silence - nct, norenmin

⍣ 15 ⍣

i'm very sorry for running away, renjun

i swear i didn't want to hurt your feelings

your paining is very beautiful, don't doubt it

it's just that... it reminded me of something

something ugly and scary

i am a coward, i know

i can't face my fears

i am so sorry if i hurt your feelings

i never wanted to do so

i am so happy to have you and jeno as my friends

i never thought i would be able to get friends after what happened

but you two were willing to

so i am the happiest person to have you around

the problem is that my fears are stronger than my emotions

and i can't seem to fight them well enough for the moment

please trust me when i saw i find your painting beautiful

the aim of a painting is to transmit feelings

and yours truly did transmit feelings

the problem is that it transmitted fear for me...

but i am going to get better

i promise

one day, i'll be able to look at this painting without running away

"renjun?" jeno asked, looking towards his boyfriend that was lying on his bed. "have you seen jaemin's text?"

"no..." renjun replied.

"read it. it's for you." jeno told, going back to playing a game on his phone. "and grab a box of tissues, because i know you are sensitive."

⍣

a few days had passed since the painting incident.

jaemin, jeno and renjun were on good terms.

not that thy had ever been on bad terms, but the fact jaemin had ran away in front of renjun's painting had started to make renjun doubt.

however, after the long message jaemin had sent, renjun was the one to feel sorry.

he had triggered jaemin with his art.

he had hurt him.

and it was his fault.

anyway, renjun and jaemin had texted about their problem, and now everything was good again.

well, good? not for everybody.

just like every week, it was time for their p.e. class. and jaemin hated this class with all his dear life.

first, he was scared of getting hurt.

after getting his chest opened and sewed back, he was always scared that it would burst open at any occasion, even if the doctors had explained to him that it was impossible.

second, he hated changing in front of others.

the ugly scar that tarnished his body was his biggest shame. he hated the fact that people could see it and ask him about it. but what he hated even more was seeing the chests of the other boys, perfect, muscular, flat, scarless. something jaemin could never have anymore.

now that jaemin was all sweaty after two long hours of p.e., he had to change clothes, and to do so, he had to undress.

he had already waited for half an hour outside the changing rooms so that all the boys could change without him seeing.

when he was sure no one was in the changing rooms, he entered them, closing the door behind his back.

jaemin pulled out some clean clothes of his bag and he picked his towel to have a shower.

he was quick to rinse himself and clean all the sweat his body had produced during the exercising.

first things first, jaemin wore his boxers and his trousers.

as he was about to wear his shirt, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror that was on the wall above the sinks.

he carefully made his way there, his shirt in the hand.

he stood in front of the mirror, looking in horror at his ugly chest.

the scar the surgeons had created 8 years ago was still there, bright pink, and a bit swollen.

it was constantly there to remind jaemin of his past traumas.

the teenager traced the contour of the scar with one of his fingers, flinching when he would go too close to the artificially closed wound.

8 years after, it still hurt. both mentally and physically.

jaemin quickly wore his shirt, scared that he would do something he would regret after.

he let the big shirt fall over his shoulders, this time looking at his reflexion with his shirt on, and his ugly scar hidden.

what he missed though, is that a boy had opened the changing room's door a few minutes before, and that he had seen jaemin in all his nakedness, scar included.