Hi, I had a mistake in the previous chapter. 😅 I found out that there is no exact word for sweetheart in Italian. I read that Dolcezza meant 'sweetness'...I've already fixed the mistake from last chapter. I just want to clarify that...but anyway, happy reading po! 😁
Jillian Klairo
Nang makabalik na kami sa eskwelahan ay bumungad sa amin ang mga quiz at case studies. My professors gave me a summary of what I've missed dahil excused ang absents ko, except kay Creed. Of course I shared the summaries with him. I also notice that my nightmares are bearable to none because I am with him. He's my dreamcatcher. I have been sleeping peacefully for over a week now. Kakalabas lang namin ng campus. Our day at the school was usual minus the stares dahil para akong si Avatar, ang kaibahan lang ay mag patch ako sa noo.
Hawak niya ang kamay ko habang patungo kami sa parking lot.
"Tsk, kakasabi ko lang kay Pelocci na hindi na ako masyadong makakapag-hangout kasi may Girlfriend na ako." Nakangising sabi niya sa akin. Kumunot naman ang noo ko.
"Oh, ba't masaya ka pang hindi ka makakapag-hangout sa bestfriend mo."
Wala naman akong problema kung magha-hangout sila since mabait naman si Pelocci.
"Hindi naman sa ganoon, masaya lang ako kasi, shet, girlfriend na kita. Hindi ka ba kinikilig na boyfriend mo na ako? O may mali sa akin kasi tuwing titingin ako sa'yo tapos mare-realize ko na akin ka..pakiramdam ko maiihi ako sa kilig pati yung titi ko kumikibot." Masigla niyang sagot.
Napaawang ang mga labi ko. He's genuinely grateful for me.
"O-oo naman, natutuwa ako minus the titi part..you know we can do something about it." I wiggled my eyebrows.
Napawi ang ngisi niya at napalunok siya. Yes, I haven't forgotten about the kiss..and how it made me feel. I am determined to do it again but of course, he's denying me ever since. He said that I needed to heal and study..focus on school. It's like nabaligtad ang posisyon namin, noong una ay siya ang atat na atat akong ikama..our only difference is that I am not joking when I said I wanted to sleep with him.
"Tsk," Sabi lang niya at pinagbuksan ako ng pinto, wala na akong ibang nagawa kundi pumasok. Yup, we also established that I am no longer going to walk, given the fact na nakatakas si Tony..hindi siya nahanap ng mga pulis, pero kahit na ganoon ay hindi ako masyadong nababahala dahil sinisigurado ni Creed na may security kami..
And him alone, is enough to intimidate the threat.
Nagaya na ako sa diner dahil kailangan kong kumita ng pera. Hindi man lang siya nakipag away, bagkus ang pinagmaneho pa niya ako patungo doon. it's weird that he's not fighting with me..but I shrugged that thought thought away.
Nang pumasok kami ay lumapit ako kay Kuya Jesse, it's my first day back after a week of break. Creed forced me to. Ate Dulce and Kuya Jesse were very concerned when they saw me last week, with my head lac..but I assured them that I am fine.
"Oy, anak, kamusta?" Bati ni Kuya Jesse, he's wiping the counter table dahil wala pang masyadong customer. Ngumiti naman siya kay Ceed.
"Ayos lang naman po..ready na po akong mag-trabaho."
Napawi naman ang ngiti ni Kuya Jesse. He scratched the back of his head.
"Bakit po?"
"Ah, kasi...tinawagan na ako ni Creed kanina at nagtanong siya kung pwede kang mag-extend dahil sa sitwasyon mo. Hindi mo naman sa akin sinabi na mariing payo ng doctor na magpahinga ka ng dalawa hanggang apat na linggo dahil sa natamo mong sugat at concussion, kaya pasensya na ha, hindi ka muna magta-trabaho ng dalawang linngo. Naayos ko na ang schedule ng magco-cover ng shift mo."
Napaawang ang mga labi ko at napatingin sa katabi ko. Kaya pala walang kibo si loko.
"Don't worry it's with a pay, since maganda na ang takbo ng diner," Sandaling tumingin si Kuya Jesse kay Creed. "So, uwi na...magpahinga ka ha."
Wala sa loob na tumango at niyakap siya. Wala naman din akong nagawa kaya matapos noon ay lumabas na kami. Piningkitan ko si Creed na ngayon ay ngingisi-ngisi. Hindi ako nagsalita hanggang nasa daan na kami.
"Kaya pala wala kang kibong loko ka, inunahan mo na ako. Why didn't you tell me that you extended my leave?!" Gigil kong sabi.
