45 minutes later, after the mini-argument
“Can you hear anything?” Liam whispered nervously.
Niall shifted his position against the door, sliding his ear more to the left. He shook his head, “Nothing,” he whispered back, “it’s completely silent.”
They shared a look of concern, “You don’t think…” Liam began, searching Niall’s face for an immediate negative to his unfinished question.
“What, that they’ve killed each other?” Niall replied before shaking his head, “Nah… they can’t even shout at each other properly…”
“Yeah, but what if Louis collapsed and Harry thought he was dead and, because he can’t live without him, he cut his wrists and is dead too?”
Niall’s mouth fell open as he stared at his friend, wide-eyed, “Liam… you have got to stop reading those cheap paperback thrillers. You’ve always been angsty but now it’s starting to scare me.”
Liam pulled a face, “Well, what else do you think they could be doing that requires the need of silence?”
Niall grimaced, “Actually, I’m beginning to think I don’t want to know…”
Rolling his eyes, Liam brushed past him and, with a deep breath, slowly pressed the handle and pushed the bedroom door ajar. Tentatively, he poked his head around the jamb, bracing himself for whatever horror he might see.
The walls were not splattered in blood. Good. That was a relief. He glanced around, seeing no movement and his gaze fell to the bed. At once his eyes softened, Harry and Louis were curled up together and seemed to be asleep. He grinned; it was an adorable sight; like two cute puppies snoozing in a pile.
“I can hear you grinning from over there Payne, stop it.”
Well maybe they weren’t both asleep, “But you look so adorable,” he chuckled, “We really need a picture!”
“Do it and die,” Harry hissed, “and shush. Don’t wake him up.”
“What’s going on?” asked Niall, teetering on his tiptoes as he tried to peer around Liam to see.
Harry rolled his eyes and hissed, “He fell asleep on me, that’s all, and when you’ve finished gawping don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”
“Hey,” Liam held his arms up, “you don’t need to get so defensive. It’s really sweet he trusts you like that.”
”Whatever,” Harry muttered.
Liam sighed, “Look, we’re going to get a start on dinner. Wake him up in an hour or so – he’ll need to take his tablets, even if he isn’t hungry.”
“Yeah, okay.”
Liam and Niall started to leave but, at the last moment, Liam popped his head back around the door, “Oh, and Harry?” Harry looked up. “Maybe you should take a leaf out of Louis’s book.”
The door closed quietly and Harry sighed in relief, idly playing with some silky strands of Louis’s hair. He could feel his friend’s steady breathing brushing warmly against his neck and couldn’t help but smile.
It hadn’t taken long after their ‘bromantic moment’ for Louis to go heavy on his chest.
“Louis?” He had asked, momentarily alarmed that his friend may have passed out or gone into cardiac arrest. Yeah, he was still having problems with controlling his overreacting to certain situations – automatically fearing the worst despite the unlikeliness of the worst actually happening.
“Mmm?” And ah, that was sleepy talk and Harry instantly relaxed, feeling a little sheepish. Smiling, he had wrapped his arms around his smaller friend and teased gently,
“You falling asleep on me LouLou?”
“Mmmhmm. You’re comfy.”
“You saying I’m fat?” Harry chuckled, prodding Louis in the ribs.
Louis squirmed and buried his face into Harry’s shoulder, it took a few moments for him to reply, “Oh… you know… you know… you know… I'd never ask you to change… if perfect's what you're searching for… then just stay the same… so don't even bother asking if you look okay… you know I'll say…”
Harry’s eyes widened and he pushed himself up on his elbows in awe, “Are you singing to me…?”
He actually felt Louis’s smile against his shirt and groaned when Louis murmured, “When I see your face… there's not a thing that I would change… cause you're amazing… just the way you are.”
Harry flopped back to the mattress with a laugh, “You are so corny. Go to sleep before you start singing about my smile.”
Of course, Louis start singing the next verse – although in a surprisingly reflective voice, “And when you smile… the whole world stops and stares for a while… 'Cause boy, you're amazing… just the way you are.”
“Mate, shut up.”
That was about half an hour ago and, although his shoulder was going numb, he had no inkling, whatsoever, to move. He felt hot from toe to shoulder, where their bodies lay entwined and although Louis was heavy, it wasn’t an uncomfortable weight. It was actually kind of nice to be honest. Harry didn’t really do intimacy, with friends or girlfriends, it wasn’t his style, but there was something about Louis that brought out this instinct in him that just wanted to coddle the young Doncaster singer. It was the same thing he’d been thinking about in the hospital; Louis was such a robust, energetic character that it blinded you from seeing just how delicately built he was. Often, Harry actually felt the older of the two. Maybe it was the fact that Louis was smaller and slighter than himself – it certainly never felt like there was just over two years difference between them, even back when he was 16 and Louis had turned 19. Now that he was 18 and Louis was 20, Harry often found it hard to believe he wasn’t the oldest – mainly because Louis hardly took anything seriously.
