“I’m sorry,” the doctor said, “but I’m calling time of death at…”
Blip
The room froze. Harry went silent.
Blip
Very slowly, every head turned towards the heart monitor.
Blip
Five mouths dropped open as the green line rose in a bumpy sin and then fell again. That was impossible. Wasn’t it, Harry thought faintly? Louis’s heart just couldn’t start on it’s own? Could it? He had to be hallucinating... too desperate to think logically. He knew he was shaking and crying but he didn’t care… he just stared hard at the monitor, moving closer, daring it to beep again.
Blip
“No fucking way,” the doctor finally breathed as Harry went weak at the knees - like someone had just let go of him from a great height.
The three attendants heads snapped around to gape at the doctor but she ignored them, scrambling around the bed instead to grab the monitor. She stared at it hard, her nose nearly squashed against the screen, “that’s fucking impossible!” She said again, shaking her head vehemently.
Blip.
“Patient has resumed normal sinus rhythm,” the nurse announced unnecessarily.
“That is not possible,” the doctor said again, refusing to believe what she could hear and see. “That is not medically possible. This has to be a joke!”
Harry wanted to say something stupid to her like, “don’t sound so surprised. Even on his deathbed Louis likes to play pranks.” Instead, what came out of his mouth was a choking sound, which could have been a laugh, a cry or even a scream. Next thing he knew his vision was going dark.
~*~
“Louis? Louis can you hear me?”
Louis groaned, trying to fight away the urge to fall back under. He felt sluggish, like he was drugged to the eyeballs with morphine, and that his eyelids were taped down, because he really couldn’t move them.
“Louis,” the familiar voice coaxed again, “can you open your eyes?” Oh, so they weren’t taped down… With every ounce of his will, Louis flashed his eyes open, only catching a glimpse of white light and dark shadows. His eyelids felt like lead. God, his abdomen ached too and there was a horrible loud thudding in head.
“Louis, that’s it! Open your eyes.” Louis groaned, couldn’t Liam turn the volume of his voice down a little? It roared through his ears, sounding warped and painful.
“Too loud…” he croaked. He heard laughter in reply – it sounded relieved and happy. Sleep was dragging him under again, “s’tired,” he mumbled before falling back unconscious.
The next time he woke up, the weight against his eyes felt lighter. “Louis?” Liam queried, his voice blessedly quieter this time.
Louis blinked and slowly opened his eyes. The light was as harsh as the last time and it took him a few attempts to get used to it. It took him even longer to make out what the splotches of colour actually were.
“L…Liam?” God, he mouth was so dry.
“Sssh, here, sip this,” Louis felt something springy being pressed against his lips. He let the straw in and took a feeble slurp. The water was ice cold and slipped roughly over his tongue. He took another sip, using his tongue to weakly brush the liquid around his mouth, making it slick and smooth. The tiny amount of water he swallowed settled heavily in his stomach and made him suddenly feel sick. He quickly let go of the straw and turned his head.
“Hey mate,” Zayn’s head appeared next to Liam’s overhead and Louis couldn’t help but smile.
“Hi,” he whispered. For a moment, he let his eyes drift shut, fighting sleep, but then he forced them open again and looked up. “What happened this time?”
“You got punched in the gut,” said Zayn softly, leaning down to brush Louis’s fringe out his eyes, “and it caused the artery in your kidney to burst, like before.”
“They’ve temporarily secured it again,” Liam added, “but they’re going to give you another operation, tomorrow I think, to put a thicker lining around it so that it won’t burst so easily. In the meantime, you are not allowed to move, at all. They say the slightest impact could cause the temporary closure to rupture.”
“What do you mean again?” Louis asked, closing his eyes again.
Liam and Zayn looked uneasily at each other, “Um…” said Liam, “they had to perform surgery when you got here but uh… later on, when you were recovering, you went into cardiac arrest. The shocks from the paddles ruptured your artery again so they had to rush you back into surgery.”
“Oh,” Louis murmured; that explained why his chest was so sore as well as his abdomen. He looked from Liam to Zayn and back again, why did it feel like something was missing…?
“Where’s Harry?” He croaked, suddenly realising what it was. He was disappointed that Harry wasn’t here this time – he had always been before...
“He’s in casualty.”
“What?!” Louis’s eyes snapped open fully; alarmed.
“Zayn!” Liam whined, smacking his friend in the chest for being so blunt.
“What happened?” Louis asked urgently, making a feeble grab for Liam’s sleeve.
“Um…” Liam hesitated, “uh… well… see the thing is… Harry was there when you went into cardiac arrest and… the um… doctor kept shocking you but you wouldn’t respond and she… uh… started to call time of death and Harry, well he didn’t take that well at all, as you can imagine. But then your heart just started beating again and I think the relief was just to much for him. He passed out.”
