This was the busiest you had ever been. Between work, choir rehearsals, a couple voices lessons, and then helping Adam with his audition tape you had no time. Everything blended into the next feeling like you were living the movie Groundhog day. Waking up dealing with work all day then when that was over you head straight to the choir room for rehearsals or your voices lessons. You spend a couple hours preparing, rehearsing/teaching, and cleaning up then you head home to learn your lines. Adam reassured you that your performance didn't matter he just needed someone to go through the motions with. You listened to him but you also wanted to do your best for him because you wanted him to get this job, and was so afraid you would be the reason he wouldn't. A sense of relief washed over you when Adam gave you copies of the scenes. The two straight scenes were from the iconic films When Harry Met Sally when they are discussing how men and women can't be friends. Then the other was from Moonstruck when Ronny and Lorretta walked home from the Opera. You knew these two movies like the back of your hand.
The hard work came when you were learning the two songs from Waitress Bad Idea and You Matter to Me. Adam was counting on you a lot because he didn't feel comfortable just learning the words and singing. He wanted you to teach him how to sing it properly and seem like he knew what he was doing. The pressure was building and you wanted to be able to help him the best you could because that's what you do. You had to learn the timing, both lyrics, both harmonies, key and pitch for Adam, and how to teach them to him. Luckily the songs were ones you were semi familiar with, but it's still a lot to learn in a short amount of time.
Monday and Tuesday night was spent running lines and listening to the two songs on a constant loop. Adam was enraptured when he saw how prepared you were. You would come into his or your apartment humming one of the songs as you unpacked your bag laying out sheet music and small singing charts you had printed off at work. Before anything you would take a few minutes and read through the few pages of scripts concentrating on the words and their meanings. Adam loved the way you would get lost in thought and mindlessly pace in the room. He didn't have much to do throughout the day at the moment. This was the only thing he was working on so it was easy for him to get his lines down. However, he was a little amazed that you would take this on with everything else you had going on in your life. Something about doing this together seemed intimate in a way the two of you hadn't been before.
Wednesday came and it was already a rough start you were rushing out of the door for work after oversleeping from being up so late trying to memorize one of the songs. Madi had to come in and wake you up because your alarm was blaring through the apartment while you just slept peacefully ignoring it. Finally making it into school just in time to drop your stuff off in your office and get started for the day. Picking up your material you head down the hall when you hear, "Ms. L/N." Quickly you turn to find the voice noticing Jaxon catching up with you. "Morning Jaxon, how are you?". He gave you a handsome smile saying, "I'm good. Where were you this morning?" Nonchalantly shrugged your shoulders answering, "Overslept. Been helping a friend with an audition." He gave you a concerned look, " You've been really busy lately." Taking a moment to think about it, "Yeah i've had a lot going on." He stops you by placing a hand on your forearm. Slightly turning to catch his eye and slow your steps. His stare softens, "don't give too much of yourself. People take advantage of it." It wasn't the words themselve that bothered you, but it was the fact that he felt like he had to say it. Jaxon and you had been friends for a while now and have become semi close in a work sense, but at that moment it seemed like he had another meaning behind his words. Your exhausted eyes narrow to try to read the situation not sure how to respond. He was quick to replace the silence, "I just don't want my friend to get caught up in something and get burned out. If you need anything let me know i'd love to help." Jaxon turned and started to walk away as he wished you a good day and that he would see you later at choir rehearsal. His words rattled around your brain as you refocus your day's agenda.
The rest of your day couldn't go any slower mostly because you were so tired. Most of your student's lessons went on without a hitch, but one was a special education student who was just over-simulated and would not focus on anything. At some point you realize nothing was going to help them other than getting that energy out, so you let them play and draw on your white board. Once the day is over you head into the choir room to prepare for rehearsal as all the student's start to file in and get settled. You talk and joke with the kids making sure they were ready to start. Quizzing them on the songs and the words. It was a fun game you had started at the beginning of rehearsals to get everyone ready for warm ups. Jaxon comes in and the class erupts into a loud "Hi Mr. Miller!". He indulges everyone by taking a few bows saying, "hello yes I am here let's get started." Setting his stuff down he goes over to the piano and starts to play the tune of Do-Re-Mi from The Sound of Music. As Jaxon plays through the set of songs you work with arranging students for the best sound, helping signal for timing, giving breath reminders, as well as helping the student's work on their solos. After rehearsals you didn't stick around because you were supposed to meet Adam at your apartment to start filming. However, you had to stop at the store to grab a few things first.
