Edited
Your POV~
I awoke to the bustling sound of children playing in the street. The soft, silky fabric of the duvet slid along my skin as I eased myself up on my elbows. It was cool enough outside that the open window created a slight chill, causing goosebumps to form along my body. With sleep drifting away from me, I look around the room and spot a set of clothes at the foot of the bed. I knew they weren't going to take me back, something in my gut told me that, but I couldn't help the spike of panic that flooded my veins as I looked at the familiar flying leathers. Easing my knees to my chest, I took deep breaths. The door creaked open and I lifted my head to see Feyre walking towards me. Everything was stifled as a soft, caring hand caressed the outer edges of my mind.
"Hey, it's ok," She whispered, "You don't have to wear them I have extra clothes. We just thought you would like to learn how to fly?" As she reached me, that hand disappeared, leaving my mind numb. I looked at her own outfit, the leather hugging her curves and armor protecting her vulnerable parts.
"Learn to fly?" I asked. The thought of learning how to fly this soon never crossed my mind. Hope and excitement flowed through my veins, warming the trauma that frosted them.
"Yes. Cassian, Azriel, and I are going to teach you. But only if you are ready-"
I didn't let her finish as I grabbed the leathers, " Yes! I, I mean yes. I am ready. I was actually going to teach myself sooner or later but I want to learn." I couldn't help the smile that bloomed on my face, memories be damned. Feyre offered me a gentle smile, her blue-grey eyes shining with relief as she left me to get dressed. The leathers were fleece-lined and protected the soft parts of the body. Using the thickness of the leather to accommodate protection and movability. It came with matching leather boots and a dark, heavy cloak. The tunic had gaps made to fit Illyrian wings, with hidden buttons under the seam. I looked in the mirror, and to my surprise, only excitement flooded my blood. Not the panic I was feeling moments ago.
I met Cassian and Feyre in the living room, Azriel nowhere to be seen. Cassian was dressed like the rest of us, but red, swirling orbs adorned the armor over each wrist, accompanied but five other orbs, two on his shoulders, two on his knees, and one in the center of his broad chest. I gasped, knowing the meaning behind them. To think all the powerful males in my camp only had one to siphon their power, but he had seven, just how powerful was he? Though their legends never reached the small camp I was raised in, the knowledge of their power made me quake a little.
A cocky smile stretched its way onto Cassian's handsome features, "That was Feyre's reaction too." He let out a dark laugh, undermined by psychotic excitement. Feyre just rolled her eyes and offered an explanation.
"Azriel and Cassian are two of the most powerful Illyrians in history, just as Rhys is the most powerful High Lord. We are all special in this court and I can feel you have a place here. We just need you to know how to use your powers. And it all starts with you learning to fly first." Her head was held high but there was a wicked gleam in her eyes. "I was trained by Azriel not even a year ago." She confessed. Uncertainty squirmed its way into my mind. If they were all unique and offered something to the court, then what was I needed for? There was already a shadow-singer among them what use could I provide if my abilities were already being used?
"You recently learned to fly?" I asked, ignoring the swirling thoughts of insecurities.
"Yes, but I am a fast learner if I might say so myself." Feyre stood pridefully in front of me." But Cassian here will help. Since Azriel can't make it to training today, I will be in place of him, and any other time he can't make it due to his spymaster duties."
My heart sank at that, I was quite excited about seeing the shadow-singer today and getting closer to him. But it was quickly drowned out with excitement as Cassian walked over to me. His muscles were visible even through the thicker parts of the flying leathers.
"We will fly to the clearing Feyre first learned. A cliff with easy access to jump off of and not permanently damage your body if you fall." He winked and fear rose up again at the subtle mention of being injured. Before I can object he picked me up, one hand hooking under my knees and the other wrapping about my shoulders, being careful of my tucked wings. With one enormous flap of his powerful wings, we were up in the air, Feyre close behind.
I didn't scream, I assumed it was the instincts of my race, and I looked at the view of the city beneath us. "Beautiful, isn't it, Y/N?" Cassian asked, my name like a long-lost friend on his lips. "This is my favorite part of flying. Seeing the sights no others can witness. Feeling the wind on my face, my wings. I live for it. Just as much and Rhys and Az do. We all value flying. It's an escape from the burdens and aching thoughts. That's part of why I volunteered to teach you."
"I've always wanted to fly, but it was banned in my camp. Seeing the males soar on the winds and laughing wildly as they chase each other made me insanely jealous. " I said with a chuckle, watching as houses and trees zip underneath us. " I snuck out one night and tried to fly," I confessed and his eyes snapped to me. I held his gaze as I offered a bit of memory, "They found me feebly flapping not even an inch off the ground. I was so focused on maintaining the air beneath my wings that I never noticed them as they snuck up on me. I got thirty lashes for it." The memory of the whip slicing into my body made my scars ache.
He ground his teeth and his jaw clenched, That's why Rhys, Az, and I are trying to get clipping banned. We've got most camps under our fingers, but they still throw a tantrum when I made them repeal their law for female fighting. But some are so remote that they don't listen." Cassian's eyes were sharp and on the ground again.
"Are there any camps near here where females fight?" I ask.
"Yes, just north of here is a camp that, though forced, lets their females fight. I'm working to get a legion of females." His smirk caught me off guard. We landed on the ground sooner than I wanted. "You'll get used to it. The need to always be in the sky and the disappointment of the ground under your feet again." He said, reading my mind and setting me softly on the ground.
