I doubt anything bad will happen to him. Still, she couldn't shake away the feeling that something terrible was going to happen.

"Taryn! Lunch is ready!" She heard her mother yell. She greeted her father goodbye before getting up to leave. She met her brother on the way downstairs. He was bringing their father some food and only when she saw the menu did she realize how hungry she was.

A feast presented itself in front of her as she settled down on one of the wooden chairs in the dining room. Taryn's jaw dropped in surprise as she eyed the various assortments of food. From sweet potatoes and her favorite pasta dishes to even a few slices of meat, almost any type of food that she could think of was there.

"Mum," She managed to croak out, despite still being in a state of shock. "This is a whole week's worth of meals..."

Her mother laughed, obviously amused at whatever face she was making right now. She grabbed ahold of her shoulders and pulled Taryn into a loving embrace, nuzzling her nose into the crook of her neck. "Do you think I'd send you off to three years of military training without fattening you up first? Eat up, sweetheart, it's all yours."

"Leave some for me!" Francis exclaimed, breaking into a jog as he made his way towards the table. Their mother laughed again and began stroking her older brother's hair, promising him that there would be enough for everyone.

Without any hesitation, she piled large portions of everything onto her plate. She didn't know when she was going to have another opportunity like this in the future, so she might as well take advantage of it. The food tasted delicious in her mouth, her eyes closing in delight as she savored the flavors. It felt like heaven right then and there.

She then engaged in a conversation with her family, chatting and laughing with them to her heart's content. She was going to miss them dearly. She was still having doubts about leaving, but Taryn tried to persuade herself that she would be fine. That they would be fine. That in no time, she would be arriving at their doorstep, medals tightly clutched in hand as she looked up at her parents' proud faces.

After lunch, she worked on finishing up the rest of her chores for the day like folding the laundry and chopping up some firewood. She also helped her mother out in mending some of their clothes and cleaning the house. By the time she was finished, the sun was already starting to set.

She did feel a bit regretful for not being able to spend any time with Jean, despite saying that they would see each other later on. Still, she had a lot to do and she was sure that he had a lot of chores too.

She did a thorough search of her room, in case she found any stuff that she might want to bring with her. However, all she discovered were dusty old books and crumpled papers, so she decided to stop looking and call it a day.

Taryn lay sprawled out on her bed, her eyes tracing over the countless cracks and scratches on the ceiling. Since she was alone in the comfort of her own room, she concluded it was the perfect time to just mull things over. Her thoughts varied from wondering what sort of tasks they would be ordered to do while training to whether or not she would have the courage to face a Titan, if ever a time came. Unconsciously, her mind wandered off to a certain boy with ash brown hair who had a loud voice and a talent for pissing off a lot people.

She wondered what was in store for the both of them in the future. The two had met at a young age, when she was just a scrawny six year old clad in a dress far too big for her small frame. Her family had just moved from their former village to Trost District in the hopes of having a better life. After hearing about the new neighbors, Mrs. Kirstein instantly dropped by, bringing along her son who happened to be the same age as Taryn.

They didn't get along at first, as Jean claimed that since he was a boy he should stay away from girls, and Taryn being too frightened of the taller kid to even try to speak with him. But his mother, a very persistent woman, made it her goal to make the two of them friends. Mrs. Kirstein always brought him along whenever she paid Taryn and her family a visit. She also resorted to leaving him at their house whenever she had to go somewhere important, causing Jean to have no choice but to be stuck with the new girl.

Things didn't go as smoothly as the woman hoped. The first time she left Jean, he had ended up 'accidentally' knocking a heavy bookshelf over the girl, which resulted on a big bruise on her forehead. Mrs. Kirstein was furious—she scolded the boy all week long and threatened not to cook him any omelettes if he didn't apologize.

Much to Taryn's surprise, Jean returned the next day, with a frown on his face and flowers in his hands. He said sorry, and gave her the flowers as a token of his remorse. Though she knew he did this unwillingly, she appreciated the effort nonetheless.

The second time was fortunately, more pleasant than the first. Jean had begrudgingly asked her to play in the forest with him. They strolled through the tall trees, often stopping to watch a few squirrels pass by. Taryn then stumbled on a huge rock, causing her to fall face down on the muddy ground. Jean had burst into chortles at the sight of her mud-covered face, laughing until there were tears in his eyes. Unexpectedly though, he helped clean off the dirt with water from a nearby pond. He gently wiped her face with a damp cloth, and she had remembered staring into his eyes for a very long time.

It was then when they realized that the other wasn't as bad as they originally thought. Two times became three, then became four, then became five.

A friendship had easily formed when the two started spending more time with each other. They were complete opposites, as Jean was athletic and outgoing while Taryn was shy and a little bit behind. But even with their differences, the pair got along surprisingly well and soon enough they spent all of their time together, either by chatting about senseless topics by the river or by playing games till sundown. Most importantly, whenever Jean got himself into trouble, she would swoop in and pull him out of the mess, no matter the situation.