Not feeling like walking, you took the subway listening to Sara Bareilles' Waitress Album. Getting off and mingling through the streets you stop at the corner store checking your small list coffee, milk, and cereal because Adam keeps eating it all. Walking up and down the aisles grabbing a carton of milk, a bag of ground coffee, then stopping to look at the cereal selection. A moment goes by and you're still trying to decide which one you want to get when you notice someone joining you on the aisle. You hear a soft unique voice, "Y/N? Is that right?". Head turning to see who it was chest instantly tightening as you saw her.
Jessa was standing there in an effortlessly gorgeous bohemian style outfit that complemented her long blond hair. Surprised that she remembered who you were from a while back you simply say, "yes it is. Nice to see you again Jessa." She has a curious smirk, "yeah same. Where's Adam?" Trying not to be fazed by the fact she's asking about him already you say, "I'm just picking some stuff up then meeting him later." She steps a little closer and you glance down at her little basket she had in her hands just filled with a variety of things that didn't really make sense together, but to be honest something about her didn't either. "Oh. Yeah well please tell him that it was so good seeing him the other day." This conversation was feeling a little too strange for your taste, so you decide to grab the Puffins cereal and start down the aisle towards the checkout, "Yeah of course i'll let him know." Her smirk grows a little bigger, "also please thank him for me. I really enjoyed our talks and visits over the last couple of months. They really meant a lot to me." You froze in place your mind racing. When did he visit her? Why would he visit her? What did they have to talk about? Why didn't I know they were seeing each other? Looking back at her you go to say something but she cuts you off, "he really does mean the world to me. I'll see you around." Then she was gone. You check out completely confused as anxiety and worry creep through your veins. As you make your way home, images of how the two of them spoke to each other that night while you were on the phone shuffled through your memory. Doubt weighted heavy on your chest.
Getting into your apartment Adam was already there with Peter setting up the camera. You lay the bag of stuff you just bought on the counter and head straight to your room. Adam watched you come in without saying a word and going straight to your room. He knew right away something was off. He followed behind you knocking lightly before coming in your door that wasn't completely shut. Stepping in he said, "hey you okay?" When you came in you had dropped your work bags in the middle of the floor and flopped on your bed. Rolling over you watch him walk over towards you with his massive frame towering over you. Looking up at him you answer, "Yeah just a really long day." He was mindlessly fidgeting with your pants pockets as he says, "We can do this tomorrow if this is.." You cut him off sitting up eye level with his chest, "It's not too much. I promised to help you so that's what i'm going to do." His concerned look was replaced with a big smile, "okay if you're sure?" You grinned and laid back down, "I just need like 10 minutes to chill before we start." Adam just watched you for a few seconds. Something was still off something you weren't telling him, but he didn't want to assume something of you. Looking back at him you say, "you could just stand there and watch or you can join me?" instantly he was crushing you with his weight laying ontop of you. You groan and laugh at the same time trying to push him off but there was no progress till he finally rolled over and brought you with him. The two of you just laid there not speaking. Adam couldn't remember the last time he just laid with someone for no other reason but to lay there and it felt nice, safe, and stress free. You laid there letting the day's events clear your mind. It always seemed strange to you how at ease Adam made you feel by just simple being there. It was probably because you had never had someone just there for you but still it was something you were scared of losing, and that's why you didn't say a word to him about seeing Jessa. You just wanted to pretend in the moment that there was nothing to worry about.
After a few minutes you hear Peter in your doorway saying, "hey you two there is no sleeping on the job." You roll your eyes and answer, "kiss my ass Peter." He laughed and yelled as he walked down the hall, "Let's go!" Adam laughed and rolled back on top of you only slightly crushing this time and with a playful smirk, "I'll kiss your ass." You felt your face heat up matching his playful expression, "oh really you will." He nuzzles his head into your chest and moves his hands down your body and grasps your ass, "oh i'd devour this ass." his warm breath against your chest was sending tingles of pleasure though your body. The two of you just press against each other for a moment then you say, "Well you'd have to devour this ass another time because you have an audition to do." Adam's grip around you tightens then releases as he lets out a "uh shit your right. Fine." The two of you gather yourselves and get ready to film. Just simply spending a few minutes with Adam your spirits were already reversed and mind clear ready to do your best for him with this audition tape.
