❝ she had given almost her all
her heart was now broke
he's kissing and sealing her lips
but secrets were just smoke ❞
xi.
black | make a deeper, darker wine, scarcely sweet
-------
janet gave keith my number. i had no idea why. the sibling duo was also very keen on caring for me, again, i had no idea why. they had insisted that i stay the night. i probably would've bonded with janet a little more, trying to fill the ophelia-shaped hole in my heart. janet truly was a good friend.
after years of felix being my only friend, i had one more. and a potential two as well.
things were beginning to look bright. i felt like i was finally learning how to swim, instead of life's currents practicing puppetry on me. i was finally beginning to grasp the fleeting leash, and prevent myself spiralling into a bottomless black hole.
after the pilates class last weekend, keith and jan had invited me to hangout with them, immediately after the class. we walked side by side outside the glass doors, me being a step ahead of them both as i caught jan nudging keith who just scoffed. we reached the alternate side of the gym building where i'd seen keith for the very first time.
he was wearing a black beanie that day, his pale skin a stark contrast to his black leather jacket. at that moment i could've never guessed that he was jan's brother. janet's light mocha skin and dyed platinum hair rivalled his brown strands and light-hued complexion.
"he's adopted," janet had told me one evening, not meeting my eyes. "but i love him more than i could ever love my real brother, if i had one." she smiled at me and all i could say was, "oh."
that didn't change the fact that the siblings had the exact same personality and that their playful banters were a pleasure to watch. the endless cycle of "you suck!" and "no, you," always had me giggling, my eyes twinkling like they never did at home.
but my home was felix, he was my safe place. i was his, i hoped.
but my king had numerous maids to tend to, that my measly pawn self hadn't known at the time. i wasn't his queen.
but i loved him. he was all i had.
we reached the other side of the red stone building as an eye-catching, wall length landscape caught my eyes. graffiti. but the most beautiful one i had ever set my eyes on. my breath caught in my throat.
spray painted to perfection, the splatter on the wall looked like a distorted portrait—as if picasso had drawn mona lisa with the addition of keith's own twist, in the form of blood red sprinkles added as an overlay.
"this is..." i gaped at keith, "woah," it was no doubt i was rendered speechless.
"speechless, aren't you?" keith grinned and winked at me, though i noticed he was fiddling with his grey beanie.
"jay-jay here had the exact same reaction, well a little mo-" janet punched him, cutting of his monologue as he groaned in pain.
"she started crying!" he exclaimed, sniggering. janet flicked his nose as his hand rose to cup his now scarlet nose.
i couldn't resist, "you...you look like rudolph."
janet's eyes widened to the size of saucers as keith cheeks mimicked his nose.
"gal's got humour," janet said, and i smiled.
"she has," keith scratched the back of his neck, chuckling.
it was strange that he thought i was funny, 'cause he never did.
janet's shrill ringtone seemed to break him out of a daze, as he sat against the wall, against his art.
"hello?...oh, yeah i did...nevermind...babe...i'll be there...yeah whatevs...ex-oh-ex-oh."
"was that tyler?" keith glanced at janet curiously, his jock ticking as she nodded.
"you guys can hang around," she threw the house keys at keith, "i should get going." she bit her lip nervously and dashed, disappearing around the corner.
keith coughed, to break the awkward silence, which only ended up making it more so.
"who's tyler?" inquisitiveness was never my trait, but i had to say something so i went with it.
"dorkier's on again and off again boy toy," he looked at me.
dorkier. jan always called keith a dork, and his nickname for her now made me chuckle.
"you guys are like complementary angles," i smile, my eyes crinkling.
"perhaps," he says, "legend has it, we were twins separated at birth." he looked playful and teasing. he was always like that.
so light.
i sat down next to keith, putting some distance between us. but i had to get home fast too, now that janet wasn't here, i didn't have a significant reason to stay.
as soon as my back hit the wall, i flinched.
felix had just lost his job. he was angry. and wasted.
he hurt you, naya. my conscience told me, but i knew, he would never do that consciously.
it was just one time. just one bruise. just one gash. just one.
i sat in an uncomfortable position, my back not touching the wall and somehow, keith noticed this.
