...
"Nothing weighs more than an empty soul"
...
The day is saved by both his brother and sister in law who came into his room shortly after the five did. There is a cake on his brother's hand.
"Happy birthday to the one and only Kim Seokjin!"
Jin could only smile at that. The sister comes close to him so does the brother, settling the cake right in front of him on the table with candles lit up.
"Make a wish" the sister says.
Does he even have a wish? He is thinking. A deep thinker he is, he takes the time and everyone in the room patiently wait for him.
"I want to be happy, I want to be free, I don't want to be hurt anymore"
The wish he hopes will come true someday. He blows the candles. Someday it will come true.
"There's a gift at home for you! In two days, you can see it" Yulhee smiles at him as she says that.
He is not anticipated on the gift. There's nothing excites him anymore. He didn't feel anything but to put up a good act, he smiles at that. All of them are walking on eggshells around him.
Jin hates that. Could they be just like they were? The normal ones.
Oh, Yulhee says in two days. It means that he can be home in two days.
"Seungyeonie?" Jin asks.
At the sudden brought of the name, Bangtan froze in their spot. He forgot his own best friend? Why did Jin asked that when he knows exactly what happened to the owner of the name?
"He is sleeping in his room, it's been a long day" Yulhee replies.
The six glares at her. She lied to Jin. Seungyeon is long gone. Why is she lying?
Much to say, there's a huge gap between Bangtan and Jin. They used to have no gap between each other, they were that comfortable with each other but now it feels suffocating.
Long story short, at the end of the day all six of Bangtan went back to their dorm. Even Jimin as Jin urges him to.
December to idols like them is packed with schedules. December is the month that the awards ceremonies cramped close to one another. Jin knows that, he used to be an idol.
Jimin already skipped today's schedule and Jin is not going to allowed hurtful rumours of Jimin being unprofessional chokes the younger just because of himself.
Jin already ruined their image and he is not going to let Jimin ruined their image even more just because everyone treats him as a baby that needs full attention.
...
The night before Jin is release from the hospital, he went to Seungyeon's room. Like usual, he accompany the kid as his mother is at work. They didn't do much. Just talking and drawing some stuff.
"Seungyeon-ah, hyung is going to be discharged tomorrow" Jin says, gathering the kid's attention who is busy drawing with his crayons on a piece of paper.
"Hyung is leaving? Already? Hyung isn't sick anymore?" the tiny kid asks.
Jin nods at that. Somehow he feels sad that the kid this young is stuck in the hospital for god-knows how long it will be.
"I will be boring without you here. I have no friends here" Seungyeon pouts at Jin.
"I will come here everyday for you. Don't worry" Jin smiles while patting the kid's head.
At the statement, Seungyeon smiles back at him in joy.
"Promise?" he asks.
"Promise." Jin accepts.
...
As all the check up is finished, he was released from the hospital in the evening. The sky is still painted with the beautiful mixture of orange and purple shades.
They come again. Taehyung and Hoseok come.
"The others couldn't make it hyung, sorry" Taehyung says as he walks closer to Jin who was just stepping on the floor from his sickbed. He hugs him, patting his back.
Jin looks at the two in confusion.
"Do you want to eat something before we go to your home?" Hoseok asks.
So they wants to accompany him home.
They didn't even let Jin to answer that as they dragged him to eat in a restaurant for dinner. All his favourite foods are served but Jin's appetite was long gone. He didn't even eat as much as he used to eat.
From being the most muscular person in the group during their early days, Jin now is one of the thinnest and smallest one. Except for his broad shoulders, his body is just too thin, his hands are slender so does his waist.
They eat together but for most of the part, Jin just plays with his food while listening to the story that both Taehyung and Hoseok are sharing to him.
"Hyung, how are you all this while?" Hoseok asks, sincerely.
The question caught him off guard. What is he supposed to say to answer that question?
"I-I'm fine...?" Jin stutters as he mutters the words. It didn't come out like a statement but more like a question.
Frowning upon getting the answer to his question, Hoseok looks at Jin's hand, especially the hand that Jin abused so much.
Shaking, he could see that.
"We have a gift for you at home! You will like it for sure" Hoseok says as he tears his eyes away from looking at the hand when he noticed that Jin is aware of his gaze.
"I guess...?" Jin again replies in his soft voice.
After the dinner, Taehyung drive the car to Jin's house. The house, an apartment where he lives alone. He hates the fact that his Jin hyung is staying alone but Yulhee already told him the back story of why Jin is living alone.
He cares but he just didn't trust Jin. Not after days ago Jimin told him what happened. Taehyung greatly opposed the idea of Jin living alone but his parents is out of the country.
Seokjung will only come back once in a while due to his volunteering program while Yulhee, Jin's sister in law is always on call and sometimes she'd join the volunteering program too.