His brows were furrowed as he manuevered the car, however he looked calm.
"Knowing you, you would've insisted to go there...and I could do that because as the best boyfriend--"
Kumunot naman ang noo ko nang bigla siyang ngumisi.
"Hoy nagaaway tayo tapos ngingisi ngisi ka." Suway ko.
"Sandali, kinikilig ako...tangina, gilfriend kasi kita, sinong hindi kikiligin." Sabi niya habang nakangisi.
Agad naman akong pinamulahan. I was caught off guard for a moment.
"B-baliw."
"Sa'yo lang." Kinindatan niya ako.
My ghad, we're having our first fight and I wouldn't have imagined it to be like this. I pursed my lips to stop myself from smiling.
"W-wag mo ngang baguhin ang usapan, Creed Isaiah Del Russo. Pwede naman na akong magtrabaho ah."
Sumeryoso naman ang mukha niya. We stopped in a red light, and so, that's why he had the chance to focus on me.
"Who said? The doctor even says to get a week off from work...and there is no way in hell that I will let you work until that suture fully heals as well as the concussion. That is final, Jillian Klairo." He authoritiatively replied.
I sighed and looked away. I crossed my arms and didn't answer any further, dahil talo na ako at tama siya. He did really just care for me.
He didn't boasted that he was right, instead he just went silent...it's like he's giving me a moment to think. That's what I did, bumuntong hininga akong muli at tumingin sa kanya.
"I'm sorry for yelling at you.." I finally said and reached for his forearm. When we finally took a left to the apartment building. He looked at me with softness in his eyes. "You just want what's best for me.."
He smiled.
"It's alright, I get it." He understandingly replied and took my hand and brought it to his lips.
I sighed inwardly, I think this is the most healthy relationship that I ever had with anyone.
***
Nang makauwi kami ay naligo muna ako..it's weird going home early but then again, I didn't have a choice. Whilst the water was cascading on my body. I thought about my paid-leave. Dalawang linggo akong walang pasok sa diner...pero kumikita ako. Alam ko ang paid-vacation..pero waitress lang naman ako? Like what? It doesn't add up..it feels weird.
I flinched when my head pounded.. I can't really think about it that much, so I let it go.
Suot ang malaking T-shirt at pajama ay lumabas ako. He's already sitting on the couch, freshly showered too, wearing a dark v-neck shirt and gray sweats. Napatigil ako sa paglalakad nang makita ko ang outline ng pagkalalaki niya sa doon.
"Eyes up here, sweetness."
Inirapan ko siya at sinusuklay ko ang aking basang buhok. I am standing near the TV.
"I'm just appreciating the view." Pilyang sagot ko.
He just groaned. Yeah, deny me and I will still tease you.
"Come here..sit with me."
Umiling ako at nagpatuloy sa pagsusuklay.
"I can't magluluto pa ako." Sagot ko na mabilis niyang ikinailing.
"No need, nag-order na ako..we both had a long day and we still need to study." Sabi niya. Nang hindi pa ako lumalapit ay inabot niya ang kamay ko at hinitak ako paupo sa pagitan ng hita niya. His delicious afterhsave scent invaded my nose. "Let me brush your hair..I want to take care of my girl." He said softly. Hindi ko naman mapigilang mapangiti.
"Bwisit ka, lagi mo akong pinapakilig ha."
He chuckled and continued brushing my hair. He was gentle and really knew what he was doing.
"Wow, you know how to take care of a girl. Did it to anyone before?" Kahit anong tago ko ay bakas ang pagseselos sa tono ko.
The insecurity crept in to the thought that he would've done this with other women. Natigil naman agad ako sa pagiisip ng halikan niya ako sa pisngi. He pulled me to his chest and lay my head on his shoulder. Tumingala ako sa kanya.
"Before you get jealous, lagi kong kalaro ng barbie, tea party, at salon si Madison up until we're ten years old....dahil ako lang ang willing na makipaglaro sa kanya noon...'Yun ang practice ko..besides, I've never done this with any other woman since all they were to me were one night stands or fubus...." Deretso niyang sagot habang nakatitig sa akin. "And you, my sweetness is none of those...I am already done with that..ikaw lang ang gusto ko...mamaya, bukas, next month, any time..okay?" He gently said and gave me a peck on the lips.
Napalunok naman ako at tumango. God, I am really falling for this man. He gently pulled away so he could brush my hair again.
"Sinong nagsabing nagseselos ako?" Sabi ko nalang.
I heard him chuckle.
