ᴀ ʜᴏᴀx, ɪꜱ ᴀʟʟ ɪᴛ ɪꜱ
One Year later......
Third person POV
(Shraddha's apartment)
"Ma'am it was finalized in the contract. You can't just disagree with the contract and stop my payment. Yes, I understand that you still haven't invested in the next film, but that's the next film. It would be really appreciated, if you pay the actors of this film first. Siddharth has been paid, Ritesh has been paid. I don't understand the point of not paying me. According to the contract, your production team was supposed to pay me 2 months ago. I have waited a long time and I would have appreciated if your team was a bit more professional and punctual. I will be expecting my payment in, by tonight."
Shraddha walked around her apartment, frustrated. She has had a lot on her mind lately. Everything is all over the place for her. One year has passed since her fame hit her. Even though it is a dream come true for her, she feels very tired. She has been working non stop for the past one year, with only weekends off and sometimes not even that.
"Yes, the skin care appointment. Yes Nikita, of course I remember. No I don't have eye-bags under my eyes. Yes, I did sleep. The garment check is when! What? You said it was tomorrow? Nikita, how am I supposed to appear at 4 different places in the same day? And that too in a span of 8 hours! Yes, okay I'll be there."
Every day seemed to be more complicated and more hectic than the previous one. The lack of sleep Shraddha has gone through, is serious enough to call it insomnia. She can't sleep at nights, all she does is think about her job. "When is the next schedule starting?" "When is the next interview?" "Do we have awards coming?" "Am I keeping up with my diet?" "Has the hate increased? Will it keep on increasing or will it stop?" "How's my script reciting going?" "Was today's workout good enough?"
All these thoughts occur and then keep on reoccurring in her mind, regardless of the time. Regardless of the hard work she puts in every day. Her brain does not consider the fact, that energy needs to be created. It stays awake all night as the sleep slips away from her eyes.
When a person has difficulty falling asleep? They will do anything and everything to make that happen. Some people start substance abuse, while some go alcohol dependent. Being an actor you can't use any of these methods, unless you want to ruin your career.
So what did Shraddha do? She chose to start taking sleeping pills. It was fine for a while, but soon she got addicted to it. Her conscience wouldn't let her close her eyes, before having a pill down her throat.
She felt cold at night, not because her AC temperature was too low, but because she felt like something lacked in her life.
She had everything, a good house, a good job and a good income. She would even visit her family. But she still felt empty and dark inside. There was no one to hold her, when she stared into the darkness for hours and hours. Some days it would only be insomnia, those were the lucky days.
The worst began, when she would have panic attacks in the middle of the night. Breath faltering, a prickling sensation taking over her her skin, it felt like needles. Hundreds of tiny sharp needles pricking her skin until she couldn't bear the pain and fell limp.
Those were the times she felt the most lonely. Those were the times where she wished, she still was a little kid who could run to sleep and snuggle next to her mother. Those were the times which taught her, a hug could do wonders.
But, the sad part was that she realized this when there was no one next to her. No one to hold her in their arms, no one to rub her back in a soothing manner, no one to tell her to take a deep breath and calm down.
No one.
No one at all....
"Hi, this is Shraddha Kapoor. I have an appointment for garment check, for the award function happening this weekend. Yes, I am pretty sure my manager fixed the appointment for it two weeks ago. Oh, you got it? Alright. At 1500 today? Alright perfect thanks."
Her mind became nothing but a checklist, that ticks off everything but herself.
"Hey, Bonnie. I think I would have to move the dance rehearsal to 30 minutes later. I have a garment check, that I just found out about. I'll finish at around 1600. So, I'll be there at 1630. Yeah I know it's important, trust me I'll be there on time."
Keeping everyone happy, but herself.
Shraddha's POV
Giving a warm hug to my Esthetician, I bid her goodbye. Taking my keys out, I opened the car and sat inside. Driving to my next destination, which was the Sabyasachi store.
Life has not been the same anymore. I thought it would get easier when I would reach my dream. That was a lie, it got harder than ever before. Errands here and there, no time left for myself.
