Decisions were made behind her back causing her to lose control, a control which she struggled to grasp anyway and to her it felt as if it didnt matter because that control couldnt be used to the best of its ability.
The thing was that she missed being her and seeing was very much believing.
Sacha.
Of course, Clayton went behind her back causing her mood to heighten even more she became almost hysterical.
Anger coursed through her body in a way she felt deceit ripple right through her.
The tears fell down her face and she began to shake her head rapidly and pull at her hair slightly but soon enough Sacha walked over to her and places his hands on either side of her body causing her to frantically push him away thinking that everything that touched her or that she touched would turn into dust.
"It's ok Jac"
"You shouldn't be here, Clayton had no right"
"Why didnt you tell me?"
"Isn't it obvious" she spits pulling a face riddled with disgust and anger "I didnt want anyone involved this was my own doing and thats all there is to say about it"
"You're allowed to accept help-"
"I dont need help Sacha now if you dont mind I would like you to leave"
"I'm not leaving until you talk to me"
"Talk, yeah" she scoffs shaking her head before falling onto the bed lying on her back and staring at the ceiling "Some people might think you're one of those shrinks with your crusty old NHS ID badge"
"Still as Jac as ever"
"That makes no sense"
"Likewise with you being in here; so what happened?"
"What happened?" she questions raising an eyebrow, Sacha nods slowly "Do you not recall what happened some months ago when locked in with a gunman in Darwin or are you purposely trying to mess with my head"
"I would never do that to you"
"Yeah right" she scoffs once more sitting up and sliding off the bed as she begins to pace the floor of her room "What did Clayton say then?"
"He gave me an address, to here"
"To here?"
"Yes"
"Seriously? And you believed him?"
"Not at first"
"But he convinced you?"
"Yes"
"All this small talk" she tuts before letting out a breath "You need to go Sacha, i dont want you here"
"Because you're afraid of what might happen if i was here?"
"No"
"I can tell when you're lying"
"And I can tell when you're being a pain in the neck" she snaps closing her eyes as tears flood her eyes, she bites her lip to stop it from quivering
"And I can tell when you're trying to hold it together"
"Leave"
"Not until you tell me what happened" he states looking at her directly in the eye which made her sigh knowing he was now being very serious
"A gunshot happened I took it to heart and thats it no more needs to be said, good you're happy now, you can leave"
"Dont push me away"
"Shut up" she snaps before groaning clearly agitated "Do you want me to make a bed on the floor for you because you will be staying here indefinitely because I'm not saying more than that"
"Stop pushing me away, I want to help; is this about what happened last time?"
"Last time?" she queries, playing dumb, he rolls his eyes
"You know what I mean" he mutters, she sighs shaking her head and biting her lip "Then tell me what's different, I want to help-"
"Well I dont need your help"
"But you do need help otherwise you wouldnt be in here"
"Trust me I'd quite happily leave if I could" she snipes, Sacha just sighs at her attitude "You dont know me anymore Sacha"
"Kian misses you"
"Dont mention him" she whispers almost sinisterly "I dont want you to breathe his name let alone mention him to me"
"Do you still love him?"
"No comment"
"I'll take that as a yes; why Clayton?"
"Because he understands the mental side of things, he understands the way I feel" she states placidly causing Sacha to nod "Kian doesn't understand that, the man just wants an ego boost and by winning over ice queen Jac Naylor he got that didnt he"
"You're hurting and you dont mean what you just said"
"Do I not? Well, I'm afraid I do"
"Where's Emma?"
"With Jonny, it was safer for her to be there and I didnt exactly feel like burdening Clayton, I'm surprised he didnt breath a word-"
"Clayton can be very convincing"
"He told you that?" she questions incredulously before sighing "You're really not going to leave?"
"I'm here if you want to speak to me"
"Then you will tell them out there won't you, keeping the patients safe and all that because thats your motto-"
"Was once yours and still can be if you want it to be-"
"I'm not going back" she chuckles exasperatedly, "I think you need to see a shrink if you have that mindset"
"Still as frosty as ever"
"Who else knows?" she interrogates, her paranoia rising to the surface, Sacha frowns "Come on you must have told someone, come on, I know you have"
"Jac no one else knows you're in here apart from Clayton and myself, I can call Fletch if you-"
"No!" she shouts as Sacha nods slowly before sighing "No one else, I mean it"
"Ok thats fine" he reassures her, she sighs a strained sigh of relief, he smiles sympathetically at her
"Speak to me" he smiles gently, she gulps and nods sitting on the desk chair cross-legged as she bites her lip looking downcast at her hands which were fiddling with one another in her lap
"Kian was using"
"Using?"
"Drugs"
"And thats why you ended it?"
"I couldnt deal with it anymore I had to put Emma first, I couldnt be there anymore it was too hard and with everything with the gun I just couldnt do it because it hurt so much I couldnt do it and that made me feel so weak and worthless"
"This isn't your fault"
"Feels like it and you won't take those feelings away from me Sacha"
"You will get better-"
"Stop!" she cries as Sacha sighs "Stop saying that I will get better, yes I've done it once before and all that but...twice it too much"
"It's unlike Jac Naylor to back down from a fight" he smirks, she just glares at him watching his face drop "Ok look from what I've heard you've been doing well"
"Who told you that?" she glares he sighs slightly knowing it was very much a wrong move "So much for patient confidentiality"
"Let me finish"
"Whatever" she mutters folding her arms defensively over her chest, Sacha smiles slightly taking her hands into his causing her to look into his eyes
"You might do better with a little more support if not Kian then Fletch?"
"No" she shakes her head "I can't put him through that again, thats so unfair I cant do that and even so I dont trust him not to blab to Kian them two are...just no"
"I just think you need someone else to talk to, someone who understands you as well, two different opinions you yourself know thats got to be an idea worth thinking about"
"Fine" she relents "Only Fletch, not Kian"
"Only Fletch" he confirms standing up, he brings her in for a hug, her body naturally relaxing against him causing him to smile slightly "You'll get through this it's just another bump in the road"
"Except its the road to recovery" she mutters, he sighs slightly and closes his eyes "I miss everyone"
"We miss you too, you know there's always a place for you back...home"
"Home" she muses "Thats a thought"
"Isn't it" he chuckles slightly, she pulls away and folds her arms "I'll speak to Fletch, discreetly dont worry and we'll go from there"
"Ok" she nods with a small smile "Fine, ok, yeah"
"Good now try and rest, you look exhausted" he smiles, Jac nods sitting on the edge of the bed as she watches Sacha leave, she sighs slightly shaking her head to get rid of the thoughts wondering if she really has done the right thing...