Forever
I ran as fast as I could when I glanced at Third's shadow on my back. My heart aches when I heard him saying, please to the guard.
"We're very sorry, Sir. Bawal talagang magpapasok ng outsider 'pag hindi pa dismissal. Before, allowed pa...pero iba na po ngayon, e. Intayin niyo nalang po d'yan sa labas.. if you want."
Or is it me who's cruel?
Umiling ako at inalala kung bakit dapat ako galit. He has the chance to save me from lies but he didn't. I feel betrayed when he knew all along how I could feel this low and anxious about my dreams.
I realized I just can't do things I absolutely don't want... I can before... But after this?
Inaamin kong masiyado akong naging overwhelm noon in having the freedom to choose my program kahit pa nga parang taliwas sa akin ang sinasabi ng iba.
How problematic is it for my parents nga naman. The one and only heiress of Zinbergh's picked a far way. Everybody in the circle knows that... at, hindi man lang ako nakaramdan ng pressure before.
It lingers in my mind but I didn't see to it na may frontier talaga ang lahat. I almost forgot who I really am... that I'm now facing this consequence.
I sighed.
I found myself sitting on the bench somewhere here on campus. All I could see are the greeny trees and leaves in my sight, except for the bright blue from the clear sky. It somehow calms me.
Yet by still thinking of how the overlapping problem arises and stunned me these successive days, tears never missed my eye.
"Lover's quarrel?"
Hearing that voice, my heart hushed for no reason.
"What are you doing here?"
I jumbled the things in my bag to find a tissue, and hastily wiped my face to cover my tears.
"Wala kang panyo?" I felt him sit sa katabing bench nitong sa akin.
"I forgot."
I saw him stand up in my peripheral vision while bailing out something from his pocket. A handkerchief.
"Here." Inabot niya sa'kin. "It'll do better than tissue."
I get it without looking at him. My eyes were fixed on the front. "Thank you.. Lucas."
Naramdaman kong umupo ulit siya sa puwesto niya kanina before talking. "Avi," panimula niya.
I stopped myself from looking at him pero hindi ko nagawa. I angled my face instead.
"About what happened the last time—"
I immediately turned my eyes away from his face. "Save it. Nakalimutan ko na kaya 'wag mo ng ipaalala."
"I'm sorry."
Talagang 'di pa nagpaawat.
Tumango na lang ako nang tahimik. Everything's already.. fine. I've already moved on from it. Normal lang ang inakto ko noon sa canteen. I was beyond shock for that moment. Akin naman talaga 'yon dahil ako ang nagsalita.
"I'm sorry too..." I finally closed it so he won't bug bringing it again.
We stayed silent for a moment until I broke the ice.
"You follow me here."
He didn't talk so I finally looked at him. Sinalubong niya ako ng look pero agad ding nag- avoid. I arched a brow. Ahuh?
"You're guilty."
"I saw you crying," he answered my statement.
I scoffed. "You're weird. Why would you do that? Were not a—" I cleared my throat. "W-we're not close." I suddenly remember how snob he was in the canteen.
"I told you I care."
My heart almost flipped. I can't deny he's a good guy.
I gave him a small smile. "Okay."
Madilim na nang makarating kami ni Kuya Roger sa house. I don't know if Third has ever left the campus or kept waiting cause it was already dark when I left school. I tried to search for his car out because I was still worried despite the commotion... not until he informed me he was already here in our house and had been waiting in my room.
I hold the railings of the stairs and looked up. Napahinga ako nang malalim bago tuluyang umakyat. Third was surprised when I opened the door of my room.
"Forgive me?" He lifted up two McDonald's' paper bags.
Umiwas agad ako ng tingin. That's when I learned he also got me chocolates and cake he probably put on top of my bed. Lumunok ako bago sinara ang door ng room ko at lumapit sa couch para magtanggal ng heels.
"Let me do that for you."
I watched him leave the paper bags too on my bed now before walking into my space.
My forehead furrowed when he finally reached in here, kneeled in my front, and hold my other foot that has still a heel on. I immediately swayed my feet to remove them from his grip.
"What are you doing."
Siya naman ang kumunot ang noo. "Helping you out?" He tried to reach again my foot, but I easily avoided him. I laughed sarcastically before standing up.
"What? Were you unconscious? Masiyadong ka atang feeling close! You're acting like nothing... shattering... had happened earlier, and that I am—"
"Mad..." he finished.