I have done one more movie after Aashqui 2, that was Ek Villain. It helped me gain more recognition than ever before. I am currently working on Haider. I am the female lead, but that wasn't my reason for picking this film. I picked this because, it was something so different than what I have done before.
The thing I have learned by doing movies and staying in this industry for more than long enough, is that; Versatility is what this industry is interested in. Picking different characters for yourself is the main key. Show them different sides of you. A different filter everyday.
I still talk to all my friends, thank God at least I do that for myself. I have kept them by my side, because I wouldn't want them anywhere else. Pari, DP, Nushki and Kat have been there from before, but after joining the industry I have made many new ones. Siddharth, Ritesh, Prachi, Priyanka, illeana, Nargis, Sonakshi, Aditya....
Aditya.
He used to be one of my best friends, before feelings got attached and everything split apart.
Two months after the Aashqui 2 success Party. He confessed his love to me. Love is overrated, it was an infatuation.
'Shraddha, I don't know how else to say this. I have tried rehearsing it in my head, but I don't think I will be able to memorize the words. It was my greatest pleasure, working with an amazing, beautiful and hardworking woman like you. I know we are friends, but I would like to get to know you better, to know you better than how just normal friends know each other. I wanna take you out on a date. Would you like to turn this friendship into a relationship? Would you like to be my girlfriend?'
When he said that, I just froze. I was not expecting the words he threw at me. I was baffled to say the least. I had some moments with him that gave me butterflies, but I don't think that was because of love or even infatuation. It was more because of the proximity we held. I couldn't love him. No!
I mean I could, but something in me stops me. Everytime I want to date a boy this happens, it has been happening since middle school. They wanted something, but I never had anything to give to them. Love didn't come to me, or maybe it came but I used it all up. I was empty and hollow inside, they wanted my heart and I stood there empty-handed. I could never feel anything towards any of them, not that I had the time to get involved with anyone.
Me and Varun were always stuck together. Even though he left me alone sometimes when he had girlfriends to take care of. I always felt the need to stay with him. To protect him. I never had the heart to give my all to anyone else, cause everything was taken by him. Told you, inseparable. Even though it was mostly one sided.
Varun Dhawan, never had the time to wait for someone else. He was fast, like a Peregrine. He wanted to fly, ever since he was six. Our little superman.
Time was limited for him, even though it was not. He got bored easily, hence the change of girlfriends every second week. People called him a player, I did too.
But other than being a player, he was also a dreamer. Big dreams, Big races, Big gambles, Big results.
His dreams reached so high, that to achieve them he felt the need to fly.
I, on the other hand. Worked like an ant. All good things come with time and effort. This was my thinking. The point is to work with diligence, with conviction, and work with others to forge your dreams and turn them into reality. Despite their tiny size, these little spirit animals are immensely tenacious. They have a superior strength of will, and accomplishment can come even in the smallest of packages.
Taking slow and steady but useful steps, I worked my way through the hard times. I climbed my success. I was never a fast runner, nor did I think of flying. That was too hectic. I liked to process things in a calm manner.
He was the total opposite.
'Those were the days.' I said to myself, smiling at my memories.
Now, everything seems dark. The beautiful friendship that I had once put my all into, now has been shattered into pieces with the blame of me neglecting it.
I did everything in my capacity to keep our friendship rooted. I have given this friendship everything, only to be called a negligent person.
I haven't spoken to Varun since our success Party fiasco. I have crossed paths with him a couple of times and every single time, I could feel him looking but when I turned, he wasn't.
I couldn't keep my eyes off him. There has always been something in him that keeps my eyes rooted on him. I know what it is, but I don't want to acknowledge it.
Taking my mind away from that, I realized I had reached the Sabyasachi Studio. Getting out of my car, I walked inside the humongous gates. Which gave me a royal vibe.
Entering the store, I saw a receptionist sitting on her desk and as soon as she saw me, she greeted me.
"Welcome to the store, Shraddha ma'am. Sabya sir has been expecting you. If you just turn to the hallway on your left and keeping walking until you see a huge wooden double door. You'll meet him there." She said with a smile on her face.
Following her instructions, I entered through the double door. I saw lines of dresses put on the rails. After looking around, for a couple of minutes, I heard my name being called.
