Dear Diary; You may still wonder why I write in you, almost being 18 and all but it's like you get me. You know me. My whole life is in here. And I'm okay with that.
"Girl how you feeling,"Lashonda asked sitting on my bed.
Lashonda one of my cell mates but I make her sleep somewhere else. She bout a year younger than me but taller than me.
"Bitch, like I said don't ask me shit that don't concern you," I told her.
"Go clean my toilet or something," I added
"I already did that yesterday," she said.
"Bitch it's a new day now hurry the fuck up," I said.
She left and scrubbed the toilets. These hoes so motherfucking nasty. They got the audacity to be coming up in here and talking to me like they I'm they friend or some shit.
I'm going for trial today or whatever. I'm excited I think I'm going to get through it. I was just placed in to juvie because I was younger when I came in.
These bitches down here be acting grown as fuck so it's kinda like jail but they know exactly who to fucking play with.
When I first came here I was getting jumped every day. Walking around moping bout missing Kentrell and stressing over life and shit. Now all these bitches respect me. I came a long fucking way.
I got up and got my clothes and went to showers.I passed the bitches that we're having sex and just went on with my business.
I showered and enjoyed it. I hope it was going to be my last time in this horrible place. It ain't as bad as it was when I first came here but I miss the outside world.
When I came out the shower I got dressed into these ridiculous sweatsuit they gave us and left.
I went back to my bunk and lay down. I wonder how my life would be without meeting Kentrell. I probably still would have went down the wrong path because of my mindset and the way I grew up.
I'm happy he left me because I would not have left him myself no matter what. I can't blame myself that was my first everything. He finna be my first body too.
"Okay, Mello Johnson I need you to come with me," a guard said.
I got up and I walked into her direction. After she opened the cell she handcuffed me.
I was one of the only was who was very limited to freedom because of the way I acted. I don't care I don't wanna be here so my ass finna make it known.
I walked in front of her and a next guard led me into a little room. Wait, I thought I was supposed to be going to actual court.
"Hey, Miss Johnson I would like to have a word with you alone," she said
"Why you telling me that you know I'm not here by choice right," I said
"Um Guards give us 10 minutes," she said
The guards left and I sat down at the table.
"I understand that you are here for crimes that you didn't commit," she said
"Well damn you think so," I said
"With that attitude I just might start to think you actually killed P.youngin and kidnapped your brother Jamal Johnson and Killed Jania," she said
"You had motives you can stay here for life," she said.
"You wrong I can't stay here for life I'd have to go to real jail sis keep up with your job," I said
"Oh, so it's like that. Listen I have the say whether or not you leave here so I advise you to drop the attitude," she said
"Listen miss lady, I was brought here being a victim, my life can't get any worst so I'm going to cooperate but just don't come in here acting like you is Jesus or something. Y'all system is trash and that's why I'm here," I said
"You know what that's all the time we have for today. I will call you back with my decision in thirty minutes. We have a tip from someone on your case and I was just trying to sort some stuff out," she said.
I got up and the guards came in. They walked me back to my cell.
Maybe I shouldn't have done all that but it's like I can't have people disrespecting me anymore. Thinking they know me. All my days of letting people walk over me is over.
I just hope what ever happens Kentrell doesn't go to jail because that tip sounds like some snitched and I wanted to deal with him myself.
"Miss Johnson come," the guard said.
I walked up and she put the cuffs on me again. I followed behind the first one again.
I saw the same lady.
"Okay Mello your almost free to go," she said
"Almost," I asked
"Yeah almost,"
"What do you mean,"
"Because of your reckless behavior we want you to spend one night in actual jail. I wanna open your eyes so that you won't be in here again," she said.
"When will that be,"
"In a an hour you will leave to go there and in the morning at exactly nine o clock you will be on your way home you are allowed to right a letter or call someone and let them know what time to pick you up," she said
I sucked my teeth.
"Don't make me regret this," she said.
