"Thank you so much for squeezing me in. I have quite a lot of things to get off my chest." I push through the large glass door into Patty's office. I love how she decorates the place with such vibrant colors that make the world look bright even on a gloomy day like today.
"It's nice to see you again, Ms. Young." She shakes my hand, and I sit on the large sofa.
"I honestly don't even know where to begin..."
"Well, first let me say you are glowing. Pregnancy definitely suits you, darling." She articulates with her thick British accent.
"Thank you so much. No matter how big my stomach gets, it's still unreal." I look down at my growing belly. It looks like it's getting bigger each day.
"How have you been adjusting to pregnant life?" She questions.
"At first, not well. We weren't expecting this, so when we found out I was pregnant, we were both excited yet terribly nervous because of the miscarriage that happened so recently."
"Oh you had a miscarriage? I'm so sorry to hear that. I know how hard you and your boyfriend have been trying to have a baby."
"Husband now, actually."
"Wow!" She laughs. "Congratulations! Why don't I just button up and let you tell me everything that's been going on within the past two years."
"The miscarriage and marriage are the main things, but Hardin and I have been going through a rough patch recently, I guess. We just seem to be fighting and crying one day, then being all happy and lovey-dovey the next. It's a rollercoaster, and these pregnancy hormones aren't helping."
"Where do these arguments usually stem from?"
"They range anywhere from this pregnancy, to our marriage, to our exes, to our jobs. Everything and anything that could possibly be discussed between two partners is on the table."
"You two argue over your pregnancy? What do you argue about?"
I take a deep breath, ready to tell her the whole freaking story. "I just keep going through these pits of depression when it comes to this pregnancy. I kept thinking that a miscarriage was going to happen, and if it did, I was going to have Hardin leave so he can find someone to give him a child. That whole plan didn't make him happy.
"I mean, do you blame him? You're his wife telling him that you don't want to be with him, no man wants to hear that."
"I just didn't want to disappoint him anymore. I couldn't give him what he wanted."
"How far along are you in your pregnancy?" Patty asks me.
"About six and a half months."
"You're in the final stretch, Tessa. I wouldn't be worried about that now." She smiles warmly.
"We got over that hump, thankfully. We got over a majority of our humps, but the newest hump has to do with his work. Hardin is in the middle of publishing his next book, but he would have to do press right when our daughter is born."
"I see..." She writes something down on her little pad. It always makes me nervous when therapists do that.
"I'm just not sure what he can do to please me and his boss, who also happens to be his father."
"His father is his boss? Do you think he could talk to his father about how he feels regarding this?"
"I suppose so... that's actually a really smart idea." Of course Hardin should just talk to Christian about this. I'm sure he would understand, as he is a father himself. Maybe I can talk to Kim about it and she can talk to him too.
"Anything else you would like to discuss?"
"Yes, actually and it doesn't involve Hardin. It's about my parents."
"Ah yes." She flips back at least five pages. "Your father died of a drug overdose, is that correct?"
"Yes." I answer shortly.
"And you found his body..." She whispers more to herself than to me, but I hear her.
"Yeah... I think my savior complex that we talked about a few years ago is worse now."
"How so?" She probes.
I lay down on the couch and stare at the ceiling, kind of like how you see therapy sessions in the movies. "Well, my mother has just been diagnosed with cancer."
I hear her click her pen. "I'm sorry, Tessa. That must've been devastating to hear."
"My mother and I have this weird relationship where she still treats me like I'm a child. She always keeps things from me, and she makes me angrier than most people. With all that being said, I also love her, and I can't lose her..."
"Do you remember those exercises we used to do?" She brings up the technique I did just a few days ago when I flipped out on Hardin. "It's not your job to save everyone."
"I have... and they have helped. I just want her to be honest with me."
"Not everything has to be going wrong. My mother had cancer, and some days she was doing really well and others she wasn't. Just because your mother has cancer, it doesn't mean each day she'll be struggling. It's an on again off again sort of deal."
"I guess you're right."
"Sometimes it's okay to be left in the dark if there isn't anything of concern. I'm sure your own mother would tell you if something seriously was wrong, so no news can be okay too."
I sit up on the couch. "You know you're quite good at your job, Patty."