First scene:
When Harry Met Sally- Men and Women can't be friends?
After doing a simple read through you felt confident you knew your lines. You remembered something from college your theater teacher told you. "This scene was portrayed by these actors in this particular performance. Now I want you to portray this scene in this particular performance." Adam and you had just filmed a quick run through now it was time for a real take. Taking a deep breath you were surprisingly at ease and ready.
You: We are just going to be friends, ok?
Adam: Great! Friends! It's the best thing... You realize of course that we can never be friends.
You: Why not?
Adam: What I'm saying is... and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form, is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
You: That's not true, I have a number of men friends and there's is no sex involved.
Adam: No you don't.
You: Yes, I do.
Adam: No you don't.
You: Yes, I do.
Adam: You only think you do.
You: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Adam: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
You: They do not.
Adam: Do too.
You: They do not.
Adam: Do too.
You: How do you know?
Adam: Because no man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive, he always wants to have sex with her.
You: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.
Adam: Nuh, you pretty much wanna nail'em too.
You: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Adam: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
You: Well I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Adam: Guess not.
You: That's too bad you were going to be the only person I knew in New York.
The scene ends and Peter stops recording on the camera that was set up in your living room. You felt really good about how it went, not messing up, and was able to remember all of your lines. Also you thought Adam's natural subtle self awareness and confidence really brought out the importance of his characters' points. You looked over at Adam and asked, "How do you feel about that. We can do it again if you want." Adam didn't say anything for a moment just thinking. He knew you had done some acting in the past, but seeing it up close like this was like getting a brand new glimpse at who you were. Once you said the first line you had effortlessly drawn him in with the tone of your voice and the way you tilted your head to convince him the two of you were friends. He was able to bounce off of your energy to create his characters' conversational points. Adam was shocked at how your eyes changed throughout the dialogue from disbelief, innocence, and then annoyed. You kept surprising him no matter how comfortable he got. "Uhm no I felt really good about that one.", he gave you an almost shy smile. "If you're sure okay.", you meet his eyes trying to read him. Quickly he walked past you smacking your ass with his rolled up scene papers saying, "let's do one of the songs." instantly you blushed by the open affection following behind composing yourself and getting ready for what was next.
First Song:
Bad Idea- Sara Bareilles What's inside: Songs from Waitress
The two of you probably went through the song a thousand times. Explaining that the song was about a woman who was starting a problematic relationship with her doctor. Adam kept complaining about how he didn't understand how to time his breaths with the breaks and pauses in the song even though you had explained it fifty times already. However, you were pleasantly surprised at how well he was able to harmonize with you and you with him. Honestly you got a little giddy thinking about how well your two tones complemented each other. Adam could see the excitement oozing out of you and decided he was going to have fun. He decided that since it was a song from a musical he was going to move and act out the song as he sings. You gave him a playful smirk and decided if this is how he was going to be you'd join in his fun. Both of you were lost in your own little world practicing almost completely forgetting that Peter was there to film. Adam gives him the cue and he hits the record button.
A: I've got a wife
Y: I've got a husband
A: I'm your doctor
Y: My dumb baby's coming
Both: It's a bad idea me and you
Maybe one more kiss will make us come to
Chorus:
Both: Heart stop racing let's face it making mistakes like this
Will make worse what was already pretty bad
Mind stop running it's time we just let this thing go
It was a pretty good bad idea
Wasn't it though
Bridge:
Both: I know what's right for me
It's the only thing I've ever done
What if I never see
Myself ever be anything more than what I've already become
I need a bad idea
I need a bad idea
I need a bad idea
I need a bad idea
Just one
Chorus:
Both: Heart keep racing let's make mistakes let us say so what
And make worse what was already pretty bad
This secret is safe
No reason to throw it away
When there's love to be had
Hold me tight as I tell myself that you might make sense
And make good what has been just so bad
Let's see this through
It's a pretty good bad idea
Me and you
At this point you were out of breath and you could feel your vocal cords straining from using them so much more than usual. Adam calls it for the night and the two of you agree to finish up the rest tomorrow.
