Reminiscing what happened last night just makes me physically cringe. I can't believe that happened. The things i said to him. Was i too harsh? I was wasn't i. I didn't have to be that mean. He did do something nice for me. The whole carnival and everything.
The drive back home was excruciatingly awkward, I couldn't wait to get back home. I didn't even say goodbye i just got the fuck out of the car and rushed back into the apartment building. Well one things for sure, this basically just ended whatever that could happen, whatever ties there were between us. It was clean cut.
I ran everything by Erika the minute i got home last night, she was shocked understandably. But choked that we even went on a date in the first place.
"Oh my god that carnival? He would never let any of us go there. He's so uptight about it" Erika claimed on the call.
Whatever it was, its all over now. There's no connection anymore.
God i just need a break from this all. Instead of heading to uni i headed to Goodmans instead. I need some cat therapy anyway. They'll make me feel better guaranteed.
The store barely had any people in, i snuck my way further back into the store, looking for marmalade. Doing a barely audible cat call so other people inside wont hear me, i was graced by the presence of the kitten 'sushi'.
Yeah that's right, his name is fucking sushi and i will scream.
Petting the cats were instant therapy to me. my mind felt at ease. i really needed to be away from them for a while. All of this just seemed unnecessarily toxic.
"Antheia?" I quickly turned my gaze to meet Liam who was standing just before me, one book on his hand and the other inside his jeans pocket.
He slowly kneeled down so we'd be at eye level, gently smiling at me as if my sanity was hanging on a thine line. maybe it is.
"Nice to see you here" he continued, slowly petting marmalade on his head while his blue eyes were still on mine.
"yeah... i needed a break" i slowly let out. Hoping he'd get the hint that i wanted to be left alone from the kings. That unfortunately meant the good members in it too.
Giving me a slight nod, he sat next to me. Not as to interject but to keep me company, silently. Much to marmalade's delight.
All the cats turned their attention to him, hounding him with their little meows as if he was the feline god. Great, he stole all the cats from me.
I let out a betrayed sigh.
"Have you seen Adam today?" He asked me in a silent tone. I think he knows something but he just can't directly ask me.
I looked at him in a sheepish gaze. Hoping he wouldn't pry me for more answers. I don't think even i know the answers to my own questions. Quite frankly, i'm a fucking mess.
Indecisive and all over the place. Stuck between wanting to save myself from any pain, to fighting the growing emotion i feel for King.
I let out another longing sigh. Shaking my head as a way of responding him.
My attention back on sushi, i called out for the chunky cat.
A small smile formed on his lips, it's as if he understood everything inside my head although i didn't say a word. It's amazing how friends just get you. He slowly picked up a kitten and gently placed it on my lap.
It's as if he was telekinetic, realizing i was yearning for some cat loving. I slightly squealed, taking in the moment. Forgetting about everything just for now.
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
After much needed cat therapy, we both headed towards Uni, we parted ways as he went back to the Kings room and i went to get some printouts. Yes of course i'm going to go this extra mile to get them for free. God forbid i actually pay for them.
walking through to uni suddenly started giving me flashbacks of what happened the night before. How fast the Night changed.
It really was a perfect date. So far from the others i've been to before. Did i really have to say all those things to him?
"Well look who showed up" Rhiannon walked in from behind me, giving me a friendly slap on my back.
"So? what hap-"
unable to hold in all of this chaos in my head for too long, I word vomited every single detail from last night.
her reactions varied from her eyes widening to squealing to even audibly gasping.
"so wait... you told him off? you haven't spoken since?"
I sheepishly nodded in response.
Rhi grabbed my arm and pulled us into a corner, only then realizing i've been spilling the tea in the middle of the pathway.
"so what now?" she asked me, puzzled.
"i- i don't know. i feel sort of awful, i think i should apologize"
Taken back with what i said her eyebrows furrowed.
"Apologize? i thought you hated him?... girl why do you always change your mind with him. either you hate him or you let this happen"
She's right. Why do i keep sabotaging every opportunity for us to start something. Am i that traumatized to push him away like this? part of me wants this to happen, more nights like last night before the fight of course. but something in me just refuses at the second of us getting closer. But i know i feel something for him. I just can't trust him.
Man this would all work out if i just went to therapy. But i'm too broke for that so i'm raw dogging the decisions i'm gonna make.
"You're right. Something just stops me from letting us happen. I should go apologize to him"
Rhi giving me a nod of approval, i headed towards the Kings room, just to check if he could be there.
My heart was beating fast, my cheeks feel warm again. This really only happens when i'm about to see him. My body is so confusing i literally hate it sometimes.
Standing in front of the door, i inhaled deeply. Okay here goes.
opening the doors i'm met with bare silence, no one's here. I've never seen the room empty before. Seems peaceful.