"I can hear it in your tone...besides, you have nothing to be jealous of...baliw na baliw ako sayo, noh."
Kinagat ko naman ang pang-iibabang labi ko. My heart is going crazy for this man.
***
The week went by, I am fully rested and getting enough rest after studying. I have observed that my nightmares are slowly but surely going away...I am continuously able to talk about my past traumas..and that's a huge good thing.
Ngayong araw ay ang usual sa eskwelahan, labs and lectures. We're getting stares dahil dati ay kulang na lang ay magkagatan kami. Ngayon naman ay magka-holding hands kami sa hallway. Their stares were weird but I don't really give a fuck as a long as hindi nila kami ginagambala.
Tomorrow and the following days would be harder than usual dahil 'magso-solo' flight na kami sa labs, we will perform incisions and minor 'surgery' to a cadaver as a quiz to see how much we've learned over the past few months, we also have written quizzes and more case studies. That's automatic.
It's only fair since we're already in semester two. Time flew by so fast.
Ngayon ay narito na kami sa bahay. Katatapos lang namin ng dinner, now, we're here on the counter table. All our study materials were on the table. We're sitting next to each other, reading. He's very focused, he made double copies of the flashcards using the photocopy machine inside the studyroom. Ibinigay niya sa akin ang original samantalang 'yong kopya lang ang gamit niya.
Kagat ang dulo ng pencil ay napatitig ako sa kanya. Nakalugay lang ang may kahabaan niyang buhok, some of its strands were on the side of his face. Nakahawak siya sa kanyang kanang sentido habang nakatukod ang kanyang siko sa lamesa. I couldn't see his other arm but I knew it's flexing. Nakasuot lang siya ng dark gray na shirt at white khakis. It fits him very well. His stubbled strong jaw is very tempting to stroke. He's silent reading kaya nakikita ko na gumagalaw ang kanyang mapupulang mga labi. I want to kiss him.
"Do you need something, dolcezza?" Tanong niya at bumaling sa akin.
"Kiss." I shamelessly asked. I've realised that whenever I am with him, I am unfiltered.
Bahagya siyang napasinghap.
"Kiss lang naman e, damot." Sabi ko.
"I didn't say that I wouldn't give it to you." He said and leaned in and kissed my forehead before he went back to reading.
I looked at him in disappointment. He smiled lazily and fixed his gaze on me.
"There, I kissed you. Now, can you please study, dolcezza? Nahihirapan ka sa pharma, so you need more time to study." He said and pointed the flashcards in front of me, Imbes na gawin ang sinasabi niya ay nagsalita akong muli.
"That's not a kiss." Singhal ko. "Gusto ko dito." Turo ko sa mga labi ko.
He sighed and leaned in..and gave me a peck. A freaking peck, dampi lang.
"Now, will you read?"
I settled the pencil on the table and crossed my arms.
"No, t-that's not how you kissed me in the hallway.." I whined..
Bahagya siyang napasinghap.
"Dolcezza, we can't.." He groaned.
"It's just a kiss.." Nakanguso kong sabi.
He sighed, it's like he's controlling himself. His big hand reached mine.
"Sige, kiss nga lang iyon pero alam natin pareho kung saan tutungo yon." Seryoso niyang sagot. He brought the back of my hand to his lips and kissed it gently. His eyes were softly looking at me, as if it's pleading me to understand him.
"What's wrong with it? I want you.." I bit my lower lip and ran my hand on his hard thigh.
He growled, it's like his control is slowly slipping.
"We can't afford that kind of distraction, we have a lot of things to do..and your suture still needs to heal."
I sighed and took my hand off of his thigh.
"Fine, I will read.." He smiled and kissed my forehead and let my hand go. "But.."
Kumunot naman ang kanyang noo.
"But?"
"I wanna sit on your lap." I cheekily replied.
His jaw clenched.
"Jillian." He called my name with warning..and instead of backing down mas lalo lang akong natuwa.
"Do I need to say please?" I replied with puppy eyes.
Napahilot siya sa kanyang sentido...finally, bahagya niyang inusog ang upuan niya, making a space between the table and the chair for me.
"Come here.." Utos niya at tinapik ang kanyang kandungan.
Nakangisi naman akong naglakad patungo sa kanya. His arms banded on my waist when I plopped down on his lap. He's holding me, so hanggang sa mga hita niya lang ako nakaupo, pero syempre umusog ako at sumandal sa kanya.
I heard him growl when my ass hit his crotch but he didn't say anything. Tumikhim lamang siya.
"Now, I am on microbiology, get your pharma flashcards---Jillian."