Thursday came and went just like the days before with work and choir rehearsals. However something about helping Adam film his audition last night gave you a little confidence boost. You hadn't realized how much you missed acting and how easy it was to get sucked into that world. Making your way home as you mentally went through the scenes you were finishing filming tonight your chest tightened a little. They weren't just some funny banter or a song about an affair with your doctor. They were deep and that was always something you avoided.
Like the night before Adam and Peter were already there setting things up, but to your surprise so was Madi. Instantly seeing your best friend helped lighten your mood. She was excited to watch you even though you were not the one auditioning. Her support was always something you could count on and you loved her for it. The four of you chatted and laughed for a few minutes till Adam looked at you. His eyes seemed different but you couldn't put your finger on it. Adam took a deep breath because he was a little nervous to do these scenes with you as well. "You ready?" he asked almost shyly. You gave a reassuring smile not just for him but for yourself too answering, "Yeah let's do it."
Second Scene:
Moonstruck- After the Opera
A: What's the matter?
Y: How can you ask me that?
A: You're making me feel guilty again.
Y: You are guilty. I'm guilty.
A: Of what? Only God can point the finger, Loretta.
Y: I know what I know.
A: And what do you know? You tell me my life? I'll tell you yours. I'm a wolf? You run to the wolf in me, that don't make you no lamb! You're gonna marry my brother? Why do you wanna sell your life short? Playing it safe is just about the most dangerous thing a woman like you could do. You waited for the right man the first time, why didn't you wait for the right man again?
Y: He didn't come.
A: I'm here
Y: You're late!
A: We're here
Y: This is your place.
A: That's right.
Y: This is where we're going!
A: Yeah
Y: The deal was if I came to the Opera with you you'd leave me alone forever.
A: (No response)
Y: I went with you.
(pause, nothing)
Now I'm gonna marry Johnny and you're gonna leave me alone.
(pause, nothing)
Right?
(pause, nothing)
A person can see where they've messed up in their life, and they can change how they do things, and they can change their Luck. Maybe my nature does draw me to you, but I don't have to go with that. I can take hold of myself and say yes to some things and no to something that's just gonna ruin everything! I can do that. Otherwise, what good is this stupid life that God gave us for what?
(pause, nothing)
Are you listening to me?
A: Yeah, I don't know. Everything seems like nothing now against that I want you in my bed. I don't care if I burn in hell. I don't care if you burn in hell. The Past and Future is a joke to me now. I see that they're nothing, I see they ain't here. The only thing that's here is you. And me.
Y: I wanna go home.
A: no
Y: I'm gonna go home.
A: no
Y: it's freezing out here
A: Come upstairs. I don't care why you come. No, that's not what I mean. Loretta, I love you. Not like they told you love is and I didn't know this either. But love don't make things nice, it ruins everything, it breaks your heart, it makes things a mess. We're not here to make things perfect. Snowflakes are perfect. The stars are perfect. Not us. We are here to ruin ourselves and break our hearts and love the wrong people and die! The storybooks are bullshit. Now come upstairs with me and get in my bed!
Come on!
Come on.
Come on.
(Adam outstretched his hand)
Y: (with a single tear you take his hand in yours)
The entire apartment was dead silent as the two of you just stood there hands still clasped around the other. Both of you lost in the other completely being consumed by the weight of the words that was just said. The two of you knew that these words were just from a movie, but there was a good amount of truth behind them. As well as the ease that they fell off each of your lips. Madi and Peter just watched as if they were seeing a magnificent piece of art being revealed for the first time. Peter clicked the stop recording button and turned to Madi and they both mouthed at the same time, "Wow." Another moment of silence goes by and Peter clears his throat, "Uhm how do you feel? Do you want to do it again?" Adam didn't break his eyes and focus on you saying, "No that was perfect." Suddenly you realized you were lost in the moment and your cheeks blush and your eyes break away, but Adam doesn't let go of your hand. Madi sensing your embarrassment trying to help bring back the focus of the night, "That was so great. What else do you have left." Adam finally faces forward saying, "Yeah she is. We still have a song." Your head spins to face him again completely astounded by the few simple words he said about you. In the moment you felt like you were finally able to let some of your walls and guards down to truly appreciate the amazing person Adam Sackler was.