“And brained himself on the floor,” Zayn finished, rolling his eyes.
“Zayn!” Liam groaned, smacking him in the chest again.
“What?!” Louis cried, starting to sit up in panic but four hands immediately shot out to hold him down.
“Whoa!” Zayn cried, pushing his right shoulder back firmly to the pillow.
“Louis, you can’t move,” said Liam urgently, holding down his left, “you can’t afford to rupture your artery again!”
“But Harry…” Louis protested, fighting against them.
“Is okay,” Liam said firmly, “He’s just sustained a concussion, that’s all. Niall’s with him right now. The doctors are going to keep an eye on him over night – like they do with all concussion cases. Worst case scenario he’ll spend the rest of the night nursing a thumping sore head and occasionally puking his guts up.”
Louis swallowed thickly, “Less of the talk about spewing please,” he begged, closing his eyes and willing his own stomach to settle.
“Sorry,” Liam apologised.
“So, how on earth did my heart start beating on its own?” Louis asked, changing the subject.
Liam chuckled, “Nobody knows. The nurses are hailing it a miracle. The doctor, on the other head, went kind of mental. She practically threw the heart machine out into the hallway, shouting about people not checking the equipment properly and potential lawsuits. I don’t think she believes in miracles.”
~*~
Louis woke up again several hours later when the door to the room opened. It was done so quietly but, because he was only dozing lightly, it still registered. He blinked his eyes open and realised it must be quite late in the evening because the main lights were off and his blinds were closed. He couldn’t sit up though, he neither had the strength nor the idiocy to try without help. It just meant he couldn’t see his visitor until they were practically hovering over him.
“Harry?!” He gasped, seeing the outline of curls first before his face. Harry stared down at him, his eyes glistening in the dim light. Louis stared right back up at him and smiled. Harry’s bottom lip wobbled.
“On no,” Louis pleaded, dropping his smile as he weakly reached out for Harry’s arm, “don’t give me the waterworks, please. You’ll just start me off and I’ll end up choking to death on my own snot because I can’t sit up and blow my nose.”
Harry choked over a laugh or it could have been a sob and Louis had to sniffle to keep himself from tearing up too. He stared up at his beloved friend and bit his lip. There was a white bandage wrapped around Harry’s forehead, which just accentuated the puffiness of his eyes and the paleness of his cheeks. His gaze softened, Harry looked a right mess, “Hey, what have you been doing to yourself?” He reached up stroke Harry’s face gently. Harry’s eyes closed at the contact and he took in a long, wet shuddering breath, “hey now,” Louis soothed, “it’s okay.”
“I’m… s… sorry,” Harry stammered back, so quiet Louis almost couldn’t hear him.
“Nothing to be sorry for,” said Louis softly, “how come you’re up here, though? I thought the hospital was keeping you in a ward overnight? For the concussion?”
“I snuck out…” Harry admitted, “needed to see you before tomorrow… before your operation… but I’ve only got about ten minutes before they notice I’ve gone, so I can’t stay long.”
“You snuck out? Harry,” Louis admonished gently, “you should be resting, not staggering around the hospital half-concussed. What if you’d passed out on the way up here, hmm?”
“Just wanted to see you,” Harry replied tearfully, sitting down in the seat next to the bed and taking Louis’s hand in his. Louis smiled and linked their fingers.
“I’m glad,” he replied, honestly. Harry gave him a watery but real smile in return.
“So what time are they taking you down tomorrow?”
“12 o’clock,” Louis replied.
Harry straightened in the chair, “twelve o’clock!” he cried, “But I want to be here before you go under!”
Louis frowned, “I want you to be too, why can’t you?”
“It’s the christening tomorrow,” said Harry miserably.
“That’s tomorrow! Shit,” Louis whistled, “I didn’t realise it was so close.”
“I know,” Harry sighed, “maybe I could call Gemma and cancel…”
“Don’t be thick Harry,” snorted Louis, rolling his eyes, “you’re the god-father. You’ve got to be there otherwise there’s no point in the Christening going ahead!”
“I know,” Harry sighed.
“What time does it start?”
“Nine thirty.” Harry rubbed his temple wearily, “Hey, maybe if I don’t hang around for the party afterwards and just come straight back to the hospital, I can be here before you go. I’m sure Gemma will understand. It’s, what, an hour and a half’s drive from here to Holmes Chapel. The ceremony won’t last more than an hour so if I leave at about ten thirty, I could make it back here on time!” He suddenly grinned, sitting up straighter.
“Just be careful,” replied Louis softly, smiling at Harry’s enthusiasm, “I don’t want you having an accident just because you’re rushing to get back.”
