“Are you sure about this?” Harry asked again, as he pushed the knot of his best tie up to meet the collar of his shirt. A part of him thought this was a bad idea. A very bad idea.
“I’m certain,” Liam chuckled from behind him. He leaned in the doorway of Harry and Louis’ bedroom and crossed his arms over his chest. “Everything will be fine. Trust me. It’s not like this is the first time I’ve child-sat for you before.”
“But there are five of them this time…” Harry fretted, worrying his lip.
In the mirror he could see Liam roll his eyes and push away from the door-frame. Two seconds later, Liam’s hands came down heavily on his shoulders and their eyes met in the glass. Liam smiled fondly, “If I have any problems I’m sure Dana and Beth will help me out. Anyway. Seth and Ella are hardly babies anymore, mate. They’re five years old.”
“Okay, okay,” Harry sighed, leaning into him a little, “it’s just…”
“I know,” said Liam quietly, “they’re your kids. You’re going to worry about them but, trust me, if they can survive two weeks alone with Daisy, I’m certain they can survive one night with me.”
Harry cracked a small smile, “Yeah, that’s true.” Liam squeezed his shoulder encouragingly. “Alright then. Just remember; half-seven bath-time for the twins and they’re to be in bed by half-eight at the latest. They might beg you to read them a story – it’s up to you if you do, but just one or you’ll be there all night.” Liam nodded. “Ryan can stay up to ten-thirty if he wants,” Harry continued, “but he must hand you his mobile before he goes to bed.” Liam nodded again. The mobile thing, he knew, was because Ryan had been recently caught staying up to the early hours of the morning texting his friends. Neither Harry nor Louis had been impressed when his grades started slipping due to his tiredness. That’s why the mobile was handed in before bedtime. “Beth may have her boyfriend over but he must be left by eleven o’clock and he is certainly not allowed in her room – downstairs at all times. Also, if you can, try and keep the twins away from the rec-room. Dana’s got an essay due next week so she needs a bit of peace. Plus, some of her project work is in there and nobody wants that to get damaged.”
“No problem.”
Harry chewed on his bottom lip as he thought about what else he needed to tell his friend. “Uh… All emergency numbers are pinned up on the fridge… including our hotel’s. Umm… there’s the makings of Spaghetti Bolognaise but you can make anything you want for dinner. The kids aren’t fussy and I daresay Ryan will help you out. He’s really into his cooking at the moment. Oh! And there are some pots of chocolate mousse for dessert providing they eat up all their vegetables – one each only though and no more fizzy drinks once dinner is over… milk or water only…” Liam nodded seriously as Harry started ticking the rules off his fingers. “Beth may spend the evening online providing all of her homework is complete. Check her planner if you don’t believe her if she tells you it’s all done. Boy-band and hot teenage actor obsessions are not as important as her GSCEs. What else… Oh yeah, make sure Ella feeds her hamster before she goes to bed and that Seth brushes his teeth properly – he’s got the dentist next Tuesday.
What else, what else… There’s, um, plenty of bread and cereal for breakfast tomorrow morning. Seth and Ella will probably wake up between seven and eight but they’ll quietly watch cartoons until you’re up too. They may even help themselves to cereal if they’re too impatient to wait that long. Lou and I don’t usually get up until ten on a Sunday anyway so they’re used to being downstairs on their own. Don’t expect the other three to be up before eleven though but if they’re not up by half-twelve then chap on their doors and encourage them to get their lazy bums out of bed.”
“Okay,” Liam chuckled, “I think I can handle all that. Everything will be fine mate. You just concentrate on enjoying yourself tonight. Focus on Louis for a change. You both deserve it and need it.”
“Yeah,” Harry sighed, “we do. Thanks for this Li.”
Liam shot him a crooked grin and reached out to straighten his tie. “You’re welcome, mate. Now, grab your bag and get going!”
They both walked downstairs to the kitchen only to be met by two wolf-whistles, “Whoa Dad! You’re looking sharp!” Ryan teased from the table where he was cutting something out of a magazine.
“Someone’s looking to get laid tonight,” Dana added in amusement as she walked past them to the kettle.
“Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!” Ryan and Beth chorused in horror; making ridiculous puking noises.
“Ugh,” Beth shuddered, pushing her text book away from her. “Thanks for that mental image Sis. I was more than happy not ever thinking about it. Anyway, they are so past their sex-by dates now. They might break a hip or something.”
“I’ll have you know I’m still very flexible,” a deeper voice replied from behind Harry, “as your father well knows from the other week.”
Harry choked over a laugh as Louis’ arms wound around his waist from behind. Their three eldest burst into disgusted choruses of ‘Yeughhhhhhhh!” “Gross!” and “Oh god, I’m mentally scared for life now!” Even Dana found Louis’ retort too much information this time.
“How to gross your children out,” Louis murmured warmly in Harry’s ear, “in one easy sentence.” Harry chuckled again and stretched his neck back to share a quick kiss with his other half. “Mmm,” Louis hummed appreciatively, his lips running down his husband’s smooth chin to bury themselves against the collar of his shirt, “you smell nice.”
Harry turned with a smile, only to find his heart skipping a beat as he saw what Louis was wearing. Black trousers, cream linen shirt, light purple and blue tie, and a grey waistcoat with cream detailing. “You look hot,” he murmured back appreciatively, pressing another quick kiss to Louis’ mouth and willing himself not to get too ‘happy’ about Louis’ appearance just yet. Despite being ‘flexible’, at the wrong end of their forties they were both finding that recovery time took a lot longer these days. They had all night and Harry didn’t want it to end early.
“Ready to go?” Louis whispered, pressing another soft, damp kiss to Harry’s jaw.
“Yeah,” said Harry, grinning.
“Seth! Ella! Your Dad and I are going now!” Louis shouted out into the house. A second later they heard two pairs of scampering feet hurtling down the stairs. Harry and Louis only just managed to separate before their legs were seized by their almost identical youngest.
“Bye Daddy!” said Ella cheerfully, hugging Harry’s thighs tight. Harry laughed and swung her up to shoulder height.
“Bye Pumpkin,” he replied, kissing her forehead, “be good for Uncle Liam.”
“Me? I’m always good,” she shot back, grinning toothily, “innocent as an angel – like Grandma Anne always says!”
Harry threw his head back and laughed; if Ella took after anyone then it was Louis. She was bright, mischievous and full of the cheeky talk. Seth wasn’t much different either. Harry pressed another kiss to her forehead before swapping her for Seth.
“No, putting water balloons in Liam’s bed like you did when Zayn was over,” Harry warned his youngest son who giggled in reply, “and if I hear you’ve put another spider in Beth’s room you’ll have no cartoons for the next week. You hear me young man?”
“Yes Daddy!” Seth groaned, rolling his eyes. “Can you and Dad go now?”
Harry’s eyes narrowed suspiciously, “Why? What are you up to?”
“Nothing!” Seth replied quickly, showing his father all his teeth – minus the bottom one he’d lost the other week. “We just want to spend some time with our Uncle Li!”
“Uh huh,” Harry let him go, not quite believing him.
After exchanging hugs and goodbyes to their elder three and forcing kisses to Beth’s cheeks just to annoy her, Harry and Louis picked up their overnight bags and made their exit. Everyone saw them to the door and waved manically as Harry started up his car and slowly turned it around in the yard.
“Do you get the impression that that was too easy?” He couldn’t help but ask Louis as he watched the kids getting smaller and smaller in the rear-view mirror.
Louis chuckled as he settled in his seat, “Yeah it was love, they couldn’t wait to get us out of the door.”
Harry frowned, “I wonder why?”
Louis snorted and shifted closer to his husband, “because Liam is a pushover and they know it. Every rule you laid down is going to fly out of the window tonight.”
Harry frowned harder, “Do you think it’s wise to leave Liam alone then?”
“Yes!” Louis laughed, “They’ll be fine with him. The kids need a break from us as much as we do from them. Don’t worry about it. A night of letting their hair down won’t cause them any lasting harm. Let’s just enjoy this free time while it lasts.”
Harry smiled softly as he turned right out of their drive. “Okay,” he agreed and lifted his arm in invitation. Louis smiled back and leant across the handbrake into Harry’s side.