"Alam mo pala! Why are you here? Why made yourself here?"
"To say sorry..." malambing niyang sabi and his beguiling eyes were begging. I rolled mine and convinced myself to be not caught by that.
I walked over to my bed before removing the other pair of heels off of my feet to divert my attention. Tinuro ko ang mga pagkain na dala niya.
"Alisin mo, guguyamin ako." I was not missing a chance to never look at it.
"I knew you want them," he teased.
So annoying! Why is he like that?! Can't he see that I'm still pissed? Ang FC niya lang, ah!
"Leave it there kung gusto mo... sa table. Ikaw. Umuwi ka na. Gabi na."
"Why would I leave it here? Kakainin mo ba?"
I just can see his smirk by now.
"Sayang kung hindi, 'di ba," I whispered impatiently.
He laughed, making me look at him in disbelief.
"Really. You're annoying, Third."
Umupo ako sa kama before removing my ID and put it on the bed-side table. "Bakit ganiyan ka, ha? Hindi mo ba naiintindihan na galit ako sayo?" I swallowed the lump in my throat and rubbed my face. Naiiyak na naman ako.
"Babe..."
"It's so irritating! You are! Naiinis ako kasi isang ganiyan mo lang..."
You're getting me again.
He's too hard to resist.
I looked up to face Third with a hint of tears in my eyes. "You're making it hard for me. You know I'm mad at you, and now I'm mad at myself! You're so unfair... Why act as if you didn't betray me with the secrets you chose to keep hidden from me. From saving me! I don't know, Third. Hindi ko na alam! I just don't want to see you right now! So please lang... Umuwi ka muna."
Tumayo ako at pumasok na sa loob ng bathroom. I heard his voice keep calling my name and his heavy steps followed me, but I was fast enough to immediately lock the door.
He kept knocking on the door while I'm wiping down these unstoppable tears. I don't really know where mainly the hell is this coming from!
Why attack me all at once...
"Just go away! Go home!"
I heard Third's hand stop from knocking.
"You know what, I understand. I'll leave now and give you the space you want. Just, please... Please talk to me after this... just please, babe. I'll explain."
He has an intense sigh. "You eat your, food, okay? I'm.. going home now."
I then heard his footsteps until there were none.
Lumabas na ako ng bathroom after feeling there's no already a sign of his presence in my room. Tahimik akong umupo sa bed at inabot ang paperbag ng Mcdo. Isa na lang dahil baka dinala niya ang isa for him. I sat properly on the bed and opened the box of cake. I dipped a finger and started eating icing while looking at the wall. Tears streaming down my face. I'm missing him but I'm mad at him. I'm a wreck.
It's been two days since I haven't seen Third. I would just reply to his messages and that's it. I'm not too hard after all.
Tumingin ako sa dalawang parang monkey na nagsasayaw sa harapan ko. Via and Ralph are doing creative dances for their imaginary- sponsorship. I chuckled inside. Or probably there really is.
"Para ka namang tuod magsayaw, e! Ulit nga."
Nakarinig ako ng hampas na sinundan ng galit na boses ni Via. Oh, she's mad again!
"Baka gusto mong ipukpok ko sa encylopedia mong mukha ang 3 inches kong heels! I swear Ralph! I'll remove it now in my feet!" Nagkulitan pa silang dalawa.
Kailangan ko na talaga ng hearing aid tuwing naglalambingan silang dalawa na parang ganiyan. Ang sweet naman nila masiyado...
"Weren't you two already done? I'm famished."
The panting Ralph glanced at me very quickly before hitting some icon I didn't know on his phone na nakasandal ngayon sa bottled water.
"Order ka na kaya? Susunod nalang kami. Para naka-serve na 'yung pagkain pagdating namin."
I rolled my eyes. "Jeez, guys. Dapat kanina niyo pa sinabi."
Iniwan ko na si Ralph at Via so lobby kung saan kami nag- stop over, after seeing the location and background was perfect for their thing. Nandito kami sa katabing hotel ng casino na pinuntahan namin to seek some fun, until we heard a certain group of persons was talking about how good the food is here on the ground floor. Kaya dito na rin kami tumuloy para kumain.
"Buona sera, signora!" That's when I realized it was an Italian restaurant.
Sasagot na sana ako when someone proclaims himself to be epal.
"Guidaci al tavolo."
Tsk. Kayabangan.
