Izuku stared at the white wall of the hospital. Bandages were wrapped around his already healed arms and his left eye. The scars on his arms weren't drastic and the bandage on his left eye just made sure that it wouldn't get too strained.
Mushu's eyes were on him as he just kept staring at the wall. His parents were at a press conference with the principal and the chief of police while Eri was being babysat by Mirio. He appreciated them trying to make him feel better, but it has been a day and a half since Kacchan was kidnapped and Izuku...
Izuku felt like shit.
Physically, he was about ninety-five percent there. Emotionally, he felt awful. It was hard not to feel that way when he saw Kacchan get taken right before his eyes. He'd never felt like a failure up until that moment.
Being a hero... was something Izuku took a little too lightly...
Ever since he had to come out from behind the scenes to rescue Eri from Overhaul, Izuku found it very difficult to keep calm and in control of his emotions. All of a sudden, every meditation and every talk of inner peace would just leave him and overwhelming amounts of frustration and anger would consume him. He felt so ashamed and weak.
"Ho... How's Kouta...?" he asked the dragon but kept his eyes trained on the wall. He heard Mushu let out a deep exhale in front of him.
"Yeah, the brat's fine." Mushu replied but all Izuku could do was offer a nod, "Look, kid... You know you can talk to me, right? You know it's much healthier on your mind to just let things out instead of being a sourpuss about it."
Izuku thought about it and realized that Mushu was right. He had always talked his feelings out with Mushu before and he'd feel much better afterwards once the weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Nothing was really stopping him now either, it was just that he felt very shameful and was scared to hear Mushu's disappointment in him.
But what good would it do if he just kept wallowing in self-pity and negativity...?
"I got angry." he finally let out after a few minutes of silence, "I got angry, frustrated, desperate... it was all just a load of really bad emotions that consumed me to the point I was blinded by them and ended up being so badly hurt that I wasted my power... Power that could've been put into saving Kacchan...
"I never had trouble staying calm until I was thrown into the frontlines. Chisaki, the League... it all got too much and I was so adamant on pushing forward and saving people that their taunts would get to me. The rage would bubble over and I no longer had control... I would try to keep a level head, force myself to dive into the calm waters of my mind. But it felt like the more I forced it, the harder for me to actually cool down..."
He hadn't noticed he was crying until his companion wiped at his right cheek with a tissue, "I felt so disappointed with myself. I felt like... like... like a failure, Mu. I felt like every training session, meditation, and thing you taught me was just lost all of a sudden. I-It's all my fa-fault... because of me, Kacchan might be-be hu-urt..."
He let the dragon wrap his short, thin arms around his shoulders and Izuku squeezed tight as everything that happened just came as a slap to his face. He cried his frustrations out and his anguish at losing the battle between him and his emotions. Losing the battle between him and the villains for taking Kacchan...
He cried for his loss...
"You said you tried?" Mushu asked for clarification.
Izuku sniffled, "Not hard enough..."
"But you tried, right?" Mushu emphasized and Izuku felt himself nod honestly, "But clearly I haven't been the best teacher either."
Izuku snapped his head towards the dragon so fast, he might have tore a ligament, "Mushu, what are you saying?! You and Nezu-sensei are literally the best teachers ever. Godly duo! Rat god and Dragon god!" he said with the most serious face he could.
Mushu guffawed at his expression, "I know I'm good, kid. But, I also must have drilled in your head that you couldn't be angry. And that's not right." Izuku tilted his head curiously as the dragon continued, "Feelings of anger, sorrow, desperation... those are all normal feelings that every person goes through, you shouldn't feel like forcing them away... I want you to listen to me carefully... just because I tell you to keep a level head and focus, doesn't mean you can't feel those negative emotions. In fact, it's okay to feel those things.
"Izuku, the reason I have you meditate is to keep your soul in peace. The reason I have you relax is so you can stay focused, and the reason I tell you to keep calm is so that you can anticipate the unexpected. But none of those things ever implied that you needed to hold back negative emotions, it's not like that at all. Sometimes a situation will require some rage, frustration, agitation or whatever and that's fine. As long as you don't lose yourself to revenge and hatred... and as long as you don't sway from your path of justice, it is completely okay to feel that way."
Izuku felt like his eyes and lungs had been opened, "So I can be angry, yet still be level headed...?"
Mushu nodded and patted his shoulder, "And now, we have something new that we can work on. It's not an easy feat, but it's not impossible."
His door slid open before anything else could be said and revealed Kaminari peeking through, "Ah... you're awake, Izuku." he opened the door completely and the entire class of 1-A, with an exception of a few, came in. "Have you turned the TV on at all? It's kind of messy..."
"We got you some snacks..." Mineta lifted the basket to his vision and offered a nervous smile, which Izuku kindly returned.
"Sorry for giving you so much trouble, sensei..." Tokoyami took it upon himself to apologize. He bowed first followed by the rest of them, causing Izuku to flush red and immediately twiddle with his earring.
"No no no! I should be the one to apologize." he looked at his bandaged hands with a solemn smile, "I was blinded by conflicting emotions that I failed to work with myself and keep everyone safe. I'm sorry, but this just means I need to get stronger." he clenched his fists and looked at Mushu with determination. The dragon nodded in return.
"Is everyone here? How are the injured?" he turned his attention to Tenya who straightened up and gripped his shoulder comfortingly.
"Jirou and Hagakure are still suffering the effects of the gas, but the doctors said that they'll wake up soon. Yaoyorozu on the other hand, suffered a very bad head injury, but she did wake up from consciousness. Other than them, everyone else suffered minor injuries."
