Saint
Kate reminded me of a single rose amongst a field of weeds. She was as rare as she was radiant. My soul seemed to light up when she was near. There wasn't an ounce of impurity or sin inside of her. She was perfect in every sense of the word.
She wasn't too fond of Luci though, and I didn't blame her. Sometimes it was hard to be around Luci because of how much my body internally despised her presence. Although hanging around her more often this past month made it bearable, it was still difficult.
After I dropped her off at work, Kate and I talked for awhile at the diner. It was a brief introduction about herself and her life. Although most would have found it boring to listen to a girl ramble on about herself, I was quizzically intrigued by anything Kate said. Her voice was captivating and I couldn't stop listening even if I tried.
"We should go back to your house," Kate said.
We had driven away from the diner after we had eaten. I looked at her for a split second and smiled.
"Yeah sure," I replied. "I'm a bit nervous though. Not sure how to tell my mom all of this..."
She gave me a small smile before placing a hand on my shoulder. "It'll be okay. Just explain to her what happened at Azure, like what you told me."
"Yeah, but I don't know if I should tell her about Luci being..." I trailed off. "Maybe I'll just focus on meeting Japheth and going to the house."
Kate placed a hand on my neck and played with the necklace she had given me. I noticed her frown, but she immediately covered it up when I stared at her.
"You don't have to protect that demon," she said. "And besides, things like this aren't new to Arabella- I mean your mother. I'm sure she'll just be glad that you told her."
She was right, or at least I thought so. The conversation should go well. I would just explain to my mother how I knew I was an angel, and then ask her why she would keep something like that from me. It should be easy enough.
"Oh, and you have to tell her that I will be staying with your family for the time being," she reminded. "Just until I'm done training you."
"I won't forget," I promised. "But what exactly are you training me for?"
We pulled into my house and I drove through the large golden gates. Parking my car, I pulled my key out the ignition and took off my seatbelt.
"Suscitatio," she replied.
I blink hard and wave of confusion washed over me.
"It means awakening," she giggled. "Since you are not fully an angel you need to earn your wings."
"Earn my wings?" I asked. "Why would I need to earn my wings? How would I even be able- "
She placed a finger over my lips and my breathing paused momentarily.
"So many questions," she laughed. "You'll earn your wings by proving you can be an angel."
I nodded and she continued, "you'll become an angel but doing good acts. Charitable acts that are meaningful. You have to want to become a better person and rid yourself of impurities and sin."
My stomach fell as she continued to speak. I wasn't a terrible person but I definitely was not "pure".
"Define impurities..." I said.
She unbuckled her seatbelt and straightened out her white dress. It was long and unblemished. It was loosely fit on her and made her look like an angel.
"Hmm," she began. "Impurities like, drugs, alcoholism, adultery, coveting, dishonesty, etcetera."
I nodded my head and made a mental checklist of the things I had done on that list. I scratched the back of my head and avoided eye contact with her.
"Oh and the most important one I can't forget," she said. "Fornication."
"What's that?" I asked.
Her face rose to a blush and a beautiful red color stained her cheeks. Her blue eyes widened at my question and she cleared her throat.
"Having... relations with another person you are not married to."
Relations? Oh she means sex...
I'd had some "relations" with girls that I didn't even bother keeping count. The way she danced around the word led me to know that it was an uncomfortable topic for her.
"So what? Am I supposed to abstain from stuff like that?"
She nodded her head quickly and I clicked my tongue to the roof of my mouth. What Kate didn't know was that I was having "relations" with Luci about two hours prior.
My heart swelled reminiscing on what I had done to her. I subconsciously chewed the inside of my cheek when I remembered how flustered she had gotten. Her thighs had been pressed together tightly and her skin was so smooth.
Her whimpers replayed in my ear like a scratched CD. They were addictive and I couldn't help but want to hear them again.
I'm definitely doing that again with her, regardless of the whole "impurities" thing.
"Saint?"
Kate's soft voice snapped me from my thoughts. "Your face is really red. Are you okay?"
"Yeah- yes I'm fine. Perfect even," I lied.
Her eyes glanced over my face in suspicion but she shrugged to herself instead. Unlocking the car, we both got out and headed inside my house.