"Thank you, sweetie." She takes a sip of her tea. "Now, I want you to promise me you'll do those exercises more often. Go through the checklist just like we talked about."
"I will. Trust me, I'm going to need it when I see her this weekend." I chuckle.
"Oh, is she coming to New York?"
I shake my head. "No, I'm flying out to Washington for a wedding."
Her smile fades, and she fixes her glasses. "You're traveling?"
"Yeah, one of my good friends is getting married. Noah, I talked about him a little the last time I was here."
She looks down at her notepad and taps her pen. "Yes, the ex-boyfriend."
"He's getting married this weekend, which is so crazy to think about. I mean, it feels like just yesterday we-"
"Mrs. Young..." She interrupts me. "Are you sure it's the best idea to travel?"
I give her a confused expression.
"You're in your third trimester of a high risk pregnancy. They don't recommend traveling in your third trimester, let alone if it's a high risk pregnancy."
Fuck, how did I not think of this? I'm in my third trimester, which means I only have three months left before my baby is born. Everything has just been happening so fast that I still feel like I'm five months behind.
"It's for my job as well. I'm his wedding coordinator, so I need to show up." I can't miss this wedding. Not only is it Noah's wedding, but it's a client's wedding that would be terribly unprofessional if I didn't attend.
"I advise against it, Tessa. I would just hate for anything to happen."
"Is it really that dangerous?"
"Not necessarily, but I would hate for something to happen and you not be in the comfort of your own home."
At least the baby isn't in harm's way if I travel. If something does happen, I'll just have to give birth on a plane, or in Washington. The thought of that makes me nervous, but I can't miss this wedding. Hardin can't know that I'm not supposed to travel or else he would forbid it.
"I'll be okay, but I appreciate your concern."
She nods, obviously upset I didn't heed her advice. "So, tell me about how married life has been."
Patty and I talk for the next forty five minutes about an array of different topics. I mainly spoke about Hardin and our baby, and Patty recommended I name my daughter Patricia after her.
"Come on, at least a middle name. It means 'noble'."
"I'll think about it." I shake Patty's hand since our time is now up. Honestly, Hardin and I still have no fucking clue what our daughter's name will be, so maybe I'll consider Patricia. I don't think Hardin would like it though, too plain or boring as he would say.
"Best of luck to you, Tessa. I genuinely mean that."
"Thank you." I give her a hug, though it's difficult with my stomach in the way.
It has started to rain since I left her office, but thankfully it doesn't start pouring down until I pull up to Hardin's building. I chose to give him the rest of the day to just work by himself. The last thing he needs is my needy ass distracting him every five seconds. I text him that I'm outside, illegally parked, and to hurry since the rain is only getting worse and worse. Just another day of New York's extremely bipolar fucking weather.
A harsh bang against my window scares me, and it's Hardin. He points down to the unlock button from outside.
"The car's unlocked!" I shout loudly so he can hear me through the window.
"No, open your window!" He shouts back.
I crack my window just a little bit where only a little bit of rain is getting in my car. "Let me drive!" He says.
"No, it's fine. Just get in!"
"Tessa-" He insists.
"Just get in! It's raining! Come on!" I close the window as Hardin rushes around to the passengers side of the car. His jacket causes the seat to get soaking wet.
"You know how I feel about you driving in bad weather."
"I'll be fine. I drove all the way here in this weather just fine." I put the car into drive and look out my driver's side mirror before pressing my foot on the gas. Thankfully, the rainy weather has made the roads not as crowded as they would be during this time.
"How did the rest of your day go? Get a ton of work done?" I ask Hardin to start some civil conversation for once. It's been a while since I've asked him what a typical wife would ask her husband after a long days work.
"Yeah, I would say so. I got enough done where I won't have to spend too much time in Washington working."
"That's great!" I cheer. "I'm glad."
"Me too." He continues to stare out the window. "How did your appointment go?"
"I think it went well." I answer his question vaguely.
"What did you two talk about?" He presses for more information.
"Everything."
"What do you mean by everything?" He turns to face me for the first time since he's gotten in the car.
"I talked about you, me, the baby, our marriage, my father, my mother... a lot of things. I got a lot off my chest, so I feel a lot better."
He takes a moment to stare at me before nodding. "Good."
