Friday afternoon, I left campus as soon as my classes were done for the day.
I walked the ten minute route back to the dorms, lugging my heavy gym bag with me. I was exhausted, feeling lightheaded after grinding the ballet routine all afternoon until I was a sweaty, panting mess.
When I was younger, ballet always surprised me. I couldn't understand how something that looked so elegant and graceful could be such hard work.
That was part of why I had loved it so much. All those stretches to find the perfect posture, the precise movement of the legs with the pointed toes, and every movement that was made with intention. Whenever I danced, I felt like I was a part of that perfection. Even if only for a little while.
What surprised me was how much I enjoyed the dance classes, even though I didn't see a point of dancing anymore.
The sun was still high in the sky, a perk to living in southern California that I hadn't quite gotten used to yet. It was already late september, late afternoon, and I was still feeling like I was on the verge of getting a heat stroke. I always had a large water bottle in my gym bag, but today's ballet session had emptied it in no time and I hadn't wanted to pause to walk away and refill.
When I got to my street, I went to Starbucks instead of back to my dorm. It was Friday after all and I needed to get some studying done for class. Since I was attending the sorority party tonight I wouldn't have time for studying later.
Back home in Pennsylvania, I never would have set foot in a public place while sweaty or after a workout without a proper shower first. Here in California though, it seemed to be a common thing for people to walk around in tights all day, as if always going to or coming from a workout session.
Perhaps it was because people were constantly sweaty during the warmer months.
I went inside into the cool, air conditioned venue, and stood in line to order.
"Hey, what can I get you?" the young barista asked in a cheerful voice.
"Hi, can I get a venti iced pineapple matcha, please?"
The barista was already scribbling with a marker on a plastic cup.
"Of course. What's your name?"
"Um..." I swallowed. "It's Cade."
I pulled my phone out while I waited for my drink to be ready. I knew I probably shouldn't have ordered matcha this late in the day because I was very easily affected by caffeine, but I could feel myself getting sleepy from the intense workout. I would need a boost if I was gonna get any studying done.
Besides, I was going to a party tonight. Who knew how late I would get to bed anyway?
"Venti pineapple matcha for Cade!"
I grabbed the green drink from the counter and went to sit down on a stool by the windows. I pulled out the novel we were assigned to read for ballet class, a biography of a famous ballet dancer in the '50s. We were all supposed to read it and hand in an essay on it in just two weeks.
College was stressful.
The book had a slow start but was starting to get more fascinating. I could see why they wanted us to read it for class. But what I couldn't figure out was why a dance major needed to write so many essays. I already had three essays due in the near future.
"We're educating mature, well rounded dancers!" was the mantra that all the teachers so proudly presented.
I suspected that going to an older, prestigious school had more traditional education than a modern art school would.
Though all the wooden dance halls with massive windows made up for any essay I had to write. Dancing in Easton Halls felt like a privilege, and I felt guilty by the fact that I was going to give it up.
I sipped the drink and rested my head in my hand. The caffeine hadn't kicked in yet and I was reading the same sentence for the fifth time without understanding what it was about.
"Your name is Allie, right?"
My head snapped up from my book at the sound of the female voice saying my name.
There was a girl sitting a couple of stools away, reading the exact same book as me but seemed to be much further ahead. When I looked at the girl I realized that she was in my ballet class.
The girl looked small and pale. Her frizzy blonde hair was almost white, tucked into a velvet scrunchie. She had a small gemstone in her nose and a black tattoo under her collarbone.
"Yeah," I just said, because I couldn't remember the name of the girl off the top of my head.
Luckily, she didn't seem offended. She reached her hand out and smiled at me.
"I'm Danielle."
"Nice to meet you," I said, shaking her hand. "What do you think of the book so far?"
"I like it," Danielle said. "It's making me reflect on ballet as a whole. Practicing ballet doesn't really do that, you're just in the moment."
"I agree."
"How do you find it?"
I grimaced. "I think I have yet to reach the reflective part of the reading."