When I opened the door, Charlotte was at the dining table with my brother. They were both sitting quietly doing homework. She turned her head and her eyes widened when she saw Kate behind me.
"Who's this?" Charlotte asked. "No wait where's Luci?"
"She's at work," I replied. "Is mom home yet?"
Charlotte shook her head and glared at Kate. Meanwhile my brother Jayden was ogling her.
"Guys this is Kate," I explained. "She might be staying with us for awhile."
Charlotte crossed her arms and her and Jayden exchanged looks.
"Why?" she asked.
I grabbed Kate's arm and dragged her up the stairs with me. "I'll explain later," I called out.
We reached my room door and I opened it slowly. The books Luci had used were stacked neatly on my desk. My gold rings were spread around my bedside table and my black tie laid on my bed. The bed sheets were ruffled and my book was on one of my pillows.
I pulled out my desk chair and offered Kate a seat. She sat down in the chair and swiveled in it.
"This is your room?" she asked.
I nodded and watched as she looked around.
"It's nice."
I stood at the edge of my bed in silence and she averted her gaze from me. I wasn't sure what to say so I stuffed my hand in my pockets and clicked my tongue.
All of a sudden Kate stood up from her chair and walked over to me. I felt my body get hot as she trailed a hand against my collarbone.
"You look just like your father," she whispered.
I gulped when I felt her hand rake through my hair. Her blue eyes seemed to stare deeply into my green ones.
"Although," she said. Her small hands tugged on the roots of my hair I groaned involuntarily.
"Your hair isn't blond like his. Why?"
My face beat red immediately when her hand trailed across my neck again.
"I- I used to dye it... um black a lot," I explained.
She nodded and a small smile played onto her lips. I felt her drag her hand down my back and goosebumps arose on my skin. Her hand trailed further down, when I felt it creep into my back pocket.
She pulled my phone out, and backed away from me. Kate playfully held it in the air, as if enticing me to take it from her. I laughed at her antics and attempted to retrieve my phone back from her. She backed up and I followed her movements until she was entrapped against my wall.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
She giggled and waved my phone in front of her face. "I've never seen one of these before. I just want to hold it for a little while."
"Is that okay?" she whispered.
I nodded quickly and backed up from the wall. I supposed it wouldn't have caused any harm. It's not like she wanted to keep it forever.
"Yeah sure I guess," I replied. "Just let me know if anyone calls or texts me."
She smiled back at me and sat down on the chair. I saw her scroll through my phone and her eyes lit up at the different features.
As I watched her, the door to my room suddenly flew open and it shut with a sharp sound.
My mother looked back and forth between me and Kate. Her brow furrowed and she leaned against my door.
"Saint," she said. "Who is this? Is this Lucille?"
Kate scowled but covered her discontent with a wide smile. She practically fluttered over to my mother and held her hand in a welcoming manner.
"No I'm not Lucille," she giggled. "My name is Kate."
"And what are you doing in my son's room, Kate?" she asked.
Kate and I made eye contact for a few seconds. My palms became sweaty and I took a deep breath before saying, "Kate needs to stay with us for awhile mom."
"And why would she be staying with us?"
The air around us seemed to disappear as my lungs could not grasp the air.
"Because," I began. "Japheth kind of sent her."
The color from my mother's face drained when I said my father's name. Her demeanor went from calm to downright livid. Her stance against the door frame turned defensive in a matter of seconds. She pointed an accusing finger at Kate and her breathing became heavier.
"Get out," she demanded. "Now!"
She grabbed Kate by the arms and attempted to push her out the door. I grabbed Kate's other arm and pulled her back towards me.
"Mom relax!" I screamed. "You're hurting her."
She pushed Kate back into my chest and I caught the shaking angel in my arms. Her body went rigid and I felt her skin become cold. She was preparing for an attack, but it seemed like her body was resisting.
"I refuse to have angels in this house!" she shouted. "I've worked too hard to shield you from that world and I will not have all my progress ruined because Japheth wants to suddenly make his presence known again!"
I scoffed and glared at her. As much as I loved and respected my mother, sometimes she could be so daft and irresponsible.
