OCTOBER 25, 1991. LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA.
EVIE HAS COMPLETED yet another couple of weeks work at Rolling Stone. Her time in New York was maybe even more exciting this time around, probably because she got to see Dave, Kurt and Krist half way through when they came to play their New York shows. Evie and Dave got to spend the day walking around New York together, sipping on New York coffee and feeling the Fall New York air prick their skin.
She also got to introduce Henry to the boys at the show which was an exciting moment for her. They all got along well, though Dave did make some joking jealous remarks afterwards to Evie about making sure not to fall for a good-looking guy like Henry while he's not around. Evie assured him she's already got an incredibly good-looking boyfriend so she'd have no need for another.
After her two weeks in New York were up, Evie flew home to her family. She spent her time back at home in Olympia with John and Mia. She doesn't like being home alone in Seattle without Dave. Also, she wants to be as much help as she can to John in this time. His treatment seems to be going well which makes Evie hopeful for the future.
Today, Evie has flown into LA and she and Dave sip on some coffee again, same stuff, different city. And this time they're joined by Krist at the café by the hotel they've been put up in. They've sat here for about a half hour eating some food and drinking their coffee while they discuss one thing in great detail, what's going on with Kurt. As soon as Evie landed in LA and met the guys at the hotel, she knew something was up. First, Dave and Krist both had guilty looks on their faces. Second, Kurt was nowhere to be seen.
"Where's Kurt?" Evie asked upon being greeted by Krist and Dave.
"He's holed up with Miss Love," Krist says after a rather long beat of silence, "Pardon the pun."
"Huh?" Evie turns to Dave for some sort of response that Evie will understand.
"He's become friendly with Courtney. The singer in Hole," Dave fills Evie in and she nods slowly.
"Okay," Evie processes this information, "Is there something wrong with that? Why do you guys look so concerned?" Evie says lightly, assuming that nothing really bad could be going on.
Dave looks to Krist then to his feet.
"What is it?" Evie says lowly, feeling her stomach drop at Dave's inability to tell her what's going on, she now looks to Krist for an answer.
"Courtney's not exactly the poster girl for sobriety," Krist says plainly, and Evie begins to process this information. She knows the type of drugs people in this scene are getting caught up in and she doesn't want to believe that Kurt could go there. But knowing Kurt, Evie also knows that he easily could and would.
"Oh," Evie frowns.
"They've been using together," Dave finally speaks up.
"Doing what?" Evie says, needing a clear answer to understand the situation at hand.
"Well Courtney's on dope and we're pretty sure Kurt is too," Dave says.
"Fuck," Evie sighs. She can feel a wave of emotions bubbling beneath the surface that manifest themselves in a lump in her throat. A mixture of anger, sadness and fear run on a loop through Evie's mind as she thinks about what is going on in Kurt's head.
After sitting at the café for some time and letting Dave and Krist tell her about what exactly has been going on, Evie finally lets her emotions get the better of her. A few tears silently roll from her eyes which she wastes no time in wiping away.
"God, why does he have to do that," she says.
"It's going to be okay," Dave says, but the words bring Evie no comfort.
"You don't know that," she says looking into Dave's eyes and she can sense that even he knows his words are an empty promise. There's no way of knowing that Kurt is going to be okay, everyone knows that heroin is merely a dance with death.
"Okay, I don't, but I don't want you to dwell on it. Kurt knows what he's playing with and he knows the consequences. I know how much you care about Kurt, but you can't spend time stressing over it, it's not your battle to fight," Dave says, and he's right.
Evie cares about Kurt a lot. He is one of the few people she has been able to open up to about her struggles in the past and he has done the same with her. Even though they don't get to see each other as often as she'd like, she knows Kurt is one of those people who will be a part of her life until she dies. He knows things about her life that Evie hasn't even discussed with Dave. Something about her relationship with Kurt is different to any other relationships she has had in her life; she sees a lot of herself in him. Despite all this, she knows she shouldn't spend time stressing over him. He is a grown man who makes decisions for himself, and he is more than aware of what he is getting himself into. It's not anyone's place to tell him what he can and can't do, all anyone can do is warn him. Tell him the things he already knows.
"I'm just scared for him. Playing with that shit is basically a death sentence," Evie says.
"I know. Trust me, Krist and I have both told him how we feel, but it's Kurt. He's too strong willed to listen."
"It's always the people in the most trouble who think they know best," Evie sighs, knowing from personal experience.
"He'll come to his senses," Krist says knowingly. He knows Kurt in a way that no one else does and so Evie finds some comfort in Krist's view of the situation.
They don't stay at the café for too much longer before they make their way back to the hotel to meet up with Alex, the boys tour manager who wants to head over to the venue early to get set up.
It didn't make much sense for Evie to fly out to LA for just one day, so Dave insisted that she stays a little longer and they decided that she would stay with the boys for the next few shows. One tomorrow in San Fran and then another back in LA the next day. It works perfectly for her and she thinks she'll even get to see Henry tomorrow while they're in SF. Then on the 28th she'll fly back home to Seattle.