"And Bakugou's gone..." Todoroki added bluntly, stabbing Izuku right in the heart as Ashido tried to subtly scold the dual-haired boy.
It took several seconds of silence before Izuku spoke up, smiling somberly, "All Might once said that you can't save the ones that you are unable to reach..." he looked at his hands once again, as tears welled up in his eyes, "So you have to save the ones that you are able to reach, but..." his voice cracked and he tried not release a sob, but it was proving difficult, "... Kacchan was right there. My power... I tried so hard to save him, but my emotions blinded me to the point I was rendered immobile...
"I... I couldn't move any longer. And because of that... I couldn't save him..."
"Well then this time, we'll make sure to save him."
Izuku's head snapped up to face Kirishima at lightning speed as he understood exactly what he meant upon seeing the serious expression on the boy's face. "Wh... What are you saying...?"
"Todoroki and I... we were actually here yesterday..." Kirishima's face stayed completely serious, staring right into Izuku's eye as he spoke, "We just... We just couldn't sit around any longer! So when we went to go visit Yaoyorozu, we overheard her conversation with Detective Tsukauchi and All Might.
"She and Awase were able to put a transmitter on a 'Noumu' that the villains brought with them and she also handed them the tracker to help them with the investigations. All Might then went to praise her and she expressed how frustrated she was also." Kirishima finished explaining and the room was silent for a little while as Izuku tried to process the information.
"So you're suggesting that we ask Yaoyorozu-kun to track some brainless zombies?" Tenya shouted harshly, causing a few of them to flinch, "Do not get involved with this situation! This is something that the professionals need to handle themselves! This is not a situation that calls for some fools!"
Izuku was taken aback by the his best friend's sudden outburst, and he reached for the hand on his shoulder to give it a squeeze, "Tenya-"
"Don't you think I know that, man?!" Kirishima yelled back, "But don't you know how frustrating it is to have not been able to do shit about it?! When you hear that your best friend was being targeted while you're stuck in a room, unable to do jack shit!?" Kirishima glared at his best friend, eyes holding so much pain and frustration, "How do I call myself a hero if I can't do something about it now! I won't even be able to call myself a man!"
"Oi, Kirishima, let's chill a little... we're in a hospital, dude..." Kaminari tried to offer some comfort.
"Iida-chan's right, Kirishima-chan." Asui croaked, but that just seemed to set Kirishima even further on edge.
"Of course he's right! I know he's right! But still!" Kirishima suddenly grabbed Izuku's other hand and leaned into his space just a little, desperation and conviction evident in his eyes, "You can still reach him, Izuku! Bakugou... he needs you...!"
Izuku felt his heart beat hard against his ribs at the words that spilled from Kirishima's mouth. He was conflicted, really. His heart told him to go while his conscience told him to stay, that he'd only make it harder for the pros who were planning to do the rescue. But...
"You are seriously planning on going after Bakugou-kun yourselves?!" Tenya pulled Kirishima away from him so that he could have a firm grip on the redhead's shoulders and talk some sense into him, "Stop this foolishness! You are getting too carried away with this!"
"Let's all just take a breath." Shouji stepped in, "I know exactly how it feels too, however, we mustn't make decisions that are based on how we feel."
"Let's just let the pros do the job..." Aoyama advised shakily, "Besides, we no longer have permission to engage in combat."
Tokoyami sighed, "Even though I feel that I am in no position to say anything, I completely agree with Aoyama."
"I know that Bakugou-chan's kidnapping has left a lot of us in shock, but..." Asui chimed in, "... we need to stay focused and level-headed about the situation, gero. It doesn't matter how just your feelings are. If you go after Bakugou-chan and break the rules, then you aren't better than the villains yourselves."
Izuku's heart stopped and the silence was intense as Asui's words repeated in his head. How could this all come down to having battle with his emotions when he and Mushu just... had a...
That's... Th-That's...
What did Izuku want to do? Which feelings spoke to him the loudest? He can't keep pushing away such normal, human feelings for the sake of forcing himself to stay calm and level-headed. What did Izuku want?
I... Kacchan... I wanna-
"You brats are so dramatic." Mushu suddenly cut the tension off the atmosphere with his sharp tongue, "I hear the doctor coming so quickly dismiss yourselves. Go on, shoo!" he demanded, poking Tenya's side with a sharp claw.
As they all made their way out, Kirishima stayed behind until everyone was out of the room. Izuku could feel his eyes on him, but he couldn't find it in himself to look up at the boy, thankfully Mushu stayed quiet as well.
"I spoke to Yaoyorozu yesterday, too. If you are willing to join us, it's gotta be tonight." Kirishima informed him and Izuku listened intently, "I know your injuries are mostly healed, it's just a matter of whether you have enough energy or not. I just thought to invite you because out of all of us...
"You're probably the most frustrated..." Izuku gritted his teeth in agreement as Kirishima finally turned and spoke over his shoulder, "We'll be waiting out front tonight..." and with that, the boy left the room and Izuku let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.
"Sooooo...." he turned his gaze to the red dragon in front of him, "Nín rènwéi shénme shì zhèngquè de fāngfǎ, nín duì cǐ yǒu hé kànfǎ?" (What do you think is the right thing to do and how do you feel about it?)
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A/N: I... Chapter 306 broke me so fucking bad, man. Like, I had a feeling it was going to happen, but still! Like, oh my-.... I don't think I've cried enough about it...
Anyways, leave your thoughts about Chapter 306 or vote or... cry with me, I'll take it!