"So I guess I'm an exception to your "no angels" rules then?" I retorted.
Her eyes widened and she refused to look at me. "How did you even know about..."
"I went to Azure if you must know," I spat out. "Were you ever going to tell me mom? Or were you just hoping I'd never find out?"
She leaned against the doorframe once more and crossed her arms. "I didn't want you finding out for good reasons Saint. It's complicated."
"It wasn't complicated," my voice rose. "All you had to do was tell me I was an angel, instead of letting me figure it out alone!"
Her eyes narrowed and but her gaze softened.
"What did Japheth tell you? Did he tell you what he does? How much of a monster he truly is?"
"If you're talking about how he's an angel of death, then yes I know that," I admitted. "I understand that makes me one too, but you can't kick Kate out. She was sent here to help me."
My mother looked at Kate up and down before letting out a loud sigh. "Help with what exactly?"
"Arabella," Kate chimed. "You and I both know that Saint isn't meant to stay here forever. It's time."
My mother shook her head and I saw tears begin to pool inside her eyes. "No-no, you can't take him there! I don't want him affiliating himself with them. And if the council finds out- "
"They won't," Kate promised. "And if they do, he has a better chance of staying alive if he reaches suscitatio and receives his wings."
I had heard about the "council" before back in Azure. But I didn't know what exactly or who exactly they were. They seemed dangerous. I came to the conclusion that council didn't know about my existence nor Luci's. It seemed that if they did, we would all be in grave trouble.
After an undetermined amount of silence, my mother let out a shaky breath before saying,
"Fine. She can stay in the guest room."
Kate smiled at me, and turned her focus back to my mother.
"Ms. Jones," she began. "I know talking about Japheth is hard. I know you are just trying to protect Saint, but the time is up. He can't keep living in this bubble of mystery forever."
She came up off the door frame and wrapped her arms around me. "Saint, I'm sorry. I wish I could help you and tell you more. It just- it hurts so much to talk about. It's a part of my past that I do not want to revisit."
I hugged my mom back and felt her tears stain my shirt. Anger wasn't an emotion I wanted to exude. All I wanted was to hurt Japheth for destroying any sense of real happiness left inside of my mother.
"Kate, I'll prepare the downstairs guest room for you," she said. "I apologize for my behavior earlier."
Kate nodded solemnly and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I understand Arabella."
My mother left the room and shut the door quietly. I didn't know what she was going to tell the twins or Rod, but I knew the excuse for Kate staying here would have to be a good one.
"So," Kate began. "That was... intense."
"Yeah," I whispered. "I'm sorry about my mom. She isn't like that all the time I swear."
She shook her head and grabbed my arm.
"It's perfectly fine. I don't blame her I promise."
I yawned and rubbed my eyes. Sitting on my bed, my eyes blinked slowly while my breathing slowed down.
Kate sat on the bed next to me and raked her hand through my hair.
"Are you tired?" she asked.
I nodded and my body began to sway back and forth, as I fought the tiredness.
"I suppose this is my fault," she apologized. "Black tourmaline can drain your energy. You should get some sleep."
My back fell against my bed and my body warmed at the feeling of my soft sheets underneath me. I fiddled with the necklace and swirled the crystal around my neck.
"Oh," I replied. "Should I take it off then?"
"No!" she warned. "Um if you take it off then the effects aren't as strong. So make sure to always keep it on okay?"
I hummed in response and my eyes fluttered shut. A hand caressed my cheek and pulled the covers over my body. I could feel Kate come closer to me and a warm breath over my ear.
"Somnum," she whispered.
The last I heard before I fell into slumber was a faint giggle, and the sound of my phone ringing.
･:*:･｡☆｡･:*:･ﾟ
Nightmares were foreign to me.
But ever since Luci and I came back from Azure, only one nightmare seemed to replay in my mind.
I was frozen. The scene still played out the same. We were in Japheth's home, and he had just came out of the large painting.
Luci stood behind me and it was then I noticed how warm she had gotten. She was burning.
I was a spectator this time.
That was thing about these nightmares, they had different versions but they all ended up with the same outcome.
I watched as she cowered behind me. Her eyes were wide and I could hear how fast her heart was pumping. She was afraid.