She feels as though her life has been non-stop flights and movement over the last several months. From being in New York to spending time in LA, Evie feels like Washington has been pushed to the back of her mind.
Evie piles into a van with Krist, Dave, Alex and a couple of roadies to head towards the venue the boys are playing tonight, The Hollywood Palace. Tonight, the boys are joined by three bands, the two intensely punk rock female fronted bands, Hole and L7, as well as Sister Double Happiness. Evie is nothing but intimidated by the girls in Hole and L7, they are all pretty loud and proud and she can't help but feel shy and insecure about being around them.
They arrive at the venue to find lots of people around gearing up for the show. It's a pretty big one compared to the other smaller venues the boys have booked for this tour. Tonight, is the Rock for Choice benefit organised by the L7 girls to show support for pro-abortion rights. Evie is excited to be able to be here to see this and show some support for a cause she strongly believes in.
As Evie, Krist and Dave stand out on the floor where the crowd will soon be, Kurt finally makes an appearance with who Evie assumes must be Courtney on his arm.
"Hey," Kurt slowly drags out his hello with a genuine smile which Evie doesn't expect.
"Hey Kurt," Evie gives him a tight-lipped smile.
"Hi," Courtney extends her arm in Evie's direction, "Courtney," she introduces herself plainly.
"Evie. Nice to meet you," Evie gives her the nicest smile she can.
"So, you're Dave's girl," Courtney muses, scanning Evie up and down as if contemplating this information and trying to piece together if Evie is good enough to be respected by her.
"That's right," Evie says almost bitterly. She doesn't appreciate Courtney's slight condescending attitude.
"I thought you like them a bit rougher around the edges Grohl," Courtney says to Dave and Evie isn't sure whether or not this is a complement or insult.
"Jennifer's here you know, I heard about you two in Europe," she adds, and Evie is stunned into silence as her stomach knots itself.
"Hey, leave it alone," Kurt murmurs to Courtney, giving Evie a momentary apologetic look, which only sickens her more.
"Alright, alright, I'll shut up," she announces before looking straight back to Evie, "Evie. Pleasure," she does a wobbly curtsy before turning abruptly and walking away.
"Sorry," Kurt says shortly before turning to follow her.
"So, do you want to tell me what the fuck happened with you and Jennifer in Europe," Evie immediately turns to Dave for an answer, feeling somewhat fuelled by Courtney's bold and brash attitude.
"It wasn't anything recently Eves, she's talking about the tour when I first joined the band last year," Dave explains calmly yet Evie remains silent, waiting for him to continue.
"L7 played some shows with us and me and Jennifer slept together a couple of times. But that was months before I met you, I promise-," Dave continues and Evie cuts him off.
"Okay, okay I get it. Sorry for jumping to conclusions," she apologises.
"It's what Courtney wanted you to do. She likes stirring the pot," Krist speaks up for the first time since the encounter.
"What does Kurt see in her?" Evie asks.
"She's nice if she likes you," Krist explains.
"Well, it doesn't seem like she likes me very much," Evie says which makes Dave laugh.
"She'll come around. You and Kurt have the same nature, I'm sure she'll like you once she gets to know you," Dave says and Evie rolls her eyes.
"Yeah right. I'm not rough around the edges enough for her liking," Evie says.
"Look, she could've been meaner," Krist says honestly which doesn't really make Evie feel better.
The three of them head in the direction that Kurt and Courtney just went in to go and say hello to everyone else. Evie is slowly introduced to everyone and awkwardly meets Jennifer Finch. This is the first time Evie has met anyone that Dave has been with in the past and it feels kind of strange. She finds it difficult to imagine a time before Dave was in her life when he was with other people. Just like she struggles to imagine what she was like before Dave entered her life, that time feels like it was decades ago.
Evie finds herself being quiet around everyone, more so than she usually is. It usually takes a lot for her to feel comfortable around people who aren't in her inner circle. She was a super shy kid and through the years she's grown out of that, but it still comes back every now and then. Surprisingly, Suzi from L7 sidles up to Evie.
"That's a nice jacket," Suzi compliments, running her hand down the sleeve of Evie's leather jacket.
"Thanks, it's my Mom's," Evie smiles. Whenever anyone makes a comment about her jacket, she sees it as her Mom sending her a sign. As if she put the idea in their head to tell Evie, just so for a moment she is reminded of her.
"Well, she is a woman of style," Suzi smiles kindly, and even though the tense of her words prick Evie somewhere in her chest, Evie nods feeling happy to be able to talk about her Mom for a moment as if she were still here.
"Half my wardrobe is her clothes from when she was my age. She was so fucking cool, lucky for me," Evie laughs.
"I feel that," Suzi says as if she can relate. Their conversation is cut short by who else than Courtney, who comes over and places a hand around Evie's arm which is somehow both firm and gentle at the same time.
"Evie, come with me for a minute," Courtney says, pulling Evie away.
Evie bids a quick farewell to Suzi before Courtney leads them out of the room. She wonders if this is how Kurt feels, caught up in the hurricane that is Courtney Love, pulled around the place in a blunt yet soft-natured way. Evie senses that underneath her hard front, there is a gentleness. She can't imagine that Kurt would fall for her if it were any other way.
