They didn't do a day 19 in the book, but I'm adding it in myself. This is gonna entail suicide basically, so please read with caution. Also, I added a trigger warning on the cast chapter as well, because I just realized I never did one and really should've. I so sorry for forgetting!!
"We're gonna go over day 19 on the island today," Agent Young informed Lana. Her heart skipped a beat at the number.
"No, I don't want to," Lana started to choke up. "Lana, I know this is difficult for you, but it's important we go over this day with you. For you, it's the most significant day on that island. A major turning point for you," the white man explained.
Lana swallowed thickly, nodding her head. "It started off quiet at first, but the mood did lighten up for a little while. It'd been three days since we saw the plane and no one had come. There was still no sign of rescue. There was still hope though, for most of the girls at least."
"Not for you though?" Dr. Faber questioned. "Well, if I had any then I wouldn't have done what I did, would I have?"
The girls sat around and some were playing Uno to get their mind off of everything. Lana's head was on Toni's lap as she slept.
Toni was more than worried for her. Lana hadn't been talking to anyone much lately, not Toni, not Fatin, not Leah, not Shelby, no one. All she really did was sleep, take a swim in the waterfall with some of the girls in hopes of cheering her up, and drink water. They had barely any food after eating it all when the plane flew by.
The morale was low for everyone in the group, but Lana seemed to be completely losing herself. She was hitting rock bottom.
Lana wasn't depressed because of there still being no rescue. That was partially the reason. The reason she was so gloomy was because reality struck her. If rescue shows up, she'll have to go back to her life where she'd have to hide herself and deal with the same shit all over again, plus some new trauma.
If rescue doesn't show up, she'll probably spend her last moments starving to death and in utter and total misery. It was a lose-lose situation. Lana felt hopeless, like there was nothing left to live for.
No matter what happens, everything will work against her. Was this punishment for all of her sins in life? What did she do to deserve this?
"Should we wake her up? She's been sleeping constantly the past three days. It obviously isn't helping her," Fatin said quietly.
"I think we should just let her sleep for now. Let her wake up on her own," Dot responded.
Not even ten minutes later, Lana stirred in her sleep, waking up and opening her eyes to Toni's face who was looking down at her with a slight smile.
Lana mustered up a small smile to send back to her. She sat up, rubbing her eyes and running her hand through her hair.
"Wanna play with us?" Martha asked sweetly, holding up her Uno cards. Lana smiled and shook her head no, "I'm okay."
Martha smiled sadly at her before nodding her head. Lana sighed heavily and flopped back onto the sand. She looked up at the sky for a moment before an idea popped into her head.
She stood up quickly and made her way over to her suitcase. The girls watched as she rummaged through her bags.
"What are you looking for?" Rachel asked watching the girl who seemed almost frantic. On perfect timing, Lana pulled out her big pink makeup bag. She hadn't done any heavy makeup since they'd gotten on the island. Only some light makeup every now and then, but right now she was so bored and needed a pick me up.
She sat back down next to Toni and dumped out everything from the bag onto a towel laying on the sand.
There were a bunch of makeup products some being concealer, lip gloss and stick, mascara, eyeshadow pallet, and there was also a small Polaroid size album book.
Fatin smiled noticing how the blondes eyes lit up at the sight of all of the products. Lana quickly dove in and started putting concealer on.
Fatin's eyes landed on the small album book and picked it up, Lana not noticing. She began to flip through the pages, smiling at the pictures of Lana with friends. She seemed so happy and carefree.
Dot and Rachel glanced over, looking through the pictures with her. Lana had Toni pick between colors for her eyeshadow and lipstick, still not noticing that the picture book was even in her bag.
"Damn, Lana, talk about party animal," Fatin turned the book towards her showing the picture of Lana and another girl taking shots together.
Lana's eyes widened at the sight of the picture, and it was safe to say that the others did as well. "I didn't even remember packing that," Lana spoke. "Well, I am very glad that you did. Getting a little look into Lana's life back in Texas," Fatin flipped to another picture of where Lana stood on a table in only a bra and a skimpy skirt.
"Oh shit, isn't that Sophia Karl's party when you-," A laughing Dot was interrupted by Lana, "Okay!" Lana nervously laughed. "Let's not discuss that."
