➣ E R I E
"I'll go ahead." Paalam ni Axcel sa amin. I gulped and looked at him.
At some point, I don't want him to leave.
Ryde's presence is scaring me. He looks mad. It sent different shiver down my spine, wrecking my composure into pieces. His eyes were sharp. Jaw tight. Hands clenched.
It's rare to see Ryde in a silent type of madness. He never bottle up his anger, he just let go. He always uses his mouth to shoot daggers, words that hurts, to someone everytime his anger consumes him.
"Take a rest after." Axcel whispered. I nodded. His eyes flickered to Ryde's direction then back to me. He smiled a bit, not reaching his eyes, before walking pass by my frozen figure.
I played with my fingers as I watch him leave. Hindi na siya lumingon ulit. Narinig ko ang pag-akyat niya maging ang pagsara ng pinto sa sarili niyang kwarto.
Naiwan na kami ni Ryde dito, walang nagsasalita sa aming dalawa.
Speak, Ryde. This is making me insane. Why did you wait? Why do you look upset?
"Where have you been?" He finally opened his mouth as he approached me. Malinaw ko na siyang nakikita ngayon.
"We went driving."
"Where?" He asked, wanting specific answers.
"By the mountains."
Nawala ang pagkakakunot ng noo niya at napalitan ng mahinang pagtawa. "Oh, you even went for a ride with the person who hid your brother away from you? From us?"
"He has a reason—"
"Well, he should have told you! Kahit sayo lang, Erie! Kapatid mo yung tinago niya!" Nagsimula na siyang magtaas ng boses.
"Ryde, keep it down. It's 4 AM." I told him. But the truth is, natatakot lang talaga ako na may makarinig.
I already agreed to Axcel to keep this a secret. For now.
"Erie, that's Vair were talking about. Your brother. Why are you so chill about this? Are we on the same page?" He looks frustrated.
"Kapatid ko nga pero bakit mas galit ka pa? Kayo ni Kast?" Ang noo ko naman ang kumunot.
Sa isang iglap, bumalik na naman sa isip ko lahat ang nalaman ko tungkol kay kuya. I tried so hard not to think about it earlier, because I don't want to bother myself by thinking about the things that are impossible to happen for now.
Yes, I want him back to us, but I do understand the situation. Naiintindihan kong bawal munang ipilit sa ngayon.
We have no idea how Don Amore's gonna react to this. He is a violent man.
Naiintindihan ko na kung bakit siya tinago ni Axcel sa amin maging si Lider. Because they know me, mapilit akong tao.
Pero ngayon pipigilan ko. Susubukan ko. Para rin naman 'to sa kaligtasan ni kuya...
"Kasi hindi tama ang ginawa niya." Katwiran ni Ryde.
"How could you say that? You don't even know the whole story." I spat.
"Stop helping him run away and let him face this shit alone, Erie!"
"Can you stop dictating me what to do?!" Hindi ko na rin napigilan ang sarili kong magtaas ng boses. "You really think I would listen to someone like you? Huh, Ryde?"
I feel irritated, really. I hate being dictated when it comes to personal decisions. Sinong matutuwa sa gano'n?
He paused for a while. "Someone like me?"
"Just stop interfering, Ryde! I know what I'm doing!" This conversation's stressing me out. Nagbabadya na naman ang mga luha ko.
I shot him a glare before turning around, but he grabbed my arm making me face his direction once again. "You know what? You just like him and it's making you blind and stupid."
My eyes squinted, not liking what I heard. "Blind? And stupid?"
"You heard me. Unless you want me to repeat it." He tilted his head. I don't like what I'm hearing and what I'm seeing. His tone, the look in his face. I'm not liking any single thing.
Pagalit kong binawi ang braso ko sa kaniya. Nanlalabo na ang paningin ko dahil sa luha pero alam kong sa kabila no'n puno ng inis ang mga mata ko ngayon.
Naiiyak ako. Naiiyak ako sa inis.
"Why do you hate him so much?" My words spilled like I'm trying to measure things and catching him in the act.
He scoffed. "This is about you, Erie. Huwag mong ipaling sa akin dahil lang wala ka ng masabi."
A part of me felt offended. For once, his words made my mouth shut, unable to form a decent sentence.
"The questions is," He took a step. And another step. And another. Until his towering over me. "Why do you like him so much?"
The silence after that was loud.
Hindi ako nakatulog agad dahil sa tanong na 'yon. Ni hindi nga ako nakasagot. Iniwan ko lang siya at tumakbo na sa kwarto.
The whole time, I was just staring at the ceiling of my room. I was thinking about Ryde's words and it settled heavy on my mind.
Nainis ako sa lahat ng pinagsasabi niya. Wala sa nabanggit niya ang tama sa pandinig ko.