I wanted to reach out and touch her- hug her, but alas all I could do was watch.
I watched as Japheth pointed an accusing finger at her and screamed, "Daemonium!"
A giant light blue ball of energy formed inside the palm of his hand. This was the part of my nightmare that I couldn't bare to look at.
Time seemed to still. Japheth flung the ball of energy behind me. In slow motion I saw it hit Luci right in the chest. Her face turned blue immediately and she screamed as her body fell limp to the floor.
This was the part of the nightmare that made my stomach fall and my arms shake. I touched her lifeless body and stilled when I didn't feel a pulse. Shaking her body, my breath started to quicken when panic set in.
"Luci?" I shouted.
I shook her body vigorously and the world around me blurred. Her eyes were snapped shut and she wouldn't move.
"Luci," I said softly. "No- no... please you have to wake up. Please."
In my nightmare, Marcus and Celia didn't show up like they did previously.
The room disappeared and changed from the house to a giant field of dead red roses. This time Japheth was gone and I was alone with Luci's dead body.
In her deathbed she looked cozier than she had ever been. Her soul seemed to be escaping her body as she grew paler by the minute.
I felt wetness stain my cheeks.
To sob is to give away any pretence of self defence, to feel the full hurricane that is the pain. As if the soul could bleed an ocean through the eyes. That was the enormity of my tears.
"I'm so sorry," I choked out. "This is all my fault."
I stroked her hair and tried to catch my breath. The blood red color was starting to fade but even in a world of bright colors, she would be the boldest of hues.
My breath came back to me, and I recollected myself. My eyes searched through the field of dead roses.
Three live, unblemished roses bloomed a few feet away from me. Plucking them, I placed them next to Luci's body in mourning.
"I never deserved you Angel."
The nightmare always ended there.
When the guilt comes again to haunt me I take in a breath. It still cuts just as deep, but its visits are less frequent and softer in duration.
After Luci had died, my mind would constantly replay all the horrible things I had done to her over the years.
It made me feel sick.
I reminded myself that whilst I cannot undo my misdeeds, I could at least try to make amends with her. I told myself that even though I can never forgive myself, I could at least try to get her to.
She didn't know that my nights were consumed of the image of her dying. It wasn't really a conversation starter anyways.
In reality I didn't deserve anything from her.
Not her body.
Not her kindness.
Not her forgiveness.
I was incandescently undeserving.
If the world were to end this second and we stood at the altar waiting to be judged, Luci would go to Heaven and I to Hell. And somehow through my revelation, I was okay with that decision.
･:*:･｡☆｡･:*:･ﾟ
My eyes snapped open. A cold sweat dripped down my face and chest. My heart was shaking, pounding, and stopping all at once.
Looking around the room it was pitch black dark. I was suspicious and paranoid that the horror from my nightmare followed me here. I got up cautiously and rubbed my head and eyes to try to fully awaken.
Stumbling to the bathroom, I looked in the mirror slowly, carefully, as if not sure of what I was supposed to see.
The sound of my bedroom door closing startled me and I whipped my head to see Kate standing in the middle of my room.
Her long white dress had been discarded and instead she wore a familiar blue shirt, with white sweat pants. She looked oddly... normal.
She noticed me staring at her and blushed.
"Charlotte let me borrow some clothes," she explained. "Your mother told everyone that I was a family friend that'll be staying here for awhile... they didn't ask too many questions."
I nodded and wiped the sweat that formed on my forehead. The black tourmaline hung loosely from my neck.
My mind was clouded with hundreds of thoughts but only one struck my mind:
"Luci!" I gasped.
I ran past Kate and slipped on my shoes. My keys were on top of my dresser and I threw them into my pocket. Tearing off my sheets I glanced around for my phone.
"Do you still have my phone?" I asked.
Her mouth pressed into a line, and she took her phone out of her back pocket.Unknowingly I snatched it from her hand and began to look through the plethora of missed calls.
"Shit!" I cursed. "Why didn't you tell me she called?"
Kate gave me a blank stare and I groaned. Grabbing my jacket I sprinted out my room and headed towards my car. Kate followed behind me and got inside the passenger seat.