I wiggled my ass on his crotch. He inhaled sharply. Lumingon ako sa kanya. His eyes were darkly looking at me.
"What?" Inosente kong tanong.
He let out a groan and shook his head. He didn't give in, instead tinulungan lang niya akong magaral. He motivated me to read further and would ignore my advances...and so, I just gave up for tonight.
***
Hawak ang urn ni Tatay ay nakadungaw ako sa glass wall kung saan kita ang buong metro...I couldn't sleep dahil nasa tabi ko si Creed, it makes me want to do things to him..tease him..kawawa naman siya at ang self control niya..kaya naman napagdesiyonan ko na lamang na umupo dito sa tapat ng glass wall, at kausap si Tatay...baka sakaling makatulog ako.
I know it's weird and unusual...but I haven't really had the time to 'talk' to my father like this. My life had been peaceful in away ever since Creed came to my life...and I didn't had the chance to 'tell' Tatay about Creed.
I sighed as I stared the city, it looks so beautiful at night, the streelights and the light that are coming from the buildings.
"Alam mo Tay, hindi ko inakala sa buong buhay ko na makakakilala ako ng tao na katulad ni Creed. He's everything that you would've wanted me to be with..at first syempre hindi...mayabang, malibog, maingay..but beneath those... is a very caring and adoring man who cares for me..and does not see me just a piece of ass and lay. He wants me to succeed as much as I want him to..I feel peace and serenity..kapag kasama ko siya..hindi nga lang kapag katabi ko siya kama--well, I don't think you would want to hear that..but my point is..I found a man..who I adore and I can actually see my future with...."
"For the first time in years, Pa..nakatulog ako ng deretso..nakatulog ako ng hindi nagigising sa madaling araw, umiiiyak at yakap ang urn mo...dahil sa wakas, unti-unti nang naghihilom ang mga sugat ng nakaraan ko....I am starting to be at peace..."
Sabi ko na animo'y naririnig niya ako.
I looked down on it for a moment. Lately, I have been realizing that.
"And you deserve the same thing," Nagsimulang maginit ang mga sulok ng aking mga mata...ngunit pinigilan kong maluha. "I am sorry that I kept you for so long...I know you wouldn't want me to apologize but I feel like I should've let you go to rest in peace, long time ago...."
In order for me to heal from my past traumas..I have to let my Father go too...I wanted to move on, I wanted to forget but it doesn't mean na kakalimutan ko si Tatay. I just want him to be finally free. I was planning it long time ago..but didn't really have the courage.
Suddenly, I felt footsteps approaching. Hindi ko na nilingon iyon dahil alam kong siya iyon.
I felt him behind me, he spread his long and muscular legs so I could go between it and lean against his warmthness.
"I woke up..you're not in bed anymore.." He softly said. "I was about to yell your name..but I saw you sitting here." Dagdag niya na ikinangisi ko.
"How much did you hear?" Tanong ko.
"Pretty much everything..I didn't wanna interrupt so I stood behind you." He said huskily
I just hummed...I don't mind. He kissed my temple. Sandali ko na ibinaling ang aking katawan sa kanya pati ang urn.
"Well, this may be the weirdest meet that you will ever have... Tay, this is Creed, my boyfriend." I said.
Bahagya namang tumawa si Creed.
"Nice to meet you sir."
I chuckled and went back to stare at the view. It's just three in the morning..and the streets below were kind of silent.
"You know, my father loves nature,"
He hummed, urging me to talk more as he held me.
"He cares about climate change and this world is already crowded and so, instead of being buried in a casket. He wanted to give his burial space to a tree.. And so, instead of being buried, I had him cremated with the little money he left..."
"My father also loved the beach. Naalala ko noon, tuwing uuwi siya mula Saudi. He would take me to Baler. There's a remote island there...there is white sand, clear waters. I remember that it was my only escape. I couldn't tell him what was happening to me when he was away dahil ayokong magalit sa akin si Nanay. I was just a kid. He didn't see the bruises dahil bago siya lagi umuwi ay sisiguraduhin ng Nanay ko na magaling na ako para walang ebidensya. No one would see at school dahil either nasa l-likod ko ang pasa o puwetan. "He hugged me tighter as he listened. It's feels like yesterday..reminiscing ut this time I am not keeping it. I am saying it outloud, freeing myself from it.
"Beach day with my father, twice a year is the only thing I look forward to as a kid dahil hindi sumama ang Nanay ko. Mas gugustuhin pa niyang mag-majong kasama ang mga lasinggera niyang kaibigan. Nalaman lang ng Tatay ko ang nangyari sa akin matapos mamatay si Nanay. The day after I told him everything, inatake siya."
