"Not I, nor anyone else can travel that road for you.
You must travel it by yourself.
It is not far. It is within reach.
Perhaps you have been on it since you were born, and did not know.
Perhaps it is everywhere - on water and land."
― Walt Whitman,
By the time Manjari reached home, all her bravado had fled. With no one around to bolster her courage, she was falling into hells of hopelessness again. She knew that she would have to tell her parents about what the embassy had said and the resultant change in the travel plans of Amaira. She opened the front doors and entered her parents' house. Everyone was in the living room. She stood still, bracing herself for the drama that was to ensue. Her brother, Nihaal, was the first one to notice her.
"Hey, hi. We have been waiting for you. Did you collect Amaira's passport?", he asked.
"Yes", she said in a quiet voice.
Her brother looked at her face and asked, "what is the matter? Why do you look so worried?"
Manjari took a deep breath. Better to get over it as soon as possible. She looked at everyone and said, "The embassy hasn't stamped Amaira's passport. Yet. They want to meet her father. I have written them an email explaining the situation. I am waiting for their answer. ".
"That could take ages. That means you are not going". No prizes for guessing. That was Suhani. Manjari could see and feel the glee on her face and in her voice.
She took a seat in the corner and said, "I am going. My passport is stamped. Amaira could come to me later. Plus, it would give me time to settle down and find decent accommodation and look into some schools".
"But what if she doesn't get a visa? Will you be able to leave her for a year?" That was Suhani again. She was going to make it as difficult for her as possible. But before Manjari could open her mouth, she heard her brother say, "Stop it Suhani. Can't you see she is already so tense about the situation? It is not easy for her."
He was feeling guilty about his earlier behaviour. When he had mentioned in his office that he sister was going to America on a Fulbright, he had been surprised to see his colleagues talking of how prestigious it was and how brave it was of her to take this step. His best friend had praise him for supporting his sister and not being a traditional brother.
He continued, " And I agree with her. She should go. And you do not need to worry about Amaira. She has her grandparents and me to take care of her".
Nihaal turned to Manjari and said, "you start packing. And do not worry about Amaira. If she gets her visa, she will come to you. "Suhani looked at her brother with tears in her eyes. Acts of such generosity and kindness towards her had become rare. She tried to get rid of the lump that was stuck in her throat and said, "My teacher-in-charge will be travelling to America. She has agreed to travel with Amaira."
"There will be no need", said Nihaal. "If the need arises, one of us will travel with her". Manjari looked at her parents. They had not said a word. Her mother nodded her head in assent. That was it. The final hurdle closed.
She picked up her bag and folder and went to her room. Amaira was sleeping after coming back from school. She looked at her and her heart squeezed at the thought of leaving her behind. She knew that in the long run, it would be beneficial for both, but she had never spent a day apart from Amaira. She hoped that Amaira would get her visa because she knew that she would come back if she did not. She sat on the bed running her fingers through her hair, trying to ease some of her tension. At that moment, her father walked in and sat across her. He looked at her for a really long time and said matter of factly, "Do not worry. Amaira will be fine". Manjari just nodded her head. Her father was a man of few words. She knew he was telling her that he wanted her to go.
Manjari spent the entire weekend worrying about Amaira's visa. She spent all her time with her. She took her to the park, for dinner, for movies. Amaira was in her own world. She had an incredibly special place in the heart of her grandparents and her mamu. She was not a big fan of Suhani who was always brusque with her. On Monday, Manjari went to Fulbright House to attend her Orientation. It was a whole day affair and she met their people who were also travelling under the same fellowship. She exchanged her number with a few of them and promised to be in touch. All of them were travelling on different dates depending on the start date of their University. Manjari was the last one to travel but she was not complaining. It gave her more time to sort out the visa issue. It was almost Wednesday evening when she got an email from the consulate. With great trepidation, she opened her email. It simply said that Amaira should come with her grandfather to the embassy for an interview and passport stamping. Manjari squeezed her eyes shut in gratitude and felt the last of her worries melt.
