As you're walking through Velaris, you can't stop thinking of how lucky you are to have this life. To have a mate that cherishes you and only for you will all of his walls crumble. That after all you've been through you finally found happiness.
--------
Childhood had been really hard, it had destroyed you. Growing up, fake smiles were essential. Behind yours, the truth was hidden, your mother was selling herself in the court of nightmares, specifically with Keir. Your mother would hit you, and send men every night to your chamber after you reached womanhood.
The truth about your birth had been hidden from your birth father, no one knew who he was, maybe a client or a secret lover. Maybe he knew about your existence and just didn't care. From the moment your mother had laid eyes on you, she knew she could get good money from you and she did. Her heart was made of stone and freezing blood traveled through her, she would slap you and spit in your face when you disappointed her. There was no escape from it, except death.
Morrigan was the one who saved you from ending it all, you too were the best of friends, the only light in each other's lives. Your mother was by Keir's side, as a whore.
When Mor slept with Cassian and destroyed the alliance, you had to watch your best friend get tortured by her father, you had to endure her screams. Knights had to hold you down. Seeing her get torn apart and then dumped on the borders of the Autumn Court was your breaking and awakening.
Your power had flooded through the torture room, true and raw power. It was so strong that mountains had shaken during it. The force they had to use to hold you down was so strong that even after centuries you still had hands marked on your body, permanent marks around your neck, arms, legs, ... Those scars had become trophies for you, the significance of the love you have for your dear friend.
After what had happened with Morrigan and the awakening of your powers, Keir had imprisoned you in the deepest dungeons, keeping you there for his experiences. The only time you would get out is when he would make a spectacle out of you.
The years you spent hidden were worse than your whole childhood. After a while shadows had started to curl around the walls. They would run along your legs, caressing you. They would whisper comforting thoughts and sing to you. They had become friends, not once did you think that after everything, shadowsinger powers had filled you. Out in the open, they would hide beneath the little privacy you had.
Then one day, Rhysand was in the Hewn city, a couple of years before the war, he recognized you. Keir was always careful about when you could come out, he didn't want anyone, who could potentially save you, recognize you. Rhys wasn't even High Lord yet but acted as if and people would worship the ground he walked on in fear they would end up with their body parts severed from each other.
When Keir brought you out for everyone's amusement, Rhys had entered and people started dropping dead as he laid his gaze on you. Rhys had you sent up to the house above the city and Keir didn't enjoy the results of all his actions, Rhys and two other males you did not recognize made sure of it.
You spent days up there reading, sleeping or just staring in one direction. Rhys gave you all the privacy you needed. Then one day, a chipper voice ran through the corridors leading to your rooms. Mor was here, she was in one piece and safe. You spent hours weeping in the crook of her shoulder.
She explained her absence and apologized for everything. As she was talking, you could see that she was finally happy and envy mixed with questions flooded through you.
"Where have you been all this time?!", power flooded through the walls, anger for being left behind was heating you up.
Your friend took your hand in hers and squeezed a little, "Okay, please let me explain. I've been in this secret city, protected by all the High Lords of the Night Court through thousands of years."
Your perplexed look was your only answer. Never letting go of your hand, she explained everything. After she finished, you followed her.
She introduced you to the inner circle and Velaris, you could finally put a face to the ones who made Keir suffer. The city was enchanting and quickly became a home. You found a new family, a family who would never make you suffer ever again. They would protect you against anyone or anything that threatened you.
Your shadows had danced around your ankles, taking a peek of the newness and exclaimed expressions had spread on their faces. Armen sniffed and smiled. She came up to you and placed a hand on your arm. Then she turned to the mysterious spymaster and chuckled, you didn't know or asked her what that was about.
You had been afraid of their reactions towards your shadows. But you only found comfort and happiness as they welcomed you and accepted every part of your being. Your shadows were welcome and felt free to be there, around your shoulder, arms, shins...
The spymaster's shadows would always come out freely around you, yours and his would dance together. Everyone would stop and look when it would happen. The meaning behind their faces was a clue to you.
The first time your eyes had met Azriel's, a spark of fire had started to burn inside of you. You left it alone, unsure of what it meant, but it was a constant burning that comforted you. Whenever you thought of him or be around him, the burning would heat you up. His glances would pierce through your soul and you could spend hours studying his hazel eyes. He always remained quiet but when alone you two could spend hours chatting. Slowly, both of you opened up to each other, talking about things no one else knew.
When the first war came, you were assigned as a right hand to healers in Azriel's camp. Only years later did you find out he had asked for it, to keep you by his side. Back then, he knew you were his mate, but he would never ask this of you. He was filled with the fear you would resent him and push him away. That you would hate him for his scars and his very existence, the fear another loved one would abandon him. The bond was deep inside of you, burning with hunger, you didn't know what it was.
It was years later when it snapped in place. It was your first time back in the Court of Nightmares, Rhysand was sprawled on his throne, his power thrumming and defying anyone who stood up to him. Keir was standing in front of the dais staring right through your eyes, your shadows whispering every single thought that fueled his anger. Rhys noticed his stare and peered inside your mind and asked.
After delivering all of Keir's thoughts toward you and your family, Rhys took pleasure in making him pay. Others who tried to defy their High Lord trying to save Keir got their heads and members slowly pulled apart. The Hewn city finally learned to never cross Rhysand and to never lay a hand on someone he cared for.
As screams were heard, Azriel had taken a place by your side, Rhys had given him an indication to evacuate you. His shadows were soothing and sang to you as he excourted you out. A shy hand appeared on the small of your back, his warm hand heated you to your very core.