"Shraddha, my darling! How have you been? It's been so long!"
"I am fine Sabya, was just busy with a schedule. How are you? You have gotten new interior designing done, I can see that!" I said smiling, going in for a warm hug.
"I am all good and yes, I have been busy with this redesigning. So freaking hectic! Anyways! Enough about me, let's get your gown sorted."
"Nothing too extra, but it shouldn't be something that loses my essence."
"Ahh, I have just the dress for you, follow me" he said as he showed me the way. This was going to be tiring.
People think fashion is a cup of tea. No sweetie, not when you are in an entertainment industry. Every person watches you like a hawk! One slip and done. You will be named either a slut or a princess. There is no in between.
"Oh my god look at her neckline"
"Was the slit on the side really necessary? What an attention seeker"
"Bro, like why don't you just wear a bikini. Instead of wearing this shortass dress."
"Lol, who is she trynna show her back to? Such a public Pleaser."
"Looking at her dress do you think, she wouldn't have jumped at least half of her coworkers?"
"Look at her! She is wearing jeans! Wtf, what a Grandma?"
"She has no charm"
"What a slut!"
That's what we go through every time we wear any type of clothing. Leave that, there is paparazzi outside our house sometimes, so we aren't even allowed to go out in our own balcony in pajamas.
..........
Picking up my bag that contained my dress and bid goodbye to Sabya and the receptionist. Getting inside my car, I decided to drive to my final destination which was my rehearsal for the award show performance.
Filmfare awards were 6 days away. Well the main award ceremony was six days away. The new generation who wanted to attract more limelight were expected to be there, four days before the main event. Hence the reason, I'll be catching the flight tomorrow evening. These four days were used for interviews, mini vlogs and touring around the city, the award function was being held in.
So all the youngsters are going earlier than anyone else.
'At least, I'll go with my friends. Everyone is coming and I have feeling that I would finally have time to myself.'
A mini holiday.
.....
"Yes, nice Shraddha."
Bonnie called out. I have been in this rehearsal for around five hours now. My feet are blistered. My heels hurt. I have to practice in heels, because the choreography requires that. I have injured my shoulder, because one of the dancers dropped me while performing one of the air lifts. He looked so petrified after that. It wasn't his fault, he probably got scared because of the high difficulty lift.
"5, 6,7,8!"
The routine starts again for the 30th time.
"The dancers at the back spread out a little Please." She says, while the people at the back shuffle again.
"Shraddha, I know you have injured your shoulder but you have to move it. It won't look nice if you keep it stiff." She said not considering the fact that I was in excruciating pain. But that's okay. This is my job, my dream. It comes before anything. I have worked hard to be here and I will keep working hard to maintain this.
"Alright! That's enough rehearsal for today. We will have our last rehearsal the day before the awards. Good job guys!" With that she left.
.........
I was sprawled across my bed. I did not have a single ounce of energy in me left, to move any of my muscles. I couldn't even lift my arm to eat food. I settled with a glass of warm milk.
It didn't help me much, but it was better than nothing.
Although I was tired, my muscles ached and so did my feet. I couldn't find sleep within me. I knew why that was.
I was addicted. Addicted to sleeping pills. Ever since the workload increased and realization of staying alone doomed on me, I have been like this. An insomniac. The only thing that can help me drift away into the dreamlands are the pills.
This is how it has been everyday, for the past year. Come home from work broken to the bones, yet your mind doesn't allow you to fall asleep.
I am lucky the train of thoughts haven't started yet. Once they start, not even the sleeping pills can make me fall asleep.
Without wasting time, I gulped down my pills with water and soon reality started to slip away. This was my favorite part. Reality of the harsh world slipping away and the coziness of a dreamless sleep consuming you.
With that thought I fell asleep, forgetting the worry for tomorrow.
______________________________________
Hello, beautiful people! Hope you all are doing well. This chapter was obviously the behind the scenes of an actor's life.
I love writing these bits, because I feel like everyone thinks it's all glory and glamour. When in reality it's much, much dark.
Anyways if you liked this chapter, please:
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I will be back with another chapter soon!
But till then smile and spread love!
Love you
- Mehak😘