Dear Jungie,
Happy 23rd Birthday! It's crazy that time flies by so fast. It feels like yesterday you and me were debuting, I can't believe it's been 3 years already. Remember how excited we were? I miss those days.
I know I haven't been a good friend to you lately. I know I've been distant and cold and unfeeling. Don't blame yourself, please. You deserve all the happiness in the world. I don't tell you that often enough. You are one of the strongest people I know, always lifting us up and inspiring me everyday. Am I being cringey? I don't care. I'm saying all the things I could never say while looking at you, huh? Don't feel awkward afterwards, we won't talk about this.
I hope you have an amazing birthday. That all the things you wished for come true and that you and Sooyoung are together forever.
But I suppose I haven't been completely honest with you about my feelings. You may think I have something against you recently, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. Honestly Jungie, I've been struggling with how I feel for you, and I think I figured it out.
I'm in love with you. You read that right, don't worry. I'm sorry to say it like this, I'm sorry to say it at all. I know you love Sooyoung, I don't expect or want anything to come out of this confession. I just need you to know or it will eat me up inside.
Sooyoung treats you right, and I can see it in her eyes, that she really cares about you. She talks about you too, about how pretty she finds you and how much you make her heart flutter. It's sweet, really, to see her like this. Don't tell her I said this, but it's honestly quite endearing.
Maybe you've noticed my feelings by now, I was never great at hiding my emotions, was I? You entrance me, Jungeun, there's no other way to describe it. The feeling in my heart when you're with me can't be compared to anything else. I think it's a feeling that's saved just for you.
If only I had been a bit braver, huh? If only I have been a bit more aware of my feelings earlier on, then maybe I could've told you at a better time. I hope I'm not ruining your birthday, Jungie.
I know you felt it too, at some point, and that's why I can't help but hate myself for my foolishness. I drove you away, into Sooyoung's arms. I hope you'll stay there, you're good for each other, she'll treat you better than I could.
I don't know where I'm going with this. I hope this hasn't brought down the mood of your birthday. That's why I stayed away, I wanted you to be happy, and I know you'd be happier without me.
I can picture your face while you read this, so concerned. Don't try to come and find me, I'm okay. It's better if we stay away for the night. In the morning, I'll be able to act like everything is alright.
Funny thing, I can hear you as I'm writing this. The girls are singing happy birthday to you. You're probably pissed at me since I haven't come out of my room. I'm crying right now though, so cut me some slack :)
I l̸o̸v̸e̸ y̸o̸u̸ feel so much for you that I can hardly stand it. I could never explain it, even if I had all the time in the world. But more than wanting you to be with me, I want you to be happy. Truthfully, that's the bright side of this situation to me. That even if I'm not with you, someone else is making you laugh the way I wish I could. I really hope she's the one for you, j̸u̸n̸g̸i̸e̸.
There's no way I can finish this gracefully, is there? Happy birthday again, thank you, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry to have put this on you. I said it earlier somewhere, but I don't need a response. I don't want a response. Let's just pretend that nothing changed. It's e̸a̸s̸i̸e̸r̸ best this way.
- Jinsoul
a/n
no, I don't really know what this is. It's just a letter that Jinsoul sends Jungeun on her birthday. It's inspired by Jungeun's birthday live where she says that Jinsoul didn't even come out to sing happy birthday to her but then came to her at midnight and told her happy birthday. How sweet :,)
thank you for reading <3