He closed his eyes and listened to the quiet huffs of Louis’s even breathing; trying not to think of the time it was joined by the hiss of a ventilator. Everything was fine, everything was nearly back to normal, so why was he holding Louis so tightly as though he might disappear if he didn’t?
~*~
An hour later…
“Harry, can I ask you something?” “Has there ever been more between you and my son than either of you’ve told me?”
“What do you mean more?”
“Are you dating my son?”
“What? No! I’m straight. Louis’s straight! Why would you ever think something like that?!”
“You’re very close…”
“So you think we’re gay?!”
“Louis is close to Niall, Liam and Zayn, and yet they’re not dealing with this half as badly as you are. Forgive me; I just don’t get it – not from a friendship angle. And it’s not just now, it’s all the time. The way you can’t be a day apart with texting or calling each other. The way you always have to touch whenever you’re in reaching distance, the way you share these secret looks and smiles like you know something the rest of us don’t. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, I just want to understand, I just want to help.”
“We’re best friends, it may not live up to the exact definition of ‘friendship’ you deem correct but it is what it is.”
“Harry… Harry! HARRY!”
Harry snapped awake, “Huh?” He grunted.
Liam peered down at him, “Dinner’s almost ready.”
It took a moment for Harry to clear his head of the dream and understand what Liam had just said to him, “Oh, right… I’ll be through in a moment.”
“Make sure Louis comes too,” Liam called back as he started to leave the room.
“Huh?” then he registered the weight on his chest, which was stirring, and remembered Louis falling asleep on him, “Yeah, sure.”
“What’s happening?” Louis yawned, without opening his eyes as he stretched languidly - causing their legs to slide together. Harry froze. Something had flipped low in his stomach at the sensation of Louis’s leg sliding against his – a tingling ache that wasn’t entirely bad. How… weird. He blinked and slowly sat up as Louis started to sit up too, slipping to the side, off Harry’s lap. They, turned to look at each other, their eyes meeting and Louis smiled sleepily, his eyes half lidded with peeking sapphire. Harry’s stomach flipped. When did Louis’s eyes get so blue…?
“Hi,” Louis rasped.
Harry’s heart skipped a beat, “Hi,” he breathed.
And whoa, how did they suddenly get so close? He could almost feel Louis’s breath against his cheek. His eyes slipped downwards to Louis’s mouth and watched, fascinated, as Louis bit his lip, leaving the skin shiny... Harry started to lean forward,
“GUYS!” Harry fell backwards off the bed in complete shock as Niall blasted through the bedroom door, “Aiden and Matt are here!” He whooped, jumping in the air, before running back out the room, “and dinner is on the table!”
“We better go,” said Louis drowsily, shimming off the bed.
“Yeah,” Harry nodded faintly from his position on the floor, “I’ll be there in just a minute.”
As Louis left the room, Harry sank his head into his hands and let out a shaky breath, his heart thumping wildly, holy fuck, what had just happened? What had he been about to do?
~*~
The next day, 12:26 pm
“So I’m off to get my hair cut,” Louis announced as he wrapped his scarf loosely around his neck, “any of you guys want to tag along – I was thinking about going to Mayers afterwards.”
Niall’s eyes lit up, “Ice cream? Count me in!”
“I’ll come,” Zayn nodded, throwing down his Men’s Health magazine. They all looked to Liam, who shook his head apologetically.
“I can’t, remember? Mum’s coming over at some point this afternoon for a visit.”
“Oh yeah,” Louis nodded, “say hi to her for us. Harry?”
Harry winced, looking like he had just been caught sneaking out or something, “Um… I’m afraid I can’t. I’ve got something to do. Sorry.” He shrugged and then made a quick exit out of the living room.
Liam watched him go in surprise; it wasn’t like Harry to turn down spending time with Louis or the others. He glanced at Louis and saw the lad trying to mask a look of disappointment and hurt. Huh, Liam frowned, okay, something wasn’t right here. He glanced at the door Harry had left through and then back to Louis, who was now smiling cheerfully.
“No worries,” he said with a shrug as he linked arms with Niall and Zayn, “We’ll have fun without them, won’t we boys.”