Danielle let out a soft, high-pitched laugh.
"Yeah, it took some effort to get into." She nodded at my cup. "Good thinking stocking up on caffeine. The matcha really works with the pineapple in that one."
"Yeah, it's good. What are you drinking?"
Danielle played with the straw of her peach-colored drink, brows furrowing.
"This is an 'Iced London Fog Tea Latte'."
"Impressive," I said with a whistle. "That sounds... like a mouthful. Is it good?"
"Not at all," Danielle said seriously.
She cracked up in a smile and I giggled.
"The thing is, I have made it my mission to try every single drink on the Starbucks menu."
"Oh really? How come?"
Danielle swiveled on her stool until she was face to face with me.
"I have this theory that if a person has had all the tasting experience that a full, ever changing Starbucks menu has to offer, they will reach a heightened level of living far superior to that of anyone else your own age."
"That's... a theory. But the menu changes all the time. How will you ever keep up?"
Danielle laughed softly, her nose scrunching up against her piercing.
"I never said my theory wasn't flawed."
"That's true."
I sipped my drink.
"Who's Cade?"
My eyes widened before following Danielle's gaze to my cup. I instinctively covered the cup with my hand.
"It's... my dog. Back home. I miss him." I shrugged, feeling how lame the lie sounded. "I mean... he's dead."
"Oh no, I'm sorry! Was it recent?"
I nodded. "Yeah, kinda. And it happened suddenly."
Danielle looked down for a moment, as if searching for what to say.
"I've never had a dog, but... I lost my grandpa this summer. I know it gets tough sometimes."
"It does."
Danielle gave me a small smile. After a moment, she went back to her book. So did I.
We sat next to each other for a couple of minutes, reading our books and sipping our drinks. It was a pleasant sort of silence, one that felt comfortable rather than anxious.
"He wasn't my dog," I found myself saying.
Danielle looked up from her book, startled.
"Cade was my friend. My best friend. And he died, not too long ago. I just don't like talking about it, so sometimes I say stupid lies instead."
Danielle nodded. "I've been there, I get it."
We didn't say anything more after that. We sat in comfortable silence for a while, until Danielle packed her things together and left with a quiet "see you later".
Right after she had left, I realized I should have asked if she was going to the sorority party later tonight. It had totally slipped my mind after the talk about Cade.
I looked at the time on my phone, realizing the party was supposed to start in less than two hours.
Feeling nauseous from the caffeine kick, I hurried out of the Starbucks and went back to the dorm.
The room was dark and empty as always. Yet again, my roommate was elsewhere.
I turned on the shower in the communal bathroom and got undressed while the water turned hot. When I stepped in, I slowly started to relax. The warm water massaged my sore muscles, relieving the tension and the kinks.
After a moment, a giddy feeling started to overcome me. I realized I was actually excited for the party. It was possible that I would see Danielle again. And Cade's doppelganger.
Suddenly I couldn't wait to mingle. Who knew? I thought I hated mingling.
I couldn't remember the last time I was looking forward to being around lots of people. It must have been sometime before Cade died. I used to love being around people.
In the flash of a moment, I could no longer tell if the water running down my face was from the shower or from my eyes.
I felt so lost and hadn't even realized that I had been losing myself. I didn't recognize who I was anymore. For the longest time, it had felt so easy to just let myself fade away.
I stepped out of the shower and got ready, spending more time than I had in ages to pick out an outfit and do a full face of makeup.
I didn't want to fade away, I wanted to find my way back to who I used to be before Cade died. I missed that girl.
To do that, I had to find out what the deal with Jack was. Somehow, he felt like the key to everything. Like he was the key to me getting closure. It couldn't be a coincidence that we went to the same school.
I entered the address to the frat house into my phone and started walking. I walked fast, the click-clacks of my heels the only thing pounding faster than my heart.
Anything could happen tonight.
~ ~ ~
~A/N~
I hope you're getting excited for the party! What do you think is gonna happen there?