Nakita kong ngumiwi ang receptionist. "Uhh... sir, full- blooded Filipino po kami lahat dito except sa owner. Hindi naman po talaga kami maalam..."
Sinamaan ko nang tingin si Lucas bago bumaling sa harap at ngumiti. "He meant to say, show our tables now."
The receptionist automatically assisted us at mabilis kaming sumunod na dalawa ni Lucas.
"Nakakaproud naman. I feel like a best teacher. Sabihin mo, salamat master. "
I rolled my eyes. "Don't be a noisy head. I'm just smart." I smirked at him.
He arched a brow. "Nakakamatay ang pagiging mayabang, alam mo ba?"
I giggled. "Oh, is that really? I didn't know... You haven't fallen on the floor earlier kasi."
He furrowed his forehead. "What?"
I shook my head before sitting on the chair the receptionist brought us. "Slow," I whispered.
"Why are you late?" Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay saktong pag-upo niya.
"Traffic," he pursed his lips.
"Scratchy reason." I got my phone in the bag to work on my unseen messages. "You can order anything." Ngumisi ako sa kaniya. "It's on you, by the way."
Lucas shrugged his shoulder. "Si Chris naman ang magbabayad ng sa kanila, 'di ba?"
"Let's see about that..." I teased.
Feel ko ang titig sa'kin ni Lucas habang patagal ng patagal. Kumunot ako habang tutok pa rin ang eyes ko sa cellphone. "Make it fast. Kanina pa akong nagugutom. And tell the waiter to give me some water," sabi ko bago ako tumunghay.
Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay. "You know you're cute when you're bossy."
I was suddenly conscious and attentive. Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin.
"Yuck! Ang landi mo lang, huh." Inirapan ko siya kahit pa nga parang biglang nanginig ang both hands kong may hawak na cellphone. Tinago ko na lang dahil baka malaglag ko pa. He's so... nakakakilabot!
"Iisipin ko talaga niyan na gusto mo 'ko," I criticized.
He playfully smirked. "Hindi ba?"
The hell?
I don't know, but here am I, watching Stranger Things' last episode of season three once again, after seven long years of my childhood, feeling wrecked and vulnerable when this unforgiving person mercilessly strikes on my door.
"Mom! I told you just a minute!" I screamed while never leaving my eyes on the screen. My head was all focused on the show, but my body seemed tense.
"Just please give me the space for at least five more minutes, can you please!"
I don't want to shout at Mom, but I was really getting frustrated. She knows I hate Math but I already promised her that I will read the contents of the report from different accounts after this. I want to concentrate on the show!
"Oh—" I murmured, half-teary-eyed while watching.
Billy...
The door made a noise again.
I forced myself to ignore the knocks and fiercely controlled my attention all focused on the scene. Unknowingly, I was starting to have a mini sweat and my body hair on my skin was getting goosebumps.
I bit my lip when the credits show up. I puffed a breath before closing the light screen and making myself stand up. THAT'S A WAP!
I walked the way to my door while the perfect words are already circulating in my head, expecting Mom's the one who was behind it.
Pero pagbukas ko pa lang ng pinto, automatic akong napahinto sa kung ano man ang dapat sasabihin. It's like my mouth have their own brain to be locked.
"Hi..." cool na bati niya.
I blinked. I cleared my throat, finding the applicable tone of voice.
"Hello..."
It was silent for a while until Third had the guts to speak.
"How are you?" he casually asked.
"Good. I've been good... You?"
"No. It wasn't good."
I swallowed hard and saw how his eyes turned soft. He's looking at me hopelessly.
"Come with me?... Please?" He smiled nervously.
"To the sea?"
Third nodded fast, making his smile to be a genuine one. I moved my lips. That's better.
"Uh... Maybe.. I'll just go change my clothes."
After closing the door, I reached for my heart.
What was that?
Almost a month of a cold war really does bad.
I couldn't believe na nakatagal gami ng ganoon. But then he's become busy more at work, and I'm graduating so...
But we've seen each other during those cold days. He takes lots of papers here in the house with Dad at the office. He would steal a talk to me in those encounters but I was easy to dismiss him off. We kept on messaging each other, but my words were dismissive. I haven't given him my schedule so he won't pick me up in school. I had Kuya Roger back not because I really don't want to see Third. Of course, I miss him. But I think those were just right for him to focus on his job. And for me to focus on my last episodes of grind in school.