“Hmmm,” he sighed contently, “just you and me and no kids for one night… I’m really looking forward to this.”
~*~
The hotel restaurant was posh but not overly so. Instead of the overblown heart decorations and red tableware that many places had gone with on this St Valentine’s Day, the Randolph Hotel in the heart of OxfordCity had gone with some simple and pretty white fairy lights and two cream candles at each table. It was cosy and very private which meant the two of them could enjoy themselves without any interruptions from their fans.
Harry couldn’t help taking a moment, while their eyes were grazing the menus, to stare across the table at his husband. Even at 49, Louis was still ridiculously handsome despite the signs of growing age. There was some distinguished grey peppered throughout his hair and crows feet deepening at the corner of his eyes - although the latter just made him look more cheekier and mischievous as ever.
It was strange to think, though, that a year ago Harry would have given everything he owned to see Louis as full of life and cheer as he was right now. Last year had been a bad year and Harry had momentarily brushed with the horror that he might have been a widower way too long.
“What are you thinking about?”
Harry blinked and smiled as he met his husband’s curious gaze. It sent his heart all a flutter. “You,” he admitted softly.
“Me? Are you sure?” Louis chuckled, ducking his head a little. “Not the kids and whether the house is still standing?”
“No, I was actually thinking about you,” Harry replied a little goofily, “as strange as that may be,” he kidded. He then leant a little to the side as a waiter silently placed two glasses on the table as well as a jug of water.
“Surely I’m not that interesting,” Louis remarked lightly as he poured them both a glass each.
“You’re the main reason that my life is interesting at all,” Harry shot back honestly as he dug into his trouser pocket and pulled out a small box. Louis let out a relieved sigh as he handed it over.
“Thank god! I thought I’d left that at home! Thanks.” He flipped the lid and shook out two white pills and swallowed them quickly.
“You’d left them by the bathroom sink so I thought I’d grab them just in case you forgot to. I’m not going to take a chance of you missing a few doses.”
“Yeah…” Louis sighed, “probably not a good idea. So…” he pocketed the box into his own trousers and then reached across and took Harry’s hand, “how are you? I mean, how are you really? I can’t imagine how hard the past year or so has been for you – looking after the kids practically on your own and nursing my sorry arse.”
“I’m okay,” Harry replied quietly. Louis raised a sceptical eye and Harry quickly repeated the answer, “I really am,” he nodded with a smile, “I’m tired but I’m okay - now that you’re out of hospital and somewhat back on track again. I could probably do with a two-week holiday though. Somewhere hot, sandy and miles away from Rescue Rover and Katy the Vampire Princess re-runs.”
“So somewhere in the Caribbean without the kids?” suggested Louis with sparkling humour.
Harry scrunched his face up, “is that bad?”
“No,” Louis shook his head, “it’s understandable and if you wanted to go, just the two of us, then I’m sure dear Auntie Daisy would watch the monsters for a reasonable price… or, more likely, as she’s been hinting, a new tablet.”
“You’re terrible…” Harry admonished and then grinned ruefully, “but… do pass on the idea the next time you talk to her anyway.”
Louis laughed, bright and fresh, and Harry suddenly found a lump in his throat. He twisted the grip of their hands so that his thumb caressed the band of metal wrapped around his husband’s finger affectionately. Louis’ laughter slowly stopped and Harry watched in quiet fascination as Louis twisted his own fingers to link with his. “I love you,” Louis murmured and Harry’s heart fluttered.
“I love you too,” he croaked, bringing Louis’ hand up and kissing his knuckles – his own bottom lip catching the cool ring of metal. His eyes closed momentarily as something clawed it’s way up his chest and ending with burning his nose and eyes. Whether it was inconsequential or an internal need that he didn’t realise, Harry didn’t let go of Louis hand. He held it on his side of the table and Louis didn’t pull it away.
“How are you?” Harry eventually asked, “I mean, how are you coping? I know you put on a strong face for the kids and for me but… are you still nervous?”
Louis sighed and tilted his head, “I’d be a fool if I wasn’t a little scared Haz. I know that with every passing week it gets more and more unlikely that my body will reject the new kidney but still…”
“You won’t be reassured until the doctor gives you the all clear,” Harry finished.