“Louis, after earlier, I can’t not be there to see you off, I…” Harry choked, “I didn’t get a chance… before…”
“Hey,” Louis soothed, rubbing his thumb into the back of Harry’s hand, “shh, it’s okay, I get it. I’m just so sorry I put you through that again.”
Harry laughed lowly, “Not your fault in the slightest.”
“Nor is it yours Harry,” replied Louis, meaningfully.
There was a quiet tap on the door and Niall poked his head around the jamb, “Harry, sorry, but you’ve got to get back in a minute.”
“Yeah okay,” Harry nodded at him and Niall shut the door again.
He looked back to Louis who was smirking now at him, shaking his head lightly, “So you dragged Niall into helping you bust out. That’s awful.”
Harry grinned, “What can I say, I’m a bad influence.”
“More likely a bad blackmailer. What did you threaten him with?”
“Posting those pictures of him snogging the Justin Bieber poster on Twitter.”
Louis grinned, “You’ve still got them?!”
“Yep, safely locked away - along with all the other blackmail pictures I have on everyone.”
“Yeah?” said Louis quietly.
Harry stood up and leaned over the bed, “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
“Hopefully,” said Louis, smiling, “but please don’t worry if you can’t make it back on time.”
“I will make it back on time,” Harry promised, “I have to.” He dropped down to press a gentle kiss against Louis’s cheek. Pulling back, he stroked the skin tenderly where he’s just kissed, “I love you.”
Louis’s eyes filled with tears. He never thought he’d hear Harry say those words again. He reached up to cover Harry’s hand, “I love you too,” he croaked, staring into Harry’s eyes, “very much and forever.”
Harry’s bottom lip quivered and he leant down further. This might be his last chance. He went slowly enough so that Louis knew exactly what he was doing. He got to about five inches when Louis reached up and placed a finger against his mouth, stopping his descent.
“Wait.”
Harry was so close to crying again. A second rejection hurt just as much, if not more, than the first one.
“Hold that thought,” Louis whispered, “until I’m better and can enjoy it and am less likely to throw up on you.”
Harry’s let out a shaky breath and stared down at Louis, trying to judge whether he was being serious. Louis stared back at him unblinkingly and Harry felt his heart skip several beats, Louis was being serious. It wasn’t a ‘no’ – it was a ‘later’.
“I love you,” tumbled from his lips again and he pressed another kiss to Louis’s cheek before stepping back and heading for the door.
~*~
“No sign, yet?” Louis asked as Liam appeared in his peripheral vision.
Liam shook his head apologetically, “Niall’s gone outside to call him.”
“I told him not to worry about it,” Louis whined, “If he’s got himself hurt…”
“Hey!” Liam said sharply, leaning over the trolley and gripping his shoulder, “don’t you even think about getting worked up. He’s probably just caught up in traffic.”
“Yeah he is,” said Niall breathlessly, jogging into the room. “They’re stuck behind an accident on the M6.”
“How far out?” Louis asked.
“About two miles from junction 11a but he says traffic’s moving although only at a snail’s pace.”
“It’s only twenty to,” said Liam, checking his watch, “he could still make it – especially if the doctors are running late.”
~*~
Harry sprinted up the pathway and into the foyer, nearly knocking into a woman coming out of the automatic doors. He shouted an apology over his shoulder but continued to run, making for the familiar staircase. He took the steps two at a time and raced down the corridor as fast as he could. Rounding into the ICU waiting area, he skidded to a halt as he saw Niall and Liam just standing there, talking beside the coffee machine. One look at Liam’s face and he knew he was too late.
He slumped into the nearest chair and pinched his nose. He had wanted to be there! It was so unfair! He had wanted to be there so desperately. God damned stupid fucking accident! Why couldn’t people be more fucking careful on the roads! He looked up as Liam approached.
“He went down about ten minutes ago,” Liam told him quietly, “They couldn’t wait, I’m sorry.”
Harry sighed and kicked the floor in frustration. Ten bloody minutes – they couldn’t wait ten bloody minutes.
“Louis gave me a message to give to you though.”
Harry looked up and saw Liam’s mouth twitching in amusement, “What?” He asked carefully, feeling his stomach flip that Louis had left a message for him.
“He said you better not beat yourself up over not making it,” Harry rolled his eyes and Liam’s smile widened, “but if you want to make it up to him then you can be there when he wakes up to hold back his hair when he pukes.”
“Ugh,” Harry wrinkled his nose, “that’s not what I had in mind.”
“I don’t know,” chuckled Niall, coming up behind Liam and resting his chin on his shoulder and smirking at Harry, “I think that’s a fair deal.”