"No, I wanna hear the story. What happened at Sophia Karl's party, Dot," Rachel smirked. Toni's face was intrigued, wanting to know herself. Shelby's ears perked up as well, not having been at that party.
Dot looked at Lana for approval, and she playfully rolled her eyes and nodded. "Lana had gotten absolutely wasted and was playing a game with some people from school. You bet money or your clothes, and Lana sucked so she lost all of her money and had to give up her shirt. Long story short, she went the rest of the party dancing on tables half naked," Dot laughed at the memory. That was one of the only parties Dot was genuinely amused and entertained.
The girls laughed at the idea of what Dot had described. "Not my best moment," Lana muttered. "I'd pay to see that happen," Leah teased.
"Jesus, a whole section of you and your beaux," Fatin commented noticing the marking in the book that read, "LOML". Lana glanced to Toni whose face had turned hard.
Fatin handed the book out to Lana once she finished looking through them, but the blonde just stared at it. The Pakistani's eyebrows furrowed until Lana snapped out of it and took it back.
She looked at it and then to Toni who was staring at the fire. Lana took the book and ripped out the 20 pictures of her and Ryan, surprising everyone, especially Toni, before throwing them into the fire.
Rachel nodded her head in admiration and respect for her, shocked that the girl who once spoke so highly of her boyfriend, saying she'd love him no matter what he did to her, was now burning pictures with him.
Lana looked around at everyone's stares. "There was so much passion in getting rid of those pictures," Nora chuckled lightening the mood making some of the other girls nod their heads in agreement and giggle.
"Yeah, so what's the tea between you two. Did he cheat on you?" Fatin asked bluntly earning a confused face from Lana. "Oh, come on. I can sense the tension between you two even with me never having met Ryan, and him being hundreds of miles away."
Lana looked down not knowing if she should tell them or not. She'd gotten really close to everyone these past few weeks, but it was something she never wanted to have to say out loud again. Shelby and her made eye contact both knowing the story, and Lana swallowed thickly.
"No, he didn't cheat on me. Um, basically, I got pregnant last year," Lana looked down not wanting to meet anyone's eyes as she closed her mascara tube. Everyone's eyes grew wide, shocked at the confession.
"He convinced me to get an abortion and broke up with me right after. Everything kinda just went downhill after that, and my 'wild child' phase started," Lana made air quotations with her fingers, quoting her parents. Her eyes teared up as she twisted open a tube of lip gloss.
"And then I was dumb enough to get back together with him like three days before I left for this Hawaii trip," Lana nervously laughed before clasping her hands around her nose, trying to stop her tears from flowing.
Toni pulled the girl in for a hug, comforting her and embracing her tightly as she cried quietly.
"Baby, please, just open the door," Ryan begged outside of Lana's bedroom in her quiet house with no one but the two teenagers in it.
"No, Ryan. I have to see you enough at school and church. Go away. I can't believe you just walked into my house in the first place," Lana spat from inside her room.
"You haven't been responding to my texts or calls, and I'm not able to talk to you alone anymore. This was the last option. Listen... I just want to talk and apologize for what I did. Please, just let me in," Ryan begged.
Lana paced back and forth contemplating what to do. She sighed, annoyed, but unlocked her door nevertheless.
She backed away as Ryan walked into her room. They stood looking at each other for a moment before Lana broke the silence. "Well, what is it?"
"I'm sorry for what I did, all of it. Please, Lana," he grabbed her hand, startling her at his touch for a moment before she melted right in front of him, missing what that felt like.
"Forgive me for everything. I still love you so much, and I want to be with you. I want to be us again. Like we used to be. Lana and Ryan. You cheering for me at my games, doing Bible study together, walking into parties hand in hand. I miss it. I miss us."
"Lana... I'm so sorry. I-I shouldn't have said anything," Fatin regretted asking or bringing it up at all.
"No, it's okay, Fatin. You had no idea. Well, I just put an even bigger damper on the mood, so let's just move on," Lana looked away, packing up her makeup. The girls hesitantly got back to their game of Uno, exchanging some worried and pitiful looks.
Toni took Lana's hand in hers to show her that she was there for her. Lana was startled at the touch for a second, but she looked up and into Toni's eyes, smiling in appreciation.