Wala naman kasi siyang alam sa side ni Axcel kaya madali sa kaniya ang manghusga. Sila ni Kast. Parehas sila. Magsama sila.
One roll from my eyes is what my ceiling saw before I pull my blanket, covering my entire figure. Mukhang hanggang pagtulog ko dadalhin ang inis na 'yon.
Umaga na nang dalawin ako ng antok.
I was just in the middle of my shallow slumber when my eyes flickered open like a robot being switched on. My body jumped off from the bed when I realized something. Nagmamadali akong pumaling sa bedside table kung nasaan ang maliit kong orasan. Quarter to nine.
Kahit hindi ako masyadong nakatulog, agad akong bumangon sa higaan.
For one reason.
I wore my furry pink slippers and went straight to my bathroom. I turned the faucet on and washed my face, pat it dry then brushed my teeth after.
Hindi ko na nagawa lahat ng morning skincare routine ko sa pagmamadali. I just put mosturizer, concealer on my undereye circles and a tinted lip balm.
Palabas na ako, binuksan ko na ang pinto kaso bumungad sa akin ang taong pupuntahan ko dapat.
I flinched, jolting backward. I felt electricity on my chest and butterflies on my stomach.
"Morning." Binaba ni Axcel ang kamay na akmang kakatok sa pinto. "Why are you in a rush?"
Napatitig ako sa kaniya na para bang nabalik ako sa panaginip. Him, standing in front of my door, greeting me a good morning. It just feels unreal.
Hindi ko namalayang nakatulala na lang pala ako. I shook my head, wiping the nonexistent drool beside my mouth as I close my parted lips. No shit, I probably look stupid again.
"I was about to go to—"
"Well, you should be. Let's go, pinapatawag ka na sa dining. Ikaw na lang ang kulang."
"Huh?"
Hindi na niya ako sinagot. Tumalikod na siya at naglakad. Natauhan ako kaya naman sinara ko na ang pinto saka siya sinabayan.
Pagkarating namin sa dining, nabigla pa ako nang makitang in a form of catering service ang sineserve na breakfast. This happens kapag may occasion. Para saan naman kaya 'to? Hindi pa ba tapos ang celebration kagabi?
I froze when I found Infinito was complete in the dining table, and not only them. My parents are also here.
Bigla akong kinabahan.
Kaya ko nga binalak sunduin si Axcel sa room niya kanina ay para ilayo siya kila mommy dahil baka magtanong sila sa nangyari kagabi pero ano 'to? Makakasabay pa namin sila sa breakfast?
"What..." Litong-lito kong nilingon si Axcel.
"Erie, come join us! Sakto ang dating mo, anak." Mom beamed. "Steer, thanks for calling my daughter."
Axcel just gestured a polite greeting to my parents before pulling a chair for me, the seat beside Ryde and I saw him cocking an eyebrow at our direction. I whispered thanks to Axcel before rolling my eyes at Ryde's direction and sat.
"Let's eat!" Mom said, looking extra happy. It made me curious. I wonder what goes on. Ngayon na lang ulit sila sumabay sa amin magbreakfast. Usually kasi they're busy kahit maaga pa lang.
Isa-isa nang sinerve ang mga pagkain at nagkaniya-kaniya na silang kuha sa platter. The atmosphere was surprisingly light.
So what happened last night? Parang wala lang nangyari. Hindi ba magtatanong sila mom?
"Erie," And the I heard her voice as if my mind manifested it. I froze. "Heard you toured Steer around the city? How was it? Steer?" Mom looked at the person on my left and smiled sweetly.
Napalunok ako at napatingin kay Axcel. Napansin kong nakatingin si Lider sa gawi ko. His lips tugged a little before biting on a french toast.
Para bang bigla akong nabigyan ng sagot. Mukhang pinagtakpan niya nga ang mga nangyari kagabi...
"Erie drove. She took me by the mountains, taught me drifting, and all. She's good, I must say." Axcel answered.
"Just good?" Lider teased.
"Good enough to separate my soul from my body." I heard laughter on the dining. Dad seemed amused at Axcel's choice of words. "You know the series of corners midway? Akala ko katapusan ko na doon."
Their conversation made me sigh in relief at the back of my mind. Nakinig lang sa kanila at patango-tango kapag tinatanong ako.
It amazes me how they managed to hide the truth despite not telling a lie. They just leave the biggest secret untouched.
I stared at my plate. Still empty.
My eyes unintentionally shifted at the right corner to see Ryde. Siya lang mukhang walang interes sa usapan. He's just chewing and getting another piece of bacon for himself.
I coughed a bit, straightening my back and held my chin high. Ginalaw ko na ang utensils ko at kumuha ng pagkain. Kaso habang kumukuha ako, hindi maiwasan ng mga mata kong tingnan si Ryde. My eyebrow arched seeing how dead serious he looks right now.