“No…”
“Well, if it puts your mind at any ease, I think you look fantastic,” said Harry earnestly, “I mean… I saw you right before the kidney transplant and I thought…” he trailed off, realising he was about to say something he’d sworn never to divulge.
“You thought what?” Louis coaxed gently.
“I… I thought…”
“Come on Haz,” Louis sighed, knowing Harry was searching for a convincible lie. “Just tell me. What did you think?” He squeezed Harry’s hand and Harry let out a shuddering breath.
“I thought… you were going to die,” he admitted.
Louis froze and swallowed hard, “You… you never told me that,” he eventually croaked. “All through it you were so confident that everything would be alright and… that’s what got me through the constant fatigue of the dialysis. That’s what made me fight so hard.” Louis seemed almost stunned by the idea that Harry hadn’t been confident at all.
“Well, sometimes stretching the truth a little is actually better than being honest,” mumbled Harry, staring down into his water glass. “I guess I put on the front as much for myself as I did it for you and the kids. I figured, the more I said it would all be okay, the more likely it was I’d eventually convince myself of it too.”
“Harry…” Louis whispered, his eyes glimmering in the candlelight.
“Sorry, we’re meant to be having a nice romantic meal and trying to find a way to move on, not talking about depressing events of the recent past.”
“No, no.” Louis quickly cut in, squeezing Harry’s hand again. “We need to talk this out. That’s what tonight is all about – reconnecting and, yes, moving on, but we can’t do that until everything is out on the table and addressed. So… tell me, how nervous were you about the operation?”
Harry swallowed hard. “Pretty nervous,” he admitted. “While you were in theatre I… I went to see Niall.” Louis blinked. He hadn’t known that. “Yeah,” Harry chuckled dryly, “I went to see Niall. At first I threatened him that if he didn’t turn you away from the light I’d kill myself and kick his arse seven weeks to Sunday. But then I…”
“Then you?” Louis prompted.
Harry swallowed hard again, “then I pleaded him to look after you if the worst happened.”
“Oh Haz.” Louis’ eyes were shimmering now.
Then suddenly it all came tumbling out of Harry’s mouth, “And in one crazy moment, when you were on life support following the op, I went to see Liam. I made him promise that if you died then he would look after the kids because I knew… that if you had died then I wouldn’t have been strong enough to go on. I’m not like Liam. I wouldn’t have had that strength to live without you. I even went to see Zayn and made him promise to walk Dana down the aisle in our absence - if Jamie ever got the balls to propose that is.”
Louis blinked and he tilted his head even more, “Do you think he will?” He asked curiously. There was an affectionate smile tugging at his lips. It had taken a couple of months but Louis had eventually chilled out over Dana and Jamie dating. In fact, he’d chilled out a lot with all the kids – maturity and probably the brush with death (again) having shown him it would be better to loosen the reins.
“I do,” said Harry, his own lips twitching with a smile at the idea. “Once she’s graduated and in a steady job. I know he’s planning on asking her to move in with him after her graduation ceremony.”
Louis’ eyes widened and his mouth dropped a little, “How on earth do you know that?!”
Harry smirked, “because he asked my permission and I said yes for the both of us.”
“You did what?!” There was a slight hysterical note to Louis’ voice and Harry smirked all the more – Louis hadn’t completely changed.
He chuckled, “Don’t worry; that gives you two years to get used to the idea, my love.”
Louis pouted and sat back a little, “Why did he ask you and not me?”
Harry chuckled again and kissed his husband’s knuckles once more, “because you still scare the crap out of him.”
Louis huffed and grumbled under his breath.
“Good evening gentlemen, are you ready to order?” The waiter was back again with a notepad in hand.
They were; both opting for the Venison as a main course and the Smoked Salmon for starters. Once the waiter had disappeared with their menus Louis took Harry’s hand back. “Okay, back to what we were talking about before we got distracted by weddings and moving-in. Did you really mean that? About not being strong enough to go on without me because I don’t believe it for a moment.”