"Ryan..." Lana pulled her hand out of her ex-boyfriends. "You left me, right after I got an abortion all alone. You didn't even bother coming with me, or asking if I was okay. You just wanted to make sure that the problem was gone. How are we supposed to just go back to Lana and Ryan after that?"
"Baby, I know. I was so stupid, and I don't know what I was thinking. I'll do anything to make it up to you, please just... I love you, Lana. Be my girlfriend again, and I'll show you that," Ryan choked up.
"I'm sorry, but I can't. I can't do it," Lana's eyes filled with tears. Ryan's demeanor all of the sudden went from a regretful, pleading boy to a cold, heartless one.
"Seriously? After all that I've done for you throughout the years? You're just gonna ruin us like that?" Ryan spat.
"Me? You ended us! I didn't end this relationship!" Lana shouted. "Well I'm giving you another chance now!"
Lana scoffed at Ryan's words. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Give her another chance? She was speechless.
Ryan ran his hand through his hair, looking around her room. He turned back around, meeting her eyes, "You tried to kill yourself a couple of months ago, because I broke up with you. Then you started partying and getting around like some stupid slut. You're lucky I'm even giving you the chance to get back together. You need me. You'll realize that soon, and when you do, I won't be here anymore," Ryan harshly spoke in a low tone.
He walked over to her door, his hand gripping the door knob, when he froze, "Wait," Lana choked out.
Ryan turned around slowly, watching Lana walk up to him. "You're right. I'm sorry. I'm just so... broken," Lana sobbed. "I don't know how everything fell apart so fast. But if there's even a little chance that I can get things back to how they used to be, then that starts with you. With us."
Lana's hand stroked Ryan's cheek before he embraced her into a hug. "We're gonna be back to normal soon, babe. Before you know it."
****
Lana sat at the beach alone while looking out to the ocean. The sun was about to set, and everyone was as quiet as they'd been the past couple of days.
Tears were flowing down Lana's face as she thought about all of the shitty things in her life and how quickly she went into a downward spiral. Lana also thought about Toni's words from two days ago.
"I'm proud of you," Toni told Lana whose eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "For being clean for two weeks now. You don't really talk about it, but it must be really hard to not be self-harming especially in a shitty situation like the one we're in. I know that you relapsed yesterday, and that it wasn't just a celebratory drink. Listen, you don't have to tell me anything, but I need you to know that I'm here for when you do want to talk."
Lana smiled, genuinely so grateful for the girl sitting next to her. She leaned in, locking their lips.
"Thank you. For everything," Lana spoke in a soft tone before looking back at Toni's lips and sealing them once again.
Lana leaned back onto the sand, Toni leaning on top of her as they made out. Things quickly got heated, both of their hands trailing over each other's bodies.
Lana pulled Toni's shirt off, surprising the brunette. "Are you sure?" Lana looked into her eyes, nodding her head.
That was the first time Lana had ever been with a girl. She felt safe and so special. The way Toni made her feel was nothing she'd felt before.
When the two got back to the quiet camp, Lana was met with a smirking Fatin who somehow instantly could sense what happened between the two.
The blonde took a seat next to Fatin and Leah. Fatin leaned over Leah's body to Lana, "Looks like someone finally did the deed."
Lana's face turned a light shade of red, and Leah's jaw dropped slightly, realizing that Toni and Lana had finally gotten together.
"Jealous you aren't getting any?" Lana remarked making Fatin and Leah chuckle in amusement. "Understatement of the century, girl."
Lana sat with a broken piece of shell in her hand now, Toni's words running through her head over and over.
"I'm proud of you."
"Clean for two weeks."
"It must be really hard."
Tears ran down Lana's face, the glowing sun lighting up her skin, making her scars appear a more orange tone.
Her hand ran along her left forearm, looking at all the damage she'd done to herself in the past five months.
She took the shell and brought it up to her skin, Toni's words continuing to run through her head, but this time getting mixed up with Ryan's.
"You tried to kill yourself."
"You need me."
"Some stupid slut."
The shell sunk into her skin, a crimson color seeping out of her arm and dripping onto the sand.