Once they were out of the house, Liam gave the main living space a quick tidy up, ready for his mum coming over. He liberally sprayed ‘Fabreeze’ over everything, nearly empting the bottle over the massive pile of shoes and trainers. Once he was finished, he headed upstairs to Harry’s room. The door was ajar so he pushed it open without knocking. Harry was at his computer twitcamming with some girls.
“This is what was so important?” He asked in surprise.
Harry jumped and immediately shut down the connection, “You ever hear of knocking Liam?”
“What’s going on?” Liam crossed his arms, “why didn’t you want to go with the others?”
“I told you,” Harry snapped, “I have other things to do.”
“Twitcamming with teenage fans who aren’t probably even legal?” Liam didn’t believe it for a second.
“What I do in my private time is none of your business Liam,” said Harry hotly, “you seem to have forgotten that recently.”
Liam felt his temper starting to flair, “If it affects this band then it is my business,” he retorted.
“Oh go away,” Harry huffed, turning back to his computer screen.
“Well, just so that you know,” Liam replied heatedly, “I think you hurt Louis by brushing him off like that.”
For a second Harry’s shoulders tensed and Liam thought jack pot, but then Harry turned around and snapped, “We’re not joined at the bloody hip! If Louis has a problem with that then he’ll just have to deal with it himself. It’s about time he grew up a little.”
“You don’t mean that,” said Liam, he didn’t believe those words for one second, “and pot, kettle black Harry.” Harry’s teeth clenched and Liam shook his head, exasperated, “Look, I don’t know what your problem is but you need to cool down. You can join mum and me later, if you want, but in the meantime… think about how Louis, Niall and Zayn are going to feel when they find out you’ve fobbed them off to twitcam with some random underage fans.” As he banged Harry’s bedroom door shut, Liam took a deep steadying breath to calm himself.
Harry would come to him when he was ready; he knew he would. He just hoped that whatever was bothering the youngest member of the band wouldn’t cause any lasting trouble to the band.
~*~
Two weeks later
“Louis!” Liam called desperately, running up the steps after his friend.
Louis banged through the front door, stormed straight through the living room and up the stairs - slamming his bedroom door shut behind him. Liam winced at the echoing boom; he shrugged off his shoes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn’t know what to do first, go to soothe Louis or wait and give Harry the bloody black eye he deserved? Although, by the sound of things, Zayn and Niall had already started towards the latter.
“What the fuck was that?!” Zayn hollered, slamming the front door behind them.
“How could you say such a thing,” railed Niall.
“Hey, don’t walk away from us,” Zayn spat, moving to stand in Harry’s way.
“For God’s sake,” Harry groaned with an eye roll, “I meant it as a joke, you guys are taking this far too seriously.”
“You practically told the media that Louis was surplus to the band!” Niall cried, “How is that a joke?”
“I was merely trying to make a point about Brookstein.”
“What, by agreeing with him?” Zayn thundered.
“No!”
“Well it certainly sounded like that,” snapped Liam, “why the fuck did you even dredge him up? I thought we agreed long ago never to talk about him again! Louis was really cut up last time. It took us months to convince him it wasn’t true. Now what’s he going to think?”
“God…” Harry growled, “I said what I said in sarcasm – as a joke – and I’m sorry you all didn’t get that. But if Louis is this sensitive to a joke, maybe there might have been a little truth in what I said after all.”
Smack!
Harry gripped his cheek with a hiss as a stunned Niall and Liam automatically hauled Zayn backwards before he could land another punch. A large red welt flared up instantly on Harry’s right cheek
“Zayn!” Niall cried, wrapping his arm around his friend’s waist.
“Harry, go to your room,” said Liam grimly, “I’ll bring you some ice.”
“Don’t bother,” Harry snarled as he stormed off.
~*~
Three quarters of an hour later…
“Here,” Liam threw a bag of ice roughly onto the bed, “You got anything to say?”
Harry glared up at him, “Just go away Liam.”
“Fine, but first let me offer you some congratulations; you’ve made Louis so upset he’s locked himself in the bathroom, crying.”
When Harry said nothing but just continued to stare stonily at him, Liam slammed back out the room angrily. The moment his door shut, Harry’s glare melted and he broke down into tears. Oh god, he’d made Louis cry. Louis never cried. Why the hell did he think this whole ‘distancing’ thing would be a good idea? He was miserable and he was making everybody else’s lives miserable too. Now he had just hurt his best friend in the worst way – by undermining his confidence in front of the whole media. And now, not only was Louis really upset but his other best friends hated him for it too.
But what other choice did he have? He had to make sure that he never felt anything other than friendship for Louis and he couldn’t do that with Louis all over him 24/7. Therefore, he had to get Louis to like him less and if that meant hurting him a little, then that was what had to be done. For the sake of the band. For the sake of their friendships. Even if it felt like his heart was ripping out of his chest.
