I hate feeling like this. Like there is nothing I can do when I could have done something but I don't know what. I hate feeling so guilty about something I couldn't have prevented from happening, but I still feel like I could've done something.
I was at my Uncle's grave looking at it. He had a car crash because he was in such a rush to see me. He was so happy to see me. I could hear the excitement in his voice when we talked over the phone. I was very elated to see him too.
He was my favorite uncle, Uncle YJ. He was so funny, loving, supportive, and caring. I would laugh anytime he told his "dad jokes" although they weren't funny to most of our relatives and family members. He supported me and cared for me until the end.
I stood there. Tears streaming down my face. I kept on thinking that there was something I could have done to prevent it from happening. I shouldn't have made that phone call and maybe he would still be here, just not here at the moment. He would be at work. But no. Now, this happened. I will never forgive myself for this.
Something kept on telling me it wasn't my fault and that's just how life works sometimes. It's not how it should though. Life is so fucking selfish sometimes. I hate it. Like what the actual hell, my uncle was so damn young. He was nowhere ready to die.
I dropped on my knees and started crying. I don't know what to do. No one else cared about me as my uncle did. I felt like ending it all but my uncle would not want me to do that. He'd want me to move on with my life and be a great person in life no matter how cruel the world seemed to treat me.
After drying my tears with my handkerchief, I put my hand on my uncle's grave and made a promise to never give up no matter how much I wanted to.
I will make my uncle proud no matter what highs and lows I go through. I will always keep him in my heart and I will never break my promise to him.
I stood up and said my last goodbyes to my uncle before walked out of sight of the cemetery.
I will make you proud uncle and I will make them pay for ever doubting me. Just wait and watch.