A lone tear escaped my eye.
"I guess, he couldn't bear the thought that my own mother abused me...and the fact that he failed to n-notice...but I forgive and I love him...he did his best...and so, everytime I look at the beach, I remember him..and if I were to spread his ashes, I would do it there. Hindi ko iyon magawa dahil dati hindi pa ako handang palayain siya...before he was the only reason that I was still holding on. But as the years went by...I finally accepted his death...but not the trauma tho...but I am in the process of it.."
Bumuntong hininga ako. I felt him kiss my forehead, alam ko na kahit hindi siya sumasagot ay nakikinig siya. He's good like that. I continued staring at the night sky..the stars were barely visible.
"Gustuhin ko man na ikalat ang mga abo niya ay hindi ubra dahil una ang pinakamalapit lang na dagat dito ay manila bay..he wouldn't want to be there..where it's loud...gustuhin ko man na lumabas ng metro ay hindi ko kaya since busy ako...now, I actually have time..and I want to give him the peace that he truly deserved."
Tumingala ako sa kanya. He gave me a sympathetic and understanding smile as he nodded.
"Of course, dolcezza...I'll come with you..when do you plan to go?" Sagot niya.
I kissed his cheek before I answered,
"Tomorrow, since sabado naman..sana lang ay mga bus na available pa doon."
He shook his head and ran his knuckle on my cheek.
"Bus ride? We can take the jet."
Nanlaki naman ang mga mata ko.
"And no, you can't fight me on this one."
"B-But--"
He shut me up with a brief kiss.
"Nope, sweetness, let me help." He said gently.
Napabuntong hininga na lamang ako at napatango.
We did really take the jet, and I knew it was not the best vehicle for the environment, but Tatay would understand that we had to go back to the city as soon as possible for our school. It would take us longer if we take the car.
it was my first time and the whole ride I was holding his hand while the urn's on my lap. When we landed it was afternoon. Mainit ang maalinsangan ang tanghaling iyon. Nang bumaba kami ay may sumalubong sa amin na itim na SUV. Iyon ang nagdala sa amin sa remote island sa Baler, Aurora. When we reached the beach, the smell of saltwater and fresh wind greeted us.
There were only a few people here at naroon pa sila sa kabilang dulo. I took off my slippers. Iyon lamang ang sinuot ko patungo dito. Oo, sumakay ako sa jet ng naka-tsinelas, medyo acceptable naman ang suot kong maong shorts, at dark silky blouse na nakuha ko sa ukay-ukay a few years ago. Samantalang si Creed naman ay naka sandals, cargo shorts, at chino polo, very simple but dashing.
Akmang pupulutin ang tsinelas ko nang sandali siyang nag-crouch at abutin iyon. He held it as we walked to the shore. The crashing of the waves and the sound of birds took me back and reminded me of my good memories here.
Me running on this soft and fine sand that we're standing on. My father and I splash each other with water. I smiled sadly as I remembered it like it was yesterday. I sighed and looked at the setting-sun, it made the skies magnificently orange. Yes, this is where my father would want to stay forever. It is indeed a paradise.
"Are you okay?" Creed gently asked as he held me by the waist.
I nodded.
"Yes," Sagot ko at binuksan na ang urn. I handed it to him and lifted the clear plastic with Gray ashes.
"Till we meet again, Tay and rest easy, okay? I love you." Sabi ko at may nagbabadyang mga luha sa aking mga mata ngunit pinigilan ko iyon. Creed leaned and kissed the top of head.
"Rest well, sir Jacinto. I will take care and protect your daughter, at pangakong hinding-hindi ko siya sasaktan. Pwede niyo po akong multuhin kapag sinaktan ko siya." Biro pa niya. Somehow, it made the situation better.
Bahagya naman akong tumawa at tumingala sa kanya sandali. He was smiling.
"Biro lang po." Sabi pa niya.
Bumaling akong muli sa tubig, bahagya kong itinuwad ang urn. Slowly, the ashes poured on the clear water...hinigop iyon nang dagat palayo bago humampas muli ang alon. I poured the remaining ashes until there was no left. I let out a breath and leaned onto Creed. He hugged me with his one arm, comforting me with his warmth and hold..letting me know that I am not alone, never will be.
Pareho kaming tumitig sa papalubog na araw. I can just imagine my father smiling as I held the empty vase. He's already one with the ocean. Finally, after long years, he's free, at peace and resting in the place where he loved the most.