I sighed and left. I wrote a letter to Kd.
I started packing the things that I had left and then threw it all on the floor. I ain't finna need none of this shit.
I heard something dangle on the floor and it was the old ring Kentrell had gave me. I smiled a little bit. The shit I did for this ring. I put it in my pocket so I could sell it when I leave. I know it had worth Kentrell isn't a cheap nigga. Everything he got me was real.
An hour had quickly passed and soon I was on my way to jail. Real jail. This ain't no play, play shit but I ain't scared mother fuckers over here be eating ass and shit. Killing with forks.
I walked into the building and got checked. I put the ring on my finger so they would think I stole it as they checked me.
After all of that bull shitting I was finally in the back. Everyone was eating while the guard walked me to my cell. I felt all eyes on me.
These hoes must think I'm scared. I sat in my cell until I heard a familiar voice talking.
"Look at yo dumb ass," Aribian said
I didn't answer her. She was in the cell across from me calling me names. Suddenly, a girl came to me and she smiled.
"Hey," she said
I rolled my eyes.
I ain't planning on saying shit to no one.
"Um, hello," she said
I proceeded to ignore her.
"What you in here for," she asked
Why the fuck does this hoe keep talking to me. She started talking but I ignored her.
It was getting late. I heard her in the corner crying.
"Bitch how bout you go kill your self or something depressed ass bitch stop motherfucking crying," I said
"I miss him," she said.
"Bitch I don't give a fuck who you miss shut the fuck up before I come down there and beat yo ass," I said.
"You don't understand even after all I went through. I still miss him. He the reason I'm here," she replied
"Well don't," I said
"It's not that easy when I get out I promise I know we finna get married. It's okay though even though he abused me that wasn't him that was his past self,"
"Oh my girl you got to get over him I did once and now I'm happy. Well it feels better knowing when I get out Imma kill him," I said.
"But Kentrell loves us," she said
I got up and looked at her and noticed it was me.
Soon I woke up and started breathing hard.
What the fuck. I never had a dream so clearly it was like she was actually there. Well it was me but me when I first came. I used to cry and believe that there was hope and that we would still get married.
All the cell gates on this block was slightly open so I walked across the gate.
I watched Aribian sleep. She isn't bad at all. She isn't ugly. Even though I don't fucking love Kentrell nomore it's still what made him love her more than me.
I then began chocking her. She woke up gasping for air. Yeah bitch you about to die.
Then I remembered if I kill her now I would never be let out of prison.
I let go off her neck and let her breathe.
"What the fuck is wrong with you," she asked catching her breathe.
"A lot of things," I said
"You still over here in love with Kentrell," she asked.
"Nope,"
"So why the fuck did you do that to me," she asked
"I was keeping the same energy from earlier," I said to her.
"Now , look at you. All this over a nigga that don't want you. In case you didn't know his ass famous as fuck now he a rapper and still trapin. So if you think you have any chance with him it's over. Millions of girls want him now," she said
"I want h-
"As bad as he did you. You still want him," she asked
I swung at her punching her in the nose cause her head to fall back.
"Let me finish hoe," I yelled
" I want him dead," I said.
"Good luck with that," she said holding.
"Yeah I know,"
After that I just began to punch her. I needed something to take my anger out on. She couldn't even fight back.
I then left and went back into my cell.
After sleeping for a while I was woken up.
"Let's go miss," a guard said.
I got up quickly. I was so excited.
After everything was done we came back into the front I saw Kd. I was so happy I jumped on him.
"Bitch you still built like you pregnant. Don't do that again," he said
"Kd fuckkk you," I said.
I was finally able to see and feel outside. I took a minute. At 12:00 tonight Imma be 18. Life is good but it wouldn't be great until I see that nigga suffering because of me.
Oh and ignore those mistakes I'm lazy so I don't be proof reading and shii.
And we are backkk🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳
I was finna wait but I missed this book two muchhh
Thoughts??????