Lana pressed further and further into her skin, not thinking or being aware of any of her surroundings.
She was completely and totally engrossed and lost in her thoughts and the words of the only two people she's ever felt such deep emotion for.
"It's what you deserve," Lana thought to herself as she pulled the shell out of her arm.
"Holy shit, Lonny," Toni fell down to her knees grabbing the shell out of her hand and looking at the wound that had way too much blood coming out of it.
"Holy shit. This is so deep. Shit, shit, Lana why would you do this?" Toni spoke frantically, tears making her vision blur.
"Guys! Guys! Help! Bring the medical kit!" Toni screamed at the top of her lungs, the group quickly running over to the two that were many feet away but could still be seen from a distance. Dot with the black medical bag in hand.
Everyone stopped running abruptly as they absorbed the scene in front of them. Toni's gripping Lana's wrist with blood all over their hands and clothes.
"I-I didn't mean to cut this deep. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Lana sobbed. "Hey, look at me. You're gonna be f-fine, okay? Just tell me did you cut vertically or horizontally?" Dot reassured unsure of if she actually would be okay.
"H-horizontally," Lana told her, the fellow Texan letting out a slight sigh of relief. "Okay, that's good. Toni take off your shirt and wrap it around her arm and hold down onto the cut." Toni quickly followed Dot's orders.
Shelby's stood staring at the scene, getting flashbacks to Lana's overdose in the bathroom. She pulled herself out of the thoughts and grabbed her cross praying harder than she'd ever prayed before. Martha stood by her side, grabbing Shelby's arm and leaning into her as she wept, and the blonde comforted her simultaneously.
Fatin and Leah hugged each other so tightly, Fatin sobbing while Leah had tears rolling down her face but was in too much shock to be able to actually cry.
Rachel and Nora had their arms wrapped around each other as well, tears brimming Rachel's eyes while Nora couldn't bare to look at the scene.
Dot grabbed a bottle of alcohol out of the bag. "Lana, I am so sorry for this," Dot apologized before moving the shirt that had already slowed the bleeding luckily and then pouring the burning liquid on her arm.
Lana screamed at the pain as she leaned into Toni's chest. "Good n-news, the bleeding already slowed, so it shouldn't be too deep."
Then it hit Shelby. "Wait," everyone looked towards her. "Give me the bag." Shelby tore through the bag and opened the side pocket. Bingo. She pulled out the suture kit, smiling in relief.
"I knew I remembered seeing these after going through the bag during the mussel ordeal." "Holy shit. I didn't even see that," Dot gasped.
"Okay, does anyone know how to do sutures. I've only ever seen them done on Grey's Anatomy, so I'm out, and we need to hurry," Shelby croaked.
Everyone was silent until Nora spoke up. "I haven't actually done them, but I've read about how they're done, so I think maybe I can."
"Maybe? This is her life, what if something goes wrong!" Toni boomed, sobbing as she held the girl in her arms.
"Yeah, well none of us have a medical degree and this is the closest we're gonna get, so hurry Nora, the suns setting which isn't gonna help," Dot stood up making room for the smartest one of the group.
Nora got all of the contents out of the kit preparing herself for what was about to happen. Lana's eyes started to flutter as she got tired. "Hey, stay awake, okay? You have to keep your eyes open," Toni spoke softly.
"Okay, luckily everything is well set up, so this shouldn't be too hard. The odds are in our favor right now, you just gotta stay awake," Nora encouraged, mustering up a smile as she cleaned as much blood as she could.
A deafening silence fell upon the group as they watched Nora begin the sutures. Lana whimpered in Toni's arms, squirming at the pain.
Dot took out a pain pill from the bag and gave it to Toni to put in her mouth. Lana swallowed the pill, hoping it would kick in right away.
"Okay, I'm already halfway," Nora's hands fumbled as she worked. Soon after, she made the last suture. "Done!" She announced.
A wave of relief so strong washed over what felt like the entire island. "So she's gonna be okay?" Martha timidly asked.
Nora nodded her head slowly. "Yeah, she should be okay."
This chapter is getting long so I'll stop it here. This was lowkey hard to write not gonna lie, like this is gonna fuck with me LMAO. I hope you guys liked the chapter and are okay from it idk if it was too intense.