Living in his family's home is just the same as living alone, except for one, the size.
Jin's family's home is too big. He will feels emptier there than in his own apartment.
Taehyung understand that.
He wants Jin to live with him and the members at the dorm. The dorm where they used to live as seven. The same dorm where Jin left years ago without explaining his reasons.
The dorm, the place where all the joy and sadness mixed together for years.
Taehyung actually whispers to Jin while they're still at the hospital. It came out a little desperate.
"Stay at the dorm with us hyung? Please"
Sadly, Jin refused the favour. And knowing that putting more pressure on Jin will only burden him, so Taehyung stopped asking the same question.
As they have arrived at the apartment, the two younger members tailing after Jin. When Jin presses his passcode of the house, the two wait patiently.
As Jin pulls open the door, he turns his back to the two, wondering if he should offer them to come in or just greeting him goodbye.
As the two looks at Jin in the eyes, Jin decided to let them enter the house. It is their first time stepping inside the house further than just at the front door when Jin passed out about a week ago.
A barking sound was heard, Jin is surprised. He gets scared so easily. He is always the scaredy-cat among all seven of them.
A dog?
Hoseok walks closer to the switch, trying to switch on the lights but it seems like the lights are not working. Is the power cut off?
"The lights are not working here..." Jin softly says surprisingly he didn't feel ashamed at all.
He just didn't feel anything at that moment except for the curious feeling to see what is barking at him.
Taehyung switch on the light at the kitchen as he found a switch near where he stands and now, there's the source of light in the dorm.
Right besides the tv cabinet, the two could see a few bottles of what it seems like pills.
"Did you guys get her for me?" Jin kneels on the floor as he takes the tiny white dog in his arms.
Looking at the wiggling tiny tail, Jin couldn't help but to hug the dog.
"What do you want to name her hyung?" Taehyung asks as he smiles looking at Jin who is smiling while patting the dog.
"I don't know, maybe Ssal? She is white" Jin chuckles.
Right at that moment the two realised how much they missed that sides of Jin. To be exact, they missed their hyung a lot.
The name Jin gives to the dog sounds so much like him. In the past when Jin was still raising his sugar gliders, the name he gave to them are all about food and now, this tiny white dog got a name related to food too.
It's cute. They're happy to see Jin smiles again. It feels so long since they last saw that. It is. It's been a long time, it's been years since then.
"Do you want some drinks? Coffee? How about tea?" Jin offers as he stands up on his feet on his way to the kitchen.
Honestly, they wonder how long it's been for Jin to live in this dark house? There's no light in the living room. The lights are not working there.
When Jin comes back to the living room with a tray of drinks on it, he sets the tray on the coffee table right in front of the couch.
"Sorry, it's a little bit dark..." Jin mutters.
"Do you get someone to fix the lights yet?" Hoseok asks.
"I-"
Jin pauses, he thinks. He shakes his head to them as a no.
"I don't like bright lights"
Well that surprised them a bit. Since when Jin hates bright lights?
As their eyes set on the curtain at the big window in the living room which probably a scene to the night lights of the city, they know for sure it's an opaque curtain. Since when since he starts living like this?
They, the newcomers to the house already feels suffocating with the lack of lights but Jin, he looks like he is not affected at all.
"I will get someone to fix the lights for you" Taehyung straight away says.
They could see Jin hesitates.
"It's okay-" Jin tries to say.
"No, it is not okay. I will get someone to fix this as soon as possible" Taehyung cuts.
"I-"
Jin stops talking as Ssal climbs on top of the TV cabinet and push the bottles of pills down on the floor. One rolls to Hoseok's leg to be exact.
Hoseok picks it up. He looks at Jin with the bottle. Quietly Jin gathers the three bottles of pills and put them in, into the cabinet under the TV.
"What is that?" Hoseok questions, the tone is firm yet gentle.
Was that a tiny sigh from Jin or was it just their mind? No, they both hear it.
"It's nothing" Jin replies.
"It's clearly something. What is that? Please, only the truth" Taehyung presses.
When it comes to Taehyung, whenever he asks for something, he always get the answer. He is not going to give up just like that.
He could annoyed people for hours, days, weeks or even months just for an answer, that is how determined Taehyung is.
They know that and Jin knows that.
"I couldn't fall asleep so... it helps me" Jin says, he is not looking to any of them, instead he tries to make himself busy with the dog.
Really? Sleeping pills for three bottles?
"Hyung-"
Knowing that Taehyung will press him again for another question as he didn't fully states about the pills, Jin decided to just spill the truth.
"There is-"
"There's voice in my head, when I take the pills, it disappears. I have stopped taking them. The voice didn't appear anymore. I'm not crazy-" Jin says, looking at the floor while brushing the dog's fur.
If people could hear how the sound of someone's shattered heart then both Hoseok and Taehyung makes the loudest sound ever.