His long hair's slightly wet, cascading messily down his sharp eyes.
I could have dry it with my blower, brush then tie it. Or even braid it. But he's mad. I can't do that now.
Oh, right. He's mad. I remind the obvious to myself. He's mad at me.
And I'm mad at him too.
"Reckless ba?" Rinig ko ang tawa habang nagtatanong si Blix na siyang katabi ng tahimik na si Kast. Or should I say napilitang manahimik. Siguro napagsabihan siya ni Lider kagabi.
"I think Erie just likes thrill." Axcel chuckled.
Dahil kita ko pa rin si Ryde sa gilid ng mga mata ko, napansin kong sarkastiko siyang napangisi sa narinig. Nakayuko man siya at bahagyang natatakpan ng mahabang buhok ang mukha pero nakita ko pa rin.
I feel offended once again. What made him react like that? Nakakaubos pala ng pasensya kapag sinasabayan niya ang inis ko.
Mukhang mataas ang pride niya ngayon.
So what?
Then I'll let him. As if namang ako pa ang magsorry sa kaniya para lang magkabati kami. Duh? Wala naman akong kasalanan.
"So," Mom wiped the corner of her mouth with grace. That made us stop. "We got invited at a very important event that's why it's a happy morning today." She smiled.
"At the Youth Go Kart Racing League." Dad continued.
I gasped.
Karting. It is a form of racing in a small four-wheel opened vehicle. And for kids.
Napalitan ng excitement ang lahat ng bad vibes ko ngayong umaga. Naiimagine ko na agad ang mangyayari sa event na 'yon. Pakiramdam ko babalik kami sa pagkabata once na nandoon na kami.
"Next week agad, Monday. Malayo iyon. Six cities away from here, so I suggest you leave on Saturday night and book a hotel so you wouldn't be late and exhausted on Monday morning."
"Yes, dad." Agad kong sagot. Napatingin ako kay Sky kaso parang hindi maganda ang expression niya. He looks like he wanted to say something.
"But we can't stop the heist." At that statement, our shoulders dropped. "Maiiwan ang isang team rito."
That's awful. Akala ko naman magkakasama kami sa event na 'yon.
"Lider, come with them. Ryde, you too. Then Steer." Dad motioned to the three, even pointing at them using his spoon. "Erie, of course, you're coming with them." That made me smile. But it automatically fades, remembering that I'll be in the same place with the him.
"Can I come?" Sky's tone was filled with hope. Bigla kong naalala na hindi pa nga pala siya pinapayagang umalis dahil sa nangyaring aksidente.
I feel bad for Skylar. Alam kong gustong-gusto niyang sumama. Bihira lang kasi 'to.
Go Kart race is literally the start of his journey. It would be such a waste if he can't come.
"Hindi rin naman po ako makakatulong sa mission." Dagdag pa ni Sky. Nagkatinginan na sila mom.
"Yeah, it's better if Sky's coming with us. Just leave Steer out." The person on my other side spoke blandly, gaze focused on his plate that he kept poking using a fork. "Or Erie."
That made me let out a sarcastic chuckle. Wow, Ryde. Now you wanna leave me out? Ang lakas pa ng loob na sabihin iyon sa mismong parents ko.
What happened to your "I need Erie with me" before?
Nakakasama ka na talaga ng loob.
"No, we can't leave either one of them out." Tutol ni daddy.
Hindi na sumagot si Ryde pero halatang marami pa siyang gustong sabihin. I don't know how many times I rolled my eyes at him.
"I guess we have to think about this more. Enjoy the breakfast for now." Mom ended the discussion all of a sudden.
Good, because I don't want to talk about it for now. Parang nawalan ako ng gana.
Natapos ang breakfast na iba ang pagiging tahimik ko. It feels heavy. I don't know. Suddenly, everything just feels heavy.
This unsettling feeling flows like a damn river. Now it reaches my throat, creating lump.
I feel like crying again. This is frustrating.
I feel bad for my parents. I wanted to say sorry. Hindi ko man lang na-enjoy ang pinahanda nilang breakfast.
Una akong umalis sa dining matapos kumain. Sumunod si Axcel. Naramdaman ko ang presensya niya sa likuran kaya agad ko siyang hinarap.
He's on his phone, reading something and my sudden pause made him flinch. Far from my expectation. Akala ko sinusundan niya ako. Mukhang iisa lang pala talaga kami ng pupuntahan.
"Hey." He breathed out, scanning my expression. I feel like he already noticed something's wrong.
I smiled, hoping it doesn't come out forced. "Wanna go out?" I asked him.
And this time, it's for my own peace.
_