~ ~ ~
FIVE MONTHS AGO
~ ~ ~
I don't remember why I went home to Cade's that day. But there wasn't anything weird about that. I was there all the time.
"Hey, babe," I said as I entered his bedroom and dropped my backpack on the floor. "Broken any hearts today?"
Cade was lounging on the bed, leaning back against the headboard. His head snapped up from the thick textbook in his lap, startled at my sudden arrival. His face broke into a smile.
"Hey, you."
I plopped down next to him on the bed, trying to snatch the book from his hands. He saw the movement coming—he quickly raised the book over his head and gave me a poignant glare.
"Don't you dare."
"But why are you studying? We literally just left study hall."
He let out a nervous laugh. "I'm a nerd?"
"Cade," I said slowly. "Are you struggling with Calc?"
"Maybe..."
"I told you not to take AP, you hate math!"
He groaned and shot his eyes back to the textbook.
"You're not gonna learn how to calculate numbers by reading a book," I said, trying to yank it from his grip.
"Cut it out," he said with a chuckle, gripping the book tighter. "Was there a reason you came by or was it just to annoy me?"
I pretended to think about it.
"Hmm, to annoy you, I think."
His face broke into a grin.
"You're impossible."
Yet he kept looking into my eyes, as if searching for something there.
The sudden intimacy of his gaze took me by surprise.
I cleared my throat and rested my head against his shoulder. It was surprisingly firm under my touch. I glanced at his T-shirt, the way it tightened over his body.
"You can't be struggling that much if you still have time to hit the gym. How many times a week are you going now? I mean, look at you."
"Not more than usual," he said. "Some of us actually have to make an effort to lead a healthy lifestyle."
"Dancing does make it a package deal," I agreed. "I've told you, if you at any time decide to change your mind, it's not too late to learn."
He eyed me over the edge of his textbook.
"You know why I don't dance."
"I know, I know. Two left feet. I'm just saying, I'm not one to discriminate lefties."
Cade made a wheezing sound with his nose trying to hold in a giggle. The accomplishment made me grin—it was always him making me laugh. Now we were finally turning the tables.
The afternoon trudged on, until I could no longer keep in the question that weighed on my mind every single day.
"Have you given any more thought to college?"
Cade was silent for a while.
"What do you mean?"
That was so like him. Even though we had known each other forever, I still had to spell everything out for him. Sometimes I wondered how someone could be so aloof, head constantly in the clouds, and still function as a human being.
"I mean," I said, "I'm going to Los Angeles. You're either going to San Fransisco or Connecticut. It's quite the difference distance-wise, don't you think?"
"Yeah, I know."
"I know you're really into the idea of going to Connecticut State, and I know it's really selfish of me to want you to pick SF... but can you blame me? We've lived next door to each other our whole lives, I don't know how I could possibly live on the other side of the country from you. Not see you every day."
When I looked up at Cade, he was avoiding eye contact and I knew that meant he was trying not to hurt me.
I groaned, hiding my face against his chest.
"You already accepted Conn State, didn't you? Just tell me, rip the band aid off. I can take it."
Cade's chest heaved with a sigh.
"I haven't decided yet."
He gently placed his arms around me.
"Hey, are you crying?"
I blinked away the tears about to form. "No."
"You are. Talk to me."
"It's just... if going to Conn State had been your dream since you were a kid like going to Wattford is for me then I would get it. I totally would. But you're choosing between two different schools that you both kind of like, and I guess it just hurts to think that being close to me doesn't even factor into your decision making. It's as if it you don't care if you're close to me or not."
"Of course I care."
He gently lifted my chin with his hand. He ran his thumb over my cheek, wiping away a tear that had slipped.
"It's just a really important decision, one that will impact my entire life. I don't want to mess that up just because I'm trying to stay close to you. But of course I care about you. You're all I care about."
His words made my heart stutter in my chest. He wasn't usually one to be blunt about his feelings. It was probably because we were leaving soon and everything was about to change.
His thumb was still caressing my cheek and he offered me a gentle smile.
I smiled too, and the motion made his eyes flicker down to my lips. He instinctively wet his lips. I couldn't keep my eyes from trailing down toward them, the pink pair of lips that were slightly parted and looked so full and soft.
I was suddenly aware of how close he was to me.
A jolt of heat spread through my body when I realized that he was leaning his face closer to mine. With a flickering of long lashes, his eyes closed. His nose graced mine as he tilted his head to the side.
"Cade!"
We both jumped and twisted our heads toward the door when Cade's mom's voice rang from downstairs.
"Dinner's ready!"
"Okay!" Cade yelled back.
He quickly turned his head toward me.
"Sorry, I have to..."
I quickly scrambled to my feet. "Yeah, no, I have to get going anyway."
To say that I ran from his house was an understatement.
It wasn't until I was in my own bedroom, staring up at the ceiling, that I started wondering what the heck had just happened. Or, almost happened.
I slowly ran a finger over my lips as I let the realization sink in.
Cade had almost kissed me.
And I had wanted him to.
~ ~ ~
~A/N~
Have I spent all day thinking of all the ways I could edit and improve already published chapters instead of writing on new ones? Yes. Will I stop? Probably not.
I'll make an announcement if I do decide to make any alterations. They won't be anything that changes or disturbs the plot, just little things to amp up the tension and the stakes (because those are things stories are supposed to have apparently. Who knew?)
Also, this chapter made me so happy to write? But then I got sad because I killed him off? Haha writing is weird, I'll tell you.
Vote or comment if you want to send me a virtual jar of happiness! Those little notifications make me all sorts of tingly inside.
—xoxo, linnea