Harry looked down at the table. “But it is,” he mumbled. “And you can scream and shout at me until you’re blue in the face and you can force me to make a million promises to look after our children in your absence but… I’ll be lying if I ever said I could make it more than a year without you. You’re an essential part of me Louis and if you go then I’ll just shrivel up into nothing.”
For a long moment Louis didn’t say anything but then he croaked, “Same.”
Harry opened his eyes, not knowing when he’d shut them, and met his husband’s piercing gaze. There was so much emotion in Louis’ face and it tore at everything inside Harry’s chest. Then Louis was reaching out for him and Harry was meeting him half-way – searing their mouths together in a rough, searching kiss.
In a few words and a lot of subtext everything was finally aired. They could start to mend. Harry pulled his mouth away and whispered a breathless, “I love you so much,” against Louis’ lips.
Louis’ thumb smoothed over his cheek bone and he whispered the words back, “I love you too. More than words can say. You’re everything – without you I’m nothing.” Then he suddenly chuckled and leant his forehead against Harry’s.
“What’s so funny?” Harry whispered, confused but not enough to pull away.
“It’s not really funny but… this is like the perfect opener…”
Harry frowned and Louis could feel it against his own skin, “to what?”
“To something I was going to do much later tonight… but,” he smiled and pecked Harry’s lips, “maybe now is the right time.”
“We’re not having any more kids,” Harry said bluntly, pulling away this time.
Louis laughed lightly, “No.” He dug in his pocket for something. When he found it he kept it in his closed fist against the tablecloth. Then he re-linked their fingers with his free hand. “Last year,” he said, “in particular, was so hard – especially on you. You might not think it but I truly appreciated everything you did to keep the family going – everything you did to keep me going.” Harry opened his mouth to protest but Louis hushed him. “You somehow managed to balance looking after me with looking after the kids, placating the media, maintaining your career and running a busy household. I may have been pretty ill but I could see people would worry over the kids or over me but never you. They seemed to forget that you were the middle ground for everything. And you never once complained. It just reminded me what an amazing man I married. I am so lucky to have you. I mean, you’ve given me an amazing marriage, a loving family and a reason to get up every morning. It also reminded me that life is short and, as I looked back on it, I realised that our lives are so busy that I never really get the chance to show you how much you mean to me. Because it hasn’t diminished Haz, not one iota since we said ‘I do’ – I just grow to love and appreciate you a little more every day. So…” he licked his lips, “I wondered what I could do to show you this… What I could give you to convince you…? In the end it was simple… I realised I could offer you an eternity of love.”
With that he opened his fist so that the object clinked against the table top and he then picked it up between his index and thumb. He held the object up towards Harry so he could see it.
It was a ring. A very expensive ring with glinting diamonds embedded all around the middle of the platinum circumference. It shone and sparkled in the candlelight. Harry’s throat closed up and his chest ached painfully as he struggled to contain all the emotions swirling within him. Louis was offering him, Harry, an eternity ring. They were pushing fifty and had been married for over twenty years yet Louis somehow still loved him enough to want to spend an eternity of lifetimes with him? He couldn’t take it in. Louis really loved him enough to spend a couple of thousand pounds on a tiny piece of metal… just to show his love and devotion? The idea made Harry want to scream or cry or maybe dance around with idiotic glee for the rest of that eternity.
He silently held his hand up, his fingers trembling a little, and nodded. He accepted. By golly gosh, he accepted thrice times over! A million yeses!
Louis gently took his hand and slipped the ring over the tip of Harry’s left ring finger. “Yours for eternity,” he whispered as he pushed the band down until it rested contently above the duller sheen of the platinum wedding band. Harry slowly rotated his hand and they both stared as the diamonds sparkled brightly in the fairy lights. Then Harry giggled, “Oh my god Lou. I can’t believe you’ve just bought me a diamond ring. This must have cost an absolute fortune!”
Louis shrugged and grinned, “I’m allowed to spoil my husband once in while. You deserve it.”
Harry was determined to keep this a dry occasion but it was hard going. “But… oh my god, what if I lose it?” Panic suddenly welled up in Harry at the thought. “Or if someone steals it and puts it on Ebay like they did with Emma Watson’s ring?!”