After taking a little break to make the heaviness in the air lighter the two of you discuss the last song. You remind him that if he stays on the right key and keeps his time that he will be perfect. Humming the tune to yourself to make sure you had the melody down. Adam couldn't stop staring at you. It was like last night when the two of you did the first scene, he was amazed by your hidden talents. A talent you didn't share with people, but you took the time to help and share it with him. The way Adam looked at you made your stomach flutter with nerves. You had done so well up to this point all you had to do was get through this last song and you would be done. Wanting to get it over with you ask, "you ready?" He gives you a small grin, "Yeah." Both of you couldn't take your eyes off the other. Madi and Peter settled in because they knew this was going to be good.
Second Song:
You Matter to Me- Sara Bareilles What's inside: Songs from Waitress
Adam: I could find the whole meaning of life in those sad eyes
They've seen things that you never quite say but I hear
Come out of hiding I'm right here beside you
And I'll stay there as long as you let me
Because you matter to me
Simple and plain and not much to ask from somebody
You matter to me
I promise you do, you
You matter too
I promise you do you'll see
You matter to me
You: It's addictive the minute you let yourself think
The things that I say just might matter to someone
All of this time I've been keeping my mind on the running away
And for the first time I think I'd consider the stay
Because you matter to me
Simple and plain and not much to ask from somebody
You matter to me
I promise you do, you
You matter too
I promise you do you'll see
You matter to me
Both:
And you matter to me
Simple and plain and not much to ask from somebody
You matter to me
Y: I promise you do, you
A: Come out of hiding I'm right here beside you
Y: You matter too
A: As long as you have me
Y: I promise you do
A: Come out of hiding I'm right here beside you
Y: You matter too
I promise you do, you
A: I do
Y: You matter too
A: Promise you do
You matter to me
Y: I promise you do
Both:
You'll see
You matter to me
As you were singing your nerves were trying to take over doing anything not to focus on Adam, but he wouldn't let your gaze go. It was like each word he sang was piercing through your barriers and insecurities you used to protect yourself. You were lost in him so lost you weren't sure where you began and he ended. Adam was in the same shape as you completely consumed with your ability to give so much of yourself without showing you ever needed anything in return. The way you so easily shattered every expectation and preconceived idea of what relationships ought to be. You were just in the moment there for him and he was just there in that moment for you and it's always been that way from the beginning.
You were feeling absolutely overwhelmed, Madi breaks the silence with an applause and Peter follows her lead. They both congratulate the both of you for a great audition. You reminded her you were just helping Adam and she rolled her eyes. "Adam if you don't get this part they are fools. You were great", Madi says. He wraps an arm around you pulling you next to him saying, "Well its all because of Y/N. I couldn't have done it without her.", he replies with a big smile. Peter chimes in, "yeah yeah you both were great, but I was promised food for this gig. Can we make that happen please." Everyone laughs and decides what takeout to get letting the nights shared experience dissipate.
After dinner Peter downloaded the videos to your laptop and you sent them to Adam. He asked if the two of you wanted to watch them back and in unison you both said, "No.". Madi gave you a huge hug whispering in your ear, "you did really good. I hope you keep this up.". Your grip around her tightened as a response to her words acknowledging their impact on you. Letting her go you turn back into the apartment it was just you and Adam.
He was cleaning up the mess from dinner. You decide to straighten up your living area where you used to film. Picking up papers, fixing your coffee table, shifting the blinds back to slightly open just enough to see the street like you like them, and then making sure the camera stuff was all put away you crashed onto the couch feeling exhaustion start to take over your body. A few moments go by and Adam joins you on the couch. You can feel his weight push down the cushions as well as his arm wrapping around you. It was a very similar position like the night you fell asleep watching Rear Window after he put together your bookshelf. Just like then you fit perfectly like a puzzle piece in his embrace. It was quiet but comfortable. Finally you had the courage to say something, "It was fun helping you with your audition tape." He looked down at you noticing your tired eyes, "thank you. I really couldn't have done it without you." You couldn't help the grin that came across your lips, "I told you I'd always help." He cozzied into the couch sticking his long legs up on the coffee table knowing you would fall asleep soon, but wanting to keep you right there with him. He placed a kiss on the top of your head, "I know. So am I." Your eyes shut and you turn into him even more letting the moment take over you drifted off into a deep sleep as Adam held you close.