Her lips curved into a frown at the memory of him getting cocky with the older boys a few hours before. Even though she didn't want to inflate his ego even more, she couldn't deny that Jean was indeed very skilled. She wouldn't be surprised if the boy managed to snag the Top One spot of the rankings. He'd be heading straight to the interior for sure if he did.

Which got her thinking whether or not she was really cut out for the Military Police. Or whether or not she'd be able to make the Top Ten. Sure, she knew a few things about hand-to-hand combat, her father taught her as much before he got sick. But being a soldier required a lot more than just throwing punches—she needed strength, endurance, and the drive to keep fighting. All the things she found herself especially lacking in.

Letting out a deep sigh, she shut her eyes, shaking her head as if to shake the negative thoughts away. She convinced herself that she was going to make it. She was going to work hard and earn her spot in the Top Ten. She was going to help her father overcome his sickness.

She won't be giving up. She was going to become an MP along with Jean, and be by his side just like she always had.

...

"Remember to stay hydrated, eat plenty, and get at least eight hours of sleep everyday if you can, alright? Branch out and make some friends, don't just stick with Jean all the time, got it?"

Her mother fussed over Taryn for the tenth time today, repeatedly spinning her around and making sure she looked her best. Taryn tightly clutched the straps of her backpack as her mother moved to fix her hair again.

Her fingers felt warm to the touch as she brushed aside the strands that were straying from her ponytail. Finally, she dropped her hand and stepped back to admire her daughter, a mixture of pride and worry in her eyes.

"Look at you, all grown up now..." Her mother trailed off, her hands clasped together tightly as she looked Taryn up and down. "Did you bring the food I prepared for you? What about your water jug, did you see it—"

"Mum it's fine, everything's packed." Taryn laughed. She could understand why her mother was acting like this, she was going to be away for three years after all, with no guarantee when she was going to be allowed to visit. She was feeling worried too, she had never experienced being away from her family for too long and the girl was afraid she wouldn't be able to handle it very well.

The woman beamed at her daughter before engulfing her into a tight hug. "I'm gonna miss you."

"I'll miss you too, Mum."

"Now, I won't keep you any longer. You're probably sick of me being so emotional," She let out a chuckle. "Make sure to visit often."

"I will! Bye Mum!" Taryn smiled, her previous emotions of sadness turning into excitement. Her mother waved at her and she could see her eyes glistening with tears. Glancing back, she returned the wave and smiled at her one last time before taking off into a run.

She stopped by Jean's house, where she saw him talking to his mother. Well, more like arguing. With a huff, he turned his back on his parents and angrily stomped off, his eyes ablaze with annoyance.

He saw her standing by a lamppost nearby. His frown turned into a cocky smirk as he moved towards her. She returned the look, peering up at him as he towered over her.

"What were you arguing about again?"

"Let's just say I'm glad I'm leaving this place at last." Jean snickered, making a show of strutting down the street as if he was royalty. He even had the nerve to wave at yesterday's bullies, and thank the heavens they weren't angry enough to start charging at him. With a sigh, she trailed after the boy, already questioning her decision in following him to the Military Police.

"I never thought this day would come," He sucked in a deep breath, holding it for a while before exhaling with a grin. "You smell that? That's the smell of freedom, Taryn."

"Smells like you forgot to shower to me."

At her words, Jean angrily whipped his head to face her. "I showered last night and this morning! That's probably just your breath wafting back to your face!"

"I'm kidding." She elbowed the boy. He actually does smell nice, the scent reminding her of lavender and pinewood. "And I brushed my teeth."

He scoffed. "Yeah, yeah, hurry up. We're gonna be late if we keep on walking like snails." Just as he took a step forward, Jean's stomach grumbled loudly. Taryn chuckled as he got quite a few stares from the people surrounding them.

"Are you hungry, Jeanboy—I mean, Jean?" She asked. He faced her with narrowed eyes and she noticed how his cheeks were flushed with embarrassment.

"Shut up, Mudface," He hissed, crossing his arms. "And I'm not the one carrying two rolls of bread."

"If you wanted one you could just ask." Reaching into the basket she was carrying on her arm, she retrieved the two rolls of bread that her mother had prepared. She gave one to Jean, who took it with no hesitation.

She stared at him with wide eyes as she watched him hungrily munch on the bread like he had been starving for days. "Did you even eat breakfast?"

"Fwas choo busy kedding ready," Food came flying out of his mouth as he tried to speak. He lifted up a hand as if telling her to wait, chewing on the bread a few moments more before finally swallowing. "Was too busy getting ready."

"Was too busy whining, you mean. Your mother prepared Natto for breakfast, didn't she?"

Jean rolled his eyes, which was answer enough. He finished eating the bread but he still looked hungry for more. Sighing as she shook her head lightly, Taryn grabbed the other roll and gave it to him.

"I also didn't want to be late. Which means we need to hurry, Taryn!." Grinning wickedly, he stuffed the rest of the bread in his mouth and broke into a sprint, leaving the girl behind.

Her brown eyes followed his zooming figure as he moved past the crowd, looking back at her once in a while to see if she could catch up. Sighing in exasperation, she adjusted the straps of her backpack before getting ready to run.

"Why do I always end up running when I'm with you?"

...

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