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On Thursday, Manjari dropped Amaira at her school instead of making her take the school cab. She also went to pick her up from school as she wanted to speak to her. She loved her daughter. Amaira was mature beyond her years. The divorce was showing effects on her now. There were days when she was upset that everyone had two parents and she had only one. In fact, she had even asked Manjari to get married once! Manjari smiled at the memory. They were in a mall shopping when Amaira said, "Mumma, can I ask you something?"
Manjari had looked at her and nodded her head. Her precocious child completely blew her away with her next question, "There are so many men in this world Mumma, nice men. Why did you have to go and marry my dad?"
Manjari had been flummoxed. She did not know how to answer the question. If that was not enough, Amaira said, licking her ice-cream, "You know, you can get married again. Then I will also have a father". At this statement, Manjari's heart broke. She had wanted her child to grow up in a happy family with loving parents. In situations like this, she felt that she had failed her child. Manjari forced a smile on her face and said, "why would I get married when I have you? I do not need anyone else. You are my shining star, my pole star. I do not need anyone". Amaira seemed to be satisfied with the answer then. But Manjari could see a serious conversation coming up soon.
As she stood outside the school gates waiting for Amaira, Manjari hoped that Amaira would not be too upset with her decision. The moment Amaira saw her, she flew into Manjari's arms. She loved her mother and was her staunchest defender. Manjari hugged her back and took her school bag.
"How was school?"
"It was good".
"Finished lunch?"
"Yes mom", said Amaira rolling her eyes.
"Are you rolling your eyes at me?" asked Manjari in a mock horror with her arms akimbo.
"No.." said Amaira giggling.
Manjari took her hand and said, "let's go have lunch".
"Pizza!", shouted Amaira.
"Pizza it is", said Manjari smiling.
They entered a pizza joint near Amaira's school and placed their order. As they were waiting for their order to come, Manjari held Amaira's hand and said gently, "I have something to tell you."
Amaira stiffened. It was rare that her mother used that tone with her. The last time she had used that tone, she was forbidden to enter her mamu's room.
"What is it, ma?"
"You know that I am going to America..."
"You mean we., "piped Amaira, taking a big bite of her cheese pizza. Manjari took a deep breath, hating herself for breaking her daughter's heart, and tried again, "yes.. But there has been a slight change. Momma is going to go first, and you will come a few days later with Mumma's friend".
Amaira looked up and asked, "Why? Why can't I go with you?"
Manjari replied, "Because I want to have a nice house with a nice bed and lots of dolls ready for you to play with when you come. Momma does not want you to be inconvenienced in anyway. She wants you to have everything that you will need to set up first."
"That makes sense," said Amaira. "It's fine... But who will I sleep with and who will get me ready for school? And who will help me with
homework and who will go to the park with me?" "Breathe", said Manjari. Your grandparents and your mamu". She hesitated for a moment and then said, " please do not...
"Do not worry, Mumma, I will be nice to Suhani mami even when you are not here", said Amaira, cutting her off and rolling her eyes AGAIN.
Manjari broke into laughter at this. Her daughter was the apple of her eyes.
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Just like that, it was Saturday night. Amaira had slept off after having dinner. Manjari walked into her room and kissed her one more time. Her parents would be sleeping with Amaira tonight. She picked her bags and walked out. She had refused all offers to drop her at the airport. A car was waiting for her downstairs. Her flight was at 1 a.m. She wanted to be at the airport by 10 p.m. She took leave of her parents. Both warned her to be careful with her luggage and not worry about Amaira. She knocked at her brother's door. Nihaal walked out and offered to drop her at the airport. Again. She declined. She had to learn to be more independent and this was the first step in that direction. She said her goodbyes and walked out of the front door.
.....................................
The immigration happened without a hitch. She had had plenty of time to look around. She had been at Indira Gandhi International Airport before but never like this. All by herself. She checked her money again and her dollars to ensure that everything was in place. After looking around for a while, she went to her boarding gate wit her coffee. She found a place from where she could see planes take off and land. She sat there, watching, enjoying the silence. So lost was in thoughts, that she never noticed someone sit beside her. So lost was she in thoughts of what would happen, that she was taken aback when she heard a familiar voice say, "Fancy seeing you here!"