Breakaway- Kelly Clarkson
***
Two days later...
Taping up my last box, I look up out the window and watch my father put the rest of my boxes into the car. I can't believe I'm leaving. Well, only for two weeks, and then I'll be back, but that's only for the summer, and then I'll be gone for good. I'm starting over making a life for myself.
I place the tape on my desk, and then something under my bed catches my eye. It's a balled-up piece of paper. I open it up and then smile when I read the words that I thought to be a lie months ago.
JAYDA KING CAN BE SAVED
Yes, I can, and yes, I was.
I take the paper and slip it into my back pocket. Taking a mental note to get a frame. I grab my final box and head for the door, looking back on the room that I so easily could have died in once more.
This room holds the story of a girl with no hope, a broken girl being pulled here and there by fate, and others. I'm leaving this room, and I am leaving that girl behind and making my own life, my own future.
I walk down the stairs and out the door; my mother tells me to drive safely. My father tells me to not speed and call them when I arrive. They look like they're about to cry. "Why do you look so sad? I'm only going to be gone for two weeks," If they're acting like this now, I can only imagine how they will be when I'm gone for good.
"We are just happy," my mother answers.
"Ecstatic more like it, you choose your education over a boy," My father mentions. "I couldn't be more proud,"
"I didn't choose him over anything," I snap. I choose both. They don't respond. I tell them I'll see them soon and give them both hugs before getting into my car. In my rearview mirror, I watch them both wave goodbye to me.
I was hoping this drive would clear my head, but all I keep thinking and wondering about is if I am making the right decision. I feel like I am, but then I feel like I am not when I think of Ryder. He's going to be so hurt, I wanted to tell him the day I decided, but he just seemed so excited about LA and us being together; I didn't want to ruin his happiness.
I was ready to go with him; I was prepared to move to LA and go to school, start my relationship, and everything else with him. I was satisfied I was happy. I finally had figured everything out.
But of course, the universe ruined everything.
Just when we think we figured something out, the universe always throws us a curveball.
Maybe the universe or the writer of my story is just trying to show me that it's never too late to realize what you want in life, and it's never wrong to fight for it.
I'm wrong for lying to him, but I am not wrong for going after what I want. And I want to go to New York, I want to go to Columbia, I want to go to the journalism school.
I stop at the stop sign that's ten feet away from the Leaving Crossland PA sign. My foot eases off the gas pedal, and the car slows down, I become shaky, and the air in the car evaporates. This is a mistake; I can't do this, I can't do this by myself. What the hell was I thinking?
I reach into the open box beside me, trying to find my phone to call Ryder. While searching through the envelope falls out. It's the envelope Dale gave me back at the facility. He never told me when to open; he just said, I'll know when. I think this is the time; I need his wise words right about now.
I rip off the top and open the note, "If you're reading this that means, that means you're doubting yourself right now, so you opened this letter to get some encouraging words from me,"
He knows me all too well.
"I'm gonna take a guess and say right now you are having a panic attack, take a deep breath and think about the moment you are in right now, don't think about tomorrow or the next day, think about what is happening at this instance. After doing this, now, I want you to think about tomorrow and tell yourself how tomorrow will be better than today. Depression and anxiety requires a tremendously strong person to endure its pain, and you, Jayda, you are that person; it may not feel like it, but trust me, you are,"
Am I?
"The pen that writes your life story must be held in your hand, don't let fate, depression, anxiety, people or whatever control you and your life, because your life is in your hands only,"
Slowly I start to gain control over my emotions again and calm down.
"Once you believe that you are enough, only then can you live for yourself. Think about it; your parents aren't enough for you. Ryder wasn't enough for you. You weren't enough for Jess. What is the one thing you or her never tried to be enough for? Yourself,"
He's right; I never once tried to be enough for myself; I spent so long looking for something to keep me here. Something to give me purpose for living. Little did I know the girl in the mirror was enough all along.
It was right in front of me.
"Soon, when all is well, you're going to look back to the worst part of your life and be glad that you never gave up. I beg of you, please don't give up again. Become the light to light up your tunnel. One day you will tell the story of how you overcame what you went through, and it will be someone else's survival guide. I'm rooting for you, Jayda King; your story will be the one to save us all."
I slowly fold the letter and then place it back into the open envelope. And just like that, all my woes have gone away.
Juliet was an idiot! She fell in love with the one guy she couldn't have, the one guy she was supposed to hate, and then she blamed fate for her own bad decisions.
I can't blame anyone but myself for the decisions I make. I don't want to look back in life and blame Ryder or fate for keeping me from living my life.
Today I promise to myself that I will live for myself, and I will do what makes me happy, without any regrets.
In my life, I've lived, I've loved, I've lost, I've missed, I've hurt, I've trusted, I've made mistakes, but most of all, I've learned. I don't regret anything that has happened because all of those little moments led me here.
Life asked death. "Why do people love me but hate you?" Death responded, "Because you are a beautiful lie and I am the painful truth,"
Everyone knows death is inevitable. The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon but that we wait so long to begin it.
Life is about choices; it's about putting down the poison and the dagger and making your own happy ending... most of the time.
None of us have a purpose; we're just existing, just living in a world that was always against us—a world where our authors control us.
Like I said before, Great novels aren't just written by regular people; they're written by the ones in the stars.
Cleary, the author of my story, writes sins, not tragedies. And for that, I am grateful because I know my story isn't over; it's far from over because I still have so many more people to help and save. For however long, I'll continue to provide a voice for those who don't have one.
I start my car back up. A chapter is ending, but my story has only just begun. A page is turning for everyone.
I will never give up again because of one bad chapter in my life. Quitting is no longer an option! My story doesn't end here; my story is far from over.
Finally, I can breathe now, really truly breathe, knowing that this is just a chapter and not my story. It's mine and ours, whoever wants to be a part of it.
I drive past the leaving Crossland sign. Jessica's necklace hangs on my mirror, and sparkles reflecting on me in the sun. I feel like she's smiling and waving right now; I look up at the sky, remembering what she told me.
I'm thankful for all of it. The Highs. The lows. The setbacks. The comebacks. Everything. And here's why because today, today at least I'm here, and I'm me, and that's enough.
Today I close the door to the past, open the door to the future, take a deep breath, step through and start a new chapter in my life.
It's time for me to write a new story.
To be continued
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WHAT ARE WE FEELING RIGHT NOW?
Also, read the next part it'll answer all your questions, well no all but on the next part you can put your questions or whatever just read it.
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