Courtney leads them out a back door so that they are now stood in what seems to be a smoker's alley out the back of the venue which is confirmed by Courtney lighting a cigarette of her own. As Evie reads her energy, the brash, borderline rude mask she saw before is slightly lowered. Courtney seems like she is evaluating Evie in just the same way.
"Want one," Courtney offers a smoke to Evie.
"Trying to quit," Evie says. Since everything with John, she can't see the sense in smoking.
"Good for you," Courtney says bitterly which makes Evie laugh.
"Is there a reason you pulled me out here," Evie asks as she leans into the brick wall and looks to Courtney for some sort of explanation.
"I want to figure out why they all love you. I think I can see why," Courtney lets on slowly.
"They?" Evie questions.
"Kurt, Krist, Dave. They talk about you like you're not real," Courtney scoffs.
"Kurt says I'd like you," Courtney adds. Evie raises her eyebrows, surprised to hear that Kurt and Courtney have shared any conversations about her.
"Lucky me," Evie smiles. She knows her own sarcasm and knows when it is coming across as sassy or as charming. For some reason, Evie wants to charm Courtney. Even though she'd like to think she couldn't care less about Courtney's opinion of her, she does. Being liked by someone who doesn't give themselves to many people is a feat of great measures.
"You're cute," Courtney says decidedly.
"I don't know if that's a compliment," Evie says, inwardly cringing at being described as cute. It's almost condescending.
"It's not a compliment or an insult. It's an observation," Courtney says.
"You're intimidating," Evie says. For some reason she feels like she could say anything to Courtney, she doesn't feel nervous around her.
"Now, I'm going to take that as a compliment," Courtney smiles.
"I thought you might," Evie laughs.
"What's your sign?" Courtney asks which makes Evie light up.
"Pisces," Evie says.
"Like Kurt. I'm a cancer, we're water babies," she says.
"The crab and the fish," Evie notes.
"Exactly," Courtney nods, blowing some smoke over Evie's head.
Evie spends a moment trying to figure out if Courtney is on drugs. She's never been around anyone on heroin before so she's not so sure how Courtney would be acting if she was.
"So, are you and Kurt together?" Evie asks, trying to figure out the relationship.
"Not yet," Courtney muses, as if she has confidence that in the future they will be.
"Well look after him. He's a special guy," Evie says, as if Courtney hasn't realised this for herself yet.
"I think Kurt can look after himself," Courtney says.
"Well, I think Kurt can sometimes make bad decisions," Evie says bluntly.
"Did you two date?" Courtney asks.
"No, why?" Evie questions.
"You care about him a lot," Courtney notes.
"I care a lot about the people in my life," Evie explains herself.
"And that's your fatal flaw," Courtney smiles.
"Caring?" Evie scoffs at Courtney's remark.
"Caring too much," Courtney clarifies, and in some sense she's right, whether or not Evie knows this yet.
"I don't think that's a flaw," Evie defends herself.
And that's the difference between you and me," Courtney says.
Evie pauses for a moment, taking in Courtney's words, "We should probably go back inside," she says, ending their conversation and Courtney just nods, walking ahead of her back to where they came from.
As they enter the room with everybody once again, Evie heads for Dave who leans down to ask what her and Courtney spoke about. Evie explains and he just shakes his head.
"She's an interesting one," he says.
"I think I like her?" Evie says, her statement coming out more like a question.
"Yeah?" Dave asks.
"Yeah," Evie nods.
"I mean I like Courtney, but I wouldn't say I trust her," Dave says.
"Right," she agrees.
"She's nicer than I thought she would be but," Evie acknowledges.
"I knew she'd like you," Dave explains, pulling Evie in for a quick, warm hug.
"And I'm so happy you're here," he plants a kiss on the top of her head.
"Me too," Evie agrees, pressing her cheek into Dave's chest.
Each of the bands playing do the rounds of soundcheck before day turns to night and the crowd starts filtering into the building. While the other bands play, Evie gets to stand side of stage with Dave next to her, just like they did on their first date. And while the boys play, she gets to stand on the side of stage and watch three of the people she loves most get to do what makes them happiest. She can't help but smile in wonder as she watches Dave, Kurt and Krist operate together in perfect harmony. It's just so divine and perfect, she can't think of any other words to describe what it feels like to watch and hear them play together.
As they play, Dave takes many moments in the set to look over to Evie and send her smiles and winks. She shakes her head as he spins his drumsticks to show off while he maintains eye contact with her. She lives for the moments when she catches his deep brown eyes across rooms filled with people. It reminds her just how lucky she is that Dave is hers and she is his.
Evie has spent her whole life in a desperate search for the feeling that is love. Love for herself, and the love of others. She has decided that love is looking into the face of someone else and seeing yourself. Where there is love, the line that used to determine the start and end of two separate people becomes blurred. It's as though you become one being filled with all the love and experiences of the two who love each other more than anything in the world. That is what she feels with Dave. And it is pure ecstasy.