It had been over 4 hours since Luci had told me to pick her up and my stomach fell at the thought of her standing in the cold outside of the diner.
I drove out of the gates quickly before getting onto the road. I contemplated driving to the diner but I realized it was already closed. So I chose the other option: I went to her house.
I slowed my car down when I arrived at her apartment complex. Running up to the door I gave it three hard knocks and waited. Kate came up behind me and remained silent.
The door opened quickly and my face dropped at the sight.
Khalil stood in the doorframe. His entire body taking up the small space. He wore only a pair of black shorts and his chest was bare. He was sweating all over, and when he saw me his mouth contorted into a wide smirk.
"And how can I help Saint Jones today?"
The edge of his voice was playful, but I knew it was not genuine. He looked behind me and his eyes widened.
"Another angel?" he scoffed. "Wait, you must be Kate then."
Kate crossed her arms and shifted her body closer to mine. Khalil laughed at her movement and leaned his body against the door frame.
"Don't worry my little Kate, I don't hurt angels," he whispered. "Not too badly anyways."
Kate's face beat red and she cleared her throat. She shifted her gaze to me and I nodded.
"I'm looking for Luci," I said.
He clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth and laughed.
"We're a little busy right now," he replied.
Taking a deep breath, I fought the urge to wipe the smirk from his face.
"Busy with what?" I asked.
"Not something angels would want to know."
Glaring at him, I felt the coldness sweep over my body. Khalil wasn't like Luci in the slightest. He wasn't the type of demon I wanted to hurt. He was the type of demon I wanted to kill.
"So she is home at least?" I asked. "I was supposed to come and get her but I- "
"Forgot," Khalil finished. "You forgot to pick her up from work."
Scratching the back of my head I shrugged my shoulders. "Yeah I guess, but it was an accident. I just want to apologize so she doesn't think I did it on purpose."
"Like I said," he continued. "We're busy."
He attempted to close the door but before it could bang shut I slammed my hand against it to stop the motion.
"Busy with what?" I spat out.
My mind raced to a million different ideas of what she could be doing with him. She'd already kissed him once. Even then I had to fight the urge of killing him right then and there.
Khalil smirked and he lowered his voice so that only I could hear.
"Maybe we're just talking. Maybe we're just hanging out," he whispered.
"Or maybe we're doing what you two did in the library."
There's a funny thing about jealousy. It is easier to see than one might expect, it for sure has no cloak of invisibility.
If looks could kill, I would strike him down like lightening. My light green eyes were turning an even darker shade of green as I stared at him.
My teeth clenched and if it had been possible, my eyes would have seared holes through his head. I couldn't stand the sight of him with his malicious smirk and perfectly harmful face.
The next few seconds were blurry and bloody.
Without thinking the coldness swept throughout my body. My fist moved on its own and I planted an icy punch on Khalil's cheek.
He stumbled back inside the house and fell. The ice wrapped around my knuckles like brass, and blood littered all around it.
Wasting no time I pushed him further into the ground and punched his face repeatedly. Nothing was coherent, all I could think about in that moment was the voice inside my head begging me to kill him.
He attempted to flip me over but my strength kept him on the floor. I stood up and kicked his ribs before coming back down to punch him again.
The ice on my fingertips were like minuscule knives. With each hit, his skin scratched and tiny pools of blood formed all over his body.
I heard voices yelling but I couldn't even make them out. My heart stopped when Khalil's eyes grew red.
I was pushed back into the wall and my back smacked against it. Before Khalil could counter my hits, Kate stood in front of me and crossed her arms.
"Out of the way little Kate, I don't want to hurt a pretty angel like you," Khalil demanded.
"If you lay a finger on him things will not end nicely for you," Kate said calmly. "A fight between you and him is unfair. But between you and me? That would be extremely fair."
Khalil smirked at her and wiped the blood off his lip. They stared at each other for what seemed like hours. It was as if they were both communicating with their eyes.
"You're safe again this time Saint," he said. "Next time you won't be so lucky. That's strike two."
He got up and went out the back door. I supposed it was to calm himself down or release steam. Kate helped me up, and I winced when her hand came in contact with my back.
