June's POV
"No way!" I say surprised, hitting his arm softly.
"I'm not kidding. Declan used to be this fat kid with glasses. He was such a dork!" Ash replies, laughing light-heartedly as he takes another sip of his wine.
This is our third dinner together, and I'm starting to feel more and more comfortable. Aliana and I have become good friends, and it feels so right, but I'm still not completely sure why. And of course, since I'm friends with Ali, I'm friends with Declan as well. He's quiet and a good listener, which is why I've started telling him about what happened in the Pit. He doesn't judge or feel obligated to say anything, he just listens and then hugs me then we go back to whatever it was that we were doing.
My relationship with Ashton is more confusing. I've been sleeping in his bed on occasion when my nightmares of at their worst, but other than that, we've been keeping our distance. I'm not sure if I'm sad or relieved that we aren't as close. I know he feels something for me, but I don't feel it back and I don't want to hurt him.
"Kitten?" Ash's voice pulls me out of my reverie and blink a couple times at him. He just sighs under his breath and repeats, "I just asked if you wanted dessert."
"Of course!" I exclaim, too excitedly.
He chuckles. "What would you like?"
"Oh, come on," I tilt my head and raise my eyebrows at him. "You know what I like."
"One scoop vanilla and one scoop raspberry ice cream it is then." He turns to the waiter and orders the ice cream for me and a blueberry cheescake for himself. "You are too predictable, Kitten. Why not try something else?"
"Predictable isn't a bad thing. It's yummy, reliable and completely safe," I say matter of factly, lifting my chin a little in exaggeration.
He raises his hands in defense and just nods. "Fine, fine. I can totally see that."
-~-
After dinner we walk back to HQ since we didn't have dinner too far away. It's a chilly night and the wind bites through my thin sweater. I wrap my arms around my self and try to warm up.
"Cold?" Ash says looking over at me. I'm too cold to talk so I just nod. He immediately takes of his suit jacket and places it over my shoulders. It feel cosy and comfortable. "There you go."
"Thank you," I say, teeth chattering.
We walk a little further and then I just feel an urge to hold onto him, so I do. I scoot a little closer to him and then link my arm around his. He looks down at me surprised and then smiles. He looks forward again and just keeps walking. The silence isn't awkward, it's peaceful.
A few more minutes and we're standing by the elevator, waiting for it to come down. My hands are still holding onto his arms, but we aren't saying anything.
"June," he says softly, breaking the slience. He turns his head and looks down into my wide eyes.
"Yeah?" I whisper back.
"I really enjoyed tonight."
"I did too, Ash. Thank you."
"Anything for you, baby," he breathes. And then his head dips down so his lips are right in front of mine. His breath fans my face gently. He reaches up to caress my cheek and I flinch. He notices and stops immediately and pulls away. "Sorry."
"No. I'm sorry," I say pulling my hands away from him. Thankfully we're spared inevitable awkwardness when the elevator dings signalling its arrival. But the moment of relief is brief because whatever comfortable, peaceful atmosphere we had about us is gone and replaced with painful silence.
The elevator dings again and I hurry out of the elevator and go straight to my room. Once the door is shut behind me I release my breath which I didn't notice I had been holding. How could a night so wonderful turn out this way?
I sit on the end of my bed and put my head in my hands. Damn it, damn it, damn it. Why do I have to be like this? Why did Master do this to me? Why do these people even want me in their lives and how can they be so nice?
A knock on my door interrupts my pity party and a head pokes into my room.
"Hey," Ali's says cautiously. "I thought you might like to try my homemade brownies." She opens the door wider and produces a plate full of delicious looking fudge brownies.
"Sure thanks," I say noncommitedly.
She walks in and sits beside me on the bed, placing the plate between us. She takes on and puts it in her mouth and before swalling asks, "Soooo how was tonight?"
I shrug and take a brownie. She gives me a questioning look and I just put the delicious square of chocolate in my mouth. "Wow, Ali! These brownies are amazing."
"Thank you!" she replies, totally forgetting what we were talking about.
Just then there's another knock on the door. Jeez I'm popular tonight.
"Who is it?" Ali yells at the door.
"Nobody important," says the voice behind the door. Then the door swings open and standing there is Falcon, Declan, standing with a huge grin on his face. "Just me!"
Ali gets up and runs to him, giving him a huge hug. "When did you get back?"
"Like 5 minutes ago," he says, holding her close to him and brushing her hair out of her face. Why can't I have that?
Declan was gone for a conference out of town to report on what's been going on in the city. We decided he should go because Ali wouldn't be taken seriously there and Ashton wanted to be on top of the ongoings in the city, especially with the Brady Brothers.
"Hi, Declan. Welcome back," I say casually. He just nods in response. "How was the conference?"
"It was good, but sooo boring. I'm just glad to be back. We got some advice on how to beat the Brandy Brothers, which I think is totally going to help."
This time I just nod in response.
Declan looks back at Ali who's still hugging him and gives her a big smile. "I've got a present for you."
Her eyes light up and she squeals. She kisses him on the cheek and runs out of the room. So much for the heart to heart I assumed we were going to have. He gives me a cheeky little salute then walks out of my room, too.
I'm all alone again. But not for long because Ashton suddenly appears in the doorway. He leans against the frame and just looks at me.
"Can I help you?" I say in a monotone voice.
He lets out a frustrated groan and pushes himself off the frame. Instead of advancing towards me like I was scared he would do, he starts to pace. Back and forth, back and forth he goes, running his hands through his hair.
"I'm sorry," I say because I think it's the right thing to say, but it just seems to piss him off even more.
"Why?" he yells and I flinch. "You're not the one who should feel sorry, I am. And I'm a shitty person if I made you feel that way. Fuck!"
"Ash," I call out softly, but he doesn't hear. I don't try again.
"I'm sorry, June. I'm sorry we failed you; I'm sorry you went through all that shit; I'm sorry you aren't the same anymore; I'm sorry that I can't see that and accept it; and I'm most sorry for anytime I've made you feel uncomfortable. This all just so...confusing."
I stand up and take his hands in mine, stopping his pacing. I pull him closer to me and look up at his face, but he doesn't look at me. His eyes are glued to his feet and he won't budge. I tentatively put one of my hands under his chin and lift his head slightly, so he'd at least look at me.
"You can't blame yourself," I say softly. "Please don't. I can't stand to see you so torn up about something that obviously was not in your control. I care about you too much."
"You can't say something like that," he breathes out.
"Say what?"
"You can't tell me you care about me."
"But I do," I say confused.
"In my mind - and I know this is completely unrealistic - if you did really care about me you'd show me somehow." His eyes fully lock on mine as he says this. It's intimidating.
I pull away from him and step back. "What are you saying?"
He sighs and shakes his head. "Nevermind."
"But - "
"Goodnight, June. I enjoyed tonight," he says and then turns to leave my room, but before he exits completely he looks over his shoulder. "Until I didn't."
Then he's gone, and I'm left alone with my thoughts.