"Hey!" A familiar voice came in from one side of the room. squinting my eyes to see where the voice came from, i could see Liam's chocolate curls bobbing in from a beanbag chair. He has sunken all the way in i didn't even see him.
"Oh.. uh a little help?" he chuckled as he realized he was clearly struggling to get back up from the beanbag chair that as claimed his ass.
rushing over to give him a hand i couldn't help but giggle at his situation. well that's a first.
"Edward keeps taking out the sand or whatever inside bit by bit just to fuck with me" he grunted, as he grabbed my hand tightly trying to get back up again.
"well it worked" I laughed, trying my best to pull him out, he was so much more heavier than i expected him to be, I mean of course, why am i surprised. I didn't even realize he's so much more bigger than i've seemingly noticed earlier. Does he secretly work out or something?
Two? maybe three seconds into this task Liam was finally able to stand up. However loosing control of his step he immediately tripped forward.
Unfortunately, he was still holding onto my hand which meant we both fell backwards together. Luckily, onto another beanbag chair.
We were entangled, his body almost entirely on me. He smelled like a dream, and that's the worst way to describe it. Like a summer nights dream.
"oh my god i am so sorry" he voice was muffled trying to move his messy locs out of his face.
I couldn't help but giggle. This situation could not have ended in more hilarious manner.
"It's okay" I managed to reply back, slowly sitting back up. I looked to my side to see Liam who was admittedly laughing too. He slowly sat back up to meet out gaze once more.
"Maybe i'm a little disoriented but... have i ever told you how beautiful you are"
The whole room felt silent. It was just him and i, and my profusely beating heart.
wait. wait a minute. Hold on.
"Uhh" i was struggling to answer. Wait didn't i come here for something?
His fingers slowly reached out to tuck my hair behind my ear. This seems awfully familiar.
"I-"
Now why am i struggling to speak. All i could see were his light ocean blue eyes illuminated under the sunlight sweeping through the massive windows. Ocean eyes which were looking right into mine.
This felt out of place, as if i wasn't supposed to be here at all. I wish my brain can hurry up and decipher what my body is trying to say. Am i missing someone?
There was no time for me to react when i heard the doors to the room loudly open. Following the sound i felt my heart sink.
Adam.
Not even a second pass he slammed the door shut, walking back out of the room.
Ah fuck.
"i-wait" Still struggling to speak, i couldn't get back up fast enough...
Damn beanbags and fucking Edward. Devil incarnate.
Finally standing back up i could see Liam's confused expression. "i- i'll be back" was all i managed to say before running to the door.
Guess i was too late, he was nowhere in sight.
Now what the hell do i do now?
My heart was beating profusely, I ran out of the room and down the hall. Frantically looking left and right as if i was escaped prisoner.
He couldn't have gone that far? I mean how could he have literally disappeared?
Running right the building further enough to see the main gate I could see he was about to get into his car.
"Adam" I screamed.
oh no.
Of course every person around heard me scream out for someone, all of their eyes were on me. Making me feel as if i was on watchlist.
okay move along nothing to see here.
"Adam!" I screamed again, this time catching his attention as he stopped in his tracks. I know his ass heard me. Panting already I jogged up to him.
My god i'm so unhealthy.
He hesitantly turned around, we were just a few feet apart.
"Go back Antheia" He tone was dark, dismissive. He felt cold, as if i don't even know him anymore. This isn't who he was that night. I searched for his eyes to find some similarity. But i don't recognize him...anymore.
"What why? It's not what you think Adam" i stressed, puffing in between. I am capable of many things but exercise? running? Not ever.
"Is it? he mocked. His eyebrows furrowed menacingly. I was taken aback by his demeanor. He's never been like this before.
If i had a third eye to sense aura's and energies i would see a mass amount of black smoke emitting off of him like he's a demon.
He could be one at this point.
"I-"
"Why? Why couldn't you be honest?"
"About what?" His eyes squinted as he looked deeply into mine, taking a step closer to me. Everyone and everything around us blurred into the background, all sounds fading away.
All i could see and hear was just Adam.
His expression softened to that of a disappointed look. There's something he wants to say but he won't allow himself to be open.
"You have no idea what you do to me" taking a step back, he swiftly turned around to unlock his car to get in.
"W-wait" I know he heard me, but it was evident there was nothing else to say. I was prepared to say so much yet within his presence i could barely say a word. He had me in shambles. My brain is close to exploding from these vague few worded sentences we were having. What was the point? What is the punchline? Why is this happening.
Why is this happening between us.
I watched him as he started his car, within a second speeding off.
I stood silently, getting my thoughts together.
How did this become such a mess.