Tessa- Present
The coastguard called and since the storm moved more west they were sending a crew out but they informed me at this point they would be considering it a recovery and not a rescue because if he was in the water....well...
I lose it....I start hyperventilating and I can't believe it's real or that this is happening....
Vance is trying to keep it together for me but I can see it in his eyes that he is barely keeping it in.
When we get there they are asking us both questions about his physical appearance....hair color, build, tattoos....just all these questions. And I feel like I can't answer any of them so Vance does all the talking. Even though I already answered all these questions earlier.
They start asking if he was suicidal, or had any known medical issues.
And Vance tells them yes....and that he is a bipolar and off his medication.
I haven't lost hope but I also am aware of how bad this is.
Its like we are wanting them to find him but knowing if they do that only confirms that he's gone....
I feel like time is stopped and I am watching everything like it's a movie.
The next few hours are excruciating....
Knowing the possibility of him being alive is dwindling with each passing minute...
It's pretty dark but the sun is almost coming up at this point and I see in the distance they are pulling something from the water.
Time stands still.
They walk up to both of us and I just fall to my knees knowing it's him. I can't breathe....
"I'm so sorry." He says to us.
And Vance falls to the sand and puts his head into his hands hysterically crying.
Tears are pouring out from both of us. I am able to get out.... "I want to see him....."
He is reluctant but he agrees and takes me over to where he was just pulled from and they pull back the tarp .... and I still had so much hope it wasn't going to be him.
But it is...it's Hardin. The person I love more than anything in this world is gone.....Vance walks over after me because he wasn't sure if he could see him. But I look up at him and he runs up and grabs Hardins face....
"No. No. No. fuckkkk this wasn't suppose to fucking happen." He says as he pushes his head into his body.
I reach over and I grab Hardins hand and it's ice cold. I don't know what I was expecting...his whole body is whiter than white but he looks peaceful which is hard for me to even think.
I hear the alarm going off....I open my eyes and I have Hardins hand.
I shoot out of bed so fast it was all a dream....or should I say nightmare!!!!!
"Hardin...wake up!!!" I yell shaking his hand.
Groggy and opening his eyes... "what time is it?"
"I just had a dream that you drowned!! It was so real and everyone was there and we looked for hours and the coast guard came and I saw your body and it was cold....and." I blurt out and he sits up and stops me bringing me close.
"Tess stop it was just a dream...I'm fine." He says trying to calm me.
"But it felt so real I thought I lost you forever." I say still trying to calm down.
"Nahh you are stuck with me." He says squeezing me
tighter and kissing my forehead.
"Did you take your medicine today?" I ask him.
He moves his head away from mine... "no...I'm sorry I lied...I feel like I'm fine though." He says trying to reassure me.
"No you aren't fine....Hardin promise me you will take it." I yell at him.
"Okay. Okay I will." He says backing away.
I lean into him giving him a full hug I don't want to stop my dream scared me so bad I don't want to let him go.
"I'm so sorry about tonight and going through your phone and everything. I trust you and I shouldn't have ever made you doubt that." I tell him.
"You're hurting me." He says moving me off his knee.
"I'm sorry I just don't want to stop hugging you." I tell him.
"I like this energy though you scared of losing me and not keeping your hands off me." He says moving both his hands around the bare skin of my back as he starts kissing my neck.
I just keep kissing him back and then his alarm goes off again. He turns it off and pulls me closer and moves me under him.
"Hardin you have to go." I tell him.
"I know but I want you before you leave tomorrow." He tells me as he slides my shorts down.
He goes down on me for a little which feels amazing and then he puts himself inside of me. And drives into me it feels so good. And I don't want it to stop. We both finish and he lays next to me for a while.
"I guess I have to go." He says and pulls my hand to his face to kiss it.
"I'm going to miss you." I tell him.
"Me too babe." He replies and gets up so I follow.
I give him the biggest hug at the door and make him promise again to take his meds and he does.
"I love you." He tells me.
"I love you more." I reply.
"Bye babe." He says and walks out.
All the panic I think clouded how drunk I still am and I rush to the bathroom after he leaves and puke. Which I remember happening I'm my dream as well.
I still don't feel like I fully recovered from that it still has me shook up. And I just want to be here full time already and not have to worry about being away from him or worry if he's okay and taking care of himself. Which I know he can but I know his whole knee thing has really disrupted his treatment of his illness and so I just want to know things are back to the way they were because I'm not so sure....
About 20 minutes later he texts me 'hey babe I'm home and I went down and took my meds. Call me in the morning.'
I lay awake for the next hour scared to fall asleep because I don't want another horribly real nightmare... and I also keep thinking I don't want to leave tomorrow...