Louis chuckled and caressed Harry’s hand, “I doubt anything will happen to it but, if it does, then it’s insured. And… if it comes to it then I can always get you another one.”
~*~
After dinner, they took an evening stroll through the frosty streets of grand old Oxford, mostly just chatting and admiring the ostentatious architecture of the colleges. They also tried to match bits of the city to the old episodes of ‘Inspector Morse’ and ‘Lewis’ they’d watched many decades before. Eventually they came to the famous OxfordCanal and Harry took Louis’ hand as they trod to tow path, admiring the queue of lit-up boats. It was pretty and peaceful and rather romantic – which was the aim of Valentine’s day anyway.
“I’ve missed this,” said Louis quietly, huddling closer to Harry for warmth.
“Me too,” Harry replied, resting his head to Louis’ as his breath misted around their faces. “I mean, I love our kids and our lives but I do miss spending one on one time with you.”
“We should do it more often.” Louis insisted, pulling away so that he was walking backwards in front of Harry, holding his forearms. “You know, when the kids are at school during the day – we should go out for a walks together or go visit places - while we still can.”
Harry chuckled, “While we still can? We’re not even fifty yet love. Is this some kind of mid-life crisis?”
Louis hummed, “Maybe… but I suppose it’s better than going out and buying a motorbike, eh?”
“Mmm, probably… although it depends on what places you take me.”
“So a lap bar is out?” Louis teased.
“Yes, if you want our marriage to last another year,” Harry huffed, stopping in the middle of the small bridge they were crossing.
Louis laughed, bright and wonderful. “I adore that you still get jealous at the drop of a hat.” He crowded in and kissed Harry’s mouth sweetly. “Makes me feel wanted.”
“You are,” Harry mumbled, kissing him back and tucking his hands into Louis’ back pockets, pulling him even closer. “So much. Mmm…” he moaned contently into Louis’ mouth, “you taste like chocolate and orange.”
Louis’ throat vibrated as his hands came to wrap around Harry’s neck, “So do you. Dessert was one of the best ideas you’ve had yet. Wanna make out for a while?”
“What are we? Fourteen?” Harry laughed softly before kissing his husband anyway and using his bodyweight to gently push him up against the railings. There was nobody else about but it didn’t really matter if there was or not.
After a few minutes, Harry pulled away and pressed a damp kiss to Louis’ cold cheek. “Come on old man, let’s head back to the hotel before we catch our death of cold.”
“Yeah, cos’ we’re ancient now,” Louis snorted.
“Nearly half a century!” Harry piped back with a grin. “And, while we’re walking,” he threw an arm over Louis’ shoulder and tucked him into his side, “You can tell me what you want for your 50-mmmph!” Harry was cut off as Louis’ palm smacked over his mouth.
“Don’t mention that… that… that number!” Lou hissed.
Harry cackled when Louis removed his hand, “Ooooh someone’s touchy about turning the big ‘Age that must not be mentioned’.” Louis glowered which made Harry cackle all the more. “It happens to us all love.” Louis continued to glower and Harry rolled his eyes, “Okay, subject dropped for now but we will have to discuss it at some point. I think your mum is planning to throw a big party to celebrate.”
“What is there to celebrate? It’s depressing.”
“Well,” Harry mused, pulling Louis back into his side, “I think you’re the most handsome almost ‘Age that must not be mentioned’ man ever to be born. And, according to Cosmo, I’m not alone. Their readers voted you #3 hottest male in the world last month.”
“Let me guess,” Louis replied dryly, “you were number two or number one?”
“Nah, I’ve slipped down to 19 ever since I stopped using the hair-dye to cover the grey.”
“Aww,” Louis cooed, “well… you’ll always been my No.1”
Harry wrinkled his nose, “You’re really angling for a shag, aren’t you?”
“You know me too well…” Louis drawled back and then stopped and peeked up at him with a hopeful expression. “Is it working?”
“I guess you’ll find out when we get back to the hotel,” Harry replied, trying to keep a straight face.
Louis skipped a little in delight, “That’s a yes if ever I heard one!”
Harry just smirked and looked ahead, down the towpath, “I guess you know me too well.”