"does your back hurt?" concern flashed in his brownish-green eyes.
"no," i managed a weak smile which strained crookedly across my cheeks.
"you can tell me, naya. i give really good massages." he wiggled his eyebrows and soft laughter bubbled out of me. he was gazing at me intently, waiting for an answer.
"you'd rather not," my lips quirked up in a half smile, as i looked straight ahead at the thick, green bushes that stretched around the side of the building. as soon as the words left my mouth, keith threw his head back laughing, like a little kid. he kept chattering about aimlessly, not minding my one-worded answers or silent smiles.
the other half of my mind though, was back to that night. there was a huge gap between that night and when i woke up in the hospital two days later. i felt like i had missed something, something that i had known but now didn't. like there was a black hole that was sucking everything i had ever known and failed to understand in, engulfing it like a fast paced tornado, leaving behind the brutally broken remnants.
i couldn't shake of the feeling that felix was there when the burglar broke in, and he did nothing to help. funny how the little memory i had of that night, a burglar didn't surface.
all i could recall was incarnadine.
and ice blue eyes staring at me.
"carter?"
"huh?" i tried to register my dim surrounding. it seemed like a vehicle.
"we're in my truck," keith said softly, "you fell asleep and winced when your back hit the wall, so i carried you here and lay you on you side. sorry," he smiled sheepishly.
"I-"
"and i didn't go all edward cullen on you!" he squeaked in a high pitched voice, his eyes widening. "i was outside, making sure no one sliced the tires." he flicked on the flashlight on his phone.
i blinked. and then again.
"what time is it?"
"its 8 o'clock, you were out fo-"
i gasped. oh no. "where are we?" my voice trembled.
"we're outside the central park."
my eyes widened and my heart thudded like a sledgehammer in my chest. my breathing quicker as the sight in front of me blurred and came back to focus.
"i need to leave," i tried jumping out of the truck but keith gripped me by the shoulder, making me flinch slightly.
"s-sorry," he retracted his hand. "uhm, i just wanted to say that i, uh, could drive you home. it's really late." I was stunned by my own reaction. since when did physical touch...frighten me? i just nodded, gazing out of the window, at park brightened up with street lights.
"take a left...go straight," i kept giving him instructions, not speaking anymore than that. i'm sure keith noted the strange shift in my behaviour. as we came closer to my house, my feet began padding impatiently, as i knit my fingers tightly.
"stop."
the truck screeched to a halt as i hopped out of the truck, just a few steps before our mansion. keith eyed it in awe, marvelling at its size, or the fact that there were no houses in a 400 metre radius.
"your neighborhood lacks neighbors," he tried cracking a joke, before offering me to walk me to my door as i shook my head, signalling him not to.
"i'll be fine," i said. as long as i was outside my home. i didn't know why that thought popped into my head. there was nothing to be afraid of.
it was just felix.
"goodnight carter," he gave me a heart melting smile which would soon be frozen by felix's icy eyes.
"goodnight keith," i said, "and stay inside." i mustered a small smile and waved.
i entered the gates, glancing back one last time. the black truck was still there, idling around, a dark figure inside watching me.
i rang the bell. felix opened the door, his eyes bloodshot. he grasped me in a tight hug and began mumbling into my neck.
"i thought you left me," he said.
"i love you, remember?" i whisper, for some reason itching to take a step back.
i could then hear the startling sound of starting of an engine, and a low rumble as his truck slowly backed away from outside the driveway.
my heart dropped as felix's hands encased my back tighter, almost suffocating me. he left a hard, lingering kiss on my neck before whispering, "going behind my back to meet a guy, baby?" he scraped his teeth along the crook of my neck as i fearfully anticipated them sinking into my flash.
he growled as his fingers curled around my neck. what was happening to him?