While you slept Adam had pulled his phone out and found the email with the videos attached. One by one he played them. He absolutely hated watching himself, but he couldn't get enough of you. How easy it was for him to act with you the way you created an open connection between you and him. You used your eyes to express every state of mind or emotion and he loved it. Everything about you was special and unique and he loved it. He really loved it and he thought for a moment, he loved you.
Friday came early as your alarm rudely awoke you. Rolling over you stretched out slightly bumping into a sleeping Adam realizing you were in bed. A huge smile broke across your face knowing Adam put you to bed and joined you at some point during the night. You got up a little more chipper than usual. Something in the air seemed different, lighter almost. Quickly and quietly getting ready for work you get out on time. The work day went by nicely and smoothly. All of your students had great lessons and you were actually paying attention to the staff meeting that definitely could have just been an email. Your whole mood was completely different compared to the rest of the week. The only thing you could contribute it to was Adam. Every free moment throughout the day was filled with thoughts of him. The way he was able to ease your anxieties without even knowing he was. The way he looked at you while he was saying his lines last night made you feel special and seen. You found yourself playing back little moments the two of you had shared like his kiss, dancing with him, the way he wraps his arms around you, and how content you were with just his simple presence. That warm unfamiliar feeling washed over you as you were realizing it wasn't unfamiliar anymore. It was a consistent feeling that had been nagging at your brain's security system for a little too long now. Finally actually letting it enter your thought process your body tingled with a slight anxiety as well as an excited relief. Do I love Adam Sackler? I think I do.
Once school was over you had to do something with these overwhelming realizations. Whether you had the courage to talk to Adam about them or not you knew after last night you had to see him. You head straight to his apartment knowing he would have eventually gone back to his place after getting up and eating a bowl of your cereal. Walking up to his apartment you were able to catch the door. Making your way up the stairs you think of something funny that happened at work you just had to share with him. Reaching his door naturally you grab and twist the doorknob letting yourself in announcing, "Hey you won't believe what happened today. There was a kid who got an eraser stuck.." But you cut your own sentence off. Eyes assessing and watching everything unfold before you. Adam was sitting on his stool in front of his makeshift desk with Jessa's tight grip around his collar holding him close against her. You watch as their lips break apart from the other to look towards the door.
Stomach started to turn, pulse quickened with anger, and a flood of emotions started to overwhelm your senses. You were frozen trying and failing to rationalize this in your mind. Intrusive thoughts started to hound you. I knew something was off. She's better than you. This was nice while it lasted. I guess they are inseparable. What the fuck did you do wrong?
Finally your defense system kicked in fueled by your self destructive coping mechanism of shutting out and down. "I'm sorry to interrupt. It's good to see you again Jessa," your voice was cold and distant. Automatically turning back around leaving the same way you came.
Walking through the hallway you could hear commotion behind you and Adam's familiar heavy steps, but physically you couldn't stay. With every step everything inside of you ached feeling like you were leaving a piece of yourself behind, but you couldn't stop you had to get out of there.
"Y/N"
You kept walking.
"Y/N", he raised his voice. You stopped walking feeling empty trying to figure out where he found the audacity to follow you.
You composed yourself fighting against every muscle to show any amount of emotion. After a second you turn around.
Adam and you were face to face only a few feet apart, but it felt like you were miles away. It was silent and for the first time it wasn't comfortable.
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I'm already working on the next chapter! I hope you all are enjoying this story so far!
Love, Liz
Ps. I wanna shout out the writers for the movies When Harry Met Sally and Moonstruck. They are incredible scripts/movies that are so relatable and inspiring.
Also Sara Bareilles is an amazing song writer. The songs I used are from her 2015 What's Inside: Songs from Waitress Album. I highly recommend.