~~~
We only got back when the sun started to set, the training brutal and exhilarating. I was tossed off the cliff more times than I can count due to me freezing at the sight of how high I was to jump. But after a few hours of falling, I had managed to jump off myself and eventually flew, albeit for a few seconds before I free fell again. Cassian and Feyre always caught me before I fell and by the time Cassian flew me back to the house, we were all exhausted.
"Any luck," Mor asked, Azriel in the corner behind her. His shadows curled around him, around his wings, and up to his ears. I wonder what they were whispering to him. I caught his eye and smiled warmly at him. Although I was exhausted and most likely looked like straight shit, I was happier than I had ever been. Keeping his gaze, I let out the most joyous laugh I could muster, Cassian and Feyre falling not too far behind.
"It was a shit show. She was worse than Feyre!" Cassian roared, his laughter shaking the house.
"Hey!" I punched his shoulder as hard as I could, the shock in his eyes at the strength behind it made me laugh harder, " I got to fly at least."
"Yeah a few inches." he laughed again. Feyre had walked upstairs to her mate's study. Mor stood up, Azriel tensing as he looked at her with an unreadable expression. His shadows were more concentrated as he walked closer to her, almost blending him into the darkness.
"Well, looks like your fitting in quite well Y/N." She smiled and proceeded to walk out of the house to where ever she went at night.
"Azriel you should have seen her, her screams were hilarious as she fell. But in the end, she never lost her smile." Cassian said as he looked at me, red dusting his cheeks with uncontrollable laughter.
"Yeah," I chimed in taking a step toward him. " It is so liberating to be in the air. Are you going to be training me tomorrow?" I asked, overcome with joy. He looked me in the eyes, nothing of the soothing male that had brought me here yesterday.
"No, I'll have meetings all week and won't have time." And with that, his shadows swarmed him and he took off. My heart dropped, putting a temporary damper on my soul as I stared at the place where he had been.
"Don't take it personally Y/N, he's always like this when he is swamped with work. He'll come around eventually. " Cassian tried to comfort me but I just bid him a half-hearted smile and walked to my room.
After an hour of tossing and turning, I decided to play with my power. Willing my mind into intangible silence as I summoned my darkness. At first, there was nothing, just the emptiness I felt whenever Azriel was gone. It seemed like his power drew mine out. So, with that knowledge, I tried summoning the feeling I got when we were in the same room together. I focused on the memory of his face, his shadows, and even his scarred hands. It took longer than I wanted it to but after a long while of sitting in silence, staring at my hand, there was a glimmer of the power I felt with him. Swirling whorls coated my extended hand and shimmered in the dim light. The moon's rays glistened through the opened window and set the room in a soft hue. A slight breeze wafted through and I willed the tendrils to grow. Soon I was enveloped in my power. The purple, blue, and green swirls yet again emitting from it. I made small animals and graduated into making people. I had made a clone of Cassian, who walked around the room laughing, and I made Mor, her mischievous smirks and attitude taunting my shadow Cassian. Next were Feyre and Rhys, their muscles were taut like they had been when confronting Tamlin. All the clones were shaky and unfocused, far from the real thing but when I got to Azriel, my heart thundered. I made his face, the soft curves of his mouth, and the tilt of his eyes. I made him like he was when we were surrounded by his darkness. I felt something tug at my soul, it was longing and guilt and it hit me so hard everything disappeared. In a puff of smoke, my power vanished leaving an empty room and my heart aching.
Azriel's POV~
She was practicing, the shadow-singer I thought I'd never meet. She made the inner circle. Cassian was laughing like he was earlier in the night when they came back from training. Mor was next, her face, like the others weren't the best. They were unclear and whispy but no matter how untrained she is, she got the beauty of the woman I loved with every inch of my withered heart. My thoughts turned sour as I continued to watch her through my own shadows. Even if I got over Mor, Y/N would never accept a bastard born for a mate.
She worked her way to Feyre and Rhys. Her face was contorted into an adorable scrunch, focusing solely on her shadows. Y/N animated everyone, Mor teasing the laughing Cassian, Feyre, and Rhys in all their powerful glory. Even in shadow form, she managed to have them radiate pure, undiluted power. My heart skipped a beat when she got to me. It was so close to her and she molded Its face so realistically it looked like a dark clone. I could feel the emotion coming from her as she made me. Y/N made it smile at her, its eyes were soft and full of love. Guilt overflowed me in that second, seeing her look upon me like that was all I wanted, but I looked towards Mor and I knew then that I needed to distance myself from Y/N. The mating bond can't happen.
With a thought, I was flying in the sky, no longer in the suffocating room of my mate. I gritted my teeth at that word, feeling selfish that I would even ignore it for my own reasons. I don't want to hurt her, especially after seeing her finally smile and laugh after all that had happened. The thought of Cassian training her though...sent a wave of fury and jealousy that had no right being there; after I was dead set on ignoring the bond.
I took to the sky, higher than normal. Needing to feel the harshness of the wind beneath my wings. One mighty flap had me over the clouds and soaring to an unknown destination. It was all so confusing and complicated. I couldn't ignore her forever, especially if she has taken a liking to me, unrealistic as it seems. I could feel everything she feels through that wretched bond. And all I can feel is infatuation. I didn't deserve a mate like her, I deserved to rot in the hell I created for myself. All the things I've done, the things I've relished in, it would taint her broken soul more than that war camp ever had.