a knock on the door stopped the on-going math class.
"hello, i'm sorry to disturb..." the supervisor that had entered apologized. "i need renjun to go to the nurse at the end of this period." she said before bowing and leaving the classroom.
jeno and renjun exchanged a glance, not understanding why they had to go to the nurse.
"did you do something?" jeno asked.
"no." renjun replied. "and if i did, i would have been called to the principal's office, not to the nurse."
"yeah, true." jeno nodded. "sunmi surely has something to say..."
"yeah, surely."
the two boyfriends got back to their maths exercises, not guessing that, on the other side of the classroom, jaemin was trebling in fear, asking himself what dr. park would tell renjun when the period would be over.
⍣
"hello, i'd like to see jaemin please." sunmi said, opening the door in the middle of the following period. "now." she added.
jaemin rose to his feet, trying to ignore the stares he was receiving, and trying harder not to care about renjun's eyes that were glued on him.
he followed sunmi out of the classroom, letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding when she closed the classroom's door behind their backs.
"don't worry about answering me, just listen to what i am saying." she said with a reassuring smile, signalling jaemin to follow her.
"your doctor talked to renjun, so don't worry about this, things are settled. then, we talked together for a while, and he said that he wanted to try an exercise with you and i to help you getting more confident. that's why you're coming with me at the moment." she explained, to which jaemin nodded.
they reached the nurse's office quickly, and there, jaemin met dr. park who smiled at him.
"hello jaemin. how are you feeling?"
jaemin looked at his doctor, distress visible in his eyes.
he glanced at sunmi who was standing next to them before looking at his doctor again.
he was too afraid to answer.
he truly wanted to answer to dr. park. he was comfortable around him.
but speaking seemed impossible at the moment.
sunmi whas there.
what if she hated him, and his voice?
what if she got violent and hurt him?
as much as he wanted to talk, he couldn't...
dr. park chuckled.
"i knew you weren't going to talk, jaemin." he said. "and i'm not mad, don't worry."
jaemin sighed, looking at his doctor expectantly.
"i know that you aren't comfortable enough to speak because your nurse is here. but we'll change that. this will be our first objective. are you willing to try?"
jaemin nodded, completely trusting dr. park.
he was the only one to know how much jaemin had suffered, and he wanted to help him.
"great. so, this exercise is called 'stimulus fading'. sunmi is going to walk out of the room, and so, you will talk to me. will you?"
jaemin nodded.
if he was alone with his doctor, there was no problem or him to talk.
the fact they weren't in dr. park's office was a bit disturbing, but as long as dr. park was there, it was okay.
"good. then, when you'll be comfortable, sunmi is going to enter the room, and just be there while we talk. and if everything is okay for you, she'll join the conversation. if during the exercise something is scaring you or bothering you, tap the table twice, and i'll know you want to stop, okay?"
once again, jaemin approved, and so, sunmi walked out of the room, leaving dr. park alone with jaemin.
"is everything okay?" dr. park asked jaemin first.
"y-yes..." jaemin mumbled.
"very good. let's chat about something you like now, so that you are comfortable talking about it. you told me you liked flowers in during one of our sessions, you still do?"
jaemin nodded, a smile appearing on his face.
"i still love flowers." he said, knowing that he needed to talk as much as possible.
"you are right. they are beautiful." dr. park smiled. "i like roses very much. i thing they are romantic and pure."
"sure, they are. but they're too basic." jaemin added. "my personal favourites are pansies."
"really? why?" dr. park asked.
"for lots of reasons. first of all, they are very beautiful." jaemin said with a smile. "then..."
jaemin continued rambling about pansies for a few minutes, getting very comfortable in this not-so-familiar place.
however, he tensed when he heard the noise made by the door closing.
sunmi had entered the room.
he hadn't finished his speech about pansies... he really needed to say this. it was the main reason why pansies were his favourite flowers... but she was here... it was hard...
"is that everything you wanted to tell me about pansies?" dr. park asked.
jaemin lowered his head, taking a deep breath and trying to forget about sunmi's presence. "n-no..." he mumbled.
"please tell me then. i am eager to know." dr. park invited him to speak.
jaemin gulped, his eyes looking at a pen that has been abandoned on the nurse's desk.
perhaps that fixing his gaze on an object could help him forget about his surroundings and so, open himself better?
"w-well... huh..." he stuttered. "the... the word p-pansies comes from... from french." he let out with difficulty. "it means thoughts. s-so... these flowers mean, huh... thoughtfulness. yeah, and remembrance too." he continued, getting more at ease with every word.
"very good, jaemin. i am proud of you." dr. park said, making jaemin smile.
jaemin lifted his head, looking at his doctor in the eyes before glancing at sunmi who was smiling at him.
"do you feel comfortable?" dr. park asked.
"y-yes." jaemin stuttered.
"would you like to know sunmi's favourite flower?"
jaemin looked at sunmi in the eyes, swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat.
he could do it.
it was easy.
three letters. one sound.
he would do it.
and so, he did it.
for the first time in 8 years, he spoke to someone, on school grounds.
"yes."