~*~
5 hours later (at some godforsaken time in the morning)
It didn’t make sense to Liam. From the first moment Harry and Louis had leapt at each other with a clinging hug, after finding out they were in a band going to Judges Houses, the two of them had been closer than brothers. They never truly argued, they never got bored of each other and they could hardly be in the same room without being right up into each other’s spaces. They had little boundaries and a great affection for one another. So what had changed? What had changed with Harry? It had to be Harry because he was the one who had been avoiding spending time with Louis recently and Liam could see the genuine hurt and confusion in the older boy’s face every time Harry dismissed him. Liam didn’t think it was something Louis had necessarily done or said because Louis seemed to be as bewildered as the rest of them. Plus, Harry was very touchy about the subject of Louis at the moment, biting off anyone’s head with some hurtful remarks if they brought his avoidance up in conversation. Harry had never been a grouchy or spiteful person so he was acting very out of character. In fact, Liam was finding it hard to like the youngest band member at the moment.
Then there was tonight. What Harry had eluded to was unbelievably mean and very uncalled for. Whatever Harry had been hoping to achieve by his behaviour it certainly worked. Liam had never seem Louis so upset before tonight. That was probably the worst of it. Louis never really showed anger or hurt – he was even more guarded with those emotions than with hiding illness. Therefore, Harry’s words must have hurt him incredibly deeply if he couldn’t control his reaction. Liam felt his body go white hot with pure rage at that thought. Out of all of them, Louis was the least deserving of being hurt. He was such a fun, caring and sweet guy. Liam just hoped that Harry hadn’t completely ruined their friend’s confidence with his thoughtless words. Though, he wouldn’t be surprised if it had caused un-repairable damage to the boys relationship. He really wanted to smack Harry, like Zayn had, but he knew it wouldn’t achieve anything.
That brought him back to the question of; what had changed to make Harry want to risk losing his friendship with Louis? Why was he pushing the older boy away? At that choice of words, something suddenly clicked in Liam’s head and he sat up. Wait, pushing… was Harry trying to push Louis away? Was he trying to distance himself from Louis? Liam thought back on the last two weeks. Prior to tonight’s disaster, Harry hadn’t exactly been mean to Louis, he’d actually let him down quite gently a lot of the time. He never said anything harsh if Louis voiced his disappointment – usually in a cheerful pleading way because Louis didn’t do negative emotion very well. Harry just stuck by his guns – as though determined about something.
Liam let out a breath; that was it. Harry was determined to distance himself from Louis… that’s what he had been doing these last two weeks. But why? What an earth could have happened for Harry to want to do that? What could have occurred that had put Harry so on edge without Louis reacting the same?
Maybe Louis didn’t know… maybe… maybe it was only something Harry knew?
Liam gripped his bedcovers in his fists as his mind worked at a furious pace. This whole thing had started the day after the ‘coddling incident’. But… Harry and Louis had seemed fine that night… Louis had even fallen asleep in Harry’s… oh. OH! God, could that be it? Liam licked his bottom lip. Could that really be it? After all, it was a very intimate position… certain feelings could arise in positions like that… feelings you aren’t expecting. He left out another long breath. How didn’t he think of this before? He had been mulling over this very situation in the hospital! He had practically predicted this; Harry getting mixed feelings about his sexuality. Liam had even figured it would be as much a shock to Harry, when he realised, as it would be to everyone else. Maybe this was what had happened? Maybe Harry had finally realised, sometime that night while Louis slept on him, that he had feelings he’d never noticed before. Feelings that scared him and now… he was running.
Right, Liam nodded determinedly; in the morning, Harry and he were going to have a loooooooooong conversation. Even if he was wrong about the ‘unexpected feelings’ part Liam was going to find out just why Harry was trying to distance himself from their best friend.
~*~
8:11 am the next morning
The moment Harry slumped in to the kitchen, still half-asleep, Liam jumped to his feet. Before he could even say a word though, Niall suddenly screamed, “LIAM!” from up the stairs. It was followed by thundering feet and a crash as the kitchen door bounced off the wall.
“He’s gone!” Niall yelled, in his thick Irish accent.
“What?” Liam frowned, not following.
Niall held up a note, “Louis! He’s gone. He’s left!”
“What!?” Liam gasped, snatching the note from Niall’s hand. He scanned the page, his hand trembling increasingly at every word.
He slowly looked up at the youngest member of the band and saw the frozen horror on Harry’s face.
“Harry, I think you should read this,” he said tightly, struggling to remain calm, “then you have six hours to find him, rectify the damage you have done and bring him back home.”