“Indeed,” Liam nodded, looking way too amused by the idea.
~*~
Louis was dozing, mostly out of sheer boredom when there was a knock on his door. Tomorrow he would finally be getting out of here – even though it was basically to eight weeks of house arrest instead. He frowned at the door; very few people knocked and waited these days. Hospitals weren’t big on privacy. The lads normally just walked right in, not even caring if his nurse was changing the catheter bag or in the middle of giving him a bed-bath. Same with his parents and sisters. Joe just tapped the wood a few times before strolling right in. Even the nurses normally just knocked the once and then opened the door – so whoever this was wasn’t a regular visitor.
“Come in,” he called out.
To say he was surprised who walked in would be an understatement.
“Uncle Simon?” he grinned, “Hi, come to throw me out of the band for being an annoying, unreliable idiot?”
Simon chuckled, “Have you seen the amount of press One Direction is getting at the moment because of you? I wouldn’t throw you out the band even if you were a serial murderer. I would just record the albums from the asylum.” He walked in and took a seat in the visitor’s chair, looking way too posh in his expensive suit to be sitting in a hospital room - especially when Louis was just wearing his pyjamas. “So how are you feeling Louis?” He asked, sounding jovial.
“Happier knowing I’m getting out of here tomorrow,” Louis replied.
“Funny you should say that,” said Simon. Louis eyed him warily – he did not want to stay here any longer than absolutely necessary.
“Why?” He asked cautiously.
“Well, I was thinking it might be a good idea if you spent your recovery period somewhere completely stress-free; somewhere you can build up your strength with specialised doctors and therapists on hand.”
“I’m listening…”
“There’s a clinic in Los Angeles called the Charlotte Lea Wellness Centre. They specialise in getting patients back on their feet after major surgery. In ten weeks they’ll get you back into top shape, both mentally and physically, without any interruptions from the press or fans. It’s not cheap but Syco would pay for it, naturally.”
“What’s the catch, then?”
Simon smiled, “there really isn’t one – well… not really. The only thing the centre is strict on is outside contact. You can’t communicate with your family or friends during your stay there.”
“You mean I couldn’t talk to the band or my parents for ten weeks?!” Louis gasped, immediately feeling lonely and nervous – he hadn’t spent more than a week without seeing the boys in some form or fashion in almost six years.
Simon shook his head, “but at the end of it you should feel fitter and stronger than you’ve done for years. You’ll also get a specialised voice coach for the duration who will help you get your strength back in your lungs. It means you’ll be ready to jump right back into the band at the end of the ten weeks. In fact, you’ll probably run rings around the other lads on stage.”
Louis bit his lip.
“So,” said Simon, “what do you think?”
Louis sucked on his tongue for a moment, thinking, “When would I be leaving?”
Simon checked his watch, “In approximately half an hour. There’ll be a special medical plane waiting at the airport by now.”
Louis shook his head in disbelief, “I guess I have little choice then.”
Simon grinned, showing off all his porcelain teeth like a tiger, “That’s the spirit!”
~*~
“I seriously thought that was a woman,” Niall wailed as the four of them walked towards Room 317. The other three sniggered.
“Well,” said Zayn, “I have to admit I’ve never seen tits that big on a man before. I thought he was a woman too for a minute until I saw his beard.” Liam guffawed even louder as he pushed the door open to Louis’s room.
“He was holding a handbag,” Niall protested, elbowing his boyfriend in the ribs for laughing at him.
“But it was obviously his wife’s handbag,” said Harry, “although, at a distance, I would maybe struggle to tell which of them was the woman and which was the man.”
“Hey Lou-” Liam began before pulling up short in surprise. The bed was empty and sitting in the visitor’s chair was none other than Simon Cowell. “Simon? What’s going on?”
Harry pushed forward to see. “Where’s Louis?” he demanded, stepping in front of Liam and growing alarmed to see the bed empty. Louis had looked so much better when they had left for lunch earlier – talkative and in good spirits. Surely nothing could have gone wrong in such a short space of time? Fear sudden clutched at his insides.
“Relax Harry,” said Simon, “Louis’s perfectly safe.”
“But where is he?” Harry pressed, not sure whether he could truly believe it until he saw it.
“He’s gone on, how should I put it… a holiday?” said Simon.
“A holiday?” Liam sounded sceptical.
“Okay, so maybe not a holiday,” Simon conceded, “he’s actually gone to spend sometime at a special clinic to regain his strength.”
“He never told us about that,” Harry replied, not feeling an iota of reassured, even though Simon was acting completely calm.
“Well he didn’t know he was going until about forty-five minutes ago,” Simon replied, sounding amused with himself, “but don’t worry he’ll be back in two and a half months.”