"Are you two done?"
I whipped my head around to see Luci standing in the corner of the room, watching our interaction. She wore denim shorts and a large jacket that I did not recognize.
"Luci," I remarked. "I'm- um, glad you're home. Listen I'm sorry I didn't- "
"Get out Saint," she demanded. "And take her with you."
She attempted to retreat back to her room, but I grabbed her hand and spun her around to face me.
"Wait no. Can we talk please?"
She glanced behind me to see Kate before looking into my eyes once more.
"Is she going to be there the whole time?"
I shook my head and grabbed Luci's hand. I dragged her with me to the front door before turning back to Kate.
"Kate," I said. "Can you wait on the couch for a second?"
She nodded, and her eye twitched a bit when she faced Luci. Grabbing her hand we went outside and I closed the door shut.
She yanked her hand out of mine, and we both stood in silence.
"So," I began. "Is your mom home?"
She scowled at me and patted down loose ends of her hair.
"That's what you wanted to talk about?" she asked. "If you must know, she's not home. She has a late shift tonight."
"Oh okay," I replied.
Where would I even begin? All I wanted to do was apologize but I didn't even know where to start.
My eyes trailed to her large jacket. I knew it couldn't have been hers, with the way it hung loosely over her body.
"Is that Khalil's jacket?" I asked.
Rolling her eyes she nodded and my jaw clenched.
"Listen Saint, if you just wanted me out here to waste my time then I'm leaving- "
"I'm sorry!" I blurted out.
She fell silent and crossed her arms as she took in my words.
"For what?" she asked.
"For everything," I replied. "I'm sorry for everything."
She didn't reply so I continued, "I never apologized for what I've done to you the last 4 years. I'm just- fuck I don't know. I know I don't deserve anything from you but- "
"Stop," she laughed.
Her laughter rang throughout the street and she clutched her stomach. She looked up at me once more and laughed even harder.
"You can't be serious," she marveled. "There's no way that you have the audacity to ask for my forgiveness right now."
"W-well I'm not asking specifically I'm just- "
"Is this some kind of angel service project for you?" she questioned. "You think that if you say that you're sorry, that'll it will just erase four years of torment?"
She moved closer to me as she spoke her words. My mind went blank and I couldn't even formulate a sentence to reply back to her.
"Didn't know you thought of me as an idiot. I'm offended, I really am."
She played with the necklace on my neck and looked me dead in the eyes. My mind focused on the meticulous way her hand maneuvered around the chain.
"Do you know how it felt Saint?" she whispered. "To come home everyday crying because my glasses were broken by you or one of your friends?"
I attempted to reply when her harsh glare made my mouth close.
"To have your stuff thrown in the school's pool?" she asked.
"To walk past a mirror every single fucking day, hating the way you look because a white boy and his friends decided that you didn't fit their beauty standard?"
I mull over her words. Her eyes were clouded with tears but she quickly wiped them off.
"And after all that," she continued. "The teasing, the body-shaming, the ostracizing... you think I can forgive all of that because one day you woke up and decided that I was "pretty" enough for you? Because one day you woke up and finally started to see me as human?"
My breath caught in my throat. I was at a complete loss for words.
"I'm a death angel Luci," I reminded. "I know it doesn't excuse much but it is a reason for everything."
"You don't want my forgiveness Saint," she said. "You just want to be able to forgive yourself so you can live with the fact that you're a terrible person."
"No," I said. "That's not it at all. I know I don't deserve you- or your forgiveness. I just wanted to apologize."
"So you don't even want my forgiveness? Then why apologize?" she asked.
"Fuck- no that's not what I mean. I do want your forgiveness, I just know I don't deserve it. But I'd do anything to get it Luci."
She pulled on my necklace chain so that my face was directly lined up with hers.
"You want my forgiveness?" she whispered.
Her breath fanned against my nose and I nodded at the sound of her words. Just looking into her eyes almost made me forget what we were discussing.
"Then earn it."
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Cue the reparations 😍
I love writing in Saint's POV :) he's difficult but interesting nonetheless.
Let me know if you enjoyed! Also don't forget to comment and vote. Love y'all besties ❤️