"tell him you'll never see him again."
----
"naya, what's on your mind?"
janet broke me out of my trailing thoughts. after the sibling duo nursed me, janet and i had gotten closer—meeting outside the workout centre after most of my classes. she always made sure i was fine, always comforted me in ways i never thought were possible. we had decided to meet on a weekend this time.
i wasn't in my workout, or after-workout clothes. dressed decently in casuals for once.
"oh, it's nothing,"
i just felt unsettled? felix had gripped my arm a little tighter earlier this morning, leaving crimson imprints on my arm when i'd told him i'll be out even though i had nothing to do, instead of waiting for him at home like a good little wife.
as soon as he left for a job interview, i left.
i subconsciously pulled the sleeves of my plum-coloured cardigan over my wrist, clearing my throat.
janet squinted her eyes as though she didn't buy my lie. after all, it was a lie. i never lied before felix, and here i was, lying for him.
"well, the scar on your neck says otherwise," she muttered, eyeing me with scrutiny in her honeyed eyes.
i gasped softly, bringing my hair to the side of neck, where she was pointing, "it's nothing, haha," i chuckled, which sounded too dry even to my own ears. i began playing with a loose thread hanging from the hem of the cardigan, breathing in deeply, bracing for the impact of what i'd brought upon myself.
"you know you can tell me anything right?"
i nodded. she still kept an eye for my boundaries and didn't poke at the topic like a sensitive bruise, for if prodded, it might bleed.
we received our orders soon and i began stirring my latte with the straw. we had ordered three of that kind, the third being for keith.
janet glanced at her wristwatch, "key will be here soon," she smiled at me, though i didn't fail to notice the teasing glint in her eye. what did that have to do with all of this?
"as soon as he's here, i'm gonna leave you two oblivious birds alone," she winked at me.
and i did not like what she was trying to insinuate.
"and anyways, i have to meet with my grams so it's a win-win," she smirked, her berry coloured lipstick failing to conceal her mischief.
"jan i-"
"wait, what's that?" janet instantly interrupted, her gaze fixed on my hand gripping the straw. i paused, scrunching my eyebrows as i glance at janet who had puffed up her cheeks, her blow-dried, platinum hair escaping her bun.
she reached out from across the mahogany coffee table and grasped my left hand.
i exhaled softly, thankful that she didn't want to inspect the right, which had the imprints felix left today morning. he hadn't intended on hurting me, so there was no use in telling her.
"you're married?"
she was staring at my wedding ring which sat conspicuously on my ring finger, the tiny, triple diamonds glimmering under the sunlight filtering through the cafe windows.
i had never worn my ring to the pilates class for i was afraid i might lose it. i didn't realise how much of a shock it could be to janet, who probably considered me an average college going girl at twenty-one. i was too young to be married, they all said.
she didn't know i was married.
i looked down at my feet, my peach painted nails seeming extremely interesting under the burning gaze of my friend.
"how could you not tell me?" she gave me an incredulous look, with a glint of annoyance in her eyes. i didn't want to drive her away now that we'd come so far. my chest felt heavy as words twisted in my gut like a knife.
"i'm sorry, jan," was all i could choke out, before blinking back my tears, mustering the unfathomable courage to leave my one and only friend behind.
courage was cowardice.
i was too young to be married, they all said. i think, after all, they were right.
❝ when he was happy
then there was one
when the happiness died
then there were none ❞
-----
a/n: we had some one-on-one keith time for the first time and a short flashback from the night with the 'burglar'. why do you think naya doesn't remember much?
thoughts on the chapter?
ironically, i ate so many cherries while writing this chapter lol
the next chapter is a very, very crucial chapter and i've had it written long ago-way before janet or keith were even introduced into the story. it is certainly going to be a lot heavier than expected.
next chapter: xii. | coral