❝ OPERATION SIX ❞
listen to the song above while reading. i beg you.
"I hate it!"
On your whole life, you swore that the look you threw your Mom was the deadliest you can ever give. Your heart is burning with rage, sadness, and disappointment. Out of all people in your life that you do such a thing to you, it'll be your mother. The one who gave birth to you, the one who sheltered you, the one who inspired you to become a doctor. But she was also the one who caused you great pain.
You and Armin.
"I just. . ." Your mother trailed off, wiping the tears falling from her eyes. ". . .I just want the best for you—"
"But Armin. . ." You bit your lip. ". . .He was the best for me! But you have to ruin it all, Mom!"
The whole house was quiet. Not even your father can butt in the conversation. Nor the maids are too scared to even leave the kitchen. They remained silent, listening to your woes. They listened to your outburst—the pain you suppressed for six years. The time when Armin broke up with you, you never cried in front of your family. You never frowned. You smiled and cheered happily when you were with them as if everything was okay. You never complained.
You kept and solved all your problems alone. They never asked if you were okay. They never did because they knew that you should always be okay. They knew that you should only focus on your dreams—on what's in front of you.
"Ever since that day, I kept blaming Armin. I kept cursing him! I tried my best—to move on, to focus on being a doctor, to forget everything that happened in the past—even if I had to hurt other people in the process. Because of me. . ."
You clutched your shirt.
". . .because of me, Eren died!"
It was my fault.
"If I never showed him I was hurting, if I never showed him how pathetic I was, if I never let him fall in love with me, if I never agreed to be his girlfriend. . .he should still be here. He should still be here, Mom! I even lied to him. . .to myself—just to forget Armin."
It was all my fault.
"I tried. I swear to God, I tried! I tried to move on, but the day I met him in the hospital wearing the same uniform as I do, still wearing the kind look on his face, still wearing the perfume I gave him when we were young. . .it all came back! It all came back to me, Mom! The memories, the pain, his touches, his lips—everything! But I had to remind myself I had Eren."
Even if. . .
You slapped yourself. "Even if he knew that—"
[ FLASHBACK - TWO YEARS AGO ]
"I know."
Eren chuckled, looking at the children playing in front of him. The park is so noisy, but the beating organ inside his chest is louder. They all looked so lively, so cheerful. Not a problem to think. Not an enemy to fight. Those kids are free.
"Some part of you still loves Armin—"
"No!" You tried to convince him. Or probably yourself. "I hate him, Eren. I don't love that jerk anymore—"
"C'mon," He laughed softly, gazing at you. "Don't lie to me anymore, Y/N-chan. If you can't be honest with yourself, then you can be honest with me."
Eren. . .
"It's fine. I know, because you never look at me the way you looked at Armin. You never smile at me the way you smiled at him. Your brain says you love me, but your heart doesn't."
He smiled. He smiled at you as if this is a very light issue.
"You're confused."
"I'm not, Eren!"
"You are."
With a swift move, he placed a kiss above your lips. You're scared and too shy to admit but you felt nothing. Not even a skip on a heartbeat. Not even a spark. You tried to close your eyes. . .you tried to feel him. You tried to wait if you might feel something between that connection.
But nothing happened.
Eren pulled away with a soft smile on his lips. "It's okay, Y/N-chan. I will stay with you, I will keep loving you—"
"Even if I'm hurting you?" It came out as a whisper. How is he like that? I don't deserve someone as precious as Eren.
He patted your head, flashing a cheeky smile. No matter what act he puts up, the tear escaping his left eye is proof that he's not okay with what's happening, but he has to take a risk. He should wait—that maybe, you'll fall in love with him too. Even if the I love yous that will soon come out of your lips will be a lie, he will still believe.
"It won't be considered as love if it won't hurt." He smiled. "I promise that I will stay with you until you see Armin again. . ."
And he did. . .
[ END OF FLASHBACK ]
". . .And he did keep his promise to me," You whispered, kneeling on the marbled floor of the house.
It felt like he just secured I'm okay before he goes.
"I'm sorry for what I did to you."
You felt your mother's embrace wrapped your body, as you buried your face on the crook of her neck. There, you cried until your eyes dried out. You poured everything—the pain, the regrets, the past, the memories—so you can start from the beginning again. Someone's waiting for you, and Eren understands it because the moment he confessed his love to you, he never expected. He never assumed.
"I'm sorry for what I did, Y/N. I'm sorry for being too self-centered. I'm sorry for being the worst mother to you. But I hope. . .you can still forgive me, my daughter."
You have to move on.
Looking up, the realization hit you. She's still my mother. "I. . ."
You have—to forget, to forgive—so you can move forward. So you can take another step.
"I. . .still love you, Mom," You whispered, biting your lip.
A new beginning is waiting for you tomorrow. You promised—you swore from the bottom of your heart that you will never make the same mistakes you did before. Eren is still with you—he's still inside your heart—and will keep guiding you wherever he is now. He's happy knowing that finally, you're starting to be true to yourself. He's happy knowing. . .that you're happy. That's what matters for him in the first place. . .
. . .your happiness.
Even if it took his.
Looking at the mirror, you knew something in you changed. It's like a heavy burden was lifted off from your shoulders. Now, you can smile again. You missed this—the old you. The old Y/N.
"I can't wait to see you, Armin."
Armin just finished his surgery for the day. It was the only operation scheduled for the whole week, and now he's free to roam around or finish his reports. But he never did. After leaving the operation room, he knew something was wrong. Quickly, he rushed back to his office, almost falling to the floor only if he didn't grab the edge of his table.
He was breathing heavily. His sight is turning blurry again.
"Why?" He whispered, placing a hand above his chest. Out of all times, why now?!
"Doctor Armin?" Falco knocked but Armin was already too weak to answer. "Doctor Armin, the patient from—"
Before he could even finish listening to his assistant's words, his vision turned black.