All the way to a small room, his hand was firm on you, never letting you go. You twisted around and stared into his eyes. He was taken back by your sudden movement and bumped into you making you lose your balance. His arms were instantly around your waist, trying to keep you with him, but you brought him down as you fell.
Your body hit the ground, your head making a thud. His body was massive above you, his shadows going crazy. His deep voice vibrated through you, « Are you okay, do you need something- I'm so sorry, it's all my fault. ». You smiled, giving him the affirmation that you were okay. His knees were in a kneeling position on either side of your hips and his upper body was bent down above you.
You brought your palm to his cheek and felt the smooth skin beneath hit, you stroked it, he shuddered. His face was inches from yours, his breath hot against your face. His strong arms on either side of you, keeping himself up. He was staring into your eyes. You were both stuck in time, neither wanted to break it off. Desire was building up inside of you, the burning was an explosion in your core.
You saw things wash through his eyes, pain and suffering intertwined with this hope, it was shining like a star. Your lips parted, as if you were trying to say something and his breathing stopped. You started to trace a pattern with your finger, going from his brow to his neck and in his hair.
One of his hands was now in your hair, stroking your scalp and a breathless sound slipped through your mouth. He started to trace a similar pattern, and when his hand was cupping your cheek you placed your free hand on top of his.
His breath caught and Az started to retrieve his hand, but you stopped him. You fully took his massive hand in yours, as you were bringing it to your lips, you felt he was resisting. You placed your other hand on his chest, calming him. When his hand was to your mouth, you kissed it and said, « Don't hide from me, please don't. I love them, your hands are beautiful. »
"You don't think they are ugly?", his body was shaking under your touch and your breathless kisses.
"Never would I think that, those people will pay. You didn't deserve any of it. I love them.", you said as you were admiring them.
"And I love yours and so much more. "While talking he lowered himself, an inch from you. He was so close, but you wanted him so much closer. You wanted his weight pressing on you, your breaths shared.
Az kept staring, not moving, so you took matters in your own hands. You interlaced his hand with yours and Az took a breath in, closed his eyes, and when he opened them his lips were on yours. It was soft at first, but it became ferocious as you pulled him even closer. It was the kind of kiss that revives you, it's so deep that you don't want to come up for air.
HIs lips broke from yours and made a trail along your jaw and to your neck, suking it. A moan slipped free, making Az groan and brace a hand on your hip, squeezing it tightly.
Hearing that deep groan flipped something in you, lights were brighter and things felt different. You could feel his heart synchronized with yours. Az broke the kiss and contemplated you. You felt his love flood through your heart.
You swallowed hard and kissed him deeply again before saying, "I love you Az, I've always had."
He kept scanning your face, as if he thought this was a dream, an illusion. "You do?"
"Yes", you whispered.
"And I love you, from the bottom of my heart." The mating bond had snapped in place.
"Aww you guys, I love you too!" Cassian said. Rhys was behind him shaking his head and slapping the back of his brother's head. "You idiot! You really can't keep your mouth shut." Az's and your shadows had created a bubble, trapping you in your moment, you hadn't heard them coming in.
Az's chuckle was a death promise towards his brothers. He got up and extended a hand to help you up. Then his arm was instantly around your waist, keeping you close.
Cassian opened his mouth to add something but one look from his brothers had shut him up pretty quickly. You smiled and laughed. Az only held you tighter with his hand grazing the back of your neck and said in your ear, "You think this bastard is funny? He interrupted us!" You turned in your mate's direction, cupped his face with both of your hands and kissed his cheek.
He ferociously grabbed your waist and winnowed away. His shadows thick around both of you, embracing your bodies.
-------
You come back to your senses as you start falling, through your eyes Velaris is tipping. A little scream flies from your lips as you try to reach out to hold on to something, you don't even know where you are, you were so deep in your thoughts. Out of nowhere you feel strong hands around your waist, holding you up. You hear a deep chuckle as you are taking in your surroundings, you are far from the city on the Sidra's banks.
"My love, how many times have I said to look where you are going", Az purrs. Even with his cool expression you know he has something on his mind.
You whirl your head in his direction and twist in his arms to get a better look. The sun is going down and his tan skin glows, his dark eyes shine.
"I'm sorry Az, I was-"
Az cuts you, "You were what? Thinking about me? Don't try to lie, love, your shadows are flowing around you, the same way they do when I'm around. Besides I could feel you through the bond and I could feel exactly-"
You're still tipped in his arms, so you grab on to his neck and pull him down. He stops his sentence and let's himself go. His shadows slow you down and twist both of you. You end up straddling Azriel, his back on the ground, his hands on your thighs. The perfect position.
You lean down, your mouth a breath away from his and say, "What were you saying? Sorry, I was distracted-"
He laughs deeply before grabbing your throat and flips you, knocking the air from your lungs. He's towering above you and strokes your hair as you start breathing again.
His fingers trace patterns around your throat and he dips his head and kisses his way from your jaw to the middle of your torso. Then he goes to your breast, shifting your gown to have better access. Your hand goes in his hair, tugging hard. A fire ignites inside of you. He purrs against your skin, "Oh I'm sorry my love, did I cut you? I couldn't concentrate on what you were saying, you know I get fussy when I don't have my dessert, you. You left quickly after lunch. I lured you here because Cass can't stand me anymore."
Your only response is a hum. You chuckle and wiggle as he works his way down your torso, his shadows blocking both of you from any looks in your way. He slips a hand under your dress and starts teasing you, a loud moan emerges from you. He groans his appreciation. Az leaves a last kiss on your breast and brings his head where you want, need him. At the first lick a mountain trembles, one of his hands spreading you open and the other on your hips keeping you in place.
This is perfect, your life was finally completed. You both healed each other and grew together, this is love.