I puffed a breath before walking into my walk-in closet. It's late and cold. I'm wearing a pink dress, ending just above my knee. I put on my favorite pair of socks before placing my feet on the flip-flops and getting a jacket.
I kissed both of my parents' cheeks before going away with Third. Me, Mom, and Dad... we're perfectly fine now. At least that's how I see our situation now. We've settled everything, and somehow, things that are happening put us to enlightenment. Family.. should come first. That's what strengthened my priority.
I couldn't watch Mom being hurt even more by the way I approach them after that wrecking night. I tried my best to once again understand why she has to choose between the things I know are both valued by her. Her passion and my dream.
And to my Dad, though I'm trying so hard to convince myself to be soft on him... there's still a time when I feel distant regardless of how his presence becomes more active in the house. It's like our father-and-daughter relationship has been bruised. I don't really know if we were completely good. The air between us became heavy... and awkward.
Or is it only me? Who's.. thinking about that towards him and our relationship? I mean, he's chill and would smile and cling to me every time. It's like there's nothing happened to him. Or maybe... he's just really good at moving on so fast. He's always on track to looking forward.
I glanced at Third, who was driving silently.
There's a part of me that honestly regretted going mad.. a little hard, I guess? And cold to him. Besides... the fact will always tell me they are our family savior. He's my savior alone... I have just gone to be so complicated and sensitive.
I couldn't blame myself. That was my weak spot. They found it and shot me big time.
After some while, I completely turned to my side to hold on to Third's cheek with my left hand. "I'm sorry, Noah."
Third closed his eye for a second while feeling the warmth of my hand. He opened his lid fast to focus again on the road. "I miss you so bad, babe... You have no idea."
He kept on kissing my hand from time to time throughout the ride. I looked again at the window of the car to watch the waves. We're almost near. "Unlock the window..."
And there I feel the cold air until we stopped on our spot. I smiled.
"I miss being in here."
Third intertwined our fingers before stepping on the sand. "Month is a cursed decade. It was the worst."
"Then we won't go back on that." I pulled him to sit after he was done spreading the white blanket.
"What do we do now?" I moved a bit to help him adjust to the space. I am leaning my weight on his chest while he was playing with my hair with the scarf again. He enclosed me with his arms and hug me from the back. I hugged his arm. We just stayed like that for a while.
"The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting..."
I formed a lazy smile when he started singing after.
"I miss your harmonic voice," I lazily giggled.
He hugged me in a way there's no air could get passed through our encompassed body. "It couldn't be that we have been this way before..."
He initiated a move and lifted me up and brought me with him until we were already standing on our feet. I find it cute cuz we're both wearing socks.
"I know you don't think, that I am trying... I know you're wearing thin down to the core."
He held my chin in the sweetest way it could be. "But hold your breath..." He gave me that.. lopsided smile!
He gently grabbed my waist and put both of my hands on his shoulder. My heart was the most deafening thing my ears could hear aside from the blasting stroke of the waves. "Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you..."
We started swaying in the wind brought by the waves. Goddamn. My cheeks are literally burning!
He closed his eyes. "Over again... Don't make me change my mind..." He unlocked his eyes after and he sees my teary one. I feel so loved. He's pouring me with so much love. I... am drowning.
"Or I won't live to see another day, I swear it's true... Because a girl like you is impossible to find... You're impossible to find."
Nagulat ako nang bigla siyang lumuhod while still holding both of my hands. Kusang nagsimulang magpatakan ang mga tears ko... lalo na nang tingnan niya ako sa mga mata just how my father looks at my mom.
His eyes were sparkling with tears, making me pout more. "Are you proposing?"
He chuckled but soon back glance at me like I'm the most beautiful girl in the world. His eyes were serious, with the hint of longing... and love.
"Babe... I can never live a life without you. Spend all of the sunsets and sunrise with me?"
When I watched how the tears fell from his eyes, I couldn't contain my little sobs. I cupped his face and kneel down with him.
"Will you walk down the aisle with me?" he asked.
My tears fell more. I repeatedly nod my head.
Of, course... I will!
Heck! I've never been this sure all my life. I love my dreams but I realized I love him more. "Yes! Yes... I love you so much. I love you... Noah, I love you-"
He sealed me with a kiss, putting the ring on my finger. I couldn't admire how the ring was so spectacular... and beautiful, because my heart, my mind, and my soul were just focused all on him. I am lost in how soft his lips are. I am lost in his kisses.
The kiss that locked to sun and forever.