"Oh, I also promised Patty we would name our daughter after her." I tease.
"Patricia? No way." Hardin laughs.
"Middle name?"
"Absolutely not." He shakes his head with a smile. I'm glad I was able to loosen the tension a little bit.
"Fine, fine. We still need to discuss names, Hardin. As I was reminded today, times ticking."
"I don't see how we'll ever think of a name." He leans his head against the cold window. "This shit is so hard."
"We could be one of those couples who waits until the baby is born to decide?" I suggest.
Hardin shrugs, not interested in continuing the conversation, so I just turn the radio. The faint playing of the Beatles song, 'Here Comes the Sun,' resonates through the car, and I hum along quietly. It's ironic considering how the weather is so shitty, but I don't think George Harrison wrote this song to be about the weather. The irony continues as I relate this song to Hardin and myself right now. Although we are going through some issues, we've survived much worse than this as a couple, so I know we can conquer this work issue Hardin is having. With the birth of our child marking this new life Hardin and I are creating for ourselves, the sun is coming after this long winter, and everything is going to be alright.
When we get home, the rain has lessened to just a drizzle. Silence continues to linger between Hardin and I until we get inside. Hardin takes off his wet shoes and jacket quickly, along with his dirty socks. He stalks to the bedroom to change as I stay in the kitchen to pour myself a cup of tea. We should've picked up dinner while we were back in the city, so we'll just have to find something here to eat. I'm fucking exhausted though and not in the mood to cook anything. Looks like frozen pizza it is.
Hardin strolls back into the kitchen just as I grab the pizza out of the oven. He's wearing sweatpants and a New York Yankees sweatshirt that Landon got him.
"Just in time for dinner!" I gesture towards the pizza that took absolutely no effort. "We'll be eating like royalty tonight."
"Ah yes, I'm sure Her Majesty The Queen loves eating frozen pizza." He grabs a slice, but yelps when his fingers burn. "Fuck that's hot."
"It just came out of the oven." I laugh as he races to the sink to run some cold water over them. When he turns the faucet off, I walk over to him and grab his hand, placing my lips on the pads of his fingers.
"Better?" I ask him, and he nods. I think now is the time to apologize for my behavior today. "Listen, I'm sorry for being such a hormonal mess all of the time."
He smirks. "Hormonal mess? I think that's an understatement."
"Hey." I nudge his shoulder. "I'm trying to apologize here."
He raises his hands in surrender and takes a step back. "Sorry, continue."
Fuck, that's actually all I had to say. Now I have to think of something on the spot. "About this whole work issue-"
"Tessa, I really don't want to talk about that right now." He walks away from me back to his bar stool.
"I just want to say that I support whatever decision you make. I haven't been supportive recently, and for that, I'm sorry. I know how hard this all is for you, and me pressuring you to spend time with me definitely hasn't helped."
"It's not that, Tessa. I know my decision already, it's been clear this entire time. You and this baby come first in my life. I will just have to tell Vance and Mr. Wayne that I can't go through with it."
"Have you considered talking to Vance about this? If you expressed how you want to publish this book, but-"
"I don't want to have this conversation with him." He interrupts me once again.
"You really should. I think you could get him to talk to Mr. Wayne about moving your release date to further into the future. You can talk to him when you see him in Washington this weekend."
"I'll try." He agrees. "But if he says no, then that's it."
"You're sure?"
He opens his arms and spreads his legs for me to stand between them. He tugs on my hands to pull me closer. "How many times am I going to have to tell you this? You and the baby are above anything else. I'm 100% sure, and nothing will change my mind."
He reaches over and grabs a slice of pizza. "Now I want to enjoy the amazing dinner my wife made for me after a long day of work."
I take a seat on the barstool next to him as Hardin hands me a slice of still burning hot pizza. He just promised me that this baby and I will come first, and the thought both excites me and scares me. I hope he can get through to Vance about extending the time, or maybe I will have to work some of my Tessa magic on Mr. Wayne again. Even if the deal doesn't work out with this book, I know Hardin will be fulfilled through being a brand new father.
I hold my pizza up in front of me. "To New Beginnings."
Hardin looks confused, but then realizes what I want him to do. He raises his pizza as well, and we touch the ends together